


The Cemetery Drive: Goodbye Was a Lie

by MellyWrites



Series: Goodbye Was a Lie [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Art Shows, Bisexual Male Character, Blood and Injury, Cemetery, Dating, Developing Relationship, Drinking, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friendship/Love, Heterosexual Sex, Hospitalization, Insomnia, Knives, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Past Child Abuse, Psychological Drama, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Recreational Drug Use, Sex, Stabbing, Suicide, Swearing, Unhealthy Relationships, Vaginal Sex, Yandere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:15:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 87,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26331754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellyWrites/pseuds/MellyWrites
Summary: Set in modern day Los Angeles, Jared Knight, an introverted art school student, is used to being a blur, keeping to himself and his closest friends while only being able to recently explore his romantic options after years of emotional toil. Serenity Prescott, nothing but a classmate from the past years is lovesick, delusional, and desires to be the center of Jared's desires. Convinced to be the one for him, she struggles mentally with commitment, being in an abusive relationship and putting herself in risky and dangerous situations to fulfill her intense need for attention. Her pretend love for Jared is nothing but a repetitive, toxic cycle, and as Serenity has chosen to let her mental health destruct further, her chronic lying ultimately becomes a yandere's demise--losing the interest of her one and only. The sweet and innocent act can only last so long until stalking becomes a daily act. Obsessed and hopeless, Jared's friends notice the trickling dangers and strange behavior, seeing a psychopath in the making. For the love Serenity thinks she so badly deserves, she's out to get revenge on Jared and return back with his heart–literally. After all, they do say revenge is a dish best served cold.
Series: Goodbye Was a Lie [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913410
Kudos: 8





	1. Limn

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter of a not so new work out!! "Goodbye Was a Lie" is my sixth edition of my revised, very first novel, which is also known under the name "The Cemetery Drive" and "The Cemetery Drive: Goodbye Was a Lie"! As a perfectionist myself, I thought it was time for me to go back and tweak a few things in this novel, which was planned and penned in 2013, and become a reality in 2015/2016. New name, new cover, new everything. And the plot? Yandere delusions... This is a fully finished work, and I am CURRENTLY working on a BRAND NEW BOOK which I will also update alongside this one! :)

_**Jared’s Perspective.** _

_I scowl as a ray of sunlight hits my eyes_ , peeking out from the blinds. I purse my lips and squint my eyes, weakly opening them to look around my room, completely tucked underneath layers of warm blankets.

As wide awake as I feel, my body is sore enough that it feels like I’m rising from the dead; my eyes glance to my alarm clock to my left showing: 10:14. 

_’Damn it.’_ I think to myself, I slept in again. The fifth time this week I spent way too long painting in the middle of the night, my body is a good enough reminder to tell me I had been standing for far too long.

I close my eyes for a minute, contemplating on whether I should get up or not before slowly opening them, examining the room when my eyes catch sight of a piece of paper shoved in between one of the many blankets.

I narrow my eyes and slowly sit up, groaning in agony as I get a better look, realizing it was a small letter. I reach over and grab it, curious to see who it was from, flipping to the front to read Victoria.

_‘Mom?’_ My eyes widen as I rip open the envelope and fumble to grab the piece of paper inside it.

_Jared._

_I’m sorry I didn’t have the time myself to come and help with you and Mercedes moving out, but I had to make for a little overtime night shift at the office. If you need any help packing in, call me tomorrow morning and I’ll be right there. I wish you and your brother the best of luck on your moving day dear, good luck on those upcoming exams! Take care of my little Mercedes for me!_

_Much love and kisses, Victoria._

I give a long, drawn out sigh as I place the letter down, rolling my eyes as I drag myself out of bed and into the hallway, pushing through the bathroom door lazily and slouching over the sink.

I gaze up at myself in the mirror and yawn, _definitely_ still half asleep. My long shoulder length jet black hair was tied in knots and various tangles, pushed back and messy. Nothing looked appealing or vivid about me in the morning, that was for sure.

Twisting the cold-water tap, I splash water on my face to wake me up, grabbing my toothbrush and smearing a bit of toothpaste on, brushing my teeth, trying to rid of the knots in my hair at the same time with my free hand, both of them still faintly smudged with red and blue paint. 

While painting, trying to get my hair to stop falling in front of my face was never an option, and I suppose pulling it back and shoving it away was the perfect answer. 

I rinsed out my mouth and finished brushing, gargling mint mouthwash before finally getting my hair to smoothen out and behave, drying my face off with a towel before crawling downstairs like a sloth. I rinsed out my mouth and gargled mouthwash, finally getting my hair to behave and smoothen out.

The first thing I come across is the sudden smell of bacon hitting my nose as I peer into the kitchen, seeing Brady in front of the oven with a pan of sizzling, crisp bacon before him.

His gaze meets mine as a smirk pulls across his lips as he adds equal amounts of bacon to two plates. “Good morning sleepyhead.”

I knit my brows in confusion. “Two plates?”

“What about them?” He looks over at me.

“Mercedes and Jay?” I mutter. “What about them? Did they eat already?”

Brady gives me a forced smile. “Remember last night when Jay took Mercedes out for a ‘fun time’? Yeah well, his fun time idea ended up being a strip club, and mind you, that’s a first for Mercedes. They’re still not back yet, so I didn’t bother.”

“At a club!?” I exclaim. “For fuck’s sakes! What’s wrong with those two? On a school night?”

“You know what,” Brady turns around and hands me my plate, “I’ve literally been asking myself the same question since we all moved in, honestly.” He shrugs as I take my plate and shake my head, placing it down at the table and plopping down as I huff in annoyance, face palming.

Just trying to imagine a scrawny, shy twenty-three-year-old boy who can barely stand up without looking awkward at a club surrounded by crowds of sweaty people and blaring music.

As for Jun? He is too full of surprises. Since our first year of undergraduate studies, we pitched in with the help of our parents to buying ourselves a generally nice sized home, moving in together.

It makes sense, we all grew up in the same neighborhood and this is the closest location to our university where we know we’ll be staying for postgraduate after all. As long as we seem responsible to our parents and can scrape up the cash, we’re fine and good to go for just about anything.

Jay—as we call him—his real name is actually Jun Nishii, born in Osaka, Japan, and moved here to Los Angeles when he was five. Mercedes had never been able to pronounce Jun’s name correctly when he was much younger and ended up saying “Jay”; we adopted that nickname for him ever since.

With shoulder length brown hair and dark brown eyes, Jun loves video games and is a huge bookworm. Being a handy genius obsessed with perfect grades and punctuality means he gets along just perfectly with my little brother, Mercedes, both of them being honors students at the top of their classes.

While I don’t honestly care as much or see the appeal, making a list full of super smart student seemed to be their second nature.

Mercedes on the other hand has medium length light brown hair and ocean blue eyes. That’s right, we barely look alike, and you can only tell by the nose and lips if you were careful enough.

He wears square white framed glasses and was quite shy, preferring not to say much and stay back and listen instead. Once you get to meet him and get used to him, he’s a pretty nice guy who is always willing to lend a hand or two, especially when it comes to studying, yet you won’t find him jumping about or screeching…which is why it makes no sense as to why he would be in a strip club.

Brady though has the sides of his jet-black hair shaved, his fringe always pushed to the right side of him. His eyes re a grey-blue and he has a horseshoe septum piercing, silver earrings, snakebite piercings as in two silver lip rings on each side of his lips, his tongue pierced, and a nose ring, while cooking was his thing, and a good one at that since he is pursing culinary arts.

There is also another buddy of ours, Elijah Butler. About the athlete by day and movie geek by night. We grew up with him too, but his parents are both actors, it requires a lot of moving, and so he went off to live in Miami to follow his family’s footsteps too. Texting and calling him isn’t as fun as actually having him here, except for when he comes to visit in the summer.

We’re missing a piece, but I remember everything about these guys from a singular mole, and yes, that’s what happens when you live with them for seven years.

As for me? You can say I’m a starving artist. I guess I’m not much of a socialite either, choosing to be in my room and on my laptop or sketching. I’ve always got my head in a book or the easel. I never go out to parties, get drunk, hung out late with anyone but my childhood buddies.

I know that nobody honestly cares if I spend my time being a party animal or curled out with a book, but I guess I can enjoy my own company.

Although I am pretty well known at my school for my art, I don’t think of it as much. I smile and greet those who enjoy my work, talk to them too. I don’t go on dates with girls or anything, I had a past relationship here and there that was good while it lasted but wasn’t meant to be forever.

I guess I’m just kind of “here”, and I’m happy that doesn’t mean anything to anyone. If I like being by myself, I don’t like having unnecessary amounts of attention on me either.

I was invisible to the crowd, passing by and blending in like camouflage. Nobody paid much attention to me but a few classmates and my close friends. School was just the same and usual, tiring and sometimes stressful. I did my work, studied hard, payed it all off with good grades if a 75% even meant something, worked at an art store whenever I had the time, and then I went home.

Life was good for that time, you could say. I don’t really have much of a problem with it. I go out to diners, the arcade, shopping, even the movies with the guys.

I was just the ordinary, quiet kid who didn’t say or do much. And then everything changed. The sketching turned to beautiful art. I realize the strings of ink from the pen weaved out into something else, the paintbrush creates different scenes, the pencil collides perfectly against the paper; the lovely vibrant colors I choose fit for the canvas.

Doing a lazy five-minute doodle results into a masterpiece. I begin drawing characters and creating them from the touch of my fingertips. I give them names and began writing short little novellas. Eventually they turn out bigger, and I gave it a title.

I call my debut art book _“Cemetery Drive”_ ; a story where the characters are constantly haunted by spirits and ghosts and re able to see their life and story from their own eyes and perspective. I post some of my art online, and I’m surprised to see all the comments it got in such a short span of time.

Before I knew it, I was invited to art conventions. I picked up my art utensils and began drawing once again; objects, characters, eyes, lips, everything. Furiously I began drawing, amazed by the graceful strokes. More and more art went up to be recognized, I was amazed to see how many people liked my art, how they asked for little doodles or autographs. I began selling my art and book, selling millions in just a span of a year.

For once, I feel as if I had gotten somewhere, doing what made me truly happy. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. Sure then, if that makes me a loner, then I guess I prefer to be a “loner” at school. If it means being “successful”, that is cool too. I can use the money, and I’m glad something that relaxes me and makes me happy also entertains others. I don’t want any damn special treatment, I don’t care enough. 

People I don’t even know came up to me and started talking to me all because of my talent, it’s how I made friends and met different faces around school. I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it either.

I guess being in the center of attention is just not my thing, because to be honest, I used to be utterly terrified of drawing or painting as a kid.

It only ever started out with crayon doodles mom used to hang up on the fridge, even though I always aspired it to be more. _“Honey, come look at Jared’s new masterpiece!”_ That’s when my life took a sickening twist, and my father with it. Ever since the horrible incident of my father leaving my mother, threatening our family and taking me with him, I never felt the same.

I don’t like remembering it or talking about it at all, I always get emotional and break down. I just thought I could escape my mind and thoughts for just a bit with art.

After my father caught me, I never drew anything again. Not for almost a year until I finally had the courage to pick up a pencil again. I was always doing something wrong when it came to my father. But when I draw, I feel cheerful. I can draw out my emotions and feelings, and it would never be wrong.

“How’d you sleep?” Brady asks, plopping down on the dining chair across from me, interrupting my thoughts all too suddenly.

“Just fine; got a little headache.” I say under my breath, rubbing at my temple and groaning softly. Brady shoots me a look as if I was spewing out bullshit, I guess you could say I was a shitty liar. It never works out anyways.

I just stay up until three a.m. or even later painting or doing some arts and crafts to keep my mind off of things.

If my thoughts are stuffed and cloudy with nightmares and other terrible memories, I just push them aside to distract myself with something I enjoyed doing for once.

I realize I don’t need to focus on all the negativity that had happened in the past of my life, even if it forces me to reintroduce myself to them. It is better than lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours, crying yourself to sleep. Tiring, but worth it.

“I’m not buying your bullshit Jared.” Brady purses his lips at me, his expression un-amused. I just frown back at him and start to nibble on my bacon quietly, not wanting to say much or give it away. Brady sips his orange juice before looking me in the eyes and sighing. “You’ve been staying up late again, haven’t you?”

I shrug awkwardly, biting down on the crisp pieces of bacon. “It’s not that big of a deal really… It happens all the time.”

“You need to get more sleep Jared.” He says quietly. “Have you been taking pills?”

“The pills don’t work.” I roll my eyes. “I’m always wide awake.”

“You’ll get insomnia if you continue like that.” He points out. _Ironically coming from the guy who_ does _have insomnia._

“I’m fine, I just got used to staying up too damn late. I still find a way to fall asleep.” I pick out a raspberry and run it around my fingers. “Just not as easily.”

“Have you at least told Serenity? Or someone?”

_Or someone, for the love of God._

I felt my heart leap at the mention of her name as I shook my head, suddenly very interested in the tablecloth, trying to avoid the conversation. “It’s the least you could do.”

“I don’t want to bother Serenity with my bullshit problems. Not that she cares or anything.” I narrow my eyes, popping a few berries in my mouth. “Why would she?”

“Jared.” Brady raises both of his brows. “Listen, if it’s one thing I can tell right now, it’s exactly what happened last night. Look at you, you got what? Like five hours of sleep when you usually run on eight or nine? Your sleep schedule is beyond fucked up now, and you’re always tired or sore from standing up and leaning over to paint.” He puts his fork down and takes one of my pale, slim hands. “Still splashes of paint that haven’t completely washed out. Artist hands.” He chuckles.

“Artist hands.” I smile. He was right, ever since I was a little kid and picked up a paintbrush, I had never actually seen what my hands looked like without faded paint smothered in my palms and the back of my hands. “But I don’t see what this has to do with–”

“Your eyes are a bit bloodshot from all that crying-”

“I wasn’t-” I start.

“Don’t.” He cuts in. “I can tell you were crying, nobody just gives a little cry and gets bloodshot eyes.” His eyes immediately soften. “I’m always gonna be here for you, but I can’t help you if you avoid me. I don’t care if you have to grab me in the middle of the night, at least you know you aren’t alone. I can’t sleep for shit, but I can try to help. You already know that.”

I give a shy smile. “You honestly mean that?”

“I do.” He nods. “It’s what best friends are here for. We grew up together having each other’s backs, and we’re still here.”

I give a small nod, pursing my lips and continuing to eat my breakfast, trying not to dig a deeper grave for the dead of a conversation we were making. I feel the tip of my ears burn in embarrassment. I just woke up and I’m already humiliating myself like this.

“I’m guessing you’re skipping first block then?” I say quietly, gazing up at him.

Brady smirks, sipping his orange juice and giving me a nod. “Oh, you bet. It’s pointless to go to class today.” He moves his hand away from mine.

“It’s pointless to skip, if you tell me. Jay would eat you alive if he heard that.” I smile sardonically, resting my chin on my fist.

Brady chuckles. “I suppose you’re right, but I only look forward to culinary class nowadays. Besides, a lot of talk coming from a guy who just went to a strip club with a scrawny boy.” He rolls his eyes, stretching back in his seat. “But hey, a dance in the afternoon, right?”

I shrug. “Seems kind of strange to me. Isn’t it supposed to be tonight?”

He scoffs, biting into his breakfast. “School council has their panties in a bunch, everything’s a mess, trust me. School dances in the afternoon in the middle of the second semester should be promising. I’d like to say I blame Heather but that might cost me a rib.”

“It is our postgraduate years after all, enjoy it.” I smirk at him and his comment about Heather.

He shoots a smirk back at me, finishing his plate. “You’re funny, I just wanna pass my classes and get this degree.” He stands, taking a gulp of his orange juice before slamming the cup back down on the table and sighing in relief. “Making memories and shit…who wants to make memories with people they barely know?” He raises both his brows. “If you need me, or have an answer to my bullshit question, I’ll be sleeping in till the afternoon.”

I pout. “You’re leaving me alone at campus again.”

“I’m sure your girl toy will show up.” He chuckles. “Don’t look so down, I suggest you finish your breakfast and get a hurry on unless you wanna be late.”

“I’ll make sure to tell your culinary teacher you’re skipping Brady.” I sigh loudly, continuing to finish my breakfast.

“You do that, and all your paint will magically disappear, buddy!” He calls down the hallway, his footsteps fading off.

I laugh quietly to myself, shaking my head and standing up, gathering both our plates and cups, placing them in my sink. I quickly wash off my hands and grab a paper towel, drying them and heading back downstairs to my bedroom and scooping off my iPhone off the nightstand, immediately remember Jun and Mercedes.

I quickly dial Mercedes’ number, putting my phone up to my ear and glancing around my room nervously, hoping he’ll pick up fast enough.

I bite my lip nervously, and the phone continues to ring with no answer. With each dial tone, I begin to feel more and more irritated. _‘Of course, he’s not going to fucking pick up.’_

“Hey, what’s up?” Mercedes’ voice comes from the other end.

“Mercedes, oh my God-” I begin.

“Just kidding, this is my voicemail. Nice try though!” He bursts out laughing. “Looks like I’m busy here, call me later and I’ll try to reach you then. Thanks!”

“Asshole.” I grumble, locking my iPhone.

Feeling the last bit of motivation drain out of me, I stagger over to my closet and scoop out a white dress shirt, silk black tie, black dress pants and the matching shoes. I slip them over me before fixing the collar of my shirt. 

Peeking my head out of my bedroom, my eyes dart across the hallway for any sounds of humanity. The house is dead silent now, meaning Brady either fell asleep for the first time in centuries or is ominously staring at his ceiling trying to do so.

Either way, I’m not gonna be here to find out. I grab my backpack from the living room and sling it over my shoulders before slipping my shoes on and grabbing my keys, heading out. 

I close the front door quietly behind me and head down the porch, crossing the street. I narrow my eyes and stare at the ground, continuing to walk down the block. Today is just the perfect opportunity for everyone but me to skip, especially having a school spirit dance in the afternoon of all things.

The guys will only be looking forward to the all-you-can-eat-buffet and that’s pretty much it. Heather will shriek if we “skipped out on all her work”, though it’s probably clear to the rest of the school that she’s only sticking around with the student council so she can put it on her resume.

I’m trying to convince myself here that the day can’t go a bad as I expect it to be. I just keep my head down low and continue walking, taking a few turns down the block before walking into campus.

I look up to see the usual handfuls of people here and there, huddled in groups and talking. A group of girls sit at a picnic table and chat away while others are jogging by the field or stretching. 

The infamous bench before me is occupied by my three friends; Heather Crawford, Alyssa Wethersfield and Francis Evercliff. Heather is the captain of the girl’s football, rugby, soccer, and wrestling team. She tries every sport she could get her hands on—can’t complain there.

She has a thing for sports and is still a cheerleader from her high school days. For Alyssa and Francis, they are mostly indulged in literature, music, and arts, although they all met during cheer practice in ninth grade. 

I notice that the three in general are just completely different sides of the moon. Heather isn’t easy going at all, but extremely motivational, and can probably convince me to take up ballet if she wants me to.

Alyssa is definitely a book worm, curled up in a good fantasy book and indulged in a fictional world page by page. She is thoughtful and a brilliant thinker, that’s for sure.

Francis on the other hand is extremely shy, though she has a thing for music and if you are lucky enough to hear her voice you won’t regret it.

The moment I place my foot on the grass, Heather looks up. “Hey, Jared!”

“Hey, hey.” I sit down on the bench beside them, placing my bag in between my legs. “How’ve you guys been?”

Heather glances over at Francis who covers her mouth and giggles, causing Alyssa to grin wickedly at me as Heather’s smile fades as quickly as it formed.

“Well Mr. Knight? Care to explain yourself?”

“What did I do?!” I exclaim, trying not to burst out laughing at the same time.

Heather is so flamboyant and wild at the same time, not to mention the fact she and I are far too close for me to take her seriously when she is angry.

“You didn’t even bother to show up to the football game! And you promised me!” Heather screeches and I wince. “The boys were playing their biggest game yet this year, and the cheer squad was full on! Where were you?!”

I laugh nervously, glancing at Francis and Alyssa for some kind of help or advice, but both of them looked at me like I was royally screwed. “I was experimenting with art of course, what else?”

“Oh my God.” Alyssa bursts out laughing. “Of course! What else would he be doing? He was painting!”

Heather pouts. “Would it even make a difference? Barely anybody showed up, what a disaster. I’m sure it’s not like this at other schools. The cheerleading shows aren’t what they used to be.”

“Can’t say it’s your fault.” I wrap my arms around her shoulders. “We’re graduating soon, and this place has already began rotting, you shouldn’t worry too much. I promise I’ll eventually get to one of the games.” I peck a kiss on her cheek. “Eventually.”

“Eventually.” Francis and Alyssa both repeat.

“You better.” Heather chuckles quietly. “You’re missing out on all the athletics all of the damn time, except for some of us. You know?”

“What do you mean?” I raise a brow.

“Dalton Anderson, you’ve surely heard of him before, yeah?” She looks at me in disgust. I squint my eyes and gaze behind her over to the football field. “I mean the idiot who almost beat up the captain of the boys’ football team just to join.” She rolls her eyes. “You know, things wouldn’t be this way if Elijah was still around. He thinks he owns everything, trust me, and he just might because he’s making school news every day. He’s got what he wants.”

“And what would that be?” I yawn, gazing at the paint on my hands.

“We mean he’s dating Serenity, you know?” Francis clears her throat a little. “For a little while, we aren’t too sure of when they started.”

“Serenity?” My eyes widen. “Prescott?”

“Yeah.” Heather sighs in annoyance, crossing her arms and turning to face the football field.

“But that...” I say quietly, “that doesn’t make any sense! I’ve never even seen him around before, this is all so sudden.”

Cheers and hoots interrupt me over from the football field as a few guys jump around and laugh, clapping as one collapses on the ground, clutching his nose tightly and crumpling up.

“Haven’t you heard? Being spontaneous is the new trend.” Heather runs a hand through her blonde hair. “He’s going to be at it again any moment now, best not to be too surprised.”

I sigh and painfully glance away, looking down at my hands and attempting to occupy myself, swinging my feet around the bench. “I don’t understand, Heather.”

She puts her hand on my shoulder. “Watch your words here.” I glance back over to her on my side to see her, Francis and Alyssa both looking to the side as the group of boys move over to our direction.

I see one guy laugh and point over at Heather as the others nod and begin making their way over here. Heather scowls and turns away, glaring at the ground as Francis bites her lip and Alyssa starts to look through her bag for something.

“That’s the captain of the girls’ football and rugby team?” I hear Dalton ask, with interest laced in his voice; the group of guys stopping right by our feet.

“And wrestling. What do you want?” Heather sneers, looking up.

‘ _She definitely has a short temper, that was for sure.’_

“Oh. _Ooh._ ” He mocks, a wide grin forming on his face. “Well, say hello to the new face of the football team.” Francis, Alyssa, and I both gaze around at the several jocks surrounding us, eyeing us down and mumbling to each other.

“You’re not much of an important face if you’re not the quarterback or the captain to me.” Heather replies in the same tone as Dalton.

“You’re allowed to have opinions.” Dalton smiles. “And so am I. Don’t be too shocked when I make captain though.”

“Yes, I am, your opinion is wrong, and I honestly don’t care where you stand. We don’t play against boys, so I don’t have the opportunity to see you embarrass yourself.” Heather beams with a fake smile.

“You know I definitely think you and I can get along.” Dalton attempts to change the mood.

“I _definitely_ want to know why you think that.” Heather nods.

“You take this shit seriously, more than the captains do, that’s what I like. I like that you don’t fuck around.”

“That’s not an option for me.” She shoots the boys a glare. “But now that you’re on the football team, it might just be the best choice for you to get along with me after all.”

“If you don’t have a problem with me, I don’t see a reason to have a problem with you.” He smiles. “That’s how it works, you know.”

“Fair enough.” She sighs, clearly getting tired of the small talk they were making. “But I rather not see you fuck up the team anytime soon, Anderson.”

“Of course, Heather.” He smirks, extending his hand as she shakes his firmly, the two glaring into each other’s eyes as they shortly pull away. “And who might these three be? Friends of yours?” He looks over at me and the girls as the blonde guy on Dalton’s right snickers.

“Is there a problem?” Heather’s tone grows cold as the chuckling around Dalton stops. “They aren’t of your concern if they’re not in sports.”

“Alright, alright, I see what you’re doing.” Dalton puts his hands up in surrender and gives us a sweet smile. “You sure know how to blackmail, but out _there_ , you can’t use your mouth to win.” He adds before turning around and making his way off the field with the guys while the rest of us stare at Heather.

She whispers back, “don’t be too certain about that.” She glances over to the field once more, rolling her eyes, almost appearing bored. “I don’t care, I really don’t. This is ridiculous, petty campus sports drama.

It’s like after Elijah left, everything automatically went to shit. I’m tired of it. Sports just happens to be the only thing I’m good at.”

“What are you gonna do about this?” Francis whispers, peeking up.

Heather shrugs, rubbing her temples in annoyance. “About him? Nothing. I’m not doing anything at all. We’re going to graduate soon, might as well forget it. He, this, everything–” She extends her arms and gestures around her, “it’s all gone to shit. Nobody is going to remember us this year. We’ve gotten nothing done and even the student council is rigged now. These people disgust me.”

“It’s university after all.” Alyssa frowns.

I can believe Heather’s frustration in our school. The _lovely_ seven years we’ve spent here now, focusing on the majors and minors we care about haven’t exactly promised us anything.

Sports back when my parents attended used to be based on skill and a team’s spirit for being competitive. Now, anyone can get in and team up against the other team on unfair odds. No more testing, no more tryouts, it’s just game after game.

Most clubs fell apart, and now Heather attempts to hold everything together within the student council that isn’t working in the first place. That being said, college applications on my end went well with a 76% average, or maybe that’s because my major is fine art.

That’s why I avoided looking in the mail now after seeing Mercedes’ countless admission letters for other post graduate opportunities. I stopped counting after ten.

On the other hand, as much as it feels like our lives have come to a dead end here and university sucks any happiness or inspiration out of our bodies, it feels like we’re trapped sometimes and can’t do anything about it, and then it feels like we aren’t trying hard enough.

Either way, I accept this, I guess it’s okay. I guess a life with a little bit of glamour can’t be set out for everyone, can it?


	2. Consternation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'No matter how deeply I think of it, or tried to twist my mind around the fact, I can’t get the pitiful feeling of not being good enough from my gut.' Everything about Jared Knight is on public record--his art, his commissions, his name, and his father locked up behind bars for good. To feel alive more than anything, Serenity finds herself with the only person who'll consider her romantically--Dalton Anderson. A known abuser, asshole, scum of the campus who strikes the nerve when it hurts. Serenity's attention seeking has reached a new height, one determined to catch the eye of someone who has known abuse before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two is up! Again, I just wanted to mention that I did indeed pen this story back in 2013, so oh gosh, I'm not entirely sure about my writing style but yes, compared to my other works it is vastly different. I do want to work on a second book of this series, which is why I marked this work as a series, so that should definitely shine nice and brightly with how much I've grown as a writer/author! Still, 7 years ago? Time really flies by!

_**Serenity’s Perspective.** _

_No matter how deeply I think of it, or tried to twist my mind around the fact, I can’t get the pitiful feeling of not being good enough from my gut._ I rehearse the situation in my head a million times only to have my anxiety suggest something else again that ruined the balance.

Is this what it’s like to fall in love with someone perfect? Someone who deserves to be loved more than I can love? For someone who shouldn’t look twice at me, and only deserve the best?

I can feel my stomach doing flips and turning just by thinking of it, a suffocating feeling I couldn’t get off my mind for more than a minute. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, time consuming to be obsessing about. I can either be painfully in love with him, or it will hurt too much not to love him.

I won’t know any better. It’s not as if I don’t hear what the other girls say behind my back. Someone always wants to be the first to put blame on another person. The best thing I can do for now is really not react to it all but keep listening.

Sometimes it’s the damn people you trust and love who backstab you before love can. I’ve had a few boyfriends here and there, but nothing serious. I hate to fight for someone, much less fight over them, but I can’t help myself. 

What isn’t there to fight for? The silky, midnight black, shoulder length hair, emerald green eyes, and the way those pink lips curl up into a smile and when he scrunches up his nose when he laughs. His adorable laugh, his beaming smile, his voice as soft as silk, how talented and creative he is. I can watch him sketch and draw for hours, listen to him talk about his art and how passionate he is about it.

I want him so badly. Compared to Dalton, they’re both on completely different sides of the moon. Sure, it isn’t exactly the best choice I made, but he may just be the better one for me. If I learn to love somebody else, then I can teach myself he’s the only one I should love.

I already know what I can have, and Jared isn’t one of those things. Most people already feel odd with the vibe Dalton gave off. He makes sure to make as many friends as he possibly could when he first got here, especially the football teams before revealing his true colors as a jerk. If he wants something, he makes sure he gets it. He is always so dominating that he came off as a controlling asshole most of the time. He is the type of guy who will beat the shit out of you if he hears you were saying something behind his back.

I smile to myself, clutching my textbooks to my chest and making my way over and across the field to the benches where the cheerleaders had slowly gotten up, muttering to each other before giving Jared a wave and leaving. I catch his eye and give a little wave, beaming and rushing up to him.

“Jared, hey!” I grin, setting my books down beside me on the bench.

He gives me a smile, nodding, “good morning. How’ve you been?”

“Much better lately.” I blush, gazing up at his twinkling, green eyes. “How about yourself?”

He yawns, covering his mouth and shaking his head. “It’s been a slow morning, how about that?” He gives a small laugh. “I’ve been doing well.”

“I see you’ve been painting again.” I smile, noticing the stains of blue and green paint on his hands.

“Oh yeah,” he glances back at his palms, “they’ve become a part of me now, haven’t they?”

“They’d make for a good tattoo.” I tell him.

His eyes light up, “you know, that’s not a bad idea.”

“For an artist?” A voice rings up as we both look up, I’m at first startled to have Dalton approaching both of us, giving his signature grin. “I had to get your attention somehow, but here you two are.” Dalton eyes the both of us before glancing back at Jared, “I don’t think we’ve met before. Who might you be?” Before Jared can even open his mouth to answer, Dalton adds; “oh, Jared Knight,” a smirk crosses his lips, “the infamous artist, of course. My apologies.” He glances back at me. I see the look on Jared’s face is one mixed with surprise and guilt, he looks ridiculously uncomfortable standing before us. “You know this kid too?” Dalton runs a hand through his shaggy, brunette hair.

“Friends since ninth grade.” I smile weakly.

“Hi.” Jared narrows his eyes, crossing his arms.

“Surprisingly, that art book of yours or whatever is really good.” Dalton’s fake pleasing act is slowly wearing out. “It’s good to meet you at last, Knight. I’m Serenity’s boyfriend, Dalton.”

“So, I’ve heard.” He looks over at me, his face expressionless.

“Yeah, future captain of the boys’ wrestling team, football player, heard of it all, haven’t you?” He chuckles. “Heard about what happened between your parents.” Jared’s face flushes red in humiliation as he bites his lip and slowly looks up to Dalton who smirks, “so sorry… It must really be a shame when the internet still keeps that crusty old newspaper article of that search party looking for you. I can only imagine how upset your family was.”

“It’s fine.” Jared hoists his bag over his shoulder and awkwardly stands. “Sorry…um, I have somewhere to be.” He looks down at me.

“Where are you going?” I frown. “Class doesn’t start for another 15 minutes.”

“It’s alright, I can make it to art history early today.” His eyes shoot over to Dalton as he nods, “I think you should find something that nobody else knows before you try to use it against me, you know? I wouldn’t believe any apology that comes from someone like yourself. The most a person can do living through something like that is accept the past for what it is and move on. I don’t understand why you have a problem with me.”

“I never said that.” Dalton smirks, his eyes narrowing. “That’s the only thing I know about you so far.”

“Interesting.” Jared’s voice softens. “For a moment there, I really believed you were trying to hurt my feelings.”

“No, he wouldn’t.” I swallow the lump down in my throat, looking at Dalton. “He doesn’t come off as the friendliest, I’m sorry.”

“Let him apologize for himself.” Jared purses his lips as I feel my heart sink to my guts.

“I like being able to talk to someone who can hold their ground without Crawford sitting next to them.” Dalton adds.

“Heather has nothing to do with this.” Jared shakes his head. “Seriously, your tough act? It’s not working.”

“ _Mhmm_ ,” Dalton hums loudly, growing increasingly annoyed. “I see now. Shouldn’t you be headed off to class? You know, in case something drastic doesn’t take place.”

Jared mouths something before making his way off to the entrance of the school, leaving me standing dumbfounded by the conversation going on before me.

I knit my brows and shake my head, “Dalton, come on. Really? You barely met him.”

“What?” He smiles innocently. “I was simply greeting our little friend. I have to know who he is for this to work, remember?”

“You didn’t have to bring up his parents you know.” I scowl, crossing my arms. “Honestly, that’s a dick move!”

“Honey, it’s already out there somewhere on the internet, just like the rest of his pathetic life story. For all we know, this little artist is getting famous fast.” He rolls his eyes. “It would be hypocritical for him to talk about ego now. Best thing you can do is stop feeding him all that attention, isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”

“He’s not like that-” I begin.

“You know, Serenity,” he snaps, “I dropped everyone just for you, every girl I ever had a thing for. I really would expect the same with you.”

My face flushes red in utter embarrassment. “There’s…there’s nothing in between me and Jared.”

“I’d hope not.” His eyes harden. “Because then all of this would just be a waste of time, wouldn’t it? He’s supposed to want you.”

I swallow hard, immediately avoiding his gaze as I nod slowly. “Y-yes, but this isn’t what I expected. I mean…”

“You mean?” He rolls his eyes, gazing around him quickly. “If we fuck this up, everything falls down with it. Just do what you have to do and don’t waste my time. I thought it was him who was giving you sympathy?”

“Yes.” I blush deeply, rubbing the side of my cheek.

“Good, then do what you do best. Act desperate, act hopeless. Show him what he’s missing out if that’s what you believe. You’re sure about this, right?” He leans in.

“Yes.” I tell him quietly. “I know it’ll work out.”

“Explain to be what needs to be done.”

“I want to have him like all the others do… If he’s head over heels for me it’s perfect, but he can’t rush it. I need him to be completely in love with me before I’m satisfied.” I peek at Dalton.

He furrows his brows at me before shaking his head slowly and letting out a little sigh, “let’s just get this done and over with, so start acting like it.”

My expression softens as I calm down, nodding at him. “It’ll be done before you know it, kind of like a dream come true. A love fantasy, blooming right at the end of high school. To me, it’s cute. What’s better than a boy who will do anything for you?”

“Just about anything.” Dalton murmurs, “it’s fucking weird to me. Are you sure you’re not just desperate?”

“I want to appear as shy and lovely as possible. He can’t assume I’m doing this or thinking about this. I need to be just perfect from my clothes to my actions to my words… If I can appear innocent and beautiful, he can’t resist me. It’ll be true love.”

“And… Other girls?” He asks.

“Other girls?” I giggle quietly. “No such thing. He’s been lonely for so long that his body will practically ache for mine, what makes you think a girl will come for him now? What a perfect opportunity.” I whisper.  
“Are you sure you’re not just fucked up or sick?” He scrunches up his nose.

“I’m not sick, Dalton.” I say quietly, gazing at the door closing behind Jared as he enters the school. “I’m just in love.”

_ **Jared’s Perspective.** _

_“How’s your art coming along?”_ My art history teacher, Mrs. Gilkes smiles up at me from behind her desk.

A tall, intelligent woman with auburn hair put into a neat, high bun and thick, black, square framed glasses with twinkling light brown eyes.

I rub my eyes, remembering the sleepless night before filled with more paint than ever. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you my creativity sparks only at night.”

She gives a hearty laugh. “You wouldn’t be the only one, there’s a lot of artists out there who find some ideas in the middle of the night.”

“I suppose you’re right.” I glance at the faded cerulean and violet paint in my palms. “I’ve never had a day with artist block, you know?”

Her eyes widen. “Really? That’s interesting.”

“My problem is, my mind is always full of something, whether I’m thinking, drawing, anything.” I shake my head, rubbing my forehead. “I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing.”

Before Gilkes can reply to me, Serenity walks in and a smile forms on her face to see the seat directly beside me, interrupting out conversation.

“Hey, you.” She gives me a beaming grin, putting her books down on her desk and placing her hand on my shoulder before leaning in, “I’m sorry for what happened out there.”

“Don’t be sorry.” I tell her. “It’s nothing, really. Nothing nobody already doesn’t know. I heard enough.”

“But-”

“Please.” I smile at her. “Stop apologizing for the love of God, Serenity. You’re fine, really.”

“If you say so.” She nibbles on her bottom lip, turning to face the front of her classroom and flipping open her notebook.

“Class!” Mrs. Gilkes calls, standing up from her seat. “I expect all of you to finish that research paper we finished the planning for yesterday, it’s due at the end of class and I know for a fact none of you are even remotely close to being finished, so I shouldn’t hear any talking either! 20% off for anyone who forgets citations again.”

I quickly slip my phone out of my uniform pocket and go onto my message where I text Jun:

_“Jay, where have you and Mercedes been?! I haven’t seen you guys all day!!”_

I get a reply almost immediately: _“Heyyy, sorry Mercedes totally bombed the entire night with his awkward ass small talk, it was the most embarrassing moment of my life.”_

I text back: _“I thought you didn’t drink?”_

He texts: _“You’re right, I don’t. I only went there for the damn sushi.”_

I text: _“Ugh please don’t fucking tell me Mercedes drank....he’s like 16 Jay....how you even got him into a club I will never understand.”_

He replies: _“And this is the part where sneaking in from the second backdoor really helps bro. Of course, he didn’t drink, he was already courageous enough to talk to a bunch of girls lmao.”_

I roll my eyes, texting: _“Well shit. Are you guys even going to be at school today then??”_

He texts: _“I’ll drive obvs, we’ll probably be there in time for prom.”_

_“Fuckkkk, just great. Anyways, ttyl, I’ve got an essay to write.”_

_“Don’t let me interrupt ya.”_

I shove my phone back in my pocket, cautiously glancing around the classroom before clicking my blue pen on, grabbing my essay planning sheets and getting ready to work.

Beside me, Serenity is busy half scribbling some notes on the margin of her planning sheets and scrolling on Instagram. I give a little sigh at the empty desks in front of me which should be filled with Mercedes, Jun, and Brady’s asses.

~~~~

I have never once been so relieved to have art history class over in my life, I almost ran out of there like I was on fire. Those long nights of art were starting to really get to me.

I sit in the very back of my history class on top of a desk, facing the back of the classroom with my feet propped up on the desk in front of me, sitting with Heather who is furiously texting a long ass paragraph, and Francis who is looking over at our poster board for some bullshit history project with concern.

Francis frowns at the poster, “don’t you guys think we can add a bit more decoration?”

“Ask the artist that.” Heather mumbles, clearly indulged in whatever essay she is preparing to send to Jun over text.

Francis glances at me with a spark of hope in her eyes as I shake my head. “It looks fine Francis.”

“But you haven’t even laid a finger on it, Jared!” She protests.

“I don’t really have to…do I?” I groan in agony, stretching out my arms.

“No, I guess not.” She sighs quietly. “Is art all you do?”

“Art is all I try to do.” I nod.

“What do you think then, Heather?” Francis pokes her arm.

Heather types a final sentence before huffing and shoving her phone in her pocket, her eyes snapping over to us, then back to the poster. “Yeah, it’s bullshit but it’ll get us an easy 90.”

“So, who were you tormenting over text message there?” I question, smiling.

“Jay.” Heather rolls her eyes. “Surely you’ve heard by now.”

“He was at a strip club with Mercedes, yup.” I force a smile, trying not to grit my teeth too hard.

“Really?!” Francis exclaims, fumbling with her braid.

“And you didn’t skin the two alive yet.” Heather smirks. “You don’t overreact, do you?”

“Not as much as you.” I frown as she playfully hits my arm, “hey! I’ll definitely give Mercedes the safe sex lecture when he gets here!”

Francis’ eyes dart at her multi-colored markers on the ground as she chuckles. “You think those two would skip class in the morning for a good strip tease?”

“Well, considering Jay has been single for pretty much his entire life.” I grunt, stretching with a yawn, “yeah, probably.”

“And Mercedes?” Heather’s grin widens.

“I didn’t think Mercedes would miss school for the world, much less Jay!” Francis exclaims, writing our names on the corner of the poster board.

“They’re honors kids, who knows what else they do? Jay’s probably a part time model or something… Skipping the first two periods means missing art history and math, not a problem for them who study it like a fucking habit.”

“Oh, trust me, Jay said it wasn’t as fun as he expected it to be for a guy obsessed with punctuality. Mercedes apparently got all awkward and didn’t pick up as many ladies as he thought he would.” I add, clearly annoyed.

“What would you expect with shy little Mercedes?” Heather glances at the poster board.

“Shy guys are cute though!” Francis points out.

Heather chuckles, looking at her with wide eyes. “Okay Francis, whatever you say.”

I nudge her. “You shouldn’t be talking, you message Jay everyday like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Oh, shut up.” She flicks my shoulder, looking at her hands as a slight blush stings her cheeks.

“Speaking of,” Francis peeps, “how’s you and Serenity?”

I blush, feeling the knot of butterflies return to the pit of my stomach. “Everything’s fine I guess.”

“You got her number, right?” Francis giggles.

“Y-Yeah.” I itch the back of my neck. “Long time ago for a project in English though, nothing special.”

“Might wanna start messaging her then.” Heather rolls up the poster and slips an elastic band over it.

“I get my fair share of excitement just talking to her in person.” I chuckle nervously, “besides, we do text often.”

“Well didn’t you ask her to the dance?” Heather raises a brow.

“I didn’t ask anyone to go.” I squeak.

Heather gives a long-drawn-out sigh. “The school council really fucked this one up, but it’ll definitely be more entertaining because I’m running most of the shit now.”

“Oh, you’re still part of the student council.” Francis frowns.

“Yeah, I am. What’s the matter?” Heather glances down at her.

Francis shrugs awkwardly. “It’s just that it’s our third year, and graduation isn’t all that far away. I’ve never actually seen you enjoy school spirit dances for yourself. You’ve been running it behind the scenes since grade nine.”

Heather laughs, “and what’s wrong with that? I actually like being the person behind the curtains making all the magic happen. There’s no point for me to actually be a part of the dance.” Heather rolls her eyes. “Everyone is impossible to please. I’ll actually attend it for once if I can get a date, otherwise you know how awkward it’d be.”

“It’s awkward if you don’t have a date anyways, but that’s not stopping me from the all-you-can-eat buffet.” Francis throws her head back and laughs.

I flash her thumbs up. “That’s the right thinking! That’s the only reason the guys are coming anyways, you think they have dates?”

“Well Elijah would with Alyssa considering they’ve had a thing since eighth grade if he didn’t move.” Heather mutters, “but yeah no. No dates.”

We’re interrupted by the sudden sound of a few girls squealing and laughing, bursting out into applause by the front of the class. I turn to see the classroom door open and as a girl walks in, confused at the others who are cheering at her before she bursts out laughing and grins wickedly at them.

Heaven Myth. The head cheerleader; she’s stunning with that elbow length platinum blonde hair, twinkling baby blue eyes, fair skin, and a gorgeous smile. 

“Oh, the for the love of God.” Heather mumbles under her breath, turning away.

“You really hate everyone, don’t you?” Francis looks at her.

“You bet.” She snorts, slipping her phone out of her pocket again.

Heaven is the only one who happens to be most of my humanitarian classes, with art history being the only exception. She gazes over the classroom, smiling as she catches my gaze and raises both of her brows.

I give a small smile back as she hops over a desk and sits over top of it before me in one swift move, dangling her legs below. “Hey you guys! What’s good?”

“Just discussing the school spirit dance this afternoon.” I beam at her, nudging Heather’s shoulder as she shoots me a death glare before slowly turning around and smiling with a nod.

“Kind of funny how it’s in the middle of the semester this year isn’t it?” She smiles sweetly at Heather, which I’m assuming is an indirect shade of saying _yeah-you-fucked-up-this-year_.

“Student council is short in hand.” Heather gives the same, intoxicating smile back. “We’ll make sure graduation is better, don’t you worry.”

Francis and I glance over at each other and I’m sure we’re thinking the exact same thing. Dances are not exactly my thing, since…ever, really.

I prefer to be in my own company, sure, sometimes surrounded with friends, but being alone is solitude and peace for me. I can be myself and I won’t have to worry about being embarrassing or pleasing someone else.

“You three got a date for this afternoon, or?” Heaven smiles, glancing at the three of us.

“If only.” Francis chuckles, shaking her head.

Before Heather can even reply, Heaven smirks at her, “but of course you can’t because you’re running the dance again with the student council. Hmm, wouldn’t be the first time, right?”

“There’s some truth out there to every magic trick, yes?” Heather almost hisses. “It’s great to see some of our people doing some good for the other students.”

“Oh, I agree.” Heaven grins. “And you Jared, a date?”

I shrug. “I have someone in mind, but I guess it’s not all that important.”

“I really do hope it goes well. This seems very promising.” She hops off her desk. “Better ask before all the good ones are gone, so to speak.” She gives me a wink before turning and walking back up to her friends at the front of the class.

Heather scoffs, “the nerve of some people, I swear to fuck.”

“I think she’s nice!” Francis protests. “You gotta admit when you fuck up sometimes Heather, you can’t always be right.”

“But I am always right, duh. Just fucking watch, you’re all going to shit yourselves this afternoon.” She rubs her temple.

“I hate stuck up sluts who think they can buy their way into anything with either their cash or they’re fucking looks.”

“You’ve never exactly had a good patch with Heaven though.” I frown.

“I don’t have a good patch with anyone who can buy themselves into my sports teams with their good looks and fake personality.” She sneers, looking down at her hands. “I don’t know how much more I need to stress this.”

“But you’re in no competition when it comes to cheer. Luckily Heaven isn’t on any other sports teams, and she must be good if the school decided she could be a cheerleading captain.” Alyssa beams happily, “you’ll be just fine, I don’t think she would want to get on your bad side.”

“Who would?” I joke as Francis laughs before Heather glares at her and she immediately turns her laugh into a cough, clearing her throat and looking away. I purse my lips and suck them in before looking away, trying as hard as possible not to burst out laughing.

Sure, Heather is a scary lady, but only because she’s aggressive and has a mean spot for most people.

Gotta love how competitive sports can be which is expected, but then again, it’s hard to take her seriously when she won’t even admit she has a massive crush on my best friend.

“Be nice!” Alyssa whines, nudging her with her elbow.  
“I’m trying, but this school is killing me.” She mumbles, her expression softening. “Now I’m starting to sound like Brady.”

I blink, feeling that hit too close to home. She’s right, she really is. It’s Brady, the only person in our group so open and blunt about things and on a completely different level than how “nasty” people think Heather can be.

For the most part, Heather is the blessing compared to Brady and how much that fucking guy could complain. It isn’t just that, it is everything and Brady feels things harder than most people. His irritability becomes somewhat of an inside joke between the rest of us, but I think I’m the only one who understands how serious it is. It’s not that funny to me.

Brady is the only one suffering from depression and insomnia; he gets into more aggressive moods than the rest of us and yes, he is annoyed more than half of the time. He can be a rough guy if you don’t know him well enough, and he won’t hesitate to insult you or call you stupid if you’re doing something stupid.

That being said, skipping class, smoking cigarettes behind the building and just about anywhere, and his signature dyed hair, piercings, and tattoos are the prime marks of Brady King.

Until you see him at his absolute high, he’s found in bed trying to sleep and taking numerous trips to the doctor with prescriptions not built for someone like him. 

I frown, gazing at the three as I return my attention down to the bulge in my pockets, containing my iPhone. Part of me is urging myself to slip my hand in there and at least shoot him a text, but the other half of me knows he might not even see the text because of all the cigarette smoke.

‘ _Let’s hope he’s not doing something rash right now… Fuck it, this seems right to me.’_

I gaze to my side to see the girls pasting the last few printed pictures onto our project as I take my phone out of my pocket, adjusting my seat on the desk as I face the classroom door and call Brady’s number.

As I hold the phone up to my ear, I bite my lip hesitantly and hope to God Brady doesn’t have an annoying ass voicemail like Mercedes does, knowing Brady actually picks up all my calls.

“Hey.” He responds quite simply over the phone. “You ratted me out yet?”

I sigh quietly in relief, “not yet, buddy. I can’t focus over here, I’m distracted as hell. I wish I was at home.”

“Ah yeah?” I hear a little pause as he exhales, and I can tell he purposely moves the phone away from his mouth. “This is exactly why I don’t show up, Heather does the work for me.”

“Francis and Alyssa, actually,” I correct him, “Heather isn’t in a bright mood either, especially because Jay isn’t here.”

“Oh, they aren’t even dating yet so let Jay bury his face in-between a pair of titties for once, let a man have some fun and relax! Blah, she’s so strict, honestly.” He mumbles.

“Precisely my point.” I chuckle, “but besides that, she’s already pissed with Heaven’s existence, I’m wondering what you’re up to.” I hold myself back from lecturing him for the millionth time not to smoke.

“Chillin’, you know, the regular.” I hear a tiny cough and then slurping noises as I raise a brow.

“The Brady Special before I have to go to that God forsaken dance. I’m doing this for you guys, I hope you know.”

“And I hope you’re not having The Brady Special all too often.” I narrow my eyes. The Brady Special meant a combination of smoking and Jack Daniel’s whiskey straight down. “Or come in drunk.”

“Fuck that.” He grunts, “when Jay and Mercedes show up, maybe then I’ll come in.”

I sigh deeply, rubbing my forehead. “I’ll take your word for it, but I’m just worried about you.”

“Don’t be, there’s no reason to.” He yawns on the other end, “let me know how things go.”

“Alright, I will. Don’t do anything stupid.” I hiss quietly.

“No promises.” He sing-songs back, “and be good big brother and find Mercedes for the rest of us, won’t you? Nobody stays in a strip club for that long.”

“I gotta find that scrawny fucker, but I’ll let you know.” I mutter, hopping off of the desk. I quickly hang up, shoving my phone into my pocket and running a shaky hand through my hair.

_‘If my mother calls me, I’m fucked. I’m so fucked.’_


	3. Precarious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I’m not crazy, I’m not. I’m not fucking crazy. I’ve decided… He’s just mine, that’s all. This is just all an act, after all.' A yandere's worst nightmare is rejection. Public rejection, rehersed conversations in her head not going right, the kind of people promising to be by his side but just insignificant compared to what Serenity believes she can offer, the subtlest way to get to Jared is through kindness, acting "normal", blending in. What other way to do so than to be in the public eye, at a school dance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: All chapter names on my works are based on the events of the chapter. Happy reading!

_**Jared’s Perspective.** _

_“Jared?”_ I hear a soft voice.

Turning from the mirror of the men’s change room, my younger brother Mercedes stands in front of me. His hair peeking from his grey knitted beanie, an awkward stance with his slim and scrawny figure, shimmering baby blue eyes. Pale milky skin and a soft nasally voice. All of this already screams _how-the-fuck-did-you-go-to-a-strip-club?!_ to me.

My eyes widen as I grab his shoulders, “Mercedes! Where have you been for almost an entire day?! Do you have any idea how many texts and calls I’ve sent you?!”

“Jay dragged me over to a club and I couldn’t even manage to get out until this morning, I’m sorry!” He shrieks, wincing. “Worst time ever-”

“Do you know what mom would do if she found out you skipped class to go to a strip club?! She’d skin both of us alive!” I yell. “I’d be in so much shit!”

“I know, I know!” He groans. “I got your messages right when I left, I’m sorry! You didn’t tell her, right?”

I shake my head, pulling away and taking a step back. “I didn’t.”

Mercedes pouts and looks down in shame. “Well that was an experience. There’s a first for everything. I’m twenty-three for fuck’s sakes.”

I snort, “if you had any other excuse, maybe. Not that I blame you, but skipping the dance is only going to piss off Heather further—going to a strip club is an entire new story!”

He grins. “You wouldn’t believe what a genius Jay really is.”

“I’m about to knock the shit out of both of you, try and believe that.” I scowl, running a hand through my hair in frustration.

He shyly smiles. “Think about it this way, at least we’re here for the dance after all!”

“Wouldn’t really make a difference if you didn’t come, would it?” I crack a smile. “All you guys do is attack the buffet.”

“But that’s the point of the dance in my opinion.” Mercedes adjusts his beanie. “Are you dressing up or just going in casual?”

I shrug. “I’ll be fine this way. I don’t plan on staying for long.”

“Oh, come on!” Mercedes exclaims. “You’re gonna end up leaving the first half hour!”

“Earlier, we’ve got more packing to do, you know.” I purse my lips.

“But it’s _daaaaaance time_!” He whines as I grab his wrist, shaking my head and leading him out of the boy’s change room. “You’re just saying that because you don’t have the balls to ask Serenity this year, eh?”

I turn and face him, giving him an annoyed expression. “You are thoroughly irritating.”

“Well?” He raises a brow. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Was it really a question or a dumb comment? I think I prefer you shy and quiet.” I scoff, continuing to walk off down the halls.

“A bit of both you could say.” He shrugs. “Come on dude, she’d totally go with you! Ask her, ask her!”

“Mercedes, you are awfully good at convincing me to just go home right now and indulge myself in a shitload of art projects I still have to do. I’m doing this for you guys, and you’re already teasing me! You haven’t even been here for five minutes!” I protest.

“Jared!” I hear a voice, a figure waving at me at the end of the hall.

“ _Oooh, shiiiit!_ ” Mercedes giggles excitedly, patting my shoulder.

“Oh, shut up.” I mutter in gritted teeth as I wave back at Serenity who skips down the hall over to us in a rather cheery mood.

“You going to the dance?” She beams.

“Uh, yeah.” I smile. “Why not?” I shoot Mercedes a death glare as he opens his mouth slightly to comment. He winks at me, shutting his mouth and staying quiet.

“Are you going with anyone?” She lowers her voice, hiding her hands behind her back.

I shrug with a frown, “no, I don’t think so-”

“Perfect!” She claps her hands, grabbing both of my wrists. “Then you can go with me! It’ll be amazing.”

I blink, glancing at Mercedes momentarily as he looks at me just as surprised. “Oh, um…” I itch the back of my head, smiling like an idiot. “That sounds great, Serenity, but uh… I’m not exactly interested in the idea of a dance.”

Mercedes gives me a sour expression as I pinch his arm and he yelps quietly, Serenity raising her brows as a sweet pout forms at her lips. “Then what?”

“I’m trying to go just so I can help Heather and the girls, you know, the student council finish running the dance. I have no business with dancing and stuff, the buffet is all what the guys are interested in.” I shrug, telling her the truth. I’ll probably end up tripping on my own feet and embarrassing each other for a night to remember. “Besides, I don’t know how to dance.”

“It’s not that hard.” Her eyes twinkle as she gazes at me, “I can help and teach you real quick.”

“It’s okay, thank you.” I reply awkwardly, “is Dalton coming?”

“He’s…banned.” She huffs almost in relief, “he can’t come to events like this, including graduation banquet.”  
“That sucks,” Mercedes says as if he’s adding something meaningful to the conversation.

“You could find someone else to dance with.” I tell her as politely as possible. “Shouldn’t be too hard for a girl like you.”

“Sure then.” Her voice cracks slightly as she clears her throat. “Thanks anyways, I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah, for sure.” I blink as she leans in and ruffles my hair momentarily before giggling softly and rushing off, leaving Mercedes and I in the hallways alone.

Mercedes faces me, his eyes wide. “ _Wow,_ you fucking virgin, you really just refused your own crush to a dance?”

I blink for a moment, rubbing my temple as a frown pulls over my lips. “So what?”

“You just had a goddamn chance right there, you call that luck?!” Mercedes groans, “oh the second-hand embarrassment is real.”

I roll my eyes. “Asking someone to a dance is something you’re perfectly capable of, little bro. You should try it sometime. I don’t have to go with anyone if I don’t want to.”

“But it’s Serenity.” His little blue eyes peer at me, “honestly. You still like her, don’t you?”

“Now isn’t the best time to mention that,” I hiss. “My point is, I can’t dance, I’m awkward, kind of ugly, and I don’t own a suit. What about you? You keep telling me to ask people and be on my way, why don’t you ask a girl? _Or Francis?_ ”

Mercedes’ face flushes red in embarrassment as he clutches his beanie in horror. “No way! I could never do that! Do you know how many years I’d have to spend in therapy if I got rejected?”

“I hope you know rejection isn’t the only option-” I start.

“ _Nooo_!” He cuts me off, shaking his head. “It’s a 50/50, and I’ll never be 100% positive of what result could possibly be the outcome. I’m smart, but I’m not that smart.”

“Remind me to make that my senior quote, alright?” I burst out laughing.

“You have no idea; these girls will throw you off at the very last minute.” He shrugs. “Who wants to get their hopes up high and be slapped in the face with rejection? That shit looks like it hurts, man. And asking a girl you like who rejects you? Horrible!”

“You need to start thinking of what could go right instead of what could go wrong. You see here, nothing can go wrong. I would feel worse saying yes, I want her to actually have a good time with a ‘somebody’.” I suggest, continuing to walk down the hall.

“Or consider both!” He offers. “Who says you’re a ‘nobody’? She sees something in you, duh, and this is completely pointless, I don’t even like any girls.”

“Never ever? Haven’t you had one little crush at one point?” I snort.

He shrugs. “There’s been cute girls here and there, but it’s hard to get a girlfriend or even into the talking stage when you’re like me, shy as shit... Doesn’t work man.”

“Then let me hook you up!” I gasp in excitement.

“ _No,_ what are the chances, honestly? You’re living through a lucky streak, oh man, wait till I tell the guys, I hope Jay at least slaps some sense into you, and now you have the balls to tease me about Francis too! What a pleasure it’s been being alive so far for–”

“Pleasure, yeah, give it about five years and Francis will be giving you just that!” I burst out laughing wildly. “What makes you think I’d expose you like that?! I’m joking, man!”

His eyes widen in terror. “Jared, you’re going to give a man a heart attack one of these days.”

I smirk, nudging him playfully with my elbow. “You’ll find your lucky lady someday, Mercedes.”

“I feel like I already have found her, like I know her but…” He bites his lip. “I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.”

“ _It’s_ Francis!” I squeal back. “Holy shit, it is! You’ve met her if that’s what you mean!”

“Oh my God, now it’s suddenly apparent to me why you’re single.” Mercedes shoots me a death stare with a smile. “How are we supposed to know?”

“Why don’t you find out?” I glance up at him, heading towards the double gymnasium doors. “Is it really that hard?”

He pouts, shaking his head at me, “what do you think is harder? Never asking and wondering forever, or asking and being disappointed?” We both push the doors open to the gym, walking inside.

“You’re so fucking overdramatic.”

_**Serenity’s Perspective.** _

_You look so pretty, just look at you. Gorgeous, dressed in pink from chest to knees, just like a princess. No doubt about it, you’ll definitely be the most beautiful girl of the night. Just you wait, you’ll be better than all of them....you’ll show them all._

I smirk in the mirror, leaning in and applying a fresh layer of cotton candy pink lipstick over my lips, puckering my lips and smiling, pulling back. I take a deep breath, pulling up a beaming smile upon my face before heading out of the change room, pushing open the doors and giving a small gasp at the sight. 

The entire gym is decorated with flashing lights, music blasting, crowds of people laughing and moving, the all-you-can-eat-buffet in full swing, punch being served, several slices of chocolate cake being cut, dresses flowing, the guys’ suits looking sharp as always.

My eyes examine the gym, not taking long before I spot Heaven and her preppy little group moving in the crowd with her in the lead of course, right beside that piece of shit Hope Anderson.

Heaven’s dressed in a short hot pink dress, no surprise there since she claims it’s her color, and matching pumps. Her hair is straightened, leading down to her elbows, makeup plastered on her face. There’s Hope with her tiny black dress, and the rest of the girls dressed in various fluffy pink dresses. 

They’re the center of attention of course, all eyes are always on them first before they wander elsewhere.

What more is there to say? Let alone, Heaven may just be the most popular whore in the entire school. 

I scoff quietly under my breath, trying not to ruin my good mood with a sight like this. I peek at the back, spotting someone playing with the curtains and heading back in; someone from the school council, no doubt.

_Maybe if I ask Heather she’ll know where Jared is. After all, he said he was going to be behind the scenes._

I nervously glance around the gymnasium as I make my way around dancing couples and handfuls of people, muttering “sorry” and slipping by them over to the curtain where I peek inside. 

_He really did just reject me back there._

I immediately attract Heather’s attention who raises both her brows, sitting on a lawn chair with a clipboard and pen in her hand.

“Can I help you, Serenity?” I smile at her, and before I can open my mouth, she interrupts. “You’re looking for your boy toy, I assume.”

“He’s not my boy toy,” I protest, blushing.

Heather glances behind me for a moment, knitting her brows before pointing her pen to the side entrance. “Sure, he is. You’ll find him and the Idiot Brigade over there.”

“Idiot Brig-” I turn over and spot the doors opening, Jared laughing and nudging a rather awkward looking Mercedes, a grinning Jun who is repetitively poking an annoyed Brady’s face.

The boys stop for a moment, grouping up by the side and muttering to each other.

“Will they ever actually notice us; the world may never know.” Heather murmurs, standing beside me and putting her clipboard and pen down on her chair.

She stares intensely at the boys, waving at them as they slowly one-by-one spot the two of us. Jun laughs and waves at her, rather cheerfully, and I assume it’s probably fake or an inside joke between them considering Heather just scowls and raises her middle finger at him. The expression on Jun’s face is just priceless.

Jared bites his lip nervously, gesturing for the boys to follow as they make their way behind the curtain and over to us. “You came.” Jared says sheepishly.

“I try to come to social events every now and then.” I chuckle, “I don’t have a date though, I think I did come in pretty late.”

“Actually,” Mercedes cuts in, “according to my watch, we’re only 9 minutes and 50 seconds late...”

Heaven sighs in annoyance, nodding, “9 minutes and 50 seconds late, 10 seconds away from me kicking your ass. And because of that, I assume you guys don’t have any dates either.”

“Speak for yourself!” Brady grins, “Jared here has a date.” He winks at me, making me blush.

“Well I figured that much already.” Heather glances at me. “Then don’t just stand there closing up my space and blocking my view, go dance with your date Jared!”

“She’s not my date.” He speaks up awkwardly as the group falls silent. I feel a sharp pain hit my chest in utter humiliation as I bite down harshly on my lip. “I’m not dancing with anyone here, I’m just here with the guys and to help out after. Really. It’s okay.” His eyes fall to me, “again, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, no worries.” I squeak back as my heart begins to pound. “I was just looking for you, you know.” I tell him.

“I’m afraid it’s not gonna be fun sitting right behind the speakers and doing nothing.” He smiles shyly at me. “This would be a first.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never dated anyone before, have you?” I ask, raising a brow.

“I’ve had one relationship.” He gazes at me, “but it didn’t last for very long, just about two years before she had to move.”

“You’ve never told me this.” The tip of my ears burn in jealousy.

“It’s nothing special.” He chuckles. “Relationships come and go, I guess you have to learn to let go at some point.”

“Then I’m guessing you’re not very experienced.” I look up in his green eyes with a blush.

He gives a laugh, “you’d be surprised actually. I know what you’re thinking; what would a lonely artist know about relationships and romance?”

My eyes widen, “w-what uh....what was she like?”

He glances down at me, “she was like me, the full swing of creativity. It wasn’t art or writing, but music that she was into. She played the violin and piano beautifully, even wanted to learn how to play the acoustic guitar. The most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen of her was the smile on her face as she held up a new sheet of music she had written.” He pulls up a chair, sitting next to Heather who shoves earphones in her ears, most likely on purpose from us but I don’t see what use they’ll be.

“Wow.” I fake smile. “Both of you into some form of art, huh?”

He grins, “I guess that’s kind of how we got along. Who would wanna date someone you have no interests with? I mean it bonded us closely, and that’s really all I wanted.”

I roll my eyes, “I’m sure plenty of girls are crushing on you without you knowing, Jared.”

“I’m also sure plenty of girls don’t know that I exist.” He smirks at me. “And I have nothing against that, I’m still young, I’m still growing. I don’t need to worry about these kinds of things.”

I rub his shoulder gingerly, “about love and relationships? Some of us are already worrying.”

“Well the rest of us don’t sound any better than a thirteen-year-old complaining that they’ll be forever alone. It’ll take some time, sure, but a relationship isn’t supposed to last hours. Months at the very least, but years is what we’re going for.”

“Oh, so you really are experienced.” I giggle.

“I just know what I want.” He looks away.

“Any girl would be lucky to have you, you know. You don’t seem like the type of guy that would cheat, or lie.” My voice trails off.

“You have no idea.” He says in a dazed voice, looking off at the buffet.

“Well thanks for the little chat, keeping me company here, even if things didn’t go out as planned.”

_Don’t mention it, don’t fucking mention it over and over again! Ugh, he’s gonna think I’m obsessed with the rejection!_

“No, thank you for understanding.” He turns his gaze to me, “you heading off home now or something? The guys and I were also planning to raid the-” He cuts off, knitting his brows as I turn to face the direction he’s looking at; the buffet table. “If…if there’s anything left, that is.” He rubs his forehead, shaking his head and laughing with me. “We’re never too late, wanna join us?”

“I think I’m good.” I smile at him. “But thank you Jared, I had a lot of fun. I can’t be too late getting home, I still wanna have some time to study.”

“Oh, of course.” He agrees. “I should actually do the same sometime.” He admits, sheepishly.

I giggle. “Not to worry, you’re gonna be fine with my notes.”

“I suppose you’re right.” He gives me a small smile. “I’m guessing I’ll see you around then?”

“Mhmm!” I beam. “See you tomorrow in class,” I lean in, planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

As I pull away, he blushes, itching the back of his head and biting his lip before waving and heading off into the crowd with his friends.

I chuckle, feeling the blush hit my cheeks as well before I head into the change room, grabbing my bag from the locker and slamming it as I open the gymnasium doors and step out. I make my way through the halls, nibbling down on my bottom lip with my face all heated and flustered, the swarm of butterflies attacking my stomach.

As I step out into the cool early evening, the sun just melting beneath the clouds, a light breeze surrounds me and cools me off as I walk over to the parking lot. But of course, there’s only one thought on my mind.

_Keep your cool, Serenity. At least here, keep your cool. Don’t fucking blow your cover like this._

I force a smile, fishing out my keys from my purse and unlocking my car, opening the door and sitting down in the driver’s seat, closing the door and taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and shaking my head.

_You can’t be fucking serious. First Hope, now Heaven._

I swallow hard, shaking my head, whispering to myself, “no, no, fuck!”

_You don’t think I know these things?_

I reach out my hand hesitantly, slipping it into my purse slowly and feeling around carefully.

_Of course, I do. I know who has eyes on my sweetheart._

“Yes, yes I know...” I mutter, gripping my hand firmly on the object.

_Of course, I know everything._

I let out a quiet giggle, pulling out my hand to reveal the kitchen knife I hold in a death grip with my right hand. It is exactly as I left it, packed well-hidden and careful under a few piles of clothes. 

I cover my mouth with my other hand, admiring the sharp tip of the gleaming knife and rotating it around in my hand, smiling sweetly at my clear reflection. How generous of me, I brought along my favorite toy and I didn’t have to use it.

I frown, a little disappointing I suppose, but at the same I’m a person to start a mess and leave it the way it ended, not stay to clean it up. Besides, blood is such a pain in the ass to clean up, especially mopping up large quantities of it off of floors.

_Ah, how unnecessary for someone like me._

Then again, it’s clear that I’m at a disadvantage. There’s a thousand of them and there’s only one of me. So many girls... Hope, Heaven, Alyssa, Francis. All of them, every single one of them pose a threat to my Jared. I glare at my knife as it trembles in my hands.

_No, I won’t let them have him!_

I gently brush my finger on the side of the knife, swallowing hard. “He’s mine, he’s mine, he’s mine, he’s mine...” 

_Mine, he’s mine. I’ll do it, I’ll kill them all._

Every single girl—all of them, I’ll protect my Jared no matter what. I have to raise my guard yet lower it at the same time. Jared can’t know of this, none of the guys can. 

If one of the boys find out, then they’ll definitely tell the other!

And then it’ll just spread uncontrollably like wildfire, then everyone will know. This secret can’t be out, no matter what. Only I can know, only I have to know what I’m doing. If I kill one of his friends, Jared will most certainly be upset. I pout; I’d hate to see Jared upset; crying, devastated. 

I can’t kill one or more of his best friends, can I? That would be inhuman of me. If I kill the girls just to protect him, does that still make me a psychopath?

I chuckle, shaking my head and grinning wickedly at the knife. I’m not a psychopath, not at all. I’m just the most perfect, caring girlfriend for Jared, that’s all. I’ll have him soon enough. And that’s when everything will slowly fall into place, one by one. 

_They won’t even see it coming. They won’t even know what hit them._ _Yes, yes, that sounds like a good plan._

Now all I have to do is steal him away, back to me, the one that deserves him, and make him mine, all mine. How silly of me, at first I couldn’t decide whether or not to carry on like this. It’s been a perfect idea all along.

I hope Jared understands in the end that this is all I can do... I want to make it seem like I’m the perfect little princess for him. But there’s no way he’d love me if I looked like this. “Crazy”? Is that the right word to describe all of this? Or is that too harsh to tell? Maybe not to me, maybe not to some, but to a guy like Jared.

Yes, I’d look crazy. I immediately panic, feeling my heart pick up the pace and beat faster and faster. 

_No! I can’t be perfect to him like that. I can’t be seen as crazy... Or worse... A psychopath._

I’ve gotta stay sweet, innocent, and quiet... That way nobody can find out, nobody will know about it but me.

 _How can I do that?_ My eyes widen. _I can make myself look helpless._

So, Dalton isn’t useless after all. I smirk, I can definitely use him to my advantage…make him look more of an asshole than he really is. Hah, it all plays out perfectly! I have all my favorite tricks up my sleeve, my cards right at my hand, and nobody can play me or even think about it.

I’ll use everything and everyone around me to shape out everything the way it’s supposed to be, and I won’t stop, I can’t stop now. If it means having Jared, if it means–oh God–having Jared in my arms. His lips on mine, his fingers intertwined with mine. I blush, just the thought of it sends my cheeks flushing red, pulling a shy smile over my lips. Yes, yes, if I want that, then this is what I’ll have to do, no doubt about it.

_I’m not crazy, I’m not. I’m not fucking crazy. I’ve decided… He’s just mine, that’s all. This is just all an act, after all._


	4. Rigmarole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'I just can’t get enough of him, I miss him the moment I left. I crave his presence, not for hugs, kisses, or wanting sex. I crave him to be around me, his bubbling vibe was so contagious. For the longest time, I could never express how I felt about this boy that I saw and spoke to everyday.' Stalking, repetitive phone calls, spamming text messages, eyes everywhere, thoughts completely fixated--is Dalton the only one who knows how fucked up Serenity is taking herself to be? Would it hurt her to take everything a step further and get even closer to the one she craves the most?

**Serenity’s Perspective.**

_It’s been a clean 3 hours_ _after the dance and I still can’t dismiss the thought of Jared from my mind_. I’ve sent at least 20 texts and called him 34 times in the past hour, yet he hasn’t read any of my messages, picked up, or even called back.

I give a shaky breath, shaking my head at my phone and staring at my texts.

_Should I send another message or call again?_

I sit crossed legged on my bed, staring down at my phone and biting my lip at the unanswered calls and texts. For every message and call from me unanswered sweeps another wave of anxiety through me.

I can’t help but feel a twist of emotions knot up in me; worry, anxiety, and the feeling of being unwanted. I can feel my heart rate speeding up just thinking about it over and over again. I badly want to message him once more, or maybe leave another message over the phone-but as good of an idea as that sounds to attempt to reassure myself that oh God, Jared’s not hurt or anything and he’s made it home safe, or worse, he’s busy with another girl. It makes me feel annoying at the very most, to pester him like this.

“Fuck.” I whisper to myself, plopping my phone down beside me. I can only imagine how many times I’ve caused his phone to vibrate under a minute now.

I swallow hard, reaching over to my end table and pick up my glass of water, shakily sipping it. The last thing I want to be to Jared is annoying, or irritating him in any way, but damn do I badly want to hear from him right now.

I rub my eyes, shaking my head down at my phone. Switching from app to app or trying to find something to do won’t help my anxiety. My thoughts are suddenly interrupted when I hear the slight rattle of the doorknob as it slowly turns, the door creaking open.

I peek up as Dalton pops in, looking at me. “Hey.”

“Hey.” I felt the knot in my stomach unwind.

“How come you’re home so late?” He comes in, closing the door behind him.

I shrug, looking down at my phone. “I went to the dance with a couple friends.”

He scoffs. “The school dance, seriously? Bet it was a load of bullshit, just hanging around the middle of the semester. Unplanned, as usual.”

I bite my lip. “You can’t really blame the school council for it though. It’s not their fault we had a lot of sport events this year.”

He sits down on the edge of my bed, shrugging. “I wouldn’t go for the world, it’s just another opportunity for the stupid ass jocks to show off their slutty girlfriends. I wonder who won king and queen this time.”

“Nobody won.” I tell him, “it was a tie between three couples, there wasn’t enough votes or so I heard.”

He gives a small chuckle. “See what I mean? It was absolute shit this year.”

“You’ve never gone to any school spirit dances.” I nibble on my bottom lip. “Have you?”

“Of course not.” He yawns, covering his mouth. “What do you think a guy like me would be doing in a place like that? A waste of time if you ask me.” He gazes around my room silently for a moment before his eyes slightly widen. “Forgot to ask, who did you go with?”

I blink. “I told you, I went with friends.”

“Like a date, Serenity.” He shoots me an annoyed look.

“Just friends.” I tell him. “No date. I got rejected.”

“As expected, but what friends?” He raises a brow. “What friends do you have that you would go to a dance with?”

I feel as if someone punched me right in the throat as I swallow hard and look at him. “Heather. Crawford, Alyssa Wethersfield, Francis Evercliff.”

“Those are all members of the student council.” He replies. “Those are your friends? The people running the curtain behind the school spirit dances and all that good shit?”

“Y-Yeah.” I rub my arm awkwardly. “I’m friends with them, and Heather was with us for a bit.”

“Heather Crawford.” He raises both his brows at me.

“What about her?”

“Heather is not your friend.” He smirks. “I know this, she’s not.”

“She’s not yours either.”

He looks surprised, raising his hands up in surrender. “Well alright, you got me there, she isn’t. But she does cheer for my football team.”

“Yes, I’m sure that’s a _delight_ for her to do.” I say sarcastically. “You should get along just fine now.”

“Oh Serenity…” He chuckles, clearing his throat. “We really should find you _new_ friends, considering you lost them all.”

“They lost me.” I say sharply.

“I’m not here to argue with you.” He states simply. “You already know the difference between right and wrong, this should be that obvious to you already. Those girls, from the student council aren’t your friend. You have no friends.”

I feel my throat tighten as I shake my head at him. “The guys from football are only your friends because you provide a good laugh and play sports with them.”

He calmly looks at me, pursing his lips. “Those are my friends, regardless. We hang out every night, we go drinking every night, and we all bullshit together.”

“What’s your point?!” My eyes tear up. “Did you really just come in here to insult me again? To list off all my flaws and show off in my face what I don’t have but you do?”

“Not at all.” He raises his brows, looking startled. “I was just generally curious about your afternoon. I knew you’d get rejected, so tell me what happened?”

“Nothing special.” I feel tears swell up in the corners of my eyes. “I tried to find him alone or somewhere in private, I really did, but I couldn’t.

Time was running out, so I saw him in the hallway with his brother. I asked him there as nicely and cheerful as I could, with this big old ugly and innocent smile. He told me he didn’t know how to do dance. He told me it wasn’t his type of thing. You have no idea how uncomfortable he seemed just then.”

“Dance?” Dalton bursts out laughing, slapping his thigh, “oh man, that may be the best thing I’ve ever heard. Of course not! And that’s why he said no, huh?”

“I guess.” I grumble. “I assumed that was a friendly way to turn me down for Heaven.”

“ _Ah_ ,” he pauses for a moment, nodding. “Heaven. She’s so fucking hot.”

“Gee, thanks.” I glare at him, “I thought he lied to me so he could just go with her, but he didn’t. He really did just sit in the back with Heather and tell me he dated a girl once for two years, and worst of all, he didn’t even tell me her name. I don’t know who or where she is, I wish I could just talk to her.”

“More like kill her,” Dalton snorts, “I know you.”

“Good, now you’re catching up.” I scoff. “A good way to figure out what his type is or what he likes the most in girls is to view his exes… Up close.”

“Well that simply isn’t an option, so now what?” He crosses his arms. “You lost your man for a shitty dance that dumb bitch Crawford could barely run for herself, is it the end of the world?”

“I have to try harder is what this means. I can’t believe it’s this hard. You don’t actually care about what happened this dance, do you?” I sigh, annoyed.

He rolls his eyes at me. “You know, as much as I don’t really care, it’s my job to as your boyfriend.”

“Yeah?” I wipe the tears out of the corners of my eyes. “You’re just so helpful, aren’t you?”

He sighs deeply. “Oh, for fuck’s sake Serenity, don’t cry. Be serious with me here.”

“I’m trying.” I hiss. “You’re anything but a boyfriend, Dalton.”

He smiles sweetly. “You know what? You’re absolutely right. I just hold the title of being your boyfriend, not the bond. Just remember that’s all you want.”

“That is.” I murmur. “You don’t have to make it a pain in the ass to remember.”

“For some reason, that’s the only way you remember.” He says.

“Your only friends are Knight and his group of morons. I don’t know what’s more embarrassing; to know one or to know them all. Bottom line is...” He tilts my chin up with his thumb to face him. “You look like a fucking mess.”

“Yeah.” I sniffle. “That’s exactly what I am.”

He looks into my eyes. “What’s gotten into you? Your eyes look like they haven’t seen a drop of sleep in days.”

“I can’t sleep.” I whisper. “Not all the time.”

He strokes my cheek. “What’s keeping you awake?”

“Thoughts.” I breathe. “My mind… I’ve wanted to move in with you a little while now.”

“And why is that?” He raises a brow.

“I can’t. I can’t stand being a-alone, Dalton.” I sniffle. “It’s so hard to sleep through the lonely nights. That’s…t-that’s why.” I gaze up into his dark brown eyes, “that’s why I need you by my side, always.”

“Serenity.” His eyes widen in disbelief.

“I fucked up. I fucked up. I always fuck up. This is all just another reminder as to how pathetic I am, okay?! And I’m sorry I dragged you into this, but the deed is done, this has to happen, it just does! I don’t care what you say or how you treat me, it takes no genius to figure out you don’t like me or give a shit about me, but this has never been about love and tender care. This has just been about what I want, what I _need_. I need Jared, more than ever. The thoughts and tendencies of this are the only things that calm me down now, make me happy, so I must pursue them. It makes sense to me, but I still feel alone.

I don’t even think his friends like me, at all. Especially Brady.” I shudder.

“Brady. Pfft.” Dalton pulls away, rolling his eyes. “Can’t fucking stand him any more than I can stand that Knight. Both of them are freaks for each other. Brady has his head so far up his ass that I’m just dying to knock that smirk off his fucking face.”

“I’m pretty convinced he hates me.” I grumble to myself, “and Jun, or Jay, whatever the hell his name is. I can’t tell if Mercedes is just shy or if I make him extremely uncomfortable. Heather is a bitch, but I try to be friends with her anyways, and you know your sister and Heaven are not on my list of options. I only have Azure, and I think she’s in more pain than me now.”

“You don’t need them.” He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Out of all the people in the world and friends to make, really. Even you deserve better, so why convince yourself you’re lonely?”

“I already told myself I can’t stand the pain of being alone anymore. I can’t look like this in public, I can’t be.” I gesture to my body, “like this, in front of anyone but you!”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t wallow in self-pity any longer, Dalton.... It has to become non-existent for me. I can’t even recognize my own personality in the mirror.”

“I can’t recognize you either, if you ask me.”

“I’m not crazy.” I tell him, blinking back tears.

“You see why I need you now? Because you’re there for me. Because I love to know that someone actually generally cares about me. It’s plain and simple.” I cup his cheeks, looking at him. “Your tendencies, the way you act, your attitude, everything. I need it, I need all of you to make me the person I’m trying to be right now. I have to maintain my perfect, innocent status. _Otherwise I’ll just be ugly_...”

_That’s it. That’s just it._

After being isolated from everyone else who seemed so perfect and beautiful to me, I can’t do it anymore.

I could never be like the other girls, I could never fit into their groups even as a little kid. For me, it was standing alone outside whether that was in the snow or rain, looked down at my cracked, dry and reddened hands and wondering if time would just pass and let me get over it.

Getting shoved around, bullied, and coming home with a bloody nose and yanked hair was just something normal. I wasn’t liked by people, and I assumed it was because I was different, but now that I see myself for who I am with true potential, it doesn’t make sense to me at all. I wasn’t a ‘nobody’, but I wasn’t a ‘somebody’ either, I was a regular kid trying to make it in school. I happened to fall into the cycle where one kid would get picked on and just be destined to be bullied.

The whole world seemed as if it was against me. I could barely defend myself, so what was I to think? Absolutely nothing.

I’m so used to having people take things away from me, I’m so used to be excluded. I’m used to coming home and seeing my parents ignore each other for days and just disagree on everything.

I’m fine with not being close with my only sibling, my older brother Lucas who just locks himself away in his room and binge plays video games and football. He only ever comes around when he can smash a kid’s face in for bothering me.

After a divorce, after being spread out and visiting different family members because we couldn’t get along, I learned a cold and heard lesson; if I want something, I need to act desperately, I need to do something, and I need to do it by myself.

I can’t trust people to do the things I want to do, maybe they wouldn’t agree with it or see it as “normal”, but I did it for myself. This is ordinary, this is normal to me. I don’t care what people think anymore. Jared though.

_He’s much more different than the rest._

I truly haven’t ever met anyone like him. For all the other decent, interesting guys I had met, Jared is the complete opposite side of the moon. How those emerald green eyes light up when he speaks about what he was passionate about, how he will go out hiking for hours just so he could sit in the forest and watch the sunset, admiring nature and sketching away plants and flowers in his notebook. How his hands were always stained with different kinds of paints; those slim writer’s fingers. His adorable shy smile, his creative mind. 

The midnight deep conversations we had over the phone or when I came over for the weekend.

I just can’t get enough of him, I miss him the moment I left. I crave his presence, not for hugs, kisses, or wanting sex. I crave him to be around me, his bubbling vibe was so contagious. For the longest time, I could never express how I felt about this boy that I saw and spoke to everyday.

My feelings were mixed and I was still in the denial stage, but I couldn’t stop talking about him to my friends and he invaded every thought in my mind 24/7. I realized I really did admire him for who he was, and never asked for more. 

_He never ceased to amaze me._

He’s so fucking perfect, and I’m me. I’m just me, trying to escape the very thing that ruined my childhood. I can’t be what I fear, what I hate. I can’t have that same ugliness ruin my life and take away everything I love. I refuse it, I deny it to even be there at times, but I know it’ll always be right behind me. What can anyone do? All we have to do is keep running. There are some fears that we just can’t conquer, but they can always take us over. 

Everything’s got a bad side to it, I learned this the hard way. Life is fucking unfair, and it always has been. I can change as much as I want, but that same old ugliness is still going to be reminding me, still going to be haunting me.

“You’re not ugly, Serenity.” He pushes back a curtain of my hair behind my ear.

“I mean, you’re a weird crazy bitch with some strange ass motives, but you’re not ugly. You’re just not my type.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Dalton!” I exclaim. “I can’t afford to lose anything at the moment, just like you said, I’m a mess. I’m a fucking mess, and it’s nothing to be proud of.”

“You have to be honest with yourself before being honest with me.” He says quietly.

“Please don’t leave me like the others.” I hug him tightly, burying my face in his shoulder. “Please don’t. I don’t have any other friends, I don’t have anyone else.”

“Shhh.” He whispers, “I’m not going to leave you, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.” I hiccup, breaking down crying and hug him tightly as he rests his chin on my shoulder, stroking my hair. “Shhhh. You’re fine, you’re going to be alright, Serenity. I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”

“I just. I don’t want to be alone.” I sniffle. “I’ll chase people if I have to, if it means I won’t be alone.”

“You’ll always be alone if you think like that.” He murmurs quietly, ruffling my hair softly.

“Maybe I’m too difficult to handle.” I let out a weak cough.

“You have to remind yourself that it is what it is, Serenity. The right people will come into your life and they will stay.” He pulls away, facing me. “If you were difficult to handle, I wouldn’t be here right now with you.”

“Might be too difficult for him.” I muffle out weakly in his shirt.

“There are more ways to seduce someone than you think, even if it requires force. You just do what you think is right, I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about the wellbeing of these people, frankly, I think they deserve it. You call the shots.”

“You know something?”

“Hmm?”

“I think you’re right. I think you really are.”


	5. Adulate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I promised him I would always be by his side so as long as he was by mine. Do you have any idea what would happen if I left?” Diving further into the realm of lies, Serenity is paranoid and as she hates to admit to herself, she doesn't trust Jared or his honeyed words. Would he really give up all he had for her? Would he run off with her just like that? Serenity allows herself to continue being abused by Dalton, knowing he lacks everything when it comes to being a nurturing person to begin with, but the attention is what Serenity seeks. She needs Jared desperate for her, she needs his attention--completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I was too busy writing "Baby Face" on here, I can't believe I totally forget to upload this entire work, which I completed way before and first, hah! Enjoy this chapter! :D

**Jared’s Perspective.**

_Bzz.... Bzzz.... Bzzzz...._

I groan quietly, blinking weakly and attempting to focus my blurry vision at the ceiling. I hear the soft buzzing of my phone vibrating beside me on the end table, interrupting the deep sleep I had fallen into quickly. I whine quietly, hating that I’m such a light sleeper and rub my eyes slowly.

 _Bzzzzz!_ I grunt, sitting up and reaching over to the end table, grabbing my phone and cringing at the bright screen, blinking a few times at the several notifications that continued to repeat themselves across my screen.

‘ _20 messages and 34 calls, all from the same person; Serenity Prescott.’_ I scroll down carefully, quickly skimming the messages, not opening any of them. Her texts start off from decent, nice questions about the dance and how I’m doing to spam, and panic as to if I’m alright and begging me to answer, followed by dozens of phone calls.

“What the fuck?” I murmur under my breath, squinting my eyes at the brightness.

_‘It’s one in the morning. What the hell is going on with her?’_

I swallow hard, fingers trembling out of some strange fear something might have happened to her. I hit the call button and hold the phone up to my ear, waiting.

It only takes one ring for her to almost immediately pick up the phone; a quiet whimpering voice on the end speaks, “h-hello?”

“Serenity?” I murmur, still dazed and half asleep.

“Jared?!” There’s a wave of panic in her voice. “I’m so sorry, did I wake you?”

“Relax.” I groan, rubbing my eyes with my freehand. “What’s going on with you? Spamming my phone and shit, are you alright?”

She pauses for a moment, “I was going to ask you that, you never answered or picked up.”

“I’m sorry.” I say, quietly. “I didn’t get a chance to, you know how bad of a texter I am. I’m too busy to be on my phone all the time.”

“I didn’t know a better way to reach you.” I can hear her throat tighten slightly on the end. “I was worried, Jared.”

I pause for a moment, shaking my head. “Why are you still up so late? There’s school tomorrow–”

“I can’t stop thinking.” She interrupts me. “My mind,.i-it’s been over thinking everything. I don’t know, I had a panic attack a few hours ago and I feel physically exhausted–”

“Serenity, Serenity!” I raise my voice a bit louder. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll come see you.”

“But I woke you up and bothered you enough alre–”

“I’m up now, Serenity, and all I want to do is see you right now. You sound like you’re going crazy.”

“I’m not crazy.” She breathes. “Meet me at Cemetery Drive.”

_‘Crazy enough to blow up my phone, but not insane enough.’_

My eyes widen as I quietly hiss over the phone, “The Cemetery Drive?!”

“I know that if we wake Mercedes, he’ll lose his shit. and Dalton already knows our best hiding spots. You and I both know I’m not safe with him.”

“Yeah.” I nod. “I’ll meet you there in five.”

“Got it. O-Oh, and Jared?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for this. Seriously, it means a lot to me. Thank you for everything.”

I chuckle. “You don’t have to thank me. I know what it’s like to need a shoulder to cry on sometimes.”

“You’re honestly so amazing, you know that? I can never thank you enough.” I hear the tone of her voice lift a bit. “I’ll be out in a few minutes, meet me by the mausoleum.”

“Will do.” I feel a slight blush hit my cheeks. “See you there.”

“See you.” She hangs up. I bite my lip, lowering my phone down to my pocket and sighing in relief. 

The tips of my ears burn red in embarrassment, and I can feel my heart pounding. I can’t help but crack a little smile as I peeled my pajamas off of me, grabbing a navy long sleeved shirt and some grey sweatpants.

I quickly put on a pair of socks and shoved my phone in my pants’ pocket, grabbing the keys and sneaking downstairs as quietly as I can. I slip my shoes on and set the home alarm off, turning the front door knob slowly not to make any noise.

That savage Mercedes is such a light sleeper that his own breathing can wake him up at this point. I pull the door open and head out, closing and locking it behind me as I head down my porch, squinting my eyes and look at the bright street lamps on our front lawn.

I gaze up at the midnight sky as my eyes widen at the millions and millions of tiny stars scattered all over it, stepping out of the driveway. The soft cool breeze wraps itself around me, and everything seems peaceful away from the hectic motion of the day. Only the crickets chirp, and the half-moon remains above my head. 

I always thought everything was much better late at night, which makes me regret not going out as often in the evening as I wanted to. The late-night hangouts, the adventures, everything seemed so much livelier, that is, except for The Cemetery Drive.

As I begin walking down the block, I already start to feel queasy just thinking about that place. It is only two blocks away from my place which doesn’t even make me feel any better, just knowing it is a short convenient walk.

It is named The Cemetery Drive since it was made in the early 18th century and earned a whole street name because it was large enough to occupy one block.

The cemetery covers the street in such a gothic, dark aura that it gave me the shivers getting by that street. Old, crumbling, grey stones placed around it, surrounded by a metal, black, pointed fence. The gate is about 10 feet tall and has the cemetery’s name at the top, with a large skull underneath that had roses growing through it. 

That’s just another thing that makes the cemetery slightly stranger, it only grows poisonous bushes and shrubs with sweet looking berries that will kill you as soon as you swallow them, and red, blooming roses that are covered in hundreds of sharp thorns.

The cemetery itself is anything but appealing; a light layer of fog surrounds the hundred-year-old trees, tombstones carved in shapes of skeletons and hearts made of stone that had smashed in half long ago, tilted and destroyed graves, broken shovel heads, and a small pond by one of the great oak trees.

After all this time, this cemetery has definitely earned its title of being grim and horrifying. I cross over the street and make my way to the grand gates of the cemetery, giving a shudder and rub my arms before gazing up at the place; the large, metal gates which had already been pushed open.

_‘Did Serenity get here before me?’_

I blink, taking a hesitant step into the cemetery and cautiously walking around the distorted and smashed graves. My eyes wander everywhere–to the old trees, the lined-up graves, the gothic statues that lined the place.

It is all too much to absorb, especially this late with only the dim lanterns lighting up the way. I hear a slight scuffle up ahead where the old, marble mausoleum is and peek up, squinting my eyes at the darkness to make out a figure. I bite my lip and continue making my way up, only thinking of how awkward it would be if I bumped into some old grave digger in the middle of the night.

“Serenity?” I whisper, just loud enough for her to hear me, approaching the mausoleum.

The figure turns back, and I hear a familiar giggle, sighing quietly in relief. “Took you long enough!”

I blink, “I just got here! How did you–”

She smiles at me, gesturing for me to sit down as she holds two bottles in her hands. “You’d be surprised as to how many shortcuts I’ve memorized from Dalton’s house.”

“Of course.” I roll my eyes, sitting beside her on the cold, marble steps of the mausoleum.

_‘At least the lanterns are more brightly lit up here.’_

I think to myself. “Beer?” She smiles sweetly, handing me a bottle.

I chuckle, taking the bottle from her. “And where did you get these, miss?”

She laughs. “Dalton’s got enough, I figured he didn’t need these.”

“He drinks?” I raise a brow. “Why of course he does, what a stupid question for me to ask.”

She nods, the smile on her lips disappearing almost immediately. “A lot, actually.”

I knit my brows. “Huh, he didn’t really strike me as the alcoholic type…much.”

“Me neither.” She shrugs. “He says it helps him forget or whatever, I’ll never understand his excuses just to get drunk. I swear every little teenager says that. Just admit you drink for the shits and giggles.”

“Ugh, I totally agree with you. What does he have to forget anyways?” I narrow my eyes, popping open the lid and taking a sip. “He drinks until he sounds as stupid as he looks.”

Serenity snorts, choking a bit on her beer as she laughs again. “Jared!”

I let out a small laugh, “I mean, I’m not wrong. I still can’t believe the nerve of that guy.”

“But you should know Dalton doesn’t overly care about school or anything like that.” She sighs. “He sleeps in all morning and drinks till he’s shit-faced at night, I don’t get him or his habits. He likes coming to school if it’s convenient for him, as in football and trying to at least score a passing grade.”

“It sounds like you’re sticking up for him.” I tell her, continuing to sip my beer. “You shouldn’t feel so sympathetic for him, I mean we all have our free will. We could all end up being the same if we just let ourselves go.”

“Not really.” She tenses her shoulders up, looking down at her beer bottle. “It’s just that it’s like he’s got two different personalities. He talks to me, you know? He seems to care a lot. It’s just that, he doesn’t like showing it very much. He wastes away everything, and when it’s good it’s fine, but when it’s bad, it’s fucking awful.” She shivers. “That’s why I had to get away, just for tonight.”

I blink, confused, “you live together now? That’s an official thing?” I feel the back of my neck prick up with heat from the sudden hint of anxiety and embarrassment. 

‘ _They live together now? How fast do these people move? No pun intended.’_

She takes a long sip of her beer before glancing at the bottle as if she didn’t hear my comment. 

“It’s been a little while now, but I thought it might be the best for the both of us. I think he needs me as much as I need him. It gets really lonely over at my place, especially with my parents arguing and ignoring each other all the time. I think they just hang out there to look like a family, but Lucas, my brother you know, is barely home either, you know, dealing with college now. It’s kind of hard to keep everything together when you’ve got nobody to talk to. We’re kind of a broken family.”

I purse my lips, slowly lowering the bottle. “I’ve already told you countless times you can move in with me and Mercedes, you know. It would be no problem.” 

“But that’s not right.” She looks into my eyes and shakes her head. “You just got a new place and I don’t wanna barge in and make a mess of things.” 

I scoff. “Make a mess of what? We’re already a mess, if you haven’t noticed, and we have plenty of guest rooms you can make use in. Whatever it is, we have space for you, Serenity.” 

“It’s a charming offer.” She bites her lip, “but I promised I wouldn’t leave Dalton like that. I mean, it’s not like I have much of a choice. I feel like even if I did leave him, my parents would be suspicious, and they’d be pissed. Without real proof or anything like that, I don’t think they’d ever come around to believing me. Dalton is a better liar than most. Also, I fear Dalton would come after you and Mercedes. You see, one thing just ends up being a bigger mess than it should be, so I try to keep quiet and take care of it myself. I’m a firm believer in only suffering alone, not unnecessarily making others suffer with me…” 

I glance at her. “He’s a fucking piece of shit, all he does is push you around and act like he’s the victim. He does nobody a favor here or at school, you know that. I feel bad for you to just be around him at school, fuck, I can’t even describe to you how pissed off I am thinking about you living with him! Aren’t you afraid he’ll strangle you to death in the middle of the night?” 

“It’s not like that–” She begins to protest. 

“No, it’s _exactly_ like that!” I put down my bottle, raising my voice a bit as her eyes widen. 

“Serenity, look at yourself.” I shake my head, taking her hands in mine, rubbing over them with my thumb. “You deserve some good for once in your life, you put up with so much shit that I’m starting to question how and why.”

I gaze at her blue eyes, feeling the blush hit my cheeks. “You’re so young and so beautiful, I don’t understand. I don’t get any of this. You’re not married with his kids, you’re not legally obliged to stay with this guy. There’s so many ways I can help if you just let me!”

“Jared, you know I can take care of myself.” She says back, quietly.

“Did he hit you?” I ask sharply.

“W-what?” She immediately pulls her hands back.

“He’s hit you, hasn’t he?” I narrow my eyes, grabbing her wrists. “I bet he got wasted one night and hit you, he’s hurt you, I know he has…”

“J-Jared—”

“I’m right, aren’t I? I’m right, I am.” I mumble, lifting the sleeve of her shirt to reveal a medium sized, throbbing, violet bruise. “He did this to you. He fucking hurt you, didn’t he?!”

Serenity swallows hard, looking over at the bruise and nodding. “H-He did…”

“Why?” I look up at her, tears pooling up in the corners of my eyes. “Why do you let him hurt you like that? Surely, you’ve seen how cruel he can be. An abusive alcoholic, a complete asshole—maybe even a criminal in the near future—”

“But he’s all I have!” She cries out.

My eyes widen as I pull away from her. “Serenity…” A short, awkward silence follows us as we both breathe heavily, staring at each other. “My God. You poor girl, look at what he’s done to you…”

“I promised him I would always be by his side so as long as he was by mine. Do you have any idea what would happen if I left?”

I shake my head, “yeah I do. You’d be fucking happier, that’s what.” She frowns, taking another sip from her bottle without another word. “He doesn’t care about you like I do, I hope you know that.” She peeks up at me shyly, nibbling on her bottom lip. “Don’t do that.” I murmur, caressing her cheek.

Her cheeks flare in blush as she stops, looking up at me. “I-I’m sorry. I believe you.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” I sigh, dropping my hand. “Some promises aren’t worth keeping, you know.”

“It is when you’re on the verge of loneliness.” She croaks, resting her head on my chest.

“You’re alone, at least you think you are, feel you are, and I understand that.” I whisper, resting my chin on her head. “But I’ll always be here for you.”

“If I got into your life, I’d only fuck it up.” She sniffles. “I’m just tired, Jared. I’m tired of trying to be good enough for everybody else. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep every night until my eyes are bloodshot and puffy.”

“You’ve always been good enough to me, too good to me.” I murmur, stroking her hair. “I don’t care what it takes.”

“I-I love you, Jared, but you’re not mine.” I can hear her throat tighten as tears drip down her cheeks.

“I’m all yours, Serenity.” I shake my head, “I always have been.”

“It makes me feel needy.” She clutches onto me, slowly lifting her head.

I cup both her cheeks, looking her straight in the eye. “Look at me, baby girl. You mean the absolute world to me, Serenity. You’re my everything.”

She blinks back tears, “I am?”

 _“I love you.”_ I bite my lip, feeling my heart sink down to the pits of my stomach. “I love you so much and I’m fucking awful at expressing my emotions to you, and it hurts to watch you go through this! I know there’s gotta be more, there has to be other things he’s done to you that you’re not telling me.”  
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” She swallows hard, her hands beginning to shake violently.

“And that’s why I’m so tired of this. I’m tired of Dalton hurting you, I’m just so fucking scared he can do so much more than bruise your arm and it’s like I’m not even helping!” I exclaim, throwing my hands up in the air. “My God! I’m tired of being helpless, Serenity. You and I both know for a fact I’m barely doing anything. I feel like Dalton is trying to cut me out of the picture. All I can do is sit there and watch you get hurt and cry—that’s not like me, you know that it’s not like me!”

“You know I don’t deserve you.” She shakes her head, “I’ve always told you over and over again you’re too good for me. You’ve always been.”

“Please.” I begin to beg, “I’m hopeless, yes, I know. I’m too ambitious, I’m greedy, I’m selfish, but I’ve only ever wanted one thing all this time.” I stroke her cheek gently.

“You, it’s always been you. I need you, I want you. You know the only thing you deserve better than Dalton. You don’t have to do this, you never have to. You don’t need to stay with that fucking prick.”

“Jared!” She breaks into sobs, grabbing my shirt. “You don’t know what you’re saying!”

“I promise that if you just listen to me, he can’t hurt you anymore. I just want to help you, Serenity, I want to hold you in my fucking arms at night, when you’re feeling that cold loneliness hit you again—I know that feeling Serenity, believe me, I’ve become too accustomed to it!” She hiccups, remaining quiet and staring at me with shocked, teary blue eyes. “I want to kiss you, I want to call you mine for once. I don’t want that no good piece of shit laying his dirty hands on you! I don’t care what anyone else has to say anymore, I’ve decided for myself that I’m not going down without a fight. It seemed that way during all this time, he was just slowly stealing you from me, but oh God—” my voice cracks as I let tears run down my cheeks, “here you are in front of me, in my arms.”

“I fucking love you.” She hugs my chest tightly, crying over my shirt as I feel the warm tears soak through. I sniffle, holding back my emotions down in my throat and wrap my arms around her tightly, rocking her slowly.

“T-then…” I clear my throat, “then run away with me. Marry me.”


	6. Brusque

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> '“Love, love is such a beautiful thing, and I crave it. I want it in the deepest, most violent way. I want to make him mine, desperate, obsessed, and hopelessly in love with me.” Yes, desperate, and hopelessly in love with me.'

** Serenity’s Perspective. **

_“Run away with me. Marry me.”_ I feel as if his very words just ran into my lungs and knocked all the breath out of me. My eyes are wide, staring up into his emerald green ones, shocked as no words come out of my mouth. I feel the tips of my ears burning in embarrassment, the blush spreading to my cheeks. My heart races, and I feel all the emptiness that once suffocated me inside vanish. Marry him, he wants me to marry him!

_“Sooner or later, he’s gonna want you.” I remember Dalton muttering under his breath._

_“But it doesn’t work like that, that’s beside the point.” I told him. “You know what to do.”_

_“And you play your role of the helpless little girl well, but what’s the catch? What are you gonna do once you’ve got him wrapped around your finger? Are you just going to leave?”_

_“I’m not going to leave until he loves me enough that he will take me away and until that, I have to do what has to be done.”_

_“But what’s your motive?” He raised his brow. “Why are you doing all of this? What do you hope to achieve?”_

_That’s when I smiled. “Love, love is such a beautiful thing, and I crave it. I want it in the deepest, most violent way. I want to make him mine, desperate, obsessed, and hopelessly in love with me.”_ _Yes, desperate, and hopelessly in love with me._

Someone who can call me mine, and someone I can call my own. I need him, and I want him for his good and his bad. Isn’t that how love works? When two people are simply infatuated with each other? He’s making this harder than it should be right now. I think to myself. Who knew he would come into terms so quickly? I’ll have him sooner than I think.

I sniffle, wiping the tears out of the corner of my eyes. I do, I do want to marry him, but not like this. It’s too soon, too early for any of this. I know it’s not for real, he’s not thinking. He’s angry, he’s upset.

“Y-You want to marry me.” I squeak.

“But?” His sad eyes peered down at me. “But what? What is it?”

“I c-can’t.” I croak, squeezing his hands. “I can’t leave Dalton.”

“Oh God.” His eyes greedily look over mine. “I’ll do anything, anything it takes for you to leave that dominating bastard, I’ll help you.”

“Jared, p-please stop.” I gently push him away. “It’s not like that; easier said than done.” I felt the warm tears trickle down my face once more.

“Please don’t cry.” He breathes, wiping the tears off of my cheeks with his thumb. “I’m s-sorry, but please don’t cry.”

“It’s not your fault things are like this, okay?” I tell him. “Please stop blaming yourself. You’re the only one who is truly helping me and Jared, I’m glad, I’m so grateful to have someone like you with me, but I only ask you not to stress out over me.”

“How can I?” He shakes his head, looking away. “How?”

“I told you I can take care of myself.” I smile weakly. “I’ll be fine, I know I will.”

“You have to promise me.” He nods. “Promise me that you’ll call or text me whenever you need something, okay? My doors are always open. Tell me if that fucker hurts you–anything at all.”

“Yes, yes I will.” I frantically agree, rubbing my reddened nose. “I promise.”

“Good, good.” He cracks a smile, pushing a curtain of my hair behind my ear. “You’re only twenty four, you’ve got a whole life ahead of you. You don’t need to be controlled around by anybody, Serenity.”

“You’ve got a good outlook on things.” I say, “I think you always have, and that’s what I love about you.”

He shrugs. “You know, we’ve already reached the point where things aren’t good or bad. And depending on the way you look at things, it could be better, or it could be worse.” His eyes flicker back onto mine. “I’m just going with the flow of things now. I’ve got my fingers crossed hoping for the best, for you and for me. Maybe that’s the best way to find happiness.”

I sniffle, smiling at him. “I don’t know what it is about you Jared, but I really do believe I’ve already found my happiness.”

His eyes light up as he raises a brow. “Maybe it’s how you hold me in your arms so protectively, and I feel so safe. Maybe it’s the way you listen, maybe it’s because nobody else has ever made me smile as much as you have. Whatever it is, you make me happy, and that’s all that matters.”

He chuckles, beaming at me as he rubs my arms. “That’s the thing about happiness, Serenity. It never loses its way to you, believe me. Whenever you need me the most, I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“I love you–I love you so fucking much, you know that?” I tell him. “I am who I am because of you, and you’re everything I could have wanted. My hopes and dreams, and although I don’t know what the future holds for me, I still hope you’re in it.” I blush. “Every day that I’m with you is my favorite day. I’ll always be yours.”

He places his arms around me. “You know what? I love you the most.” He pulls me into a tight embrace as I wrap my arms around his shoulders. 

I can’t wipe the stupid smile off of my face as I rest my chin on his forehead, letting the last of the tears slide down my cheeks as he rubs my back gently. It’s moments like this with him that I’ve learned to fall in love with. They were such little moments, the things such as when he asked me how my day went or made me smile.

They might mean nothing to him, but to me, they mean everything. It’s when I finally know I’m not dreaming, that I really am in his arms, whether I am laughing or crying.

It’s the way he makes me smile, how can cheer me up without even trying. Everything with him just seems so perfect, I have to convince myself that I’m not dreaming it up.

How when he speaks my name, it makes my knees weak, and that swarming feeling of butterflies I get when he looks into my eyes. All of it, all of this has reminded me over and over again that I love him. I truly do, and I do more than anyone else.

I know that during all this time, I’m searching for something, I’m looking for something that I didn’t even known about at first, something with no name. Whatever it is, I find myself constantly chasing it in reality and in my dreams. What keeps me going was knowing that the outcome of it will change me–it will make me happy again. Whatever it is, the very thought of it is comforting to me, and that’s why I’m not able to let go. How I pray so hard for the better days to finally come, sitting on my bruised and scraped knees just crying and begging for all the pain to go away.

I can only continue to dream and hide my emotions underneath my skin, trying to distract myself because the pain of loneliness was simply unbearable. I know that wherever I am going, it is definitely a dead end, but when I meet him, I freeze right in my tracks. 

_I was searching for what was always with me, what had found me first._

Even feelings I can’t describe before come flowing freely to me, and I feel so relieved of this sadness in my life. I have fallen for this boy, I know I have. I know he is the one for me, I know he is the only one I can trust with who I really am.

But Jared isn’t a dream, he isn’t a memory, he isn’t just my favorite thought. He is only human, and he is capable of making the same mistakes as me even though he seemed so pure and flawless in my eyes. I became emotionally attached, yes, I know, but I wasn’t going to give up what was supposed to be mine after all of this time. I know there’s other greedy eyes and dirty hands out there, looking for what I finally found.

I know there’s to be some conflicts, pain, tears again, but I also promise myself that I won’t go down without a fight. I only long for my sick obsession to yearn for me back. I only want him, and spilling blood and tears isn’t anything new to me.

I am so in love with him that I would give absolutely anything there is just to make him mine, just to wake up beside him in the morning and have his hands laced with mine, even if it meant destroying myself. My favorite person who carries my favorite smile, who proved me wrong when I thought you couldn’t fall in love with the little things, like how his smile forms and the warmth I found in his arms.

All I want is to be his favorite too, all I want is for him to spill his heart and feelings to me. He loves me, he loves me the most. I only want him, nobody else, so he must want me out of everybody else.

We gently pull away, arms still around each other as my eyes gaze over him; his milky pale skin, jet black hair, the vibrant eyes piercing right through mine. I smile, gently letting my fingers caress over his soft skin before leaning in and pressing my lips over his.

Both of our eyes flutter shut as we kiss so slowly, our lips colliding each other’s in a heavenly touch; the very lips that start a fire in my mouth. My eyes quickly open as I notice a bright light, familiar to a flashlight glares over us, and our kiss is abruptly interrupted.

I blink a few times as Jared shields his eyes from the light, and I squint mine to make out two figures walking straight towards us.

“What the fuck?” Jared murmurs, feeling around the marble steps and rolling the empty bottles off into the nearby bushes.

“Is that them over there, son?” I hear the voice of an older man as the two people walking side by side approach us closer, and I can start to make out their faces.

My eyes widen in horror as I spot Dalton with a police officer, the two stopping right in front of us. The officer lowers his flashlight from our eyes and crosses his arms.

“That’s them alright.” A smirk forms on Dalton’s lips as he peers down at us. “There you are Serenity,” his eyes then dart over to Jared, “Knight.”

I knit my brows. “Dalton? What the fuck are you doing here?”

“This young man tells me you ran off in the middle of the night, miss. You do realize it’s very late, not to mention obscene that anyone would be up at this time in a cemetery.” The officer scolds us.

“Yes I’m very well aware of my actions, thank you.” I roll my eyes at him, glaring at Dalton.

“The cops, really?” Jared groans. “Man, what the fuck is wrong with you? Have you ever heard of a cell phone?”

“Oh, you know,” Dalton scoffs, “only God knows what’s happening when you’re with her, Knight.” He turns to smile politely at the police officer. “Thank you, sir, have a good night.”

“You kids stay out of trouble,” he tells us before making his way off.  
“I told you I was going out!” I exclaim. “I didn’t fucking run away!”  
“Oh honey.” He says sarcastically, narrowing his eyes. “I’m not a fucking idiot, I know there’s only one thing you’re up to at this hour.” He gestures over to Jared, “I bet you just finished fucking this creep, huh?”

“Shut up.”

He raises a brow. “Excuse me? You have no right to be talking to me like that, especially after you go around sleeping with other men, especially vampire looking, virgin freaks like him.”

“I didn’t sleep with him!” I protest, raising my voice. “I told you, I was going to head out for a bit, Jesus Christ! You’re so fucking difficult.”  
“Blah, blah, blah.” He sneers. “That’s what you always say, it’s the same old bullshit excuses. I’ll have you know I don’t appreciate you going out with this fucker.”  
“She can do whatever the hell she wants, Dalton.” Jared speaks up, glowering at him.

“Oh? You want a word with me too, asshole?” He hisses. “And you know very well she’s damn lucky she can.” He faces me, “Serenity, you’re coming home right now.”

“Fuck you.” I shoot, “you can go home alone!”

“I’m telling you what’s good for you.” He sighs in annoyance, grabbing my wrist. “First you fucked the local vampire, and now you’re trying to start bullshit with me! Get your ass in the fucking car, you’re going to tell me everything once we get home!”

“I’m not telling you shit!” I yell.

“Enough!” Jared shoves Dalton off, standing in front of me and protectively holding his arms out. “You fucking heard her, Dalton. She doesn’t want to go home, so don’t make this any harder and fucking leave.” Dalton staggers back, looking up at the both of us as I hide behind Jared’s shoulder, peeking out cautiously at him. He brushes off his shirt, a mischievous smirk forming on his lips.

“Hmm, you know what, maybe Knight is right. I mean you both do make a perfect match. Serenity, you deserve a fucking freak like him.” He chuckles, “hah, the wonderful Jared Knight, aspiring artist, fucking loser, and the desperate whore. It makes for a perfect picture, doesn’t it?” He smiles, “lovely, just lovely.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Jared hisses.

“What’s that?” Dalton glances over at Jared. “If you don’t already know, you’re in no place to talk to me like that.”

“You fit your own description perfectly, you know that? You fucking loser, all you do is release your anger out on Serenity to feel better about yourself, acting like you’re fucking big shot when you aren’t shit!” Jared shouts.

“Don’t you dare get into this, you know nothing of our relationship.” Dalton points a finger at him as I gasp quietly, feeling the rush of anxiety hit me.

“Oh good, maybe it’ll knock some sense into your dense brain, because I’m sure you’ll have a great time explaining that one to the judge.” He spits. “You hurt her again and I’ll fucking kill you, you got that?” Jared threatens. “Get out of here.”

“We’ll see about that.” Dalton grins, “I wasn’t planning on spending another minute in this fucking wasteland anyways. Only real freaks like you spend their time in a cemetery, is this your idea of a date? How fucking pathetic can this night really get?”

I hesitantly make my way up to Jared, sniffling and shaking my head. “I’m sorry for all of this Jared, I didn’t mean for any of it to happen.”  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Dalton grumbles, kicking a stone and walking back down the pathway to the entrance.

Jared’s sighs in relief, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not your fault Serenity, don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll see you at school, thank you for everything.” I fake a smile.

“Be safe.” He replies, waving at me as I quickly rush after Dalton.

I give one final wave back before Dalton and I make our way out of Cemetery Drive, and I can no longer see Jared behind me with the distance and the blur of tears pooling in my eyes.

“Can’t fucking believe it.” Dalton mutters under his breath, getting into the driver’s side of the car as I open the door, slipping into the front passenger’s seat. “Ridiculous, is your idea of romance spending time at a fucking cemetery?” He starts up the car as I click on my seatbelt.  
“We weren’t doing anything.” I tell him. “We were just out having a drink.”  
“Right.” Dalton rolls his eyes, putting his seatbelt on and beginning to drive off. “Next time you pull a smart move like that and I’ll make sure you end up in that cemetery for good.”

“I-I’m sorry.” I whimper, bitterness entering my voice. “He hasn’t done anything to you, all he’s done is stick up for me.”

“Yeah, yeah, give a me a break for fuck’s sake.” Dalton snarls, continuing to drive. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, I’m pretty sure you can tell we both fucking hate each other.”  
I cross my arms, giving a hard stare out the window. “I don’t care, drive me home.”

“Oh, you got a smart mouth now?” He takes a left turn. “We’re going home.”

“There is no ‘we’, Dalton. You’re dropping me off at my place.” I say, sharply.

“Did you not just hear me–”

“Drive me home!” I scream. “Didn’t you hear me the first fucking time?! I swear if you don’t drive me home right now, my brother will find out about everything!”

“Right.” He mumbles, keeping his eyes on the road.

I slip my phone out of the front pocket of my jeans and glance at the screen, the only message reading from my older brother Lucas that he was going to be home for the entire week.

The feeling of fear and anxiety melts off of me almost immediately, knowing I’ll having the protection of my brother around. I unlock my iPhone and glance at the messages I sent Jared a few hours back, all of them saying “read” from not too long ago.

I have the urge to message him again, just to see how he’s doing and if he’s gotten home safely, but the presence of Dalton beside me changes my mind. I shove my phone back into my pocket and rest my on the car seat, sighing deeply and swallowing down my heart and feelings, glancing down the familiar neighborhood near mine and waiting out the car ride. _I’m so close I can feel it._


	7. Affront

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I almost felt bad for her for a moment there too, you know? But I couldn’t just leave her with Knight, as much as you and I know.” Dalton and Brady unexpectedly cross paths--an abuser across from an insomniac with no filter, explaining the extent of Serenity's psychological issues causing him problems as well as how he treats her for the sake of it. Brady begins to learn more about the not so innocent Serenity and her desperate connections with Jared, taking him to new heights of manipulation he's never seen.

_ **Brady’s Perspective.** _

_Bullshit, bullshit, and more bullshit._ _That’s all this is, that’s all it will amount to and you know it, Brady. You know it._

I sigh deeply, lifting my head from my hands and peering at the park around me. The sun is barely peaking over the sky, so peaceful and quiet. The birds have already began chirping quietly, perching on branches of old oak trees and searching for worms in the dirt.

There is a soft, warm breeze that goes by, wrapping itself around me on the park bench as I’ve spent restless hours thinking about nothing and waiting for nothing. It is only 5:45 a.m. after all, but to me it is another sleepless night, in which my eyes burn demanding rest, but my mind spins around in constant circles with the same thoughts over and over again.

I roll my eyes, reaching my hand into my pocket and grabbing a cigarette and my lighter.

I light the tip and shove the lighter back in my pocket, taking a little puff and blowing out the smoke. I honestly need a year of sleep and a gallon of coffee; I’ve never felt insomnia hit me this hard before.

All I can think about was school, that fucking nightmare. The recent bullshit events constantly linger in the back of my mind; the main cause of my overthinking. The more I think about it, the more anxiety it delivers.

Now I’m growing sick and tired of hearing the same damn name roll out of everyone’s tongues, the spark of every conversation and the root of every problem happens to be tied to the same person; Serenity Prescott. 

I blow out a puff of smoke, holding the cigarette between my fingers and gritting my teeth. Her name is enough to get me going. It’s more than obvious she’s trying so hard to become a part of us, forcefully shoving her way in by playing the hopeless, fragile little girl. 

Pathetic if you ask me. I don’t dare speak a word on it due to it being a touchy subject, especially for Jared. If anyone cares about that girl, it’s him, and like none other, he’s much too naïve and stubborn to see what she’s doing to him. I put the cigarette back in my mouth, rolling my eyes and rubbing my temple. Too much thinking eventually catches up to me, and I’m doing the opposite of what I should be doing; relaxing.

I lower my head, continuing to smoke and gaze down at my shoes, kicking the small pebbles in my way. I close my eyes momentarily, blowing out the smoke once more and taking a moment, attempting to clear the rushing thoughts from my head.

“Smokin’s gonna kill ya, bud.” I hear a sickly familiar voice, slowly raising my head and slowly opening my eyes. Standing a few feet away from me near the next park bench is Dalton, who has his hands shoved in his blue school jacket, grinning at me.

 _Oh, for fuck’s sake._ I hold back my eyeballs from rolling into the back of my head. Out of all the morning sights to see, I’m stuck with this one.

“You think?” I reply, puffing out the smoke again.

“If your insomnia doesn’t already kill you, then maybe.” His grin turns into a smirk as he eyes me.

I raise a brow at him, “how the fuck?”

“Anybody with a little bit of common sense can tell.” He winks, taking a seat on the park bench across from me. “Those bloodshot eyes? Looks like you’re about to fall asleep.”

“Since when do you care?” I scoff. “Why the fuck are you even here, Dalton?”

He gives a chuckle, leaning his back against the bench and crossing his arms. “You could say I had a rough night.”

“Probably not the first.” I murmur, glancing at my shortened cigarette.

“You don’t give much of a reaction, do ya?” He brushes off his jeans, glancing back up at me. “You’re always so quiet, observing in the back or doing your own thing. I don’t see you as the center of attention, especially with them.”

I freeze momentarily and lock eyes with him, slightly shocked that anyone–especially him–would notice such a thing so quickly. It’s not like we saw each other as often as we would think. “You’re observant.” I tell him.

He shrugs. “Figured if you don’t pay attention to the small details, they become bigger problems.”

His eyes dart from one end of the park to the other. “Besides, I didn’t expect to run into another one of you today.”

“Who?” I question, finding my curiosity slowly peaking.

“Jared Knight, that’s who.” A wicked grin spreads over his lips. “And I thought the last person I would run into at the Cemetery Drive at 3 a.m. would be the little artist.”

“Jesus fuck.” I mutter, rubbing my forehead. “What the hell would he be doing there at that hour?” I take the cigarette and scrunch it up on the bench, throwing it on the ground and stepping over it.

“You know, I asked myself the same damn question, especially with my girlfriend.” He lets out a sigh of annoyance, raising both his brows. “Woke up in the middle of the night wondering where she went and I find the front door unlocked, and her jacket missing off the hook. I called the police and we walked a good few blocks trying to find the bitch.”

My eyes widen. “She just left like that?”

“I thought she ran away or some shit.” He purses his lips. “But we could hear them down the block giggling and faintly talking, so we tracked ‘em down to that fucking haunted cemetery and found them right in front of the mausoleum.”

I blink a few times, shaking my head. “Shit.”

“The little slut threw quite a fit back there, embarrassed me in front of the officer and thought she could stand up for herself.” He chuckles quietly. “I almost felt bad for her for a moment there too, you know? But I couldn’t just leave her with Knight, as much as you and I know.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Then I’m guessing Serenity’s back at your place now.”

“Nah, she made me drive her back to her place. Turns out her older brother is supposed to be over there, and she started screaming in the car, so I had no choice.” He rakes a hand through his hair. “I only slept a good half hour, I’m pretty sure you can tell I’m not in the greatest of moods.”

“We’re stressing out over the same person, aren’t we?” I ask.

“You’re damn right we are.” He smiles sweetly. “And there’s nothing to hide, we both know the same things, and you know damn well that little bitch is nothing but trouble for the rest of us.”

“Then why do you put up with her?” I give him a challenging glare. “You seem to be the only one who can tame the dog with or without a leash.”

He puts his hands up in surrender, laughing. “There isn’t exactly a clear view on why you hate her too, King. Why don’t we start with that?”

“She’s a lying, fake bitch that’s what!” I snap.

He crosses his arms, shrugging. “You’re going to have to go more in depth if you want to get somewhere with that.”

Provoked, I raise a brow. “Why all of a sudden do you care what I think of your pretty little girlfriend? The answer I just gave you seems to be universal.”

“And you’re definitely not wrong.” He snickers. “My apologies that my sweet little girlfriend somehow managed to fuck up your life, Chef King. I’m sorry we all seem to be bothering you for some reason.”

“This doesn’t concern you.” I spit in disgust.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s concerned me since day one, you know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about kid.” His tone grows sharper as the smirk on his face forms into a scowl. “I hope you know that if you’ve got a problem with Serenity, it becomes a problem with me. That in itself is a long enough story I’m in no place to explain. What I wanna know is what your deal is, you know what we’re about to deal with is beyond fucked up.”

“You should have said in the first place.” I counter. “All of us are pretty fucked up.” I lean my back against the bench, continuing, “Jared, Jun, Mercedes, even Elijah. We all come from pretty fucked up places and shit that shouldn’t have happened in the first place has gotten us to the point we’re at today.” I explain. “That’s just the thing about life, you don’t get to choose all the joyful things without getting hit a couple times with the worst, but you also don’t barge into someone else’s life and decide to throw a couple turns and twists without explaining yourself.”

“Interesting enough.” Dalton comments.

“I’m not here for anything, nor do I want much.” I reply. “Just make sure your little girlfriend doesn’t stick her nose down too far, there’s nothing she’ll like down here.”

I brush off my leather jacket, turning towards the exit of the park. “There won’t be enough oxygen for all of us.”

“You hate her.”

“I fucking despise her.” I snarl at him. “And you know I have all the damn reasons to. You tell her to find her fucking place or I’ll remove her for you.”

“I won’t get in your way.” He smirks again. “Do whatever you’d like.”

“Maybe I will.” I add, making my way towards the exit of the park.

I let out a long drawn out sigh, still feeling my heart pound from the sudden burst of my anger. At this point, we’re seriously going nowhere. I zip up my jacket and rub my sore and tired eyes, walking off down the block towards home. 

Now that idea of taking a vacation is starting to sound pretty good to me in this state. I feel as if someone took nails and screwed them into my fucking eye sockets. I cross the street, continuing to walk by the neighborhood and cover my mouth as I yawn. 

Maybe after getting all of this unexpected bullshit off of my shoulders, I can finally hit the sack. As soon as I get to my neighborhood courtyard, I glance over at Jared’s house a block over, not too far from mine, still thinking about what Dalton said.

_“And I thought the last person I would run into at the Cemetery Drive at 3 a.m. would be the little artist.”_

I knit my brows; going out in the middle of the night is the exact opposite what the Jared I know would do. He rarely steps foot out of the house to go to work, why would he be at the damn cemetery at 3 a.m.? It’s not the like the place is selling art supplies anytime soon.

Then it hits me, a quick wave of anxiety rushing over me as I swallow hard. He obviously went to see Serenity like that, knowing damn well he doesn’t leave the house for just anything. He likes her enough. I rub the side of my nose, trying to shake the feeling off and continue walking.

_Congratulations Brady, you found yet another reason to make yourself feel like shit and they day has barely started._

I stop for a moment, groaning quietly and reaching for my phone out of my pocket to check the time.

6:15 a.m.—definitely not getting any better, especially since I have to get up for school in three hours. As I slip my phone back into my jeans’ pocket, I glance up and find myself surprised for a split second to see a figure–a person–sitting and leaning their shoulder on Jared and Mercedes’ porch.

I raise a brow, walking a bit closer and trying to make out a face from the shitty street lights. My eyes widen as I stop walking midway, spotting a half-awake Serenity on the porch. I feel my heart completely sink as the two of us make sudden eye contact. Just as I’m about to turn away and start speed walking back home, she immediately gets to her feet and rushes over to me.

“Brady! Brady!” She calls, half panicked and excited. I stand completely motionless, still debating whether I should stand here like an idiot or book it to the other end of the neighborhood. She approaches me, placing both her hands on my shoulders and squeezing, her wide eyes buzzing with millions of questions.

“Serenity?” I mumble. “What the hell are you doing up so early?”

“I haven’t slept a wink.” She shakes her head. “Oh, you have no idea how glad I am to see you right now.”

_And you have no idea how much I want to rip out your annoying little throat right now._

“What is it? Look, I was just about to go home.” I swear to fuck if this is anything about Jared.

“I’m sorry.” She squeaks, “but it’s urgent to me. Is Jared’s phone off?”

I narrow my eyes. “Are you stupid?”

_I fucking knew it! That’s all she likes to talk about!_

“H-Huh?” Her smile quickly fades to a frown.

“Jared doesn’t even wake up till eight much less even touch his phone, and you’re wondering about that? Honestly, do you expect him to still be awake after keeping up at the Cemetery Drive all night?” I feel the bitterness spread into my voice.

“How, how do you know that?” Her eyes bulge.

“Oh, trust me sweetheart,” I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes, “there isn’t a soul that doesn’t know now.” I shoot her a look of disgust. “You’re irritating me.”

“I’m sorry.” She shakes her head. “Brady, I was just worried if he got home safely, I just, j-just wanted to ask you.”

“And did you really spend all of this time just sitting on the poor guy’s fucking porch? Like he was just gonna magically wake up thinking of you and open his front door, going ‘Oh it’s Serenity! What a surprise, what’s the matter? What’s keeping you up?’” She pouts, her bottom lip trembling. I lean in, sneering at her. “Where should you be right now?”

“A-At my brother’s.” She whispers, looking down at her shoes in shame.

“And did you tell Jared that?” I question further.

“Well no, but he knew I wasn’t going to go to Dalton’s…so.”

“So, he shouldn’t expect you neck deep in his fucking doorstep.” I scoff, stepping away from her. “Go home Serenity.”

“But I was wond-”

“I said go home Serenity! He’s not fucking thinking about you or that goddamn cemetery! Go home!” I shout.

Her shoulders immediately tense up as she flinches away from me, biting her lip and bursting out crying. Tears spring free from her eyes as she quickly turns away and sprints off the street as fast as she can, her white dress clinging to her legs.

I give a dirty look towards her direction, watching her run off and take a turn to the other neighborhood. _Fina-fucking-ly_. I huff loudly, turning the opposite way and storming off towards my house. 

The fact I have only a few hours to sleep and I have to wake up to see her again at school is definitely not comforting me right now. I fish out the house keys from my pocket and shove them into the lock, unlocking the door and walking in, slamming it behind me. I throw the keys on the counter, shove off my jacket and kick off my shoes, making my way upstairs and to my bedroom. 

I inch off my jeans, lifting my shirt from behind me and slipping it off, throwing the clothes on a pile on the floor. I flicker on the lamp on my end table, throwing myself on my bed stomach down. I clutch my blankets close to me, squeezing my eyes shut, pleading for sleep.

_Go to sleep, go to sleep. Go to fucking sleep._

I repeat the mantra over and over in my head, feeling an overwhelming tiredness sweep over my sore body. I eventually give up the fight of staying awake, and let sleep take me over, fading my anger and all my emotions into pure black. 


	8. Quotidian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don’t know why but I wasn’t able to convince her, no matter how many times I told her she deserved better. She seemed to be clinging onto it like rope, she refused everything. I’ve never seen her so scared, and I couldn’t stop myself either!" Blinded by how naïve he is, Jared doesn't realize his little fling with Serenity has begun to seep into his friend group and negatively affect those around him who are sick of him falling into the same loop and cycle over again, forever chasing after Serenity. It's Jared that can't make up his mind, fixated on her that something *needs* to be done, she *needs* to be saved--or does he?

**Jared’s Perspective.**

_Many nights before_ , unusual, distorted abstract patterns have finally stopped invading my dreams instead of crossing my mind over and over again with sudden images. I used to see greys, blacks, and whites before me, and strange figures of people and animals as poor excuses for a dream.

When something awful enough for me to hold in my chest happens, I’ll dream about pain and it won’t leave my mind for days. All I can say now is that my wild dreams that made no sense are long gone, and I see conversations with people at school.

_‘How fucking dreadful, as if I didn’t do these things on a daily basis, and now I go to sleep at night just trying to escape reality for a little bit and I see the same thing enhanced ten times.’_

I just have the greatest experiences and luck ever, don’t I?

In this dream, my eyes get weary as I gaze around the narrow halls at school. Everything feels heavy and fuzzy, as if I have a heavy weight on my chest just wandering around the place. Sudden cuts in my dreams lead me to different places of the campus, finding it empty except for a dark figure cutting corners wherever I go; unable to catch up with who they are.

“It’s crazy, you know, all of this.” I cut to Serenity standing before me outside before the grand tree, happily clutching her books to her chest. “But I think it’s worth it.”

I gasp quietly again as I cut off to my art history classroom, finding Dalton out of all people slouching in his seat and raising his leg up on the desk. His army boots are muddy and soil sticks to the bottom as he plays with his phone in his lap, preoccupied.

Before I can do much, I’m cut off once more to the front of the school where the benches remain and where Heather and the girls sat with me before, except replaced with Mercedes and Brady.

Brady looks up at me with bloodshot eyes and bags under his eyes as he puts a cigarette in-between his lips. “You got a lighter or anything? Make some use out of yourself.”

Mercedes gives me a shy smile before I cut off, appearing in…my God, that fucking basement, the same one my father kept me in, and I see him, I see Gerald sitting on an old, velvet couch, staring at his hands.

I shiver, appearing all too suddenly in the parking lot of my high school next to Heaven, who appears clear to me as I pant heavily, clutching my chest as a burning and stinging sensation hits my torso once more.

“I would run if I were you. I really would.”

“Why? Why should I run?” I whisper frantically, afraid time would cut us off once more.

“So many things are coming and happening,” her voice appears like static as she speaks to me, “how you want to marry her and be with her.”

I suddenly spin to see Dalton behind me, sneering. “I know you’d love her, Knight, but she’s not yours to love now, is she?”

“I’ll kill you!” I attempt to scream back but my throat tightens and doesn’t allow me to; I can’t even move or hit him in the spot I’m in.

“That’s okay Jared, I’ll love you, if you let me.” I spin back to Heaven who looks at me shyly, “really.”

I turn sharply to the left, seeing Serenity stand before me with a solemn, lost look in her eyes. “You’ll do anything for me, won’t you Jared? I mean you promised, didn’t you?”

“You shouldn’t tell people you love them if you can’t keep your word.” Jun appears to me right as with a flash, Brady appears before me.

“Be careful, Jared, be careful of what people tell you when they’re heated or in the moment, angry and upset with you. They’ve been waiting to tell you that _for years_.” I suddenly feel a suffocating feeling hit my neck and back as I gasp for air, falling to the floor in my dream only to be sucked away by absolutely nothing, a void beneath me for a floor, travelling and drifting down in what seems to be slow time but rapid falling.

With escalating heartbeat and silent screams, I squeeze my eyes shut and find myself awake at last. I gasp deeply, bolting up in my bed and panting deeply, hearing my heart thunder in my chest. My vision is immediately cleared up as my hands fly to my face, trembling and clutching my cheeks.

I feel around my torso for any signs of injuries, blood, or anything at all–only to find nothing. Beads of sweat drip off of my forehead and I realize my back is completely soaked as well.

I groan quietly, slipping my grey pajama top over my head and tossing it onto the floor.

 _‘What a fucking nightmare.’_ I think to myself, running a shaky hand through my hair. 

I grab my phone off the end table beside my bed and skim my eyes over the several good morning messages Serenity has spammed my phone with again, and one missed call from her. 

The time reads 7:30 and my eyes widen as I quickly kick off my covers, pulling back the curtains and letting light into my room. I lean one arm against the wall and rub my eyes, shaking my head and taking a deep breath.

‘ _Calm the fuck down Jared, it was just a dream._ _It definitely felt more than just a dream.’_

I glance at my fingertips, covered in a few drops of tears as I wipe my eyes in confusion.

_‘I was crying?’_

I glance back at my vibrating phone, biting my lip nervously. Surely there’s more messages coming from Serenity now. I reach over and pick my phone up, unlocking it and typing: _“I must have slept through my alarms a bit, eh. Good morning.’_ back to her. Placing my phone on my dresser, I’m startled by the knock on my door and a voice full of excitement following it.

“Hey Jared, good morning! You up yet?” Mercedes calls.

“Y-Yeah.” I raise my voice a bit, peeking into the mirror at my messy, half sweaty hair.

I make a mental note to myself to get a trim sometime. I grab my school uniform off of my computer chair and a few towels from my closet, heading into the bathroom and setting them down on the counter before turning on the shower to lukewarm. I strip down my pajama bottoms and boxer shorts, placing them in the laundry bin before hopping into the shower and rinsing myself off.

I immediately feel better with all the sweat coming off of me, and lather shampoo over my body and into my hair. I tousle my hair, gently scrubbing at my scalp to get the shampoo all around. I furrow my brow, thinking about all the possible events that could happen today, and feel like I’ve swallowed a wad of anxiety down my throat.

I shudder thinking about school in general and turn off the water, pulling on my bathrobe and wrapping a towel around my hair, ruffling it vigorously to get the excess moisture out. I remove the towel and run a comb through the strands of my hair, glancing at the length that it has finally reached my shoulder exactly. I purse my lips, pushing my side bangs aside and drying my body off, pulling over a new pair of boxers and my outfit for the day. 

As I head back into my bedroom, I fix the collar and sleeves of my dress shirt, tightening my tie and grabbing my phone and my backpack, heading downstairs to the kitchen. I spot Mercedes leaning against the kitchen counter, smearing some peanut butter over a single slice of bread lazily, an unamused expression upon his face.

“Morning.” I mumble, setting my bag on the couch and shoving my phone into my pocket.

He peeks up, his eyes widening. “Good morni–oh Jesus Christ, you look like a mess!”

“Thanks.” I add with a heavy hint of sarcasm, opening up the fridge and grabbing the container of orange juice.

“Well I didn’t mean it like that.” He giggles, running a hand through my hair. “Don’t take it so personally, but it looks like you’ve seen a ghost.” He peeks at my face, raising a brow, “are you alright?”

“Fine.” I shrug, pouring myself a glass of orange juice. “Just the same bullshit day after day.”

He sighs, nodding and biting into his piece of bread. “I don’t blame ya. At least you got some sleep last night, mom said that’ll definitely be some good for you.”

“I guess.” I take a small sip of the orange juice, looking over at him. “It’s just that if I get enough sleep then I have to deal with the nightmares that come with it.”

Mercedes frowns, “you had another night terror, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.” I awkwardly turn away, finishing my glass and placing it in the sink.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He peeps.

“It’s fine.” I brush it off, slinging my bag over my shoulders. “There’s not much to tell, it was just another stupid dream.”

“Maybe it’s just tying back to yesterday, mmm.” He shoves the last bit of peanut butter in his mouth, grabbing his bag.

“What do you mean?” I kneel down, tying on my shoes.

Mercedes smirks, wiping his mouth. “You thought you had me fooled last night, huh? I totally knew you snuck out.” He slips on his shoes.

I groan, rolling my eyes. “And that was just what we were missing.”

“You could have told me you know!” He whines, grabbing the house keys and disarming the alarm. “I’m not some little kid you have to hide secrets from.”

“I’m sure there’s juicy bits and pieces of gossip and drama you’d love to hear Mercedes.” I stand back up, brushing off my shirt, “it’s just that none of them concern you, ever.”

“Oh, no trust me,” he opens the front door, stepping out onto the porch, “I’m somewhat glad I’m shy by nature because I don’t wanna associate with bullshit like that.”

“Funny.” I comment, walking out as he locks the door, continuing to walk with me across the street.

“It gets boring sometimes, believe me.” He chuckles, glancing at me. “I’d love to hear about the story you had to hide from me last night.”

“You were deep asleep last night, how was I ever supposed to tell you I was going to the Cemetery Drive in the middle–” I cut myself off, sighing. “There, I basically just gave it away.”

He smirks, “now that’s more like it. What time did you head out at anyways?”

“Like, 3 a.m.” I mutter, keeping my eyes on the sidewalk.

“Shit, you were up until then?!” He exclaims.

“Serenity, she was blowing up my phone and needed to see me.” I tell him plainly. “I know it was kind of a weird place to meet up, but there’s nothing more to it really.”

 _“Reeeeallly.”_ He nudges my arm lightly. “Going to that strange cemetery at 3 a.m. with a girl, oooh, and the girl you like! You’re definitely not telling me what I want to hear.”

“What? That I got laid or something?” I shoot him a look.

His eyes light up, “you did?!”

“N-No!” I protest, blushing deeply. “You think I would lose my virginity in a cemetery at that time, with her?!”

“Who else?” He gives me a smug look. “You two have been all over each other recently, I wouldn’t even be surprised. Though your little late-night cemetery kink is a little shocking.”

“I swear I’m keeping it all in me not to kick your ass right now.” I whisper through gritted teeth.

“Do it!” He laughs. “Do it and we can entertain the public this early in the morning.”

“ _Ha-ha_.” I say, sarcastically. “I’ll leave things like that for Jay to handle.”

“Jay is too much to handle.” He nods, kicking a pebble in his way. “But that’s beside the point, I still wanna know all the details.”

“Since when did gossip interest you?” I say, walking into the school grounds with him.

“Don’t you get it?” He gives a small laugh as we sit down on one of the benches, “you are the gossip recently.”

“Trust me, my life is not that interesting.” I murmur, slipping my bag off and placing it beside me.

“Maybe you won’t tell me, but you’ll tell ‘em, yeah?” He grins, pointing across the field to Brady and Jun who both have their hands shoved in their pockets, making their way over to us.

I roll my eyes and groan loudly in agony, “I’m not ready for the Jay and Brady questioning session!”

“Sucks to suck.” Mercedes gives me a wink.

“ _Soooo_!” Jun approaches me, placing his hands on his hips and peering down at me. “You got something you wanna tell us, Mr. Knight?”

“Not really.” I peek up at him innocently.

“Oh great, I should have known you two would find out before me.” Mercedes huffs. “I feel like I’m being excluded all the time.”

“Mercedes, you’re like twelve.” Brady bursts out laughing, “why does it matter to you?”

His eyes widen as he shoots Brady an offended look, “h-hey! I’m twenty-three you know!”

I sigh deeply, crossing my arms. “Well if you want to know that badly.”

“Hey, I wanna know for your own good, ya know!” Jun beams down at me. “I already got the run down from Brady.”

“Brady?” I blink in confusion. “How would you know anything? It was between me and Serenity.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Jun rolls his eyes, “you aren’t the least bit ashamed of that, aren’t you? To be hanging with Serenity at 3 a.m. for no fucking reason.”

“We have our reasons.” I narrow my eyes. “It was important, alright?!”

“You don’t have to yell.” Mercedes pouts at me.

I scoff, “really? I don’t? I just woke up and my brain is barely functioning, yet you guys are bombarding me with questions already! How about a nice ‘ _Hi Jared, how are you? How did you sleep?’_ first?!”

“Hi Jared, how are you? How did you sleep?” Brady and Jun say at the exact same time, staring at me as if they were expecting me to breathe fire.

I face palm, shaking my head. “Jesus Christ, you guys are hopeless.”

“What? Do you not trust us?” Jun asks.

“Of course, I do.” I look back up. “You guys are just making me look bad right now.”

“Well sorry we put you on the spot.” Brady spits, sarcastically. “I wouldn’t have cared as much if your little girlfriend didn’t bump into me.”

I lean back on the bench, looking at him as if I’ve heard the same thing hundreds and thousands of times. “Brady, you don’t know anything.”

“Oh yeah?” He narrows his eyes.

“Whoa, whoa!” Jun holds his hands up in surrender. “Let’s not get feisty over something like this, okay? Geez, you guys.” He glances at me, “well Jared? If Brady doesn’t know anything, why don’t you explain what happened?”

“Do you really care?” I purse my lips.

“Yeah.” He states plainly, looking into my eyes. “I actually do.”

“Are you hiding something?” Mercedes lightly nudges my arm.

“No, I’m not.” I give an annoyed sigh, “it was just personal.”

“Not so personal if everyone else gets mixed up and involved in it now, is it?” Brady snaps

I glower at him. “You’re in no place to say anything.”

“Can you both just stop fighting?!” Jun hisses. “Just spill the beans, kid.”

“Alright, alright! I get it, it was really fucking late. I wasn’t planning on going out in the first place, okay? I checked my phone and it was blowing up with messages and missed calls with Serenity. Dozens and dozens of messages, worried and scared too. She wouldn’t stop trying to reach me, so I assumed something was wrong. The only logical thing to do was to call back and see what was going on, and I think she was in the middle of a panic attack. She seemed terrified and out of breath, a nervous wreck or something. She said she needed to talk to me, that she wanted to see me. Well, Mercedes was asleep, and I didn’t really wanna wake him, or have anyone over at that time. She suggested the Cemetery Drive-”

“Oh Jesus.” Jun rubs his forehead, pulling away.

“Here me out!” I protest. “I don’t know why, okay? It was a last-minute resort and we weren’t exactly looking for hotels either.”

 _“Ooookay.”_ Mercedes nods.

“So yeah.” I look down at my hands, avoiding Mercedes’ eyes. “I snuck out, I wasn’t expecting to be there for long, I just wanted to comfort her. I wasn’t even tired anymore, so I went out and met her there. We had a drink or two and talked.” My voice trails off. “I spilled everything to her, I told her it wasn’t fair how things were turning out, with Dalton and all that God forsaken drama right now. I don’t know why but I wasn’t able to convince her, no matter how many times I told her she deserved better. She seemed to be clinging onto it like rope, she refused everything. I’ve never seen her so scared, and I couldn’t stop myself either!” I grit my teeth, tears pooling up in the corners of my eyes. “I was going on and on and I didn’t even know what I was saying until it was too late. I told her I loved her and that I wanted her.”

I shake my head, “I began begging to have her. I told her everything that I thought.” I cough as Mercedes rubs my back gently. I pause for a moment, swallowing hard and clearing my throat.

_Don’t tell them, don’t tell them about the…proposal. They can’t know._

I bite my lip, shrugging. “Eventually we heard voices, and a flash of light.

Dalton had come looking for her with a cop too, saying she went missing when apparently, she said it was okay going out that late. It’s like he’s her second fucking parent. He’s so fucking demanding.”

Brady knits his brows, staring at me. “We were in the middle of all of this, trying to figure everything out and he just came in like the controlling bastard he is! It’s not like the little fucker came in for her sake or safety, he just dropped by to snatch her back to his hole so maybe he has something to jack off to. Just hanging by the cemetery to insult me, nothing new.”

“Holy fuck.” Jun bites his lip.

“Then they left.” I sigh, wiping my eyes. “He drove her home, and so I went home too.”

“No, he didn’t.” Brady cuts in.

I gaze up at him, shaking my head in shock, “what the actual fuck are you even talking about?”

“What time did you get home?” He ignores my question, his cold eyes piercing into mine.

“Like, early fourish, why?”

“Guess who was also up the same time you guys were?” He slightly cocks his head to the side, raising both his brows. “I guess not everything revolves around you, right?”

“I never said that.” I glare.

He licks his lips, shrugging at me. “Neither did we.”

“Let me get this straight.” Jun holds his hand up, rubbing his eyes with the other. “You fucking idiots were up that late before school?”

His eyes dart at the two of us, Mercedes slowly scooting away on the bench. “And now you’re both complaining about girl problems and how the world is closing in on you.

Well I’m sorry, but maybe if you both calmed the fuck down and got some sleep or some shit, we wouldn’t be going through this.” He puts his hand on Brady’s shoulder, facing him. “You are gonna end up being the second one in shit with Dalton in this group if you keep up those habits.”

“I’m sorry.” Brady replies, sweetly. “I can’t really help that Mr. Jared Knight’s drama is spreading onto us like wildfire, I really can’t help that it’s affecting me and keeping me up at night as if I don’t already hate this hellhole. I go to school to cook and pass my fucking classes, I’m not here to make memories and happy time in the back room, Jay!” He shouts, pointing a finger at me. “And the last fucking thing I need is this mess you started and can’t finish, that you somehow seem to be making a bigger problem of this every single day.”

“What the fuck did I do?!” I yell back, standing as Mercedes flinches.

“Jared, there are plenty of other girls that can do you well, but I don’t see why your preference is crazy bitches!” He raises his voice to match my tone. “I’m serious, your little slut of a girlfriend is tearing us apart!”

“You don’t know her.” I snarl. “You don’t know anything.”

“Enough! _”_ Jun exclaims, pushing us both back. “Stop. Fucking. Yelling. For Christ’s sake let’s have a civilized conversation here without attracting the wrong crowd, both of you asshats forget we’re in school grounds and the very people you’re digging dirt on actually go here! So, lower your damn voices and stop fighting.”

“Right.” I scowl at Jun. “Whatever you say, Mr. Nishii. Brady, you have five fucking seconds to tell me what you did last night before I drop this conversation completely and leave.”

“Oh, you wanna know what happened? I’ll tell you what fucking happened. All of this got to my head, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t relax. Believe me, the only thing I wanted to do at that hour was get some rest. I was at the park, I was trying to distract myself from everything. I found solace outside, and–” He sighs, “I was fine sitting on a park bench with a cigarette.”

Mercedes looks away in shame, staring at the ground. “You need to stop smoking.”

“Now is not the time for you to judge my life choices.” Brady states. “Not long after I was at the park, Dalton came along.” He rolls his eyes, “sat down and began complaining and bitching about Serenity. He told me the whole story Jared, I knew you two were talking at the cemetery. I know about the cop, I know how Serenity ran off when Dalton was sleeping, and I also know something you don’t.”

“Enlighten me.”

“She didn’t let Dalton drive her home, she threw a hissy fit in the damn car and demanded for him to drive her home. Supposedly her brother is home for a week, you remember Lucas, don’t you? He said it got so bad that he had no choice, so he drove her home to shut her up and came to the park tired.”

“What did you do?”

“I became increasingly tired of what he was having to say. I literally went to the park to relax and forget about all of that and he came back stacking more on my shoulders. I went home, I felt sleepy, I thought I could finally get some sleep. I had an hour or so to sleep and I wasn’t going to take any chances. I was walking home when I noticed someone on your porch.”

“There was nobod-” I stop, biting down on my lip. _‘_

_What the fuck? She wasn’t at home?!’_

“I went over a bit, and well, would you look at that. Serenity was on your fucking porch, and she leaped at me the second she saw me! What was her excuse when really, she should have been at home? That she was worried about you. She was literally sitting on your fucking porch waiting for you to get home safely, even though you were already there.” Brady explains.

Jun gives me a look of disgust. “She’s obsessed with you. She’s fucking crazy.”

“Did–did she go home after? What did you do?” I ask quietly.

“I yelled at her, I told it was fucking creepy and that you weren’t coming out to check on her anytime soon. I told her a lot of things.”

He gazes at me. “I’ll admit, I said some hurtful things too, but I needed that crazy bitch to leave you and your house alone. She ran off crying, I don’t know if she went home or not, but I did.”

“Maybe that was the right thing to do.” Mercedes adds quietly. “Right Jared?”

I nod, swallowing hard. “S-Sorry, this is too much to take for me right now. I thought.”

“That girl will only leave you at ‘I thought’, Jared.” Jun tells me. “Enough is enough.”

I clear my throat, sniffling. “I-It’s fine. I know what I’m doing.”

_“I promised I wouldn’t leave Dalton like that.”_

“Clearly.” Mercedes shakes his head. “I think you’ve been through enough.”

“None of you understand.” I feel my throat begin to tighten. “I’m in love with her.”

_“Why do you let him hurt you like that?”_

“You’re kidding.” Jun’s eyes widen.

_“He doesn’t care about you like I do, I hope you know that.”_

“I do.” I nod. “I’ve fallen so fucking hard for her, she’s all I want! She’s all I have, and I can’t lose her.”

_“I’m all yours Serenity.”_

“You can’t lose something that you never had.” Brady says sharply.

“I will have her, I’ll win her over.” I blink back tears, “I’ll do anything it takes to help her get away from that asshole.”

“That’s not fair for the rest of us.” He mutters under his breath.

_“I want to kiss your lips, I want to call you mine for once.”_

“You say that like we all own you something!” I snap.

“The world owes me my time back, my sanity back.” A scowl spreads over his face, “time is slowly running out Jared, you can’t just be running back and forth in circles.”

“The world doesn’t owe you shit, it was here before you were!” Mercedes replies.

“I thought we were in this together.” Jun comments. “Me, you, Mercedes, Brady, even Elijah. So, who cares if it was something minor like a fist fight? Why does it matter how big the problem is? We’ve grown up together, we’re like brothers. We’re family, and you know that.” He gives a long, drawn out sigh.

“If you ask me, love in itself is ridiculous. I don’t date, because I take things like that seriously. I know I won’t find who I’m looking for in high school. Besides, I want something permanent, not temporary. Jared, if you claim you’re in love with Serenity, I can’t say no to that. It’s not in my place to decide your feelings, and it’s not in yours either, Brady. The only right thing for us to do is to support you with it. If we weren’t also affected by what’s going on right now, well, then we wouldn’t exactly be very good friends now, would we?”

“He has a point.” Mercedes agrees. “Who said it was gonna be easy? Love has never been easy to begin with.”

“I’m glad.” I smile weakly, grabbing my bag and slinging it over my shoulders. “Thanks guys, but, for now, I just need some time on my own.”

“Alright.” Jun pats my back. “We’ll see you at lunch then, don’t stress yourself out. Everything will turn out fine in the end.”

“I’ll take your word for it. See you guys.” I wave awkwardly at them, stiffening my shoulders and making my way down the field and over to the front door of the school building. I push open the door and head inside, sniffling and rubbing my nose all while trying to hold back my tears and make my way into the boy’s bathroom where I quickly slip into the last stall.

_“I love you Jared, but you’re not mine.”_

I force my emotions down my throat, giving it my all not to burst out crying right here and now. I slide down against the tile wall and whimper, covering my mouth and burying my head into my knees.

I shudder at the touch of the cold bathroom wall against my skin as I shake my head. I’m seriously upset and crying over something that won’t change no matter how many tears I shed. I’m being ridiculous and immature, and I don’t even know how to deal with myself in this situation anymore.

When has anything ever gone right for me when I tried to fix it anyways? Whether it’s art, school, fixing up rough friendships or even trying to get involved in a relationship–it’s all the same rotten luck. Tragedy is my art, pain is my brush, blood is my paint, and my heart is the canvas.

Why? Why does something so simple, so sweet seem to cause me so much pain? It’s as if no matter how far I reach or how tightly I hold on, I’ll never make it. I’ll always find some way to fall, whether I distract myself from the truth or someone else pulls me down.

I grumble softly under my breath, remembering Brady and Jun’s words only to feel a slight wave of anger hit me. This is ridiculous. I stand shakily, dusting off my clothes and glancing around the crammed stall before gazing at the small, dirty window above. I can hear students laughing and talking as well as the sweet sound of birds chirping outside and the summer heat returning. Of course, I spend my time being emotional locked up in a bathroom stall. What’s a guy like me got to do? I don’t even have any place to go; not when my friends don’t even want to hear it.

 _‘What a fucking joke.’_ All of this. _I can’t believe how low you’ve sunk._

Truly the definition of pathetic. Crying over love? Hysterical. Just one more reason to hate myself.


	9. Thanatology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared recalls the tragedy of his father's cheating, abuse, and the spiraling downfall of his parents' marriage he witnessed as a child. High school sweethearts not meant to last, Jared and his mother witness his father's cheating and affair with his mother's best friend, leading to a messy divorce that would do more than just divide families. Wanting his oldest son to be taken with him, Jared's father kidnaps him but has no intent on taking care of a child from his previous marriage. With the police involved, Jared lives under constant abuse and dirty conditions, shaping his early childhood to be stuck in a damp, cold basement. The effects of his trauma, nightmares and anxiety are revealed.

**Jared’s Past: 2006.**

**Jared’s Perspective.**

_“Do you honestly think I’m that stupid?”_ I remembered the exact way my mother’s eyes narrowed in disgust as she looked at my father, both of them sitting on the couch across from each other.

A quiet Friday evening with both of them curled up on the leather, brown sofas, watching their favorite shows with a cup of hot chocolate by their side. The silence that was only interrupted with laughter and witty remarks about the show had then turned into accusations and dirty looks.

I could remember everything perfectly, as if it all just happened yesterday. I remembered the jet black, messy bun my mother, Victoria, had. The French manicure she had gotten done the day before, sitting in her favorite black and white penguin themed pajamas, holding her favorite mug in her hand.

My father, Gerald, and his messy black locks slicked back as he ran a hand through them every now and then, signaling that it was quite obvious he had quite the stressful day at work. He lay with a white tank top and grey sweatpants, focusing at the TV hard enough that the sound went right through his ears and out, only his thoughts occupying him at this point.

My mother was a lawyer, and my father, an engineer. Both of them were definitely workaholics, but my mother loved our family more than anything.

She was always up for any kind of family time, whether that was watching a movie together or going camping for the weekend, we did spend a lot of quality time together.

She was never as proud of anything as she was of me, twelve years old at the time, and Mercedes, my younger brother, who was eleven. My mother was a bright and bubbly woman, more outgoing than others. I loved that about her, how thoughtful and caring she was. Even at her darkest of times, she managed to look at the bright side of things. She had never raised her voice at Mercedes and I, much less her hand. She used to make thinking of our childhoods seem like one amazing blip in my timeline, as we were always surrounded by kindness.

My father, on the other hand, was much quieter than her. He never missed the opportunity to add a comment or crack a joke at the best and worst of his times.

He was a playful guy with a great sense of humor, but also had his serious moments. My mother and father had met in high school, ninth grade, and were both exceptionally skilled in sports. They joined as many sports teams and clubs as they could at the time, and with time and practice, they became captains of their teams and met on the football field as rivals.

It wasn’t until tenth grade when they began dating, and they had been together ever since.

My mother described my father as the perfect man for her, that she simply couldn’t forget him even if she tried.

 _“It was something about those eyes,”_ she told me, _“that handsome gaze that I couldn’t get enough of. I just thought we were meant to be, there couldn’t be anyone else for me but him, and I knew that.”_

My father had never explained things about my mother to me the way she said. He would chuckle when I asked him about her, pulling the shy card which made mom laugh. He kept his marriage a secret between him and mom, you would only ever know that they were married and in love, but that’s all he would tell you.

 _“Isn’t that how it should be?”_ He had smiled at me. _“It’s not like it’s anyone else’s business what happens backstage in someone’s relationship.”_

I have never agreed more until now. I really did look up to both of my parents for everything they had done for me, but it never lasted as long as I wanted it to be. Both of my parents’ personalities became their own marriage’s destruction. My mother who was always cheerful and understanding, got emotionally attached to people way too fast. She had a habit of ripping and tearing pieces of her heart apart and giving it to the wrong people so they would be happy, she couldn’t just leave like that.

And my father, who was so kept to himself and secretive had done enough things that had gone from bad to worse, and it was much better off if nobody had found out about them in the first place. All of it had already predicted what was to happen long ago.

My father huffed, continuing to focus on the TV. _“No Victoria, I don’t.”_

My mother bit her lip in frustration, scowling away as I watched from the staircase. It wasn’t the reaction she was expecting, but out of all people, she knew dad wasn’t one to react to much. 

_“You’re avoiding the subject, Gerald.”_

With one quick movement, dad grabbed the remote control and muted the TV, sitting up and facing mom, raising a brow and expecting her to continue. _“You wanna talk? Let’s talk.”_

Mom blinked, frowning. _“You know exactly what I mean.”_

 _“No, I really don’t.”_ He shrugs. _“You’ve been like this all week, but maybe you should have some decency and explain why you’re so mad at me?”_

 _“You’re seeing Esmeralda again, aren’t you?!”_ Mom shrieked, causing me to flinch and clasp my hand over my mouth. 

Dad sighed, not affected by the tone of her voice and shook his head. _“How many times do I have to tell you? Ivan and I go a long way back. We’re good friends, of course when I go visit him, his wife is going to be there. For fucks sake, Victoria!”_

Ah yes, Esmerelda and Ivan, I could never forget who they were, but I couldn’t remember their last names no matter how hard I tried to remember. My mother used to be best friends with Esmerelda, since the first day of high school. 

She had tons of polaroids of the two together, goofing off and having a good time. She was my mother’s only best friend yet distanced herself from Esmerelda as the years came since she was pushing herself over mom and dad’s relationship. That was the only relationship that mom had let spoil until it rots before her own eyes, and for her own good reasons too. “ _Would you give up a best friend who you grew up with, and been through everything with over something so small? I always thought it wasn’t worth letting go of, especially over a relationship._ _I mean, it’s just a boy, isn’t it? There’s plenty of guys willing to woo a girl every now and then,_ _but What about someone you’ve trusted all your life with every secret, every thought? Every inch of darkness and light within you, to someone you love and someone who actually wants to hear all of it? What happens after that someone stops listening to you, just uses you for advice and having your presence around in general is all they want? What’s the point? Why should you choose to be around someone who just hovers over you like a toxin? But nobody understands, right? Everyone’s just sitting here and pointin’ fingers at me, laughing and saying I gave up something so precious for a worthless boy._ _Of course. I gave up a liar, a user, a verbally abusive friend who used my own flaws she once accepted against me. And simply over Gerald? It’s not like everyone knows the whole story or deserves to know.”_

Not a single word she spoke was wrong. She had reasons, she had her ways of thinking and getting around everything that came her way. There are just people like that you learn to appreciate, and I learned that the hard way. 

While my mother had the truth, and did what she had to do, my father had nothing.

All he had was lies, and he was anything but reasonable. My father was a fucking liar. My father was two faced, a miserable cheater. He had lied his way through every single relationship he had, and he knew damn well he was lying, that every word that came out of his mouth wasn’t true, yet he forced himself to believe his lies were the truth. There wasn’t a single damn reason in the world my mother deserved to go through the pain she did all because of him.

Dad slowly began losing interest in mom, coming up with smarter and quicker lies to tell her when he came home at midnight, several hours after his shift had ended. Although the two spoke sometimes, they stopped having longer conversations, and dad smiled even less. _“Did your shift not end at five today, Gerald?”_ Mom had stepped out from the kitchen, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at him. Dad let out a deep sigh, throwing his coat over the couch. _“Oh, you wouldn’t fucking believe the mess they made of the office today, boss decided to have a conference too.”_

He huffed, causing mom to blink in surprise. _“Jesus, what happened?”_ _“Some asshole’s contract ended with our company today and he left his office a mess, jamming all the printers and fax machines. There was paper and ink spillage everywhere.”_ He kicked off his shoes, plopping down on the couch. Mom bit her lip, walking up to him and cupping his cheeks, stroking them gently.

 _“It took that long to clean everything up?”_

Dad rubbed his temples, nodding. _“Stained everything. We need to replace the desks and furniture now; the place looks like absolute shit.”_ At the time, everything that he said seemed believable to all of us. Even 12-year-old me fell for it, and I started to feel bad that dad’s life seemed to be getting more stressful by the minute. Mom was no skeptic, she didn’t need any material or visual proof, you just had to convince her and she’d already believe you and be impressed.

Of course, dad knew this before any of us were able to figure it out and used his own wife’s flaw against her. At the time, Mercedes was too young to understand anything that was going on. He must have figured that as long as there was no arguing or hitting, everything must be fine. Mom didn’t know any better, she was much too blinded to begin with.

I still can’t help but to feel such an intense denouement just thinking about how all of it played perfectly in his hands like a deck of cards. My mother may have been a calm and understanding woman, but if it was one trait that had followed her through her adolescence into adulthood, it was jealousy.

She may have been easily fooled at times, but she was not stupid. It wasn’t rocket science for her to find out that dad had been seeing Esmeralda over and over again, and not in the “old colleague” way either.

She had stopped buying most of his bullshit excuses of what happened at the office or that he had switched shifts once she began checking his hours at work, seeing that he’d skip a few every now and then.

No doubt it was to see another woman, and out of all of them it had to be my mother’s ex best friend, who also happened to be married with two kids–twins I believe–that still seem oddly familiar to me if my mind isn’t playing tricks on me. _‘It’s not like that stopped him from seeing her in secret anyways.’_

_“You’re overreacting again.”_ Dad gave a long, drawn out sigh. _“I wasn’t visiting Esmeralda, I was seeing Ivan!”_ _“Bullshit!”_ She slammed her cup down onto the coffee table, causing a bit to spill. She stood up, glaring at him, _“you’re fucking lying to me. I don’t buy it anymore, you’re not visiting Ivan! Ivan is barely home for fuck’s sake!”_ _“And how would you know?”_ Dad raised a brow, slowly rising to his feet. 

_“Because I’m the one dealing with his ass in court all the time.”_ She hissed. _“He’s getting a divorce, Gerald. He’s getting a fucking divorce because I’m not the first person to notice my spouse is having an affair with another woman!”_ _“I am not having an affair with her!”_ He lied, over and over again. She must have gotten too used to his lies, too bored to even bother to listen. None of them phased mom anymore, it was white noise coming in and out of everyone’s ears. His true colors as a cheating liar had already begun to show long ago. _“You. Know. Nothing!”_ He snapped, causing her to flinch.

 _“You have no proof, you’re wrong!”_ _“Oh yeah?”_ Her eyes pooled up in tears. _“You still have the decency to lie to me, Gerald? Why don’t you ask your son?_

 _You don’t think Jared didn’t see anything when you dragged him along to her house behind my back?!”_

At that moment, dad’s eyes had darkened in defeat. He gazed around the living room for a split second, spotting me peeking out by the staircase. Frozen in fear, all I could do was stare. My body refused to move an inch to hide; it was already too late, he had seen me. At that very moment, even I had realized that I just dug my own grave. 

The look in my father’s eyes was something else–he looked like he was going to storm up the stairs himself and strangle me to death with his bare hands. I had never seen such a cruel gaze in my entire life, much less one that struck fear so deep into my heart like a dagger. He knew exactly what mom was talking about.

Almost a week ago, mom had left early in the morning for a new trial in court while dad called in sick at work, saying he felt a bit nauseous. He seemed a bit weary in the morning, sitting at the counter and sipping his morning coffee paranoid, as if someone’s eyes were prying on him. Mercedes and I had just finished our breakfast of blueberry pancakes when dad had set down his coffee mug and smiled at us, saying: _“Well? I’m sure you boys don’t just wanna stay inside all day. How about we go out and visit aunt Esmeralda?”_

Only at the time did I know so little about who he was talking about. Mercedes and I generally knew who “aunt” Esmeralda was; mom’s best friend. 

We had seen her at least a dozen times, and she was always warm and welcoming, giving plenty of hugs and kisses.

She was a nice lady as I had remembered, and her husband, Ivan, was never home enough for me to say anything about him. We hadn’t seen her in quite some time and being little kids who had not much to do on a rainy day but stay inside and color, we agreed to go without asking any questions. We got in the car and drove off down the neighborhood, a solid ten minutes’ drive to their house as the rain began to slowly get lighter.

I spotted her two kids running around their next-door neighbor’s backyard with a group of other kids, giggling and jumping in puddles. I didn’t recognize Esmeralda’s kids or her neighbors, as well as Mercedes and my shyness had already began kicking in. Little introverted me wouldn’t approach those kids for all the money in the world, I just wanted to blend right into the stormy, violet skies and hope that they wouldn’t spot me.

As I expected, we had parked the car and stepped out, nobody even looking twice our way. We were the invisible kids as usual, and dad had stepped up on the porch and rang the doorbell twice. In just a few seconds, the door opened, and Esmeralda appeared, grinning and opening her arms. 

She was the lady who had elbow length, chestnut brown hair that flowed down perfectly straight and smooth, piercing light brown eyes, and a fresh coat of scarlet red lipstick on. She wore a light green summer dress, I remembered, and slippers.

She gave Mercedes and I a hug and ruffled our hair, inviting us in. While Mercedes and I remained awkward, sitting on the couch and watching cartoons, I could see from my right side that dad had followed Esmeralda into the kitchen, and she made a cup of tea for him. Most of their boring small chat had escaped through my ears as I paid attention to the TV most of the time, but I did begin to slowly realize that dad was hitting on Esmeralda. 

He began cracking jokes here and there, teasing her and acting playful, a mood that I had never seen dad in. She seemed to make him so happy, all smiles and laughter coming from the kitchen. The more and more that went on, the more I became uncomfortable. 

Even at that age I knew something wasn’t right, and I just didn’t feel okay with Esmeralda attempting to take advantage of my dad like that in provocative poses and giggles, the twirling of her hair around her fingers. She was flirting with him to say the least, and he was going along with her little play. I didn’t dare go over there or speak a word against it, swallowing down what I just saw and continued to watch cartoons with my brother. I couldn’t, and still can’t remember what they were exactly talking about. 

I could only remember the giggles and seductive acts; their voices were almost always ushered and in whispers for each other’s ears to hear. Still, that was enough for me to go home and tell mom exactly what had happened. Mom came late that night, just past midnight.

I heard the front door open and her walk in, kicking off her shoes and putting her bags down. Wide awake, I heard her from downstairs and sprung out of bed, scurrying down the stairs as fast as I could. She spotted me and raised her eyebrows, saying: _“Jared honey, you know it’s way past your bedtime.”_ _“M-Mom–”_ was the only muffled sound I could make, hugging her tightly and wrapping my arms around her. She seemed surprised at first, ruffling my hair and asking me, _“Jared? Sweetie what’s the matter? Did you have a bad dream?”_ I peeked up at her and shook my head, _“mom, it’s her, Esmeralda. Dad’s seeing aunt Esmeralda.”_ Her eyes had turned from curious and caring to cold in a split second. She stared down at me for a moment, taking in the information and giving a nod of her head. _“He is?”_ _“Mhmm.”_ I clung onto her as she hugged me tightly, kneeling down and facing me. _“What exactly happened?”_ And that’s when I spilled the beans to her. 

I told her everything, from this morning to how we went over to her house, the way they both acted and how dad had made us spend hours at her place. She remained quiet the entire time, just giving little nods of her head and listening to me. 

When I was finished explaining, she gave a forced and strained smile, ruffling my hair and telling me everything was going to be alright.

She kissed my cheek and walked me upstairs to bed, telling me not to let it bother me too much and that she was going to deal with it. I

t had only been a matter of time until she used that against dad, and the first person he’d point his finger at was me, the main witness. I had never felt so guilty in my entire life from telling my mother–the one woman I trust with absolutely everything–anything that had to do with my father. I had regretted it so fucking badly, I just wished I could have kept my mouth shut and waited for her to find out herself and slowly bring it up to him. It was such a sudden move to dad that I could barely believe my eyes when he raised his hand to hit mom for the first time.

He slapped her so hard across the face that she had stumbled and fallen back on the couch. She glanced up and shot me a warning look in which took no more to tell me to get upstairs. I ran up as fast as I could, running into Mercedes’ room and hiding in the closet with him.

At first confused by my actions, it didn’t take him very long to realize what was going on downstairs as we could hear blow after blow after blow. A solid two minutes of hitting later, I heard muffled yelling and choked sobbing and I was forced to swallow down my fear. This started to become the usual, as day after day my dad would beat mom over and over again, not even over the simple accusations, but even when he had a shitty day after work. 

Whenever he felt the need to release his emotions, whatever they may be, he took them all out on her and spread bruises all throughout her body. I never felt such anger surge through me as I heard and saw everything. I was just a scrawny little twelve-year-old, but I wanted to help so badly. I wanted to go down there and scream at dad, I wanted to shove him off of her, but he could break my bones so easily if I tried anything. I forced myself to keep my mouth shut and comforted my mother as often as I could, whenever she was home. 

I hadn’t bothered to explain it to Mercedes either, he may have been young, but he knew exactly what was going on at the time. Eventually, the day came where mom stopped waiting for dad to change, to get his shit together and admit his wrongs and move on. She finally stopped forgiving him for everything he had done to her and refused to listen to anything he had to say now. It was well known every word that rolled off of his tongue was a lie and listening to him was no good for anybody.

Mom filed for a divorce a few months later, and dad had no choice, knowing he’d either get arrested if any one of us went to the police, and the papers were signed in no time.

We stayed at my grandmother’s as my parents went off to court, and when mom picked us up, I could see she was forcing a cheerful mood and fake smiling to keep the atmosphere around us calm. We asked no questions, seeing how much pain she was already in under that mask of happiness, and watched as she threw out all of dad’s clothes and belongings out the balcony. He stood outside, attempting to catch all of his things while the neighbors laughed and peeked out of their windows and balconies to watch, but the embarrassment was too much for dad. 

_“Stop fucking throwing them, let me just get inside and take my-”_ He scowled, being cut off by mom. _“You’re not stepping foot in my house ever again, Gerald.”_ She hissed, throwing another pile of clothes down at him. 

_“Fucking watch me.”_ His eyes turned from angry to dead cold as he stood frozen in his spot, letting everything fall down around him. He took one step and burst into the house, grabbing my wrist tightly and yanking me over.

 _“You think just because you took that pretty little ring off your finger that everything is over now?”_ _“Let him go!”_ Mom screamed as I yelped in pain by his grip, bringing her hand down to backhand him. Dad stumbled back for a moment, but had shoved her back twice as harsh, smashing her head off of the bookshelf and knocking her out immediately. 

She fell with a thud and before I could even react, dad clasped a white cloth over my mouth, dragging me back as I struggled and thrashed my arms around. The more and more I tried to fight him, I felt my muscles weaken and a wave of dizziness and sleep rack my body over and over again. 

My arms dropped to my sides and I felt myself growing weary, I couldn’t even stand straight. I let myself drop at last, my eyes fluttering and everything around me turning black.

I never even knew to this day what had exactly happened when my own father drugged me, or what had even happened to Mercedes, but I assumed he was safe when I woke up in a warm environment with quiet laughter and the sound of two people talking around me. 

My body felt used and sore, and as I weakly opened my eyes and blinked several times to clear my blurry vision, I noticed that I was laying on the couch at the one house I knew better than my own; Esmeralda’s. As soon as I realized exactly where I was, I attempted to let out a scream, but my throat was felt so raw and dry as if I swallowed a handful of sawdust. I whimpered in pain, feeling my hands tremble and my skin crawl, all enough to hear thundering footsteps from down the hall, revealing my father. His once calm and cool expression had immediately crossed to anger as soon as he spotted me, and he walked right over to me and yanked me by the collar of my shirt. 

_“Don’t be so rough to him!”_ Esmeralda peeked her head in from the kitchen, frowning at him.

 _“Don’t be so rough? What the hell is that supposed to mean? This little fuck started everything with that mouth of his.”_ He narrowed his eyes at me. _“This is all your fault.”_ _“N-No it’s not.”_ I croaked. _“It’s yours.”_ _“Don’t fucking talk back to me!”_ He roared, grabbing a fistful of my hair. 

I cried out in pain as he shoved me off the couch, grabbing the back of my shirt and leading me off into the house. I felt tears pool up in the corners of my eyes as he opened the door to the basement and shoved me down the stairs, watching as I screamed and rolled down, hitting the wall and my head off the railing before I landed onto the cold, concrete floor.

He walked down, sneering at me and approached me, crossing his arms as I crab walked backwards in fear. _“You see Jared? There are some things that are never to be said, not to be spoken of. You can’t go around telling everyone what you know, there are consequences to getting into other people’s private lives.”_

My eyes widened as I continued to listen to him, _“I thought I could trust my own son, but you have ruined everything! Do you see what I have left now? Do you see what I have to do because of you? Do you think I want to hurt you?”_

My bottom lip trembled as I nodded slowly. _“Y-you do, you do.”_

His expression softened almost immediately as he shook his head. _“Your mind is in the wrong places.”_ _“The police will find you, you can’t hide out here. They’ll arrest you and you’ll rot in jail, where people like you belong!”_ _“You talk a lot of shit for someone who doesn’t even know if they’re mother is alive or not.”_ A sick smile had crossed his lips. _“Didn’t you see what I was capable of back there?”_

_“I saw enough, maybe I would have seen more if you didn’t drug me.”_ _“It looks like no matter what I do to weaken you or get you to shut up, I can’t break your spirit eh?”_ _“That’s not up for you to decide.”_ I let the warm tears slide down my cheeks. _“That’s what you think.”_

He chuckles, running his hand through his hair. _“If I can’t do that, then I’ll let you destroy yourself down here.”_

_“You kidnapped me!”_ I cried out. _“You’re still my son, how’s that?”_ He turns, heading up the stairs. _“N-No, dad please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”_ I shout. _“Please don’t leave me down h-here!”_ _“I have to Jared, I told you that you left me with no choice.”_ He shakes his head. _“D-Dad please! I’ll do anything, j-just don’t leave me down here.”_ I burst out crying. _“Don’t leave me alone down here!”_ _“I’ll let you rot down here before I rot in a cell.”_ He smiled sweetly at me, opening the door to the basement.

That was the last thing he had spoken to me before he locked the basement door and left. No matter how many times I screamed for help and tried to break and open the windows, nothing worked.

My hands became irritated and red after scratching down the basement door and sobbing, spending most of my time huddled in the cold corner hugging my legs to keep warm.

I never noticed who came down for food, but there was always something left there in a tray—fresh and good enough to keep my stomach full. 

The layout of the basement was large, and that could have been the only possible thing for me to use if I wanted to hide. I sat on the old, wooden furniture and waited for what seemed like forever. The days dragged on and on, and to reassure myself it wouldn’t last as long as I thought it would, I attempted to sleep through the day but woke up hour after hour due to nightmares.

That was the start of my night terrors. I started seeing my mother getting beat, how her head had smashed off the bookshelf and blood began pooling up on the floor. Every time I thought about the possibility that she could be dead, I felt my stomach get queasy and my heart start racing. 

I dreamt about seeing her again, being in her arms and finally going home. I couldn’t even remember Mercedes anymore, only the faded memory of his faint smile remained in my head. The symptoms of dehydration hit me hard, I had found empty old boxes to urinate and use, but eventually even the smell became unbearable.

I was in pain everywhere, not just physically, but mentally. All I could do was hold myself and hope someone would come down, that maybe somebody else would find me, or maybe I would just curl up and die so this agony would be over at last.

 _‘I had never wanted to die so badly.’_ I knew I would either be found or die, or perhaps both. 

Maybe the police would eventually be looking for me because I wasn’t showing up for school, or maybe because there was no sign of my mother and I was missing. They’d probably look all throughout the house, since everything leads to here. 

They’d find my dead, rotting body in the basement and that would be that. I wouldn’t even get to see myself be saved. The pain wouldn’t stop, not even for a minute. It would get stronger and stronger as I began to feel as fragile as glass.

I couldn’t stop myself from overthinking, assuming it was all my fault for telling mom what I had seen so just maybe things didn’t have to end up like this, and she might still be alive. I was judging myself completely at that point, withdrawing myself from hope altogether.

_“I’ll let you destroy yourself down here.”_ I could hear my father say that over and over in my head, and as time passed, I began to believe that it was true, and that it was happening.

I felt lighter and dizzier much more often, and even when I cried, no tears came from my eyes. I had just accepted my fate, that I was slowly dying and that my body couldn’t take this anymore. 

_‘I must have deserved all of this.’ I thought to myself. ‘If I’m left to die like this, I must deserve it.’_ I remembered being able to mutter a little prayer before I closed my eyes for what I thought was going to be the last time, curling up on the hard, concrete floor. 

As my eyelids fluttered shut, I couldn’t find the strength to open them again. My body had been completely drained of all energy, and I froze down to the spot.

All I could do now was listen. Listen to the silence that surrounded me, my quiet breath hitching, and my heartbeat. What I did know, however, was that it was one agonizing week. I heard shouting and yelling outside the house, sirens blaring and my father’s hurried footsteps in the house. It wasn’t long until I heard someone bust the front door of the house open, and several more footsteps follow, coming from voices I didn’t recognize. 

There was no reason for me to try and pry my eyes open since my vision itself has begun blurring and everything around me had looked like it was slowly fading. When the basement door flew open, I flinched a little and rolled over to my back from my side. I heard panicked voices and ushered tones, hands over my body as I was carried onto a softer surface.

 _‘The ambulance, the ambulance is here.’_ I remember telling myself in order to calm myself down. Although my eyes were closed, I fought back sleep and attempted to keep myself awake. I was carried outside in a stretcher, hearing sirens blaring from a nearby police car and my father hollering from inside the house. Paramedics placed me inside the ambulance, and they were driving off to the hospital in no time. I felt hands over me, different plugs and strange things being attached to my body and my mouth, but I wasn’t able to react; just feel. _“Yes ma’am, we’ve found your son in the basement of the family home, and we’re currently driving him to the hospital downtown.”_

To this day, I could still remember what the paramedics had told my mother over the phone, and how a rush of joy that I hadn’t felt in so long had hit my body again. They rushed me out of the ambulance as quickly as they could when we arrived, and several paramedics rushed me inside, hollering to clear the way as we went off down the hallway. 

I went into the emergency room and had doctors hovering over me as I half opened my eyes, confused and hurt, watching them observe me and stick a variety of needles into my arms. 

I felt relieved to know the hope inside me hadn’t died off after all, that the small spark I was holding onto for so long was still enough to get me going. 

When my mother got to the hospital, none of the nurses could hold her back or stop her from running into my hospital room, screaming and crying as she rushed over to the side of the bed and grabbed my hand, giving a reassuring squeeze and sitting down on the chair as she leaned her head over and cried on my chest. 

_“J-Jared, oh my fucking god. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. You have no idea.”_ She sobbed, shaking her head. She peeked her head up, tears continuing to spill out of her eyes.

I swallowed hard and gazed up at her as she kissed my hand, stroking my cheek. _“For two weeks, sweetheart. The police had been trying to get a permit to get into that fucking house, there wasn’t anything that rose much suspicion but–”_ she hiccupped, _“I did it. I worked my ass off to convince them to go in there. I knew he couldn’t have gone anywhere else, much less take you.”_

I squeezed her hand back, unable to say anything from the mask over my mouth. _“When I woke, I found Mercedes crying beside me. It wasn’t long until they took me to the hospital, but I refused everything. I couldn’t stop fucking crying, especially when the police returned empty handed and started your kidnap case. They bandaged my head and I left immediately, starting a search party with the police. Mercedes and I looked everywhere for you, Jared. We never stopped.”_ She carefully rubbed the linen bandage over her forehead, sniffling. _“I knew that bastard took you back to Esmeralda’s, I got the police there as soon as I could.”_

She gazed over at me, biting her lip. _“What has he done to you?”_ She closed her eyes as more tears spilt. I reached my hand up, slowly slipping the mask off of my face. _“M-Mom.”_ I croaked as her eyes fluttered open once more. _“I t-thought I was going to die there.”_ _“N-No baby. You didn’t, you were strong.”_ Her throat tightened. _“I thought he was going to kill me, mom.”_ I frown, clutching onto her arm.

“ _I was going to die in there.”_ She held me in her arms for hours as I remained at the hospital, half asleep and hugging her, crying and letting everything out. We cried together and she helped me eat when the doctors came in with food and my medication.

My state, however, was much too sickening for Mercedes to come and see, and the doctors advised that no other visitors but mom should be allowed into the room. I was fine with that since I knew I was slowly getting better, that I’d be able to go home soon. _“Tell me everything sweetie, tell me what happened down there.”_ _“T-Threw me in the basement.”_ I swallowed hard, feeling tears prickle at my eyes as I brought back the memories. I strained, remembering how long I had been kept in there. I shook my head, letting the tears run down my cheeks. 

Mom leaned over, brushing her thumb by my cheek and wiping off my tears. _“Sweetheart, please don’t cry. You’re safe, you’re safe here with me. He’s gone for good.”_

 _“I-Is he in jail?”_ I peeked up.

She nodded. _“Fined and he’s in jail for thirty years. I’m afraid by that time you’ll be a grown young man.”_

 _“I d-don’t ever wanna see him again.”_ I told her.

 _“Me either, honey. And trust me, we never will again.”_ She gives me a warm smile. _“Not you, not me, and not Mercedes. Soon you’ll be able to go home again, and things will be alright, I can promise you that. Things will get better, you’ve gotta have some bad in life to make room for the good, don’t you?”_

I smiled back, _“mhmm.”_

 _“You’re a strong boy. I know you are. We’re going to get through this, one step of the way.”_ She smooched my cheek. _“Just keep fighting there, Jared.”_

After a solid month of several pills and medications, psychiatric help, needles and injections, I gained enough weight and was able to leave the hospital. It was something that I would now be able to remember perfectly, regardless of the years that had passed.

Time didn’t heal any of my wounds, it was the memories that had attempted to seal my pain forever, leaving enough open gaps for me to pull my stitches back open.

 _“Can you still remember everything during that incident?”_ My psychiatrist asked me.

 _“Everything.”_ I murmured. _“It’s engraved in my mind.”_

I’m afraid that was just something I couldn’t get rid of. It just became a part of me from then on, permanent marks I had to live with for the rest of my life. 


	10. Qualm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confrontation, and a physical one at that was bound to happen between Jared and Dalton eventually. Over Serenity? Over Dalton's abuses and control over a lovesick, obsessed girl? None of those were expected, and neither was Heaven's soft side revealed to Jared over the trouble he got himself into. Dalton's concerns lie at the fact Jared is continuing to support and protect his own stalker. Serenity hasn't realized Heaven is quickly getting into the picture, and a confrontation with Dalton may build character, but a yandere's worst nightmare is another woman seeking romance with her beloved.

**Jared’s Perspective.**

_‘Why?! Why does this have to happen to me?!’_ I scream at myself. _‘Everything, all of this bullshit. Why can’t I just make her happy?’_

I stifle a sob, wrapping my arms around my knees to huddle and squeeze my eyes shut, letting the warm tears slid off my cheeks. I feel like the very emotions stirring inside of me are gnawing at me, begging for release in some ugly form; screaming and crying, constantly blaming myself for being torn out between doing whatever I can to get what I want, or letting it go because if it was meant to be, it would have happened already.

The stress weighs more over my shoulders, my own emotions threaten to drown me in my guilt, my anxiety clawing down at my back. A sickening combination hitting me through waves of pain, tortured by own mind and over thinking through believing my own lies.

_Both of those sides you so badly want to believe and lies, aren’t they? You’re lying to yourself either way. You know nothing is meant to be, you’re sitting here dreaming with your head in the clouds. No matter how hard you try, she won’t take you. She’ll never love you, no matter what you do. You’re pathetic, all of your attempts are useless and you appear weak in front of everyone that knows you. You should be ashamed of what you’ve become over such a useless concept like “love”._

_‘Stop.’_ I rub my forehead, breathing heavily. I can’t see myself without Serenity, I can’t see myself falling in love with another girl and letting go so quickly.

Why do I still feel so fucking guilty even at times when I can’t do anything about it?! Why do I feel so hopeless without her, when I can’t help her, and she needs me the most? Why do I burn in envy and jealousy towards Dalton, her own boyfriend who doesn’t even love her?

Of course, I’m going to fucking sit here and mope about it, with these endless panic attacks stabbing my mind over and over again to torment me, and the undying anxiety that’ll last a lifetime.

_‘Unfair, all of this is so unfair.’_

_“It’s not your fault things are like this, okay?”_ Serenity’s voice echoes in my head from the previous events at the Cemetery Drive.

 _“You aren’t the least bit ashamed of that aren’t you?”_ I remember Jun saying to me. _“You’re both complaining about girl problems and how the world is closing in on you.”_

_From any way that you look at it, everyone is bound to hit rock bottom again and again, regardless of how high up you were._

_‘Leave me alone.’_

_What kind of artist uses their tragedies for their work?_

“Get out of my head!” I scream, bursting out into hiccupping sobs. I grab fistfuls of my hair with both hands, tugging and shaking my head. “Get! Out!”

_It gets ugly watching you suffer like this. Even you know you can’t actually get rid of me. I’ve been here in your mind for the longest of time._

“Y-you’re not real.” I shudder, rubbing my arms.

 _I am you. You are me._

“Stop.” I whisper to myself, my bottom lip trembling. “Stop this.” I swallow hard, hiccupping again as I nervously glance around me.

The bathroom is dead silent, all I can hear is me screaming at myself, the drip of the water hitting the sinks from the tap, and my heart pounding in my chest from fear. I rake a hand through my hair, shakily standing up and holding onto the stall door for support. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes momentarily before unlocking the door and taking one step out.

“God fucking dammit.” The bathroom door bursts open as Dalton huffs, heading towards the sinks. My eyes widen in terror as I take a step back, the squeak from my converse attracting his attention as he peeks his head over.

“Shi–” I quickly grab the stall door to close it before Dalton storms over to me, grabbing the door with both hands before I can lock it. “S-Stop!” I cry out, pushing my chest against the stall door with all my strength to close it.

“I’ve been looking all over for-” He grunts, pushing back harder, “give it up, Knight!”

“No!” I whine, becoming desperate as I shove the stall, pulling at the lock and finally shutting it, immediately stepping away from it.

“Jesus Christ, open the fucking stall door.” Dalton growls. “You and I have a lot to talk about.”

“Leave me alone Dalton.” I sink down by the wall, “you and I have nothing to talk about.”

“I swear to God, Jared. Open this fucking door or I’ll burst it down along with your fuckin’ nose with it!” He threatens, slamming his hands on the stall door, causing me to flinch.

“Do it!” I yell back, “fucking do it and put me out of my misery, you asshole!” My voice breaks as tears flood my eyes once more.

He breathes heavily, stopping as I see his feet moving back from the bottom of the stall door.

“What the hell has gotten into you man?”

“Just leave me alone!” I shriek. “Okay?! Is that too much to ask for?!”

“Jared.” He mumbles, continuing to move back until he’s against the wall. “Whoa, man. Look I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you, I just–”

“That’s a first.” I whimper, wiping my tears off with the end of my uniform’s sleeve. “What the hell do you want with somebody like me?”

“I’m breaking up with Serenity, man.” He says in an ushered tone.

With that, I feel my heart grow heavy, the back of my neck prickle as blood rushes to the tips of my ears. “You what?”

“It’s just that, I’ve been thinking recently, and I rather not dig myself deeper down this shithole. I really can’t deal with all of this right now. You understand, right?” He gives a long, drawn out sigh.

“N-no!” I exclaim, bolting up to my feet and pulling the lock back open, lunging at Dalton and grabbing the collar of his shirt to pin him against the wall.

His eyes flutter in surprise as he stares down at me in shock. “Jared, what the fuck?!”

“You can’t, you c-can’t do that to her!” I tighten my grip on his shirt.

“What the fuck are you talking about?! Have you seen that crazy bitch? Are we even talking about the same person?!” He shoves me off of him, brushing off his shirt. “Unbelievable!”

I look down at my trembling hands, shaking my head. “N-No. You’ve got it wrong, Dalton. She needs you!”

“No, she needs _you_!” He points a finger at me. “You’re the one she wants, it doesn’t take a fucking genius to see that much. What’s the point of me hanging around just to get in between you two? Don’t you want her?!”

“You’re lying!” I cry out. “She doesn’t w-want me. She’s with you for a reason. God, you can’t just leave her like that. She needs you, she’s so alone and,” I swallow hard, “I have to force myself to be patient with this.”

“You’re out of your fucking mind!” He throws his hands up in the air. “She’s not as desperate as you think, she just can’t stand being alone!”

“E-Exactly.” I cough weakly. “She needs your support for now. You know how she is when she doesn’t get her way.”

Dalton opens his mouth to reply, pausing for a moment before pulling back. “You’re–” He purses his lips.

“Of course. Of course. She’s suicidal.” He groans. “I remember this, she told me if I ever left her, she’d kill herself.”

“I told you.” I hiss. “She needs both of us, but you, more than me.”

“Are you hearing half the bullshit that’s coming out of your mouth right now?” He raises a brow, point at his ear.

I pout. “You have no idea how much it hurts me to actually admit that. I know what you mean, I fucking want her. I want her so fucking badly, it’s not fair! Look at everything I’ve done for her Dalton, for the love of God, is this not enough?!”

He blinks. “I don’t, I don’t know.”

“You don’t fucking know.” I smile, cocking my head to the side. “Of course, you don’t know. What do you know anyways?”

He narrows his eyes. “Come on, I’ve seen enough of your little sappy romance with her. I get it, both of you are horny little teenagers.”

“You dragged yourself into this mess.” I tell him. “You were the one who agreed to date her!”

“You don’t know shit!” He scowls, turning towards the door. “If you think you know so much, then why don’t you fucking ask Serenity for the details? Huh?! I’m sure she’ll be able to explain everything better than I can!”

“Dalton.” I frown.

 _“Hah, the wonderful Jared Knight, aspiring artist, fucking loser, and the desperate whore.”_ I cringe.

He scoffs. “You know what? Fuck this, honestly. Fuck it. I was reasonable and you still can’t accept that. This was a shit load of a waste of time.” He mumbles, heading off towards the door.

“N-no, wait!” I run over, grabbing him by his shoulders roughly.

“What?!” He spins around, glaring at me.

I cup his cheeks, letting the tears drip off my face and onto the floor. “Oh God, Dalton. I’m begging you, I’m begging you right now.” I let go, breath hitching as I collapse to my knees.

“Please, I’m fucking begging you, don’t do this. She’ll go bat shit crazy, I know she will! But she’ll kill herself, you know this! You know this better than I!”

“Am I supposed to feel touched by this?” He groans, looking away in embarrassment, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. “And for fuck’s sake, get off your knees! You look ridiculous.”

I pant, hesitantly rising to my feet. “I don’t know what you take me or her as, but you’re underestimating everything right now. Whether you like it or not, we’ll always be in the same boat together.” I bite my lip.

“What’s your point?” He snorts. “I’m not an idiot.”

“You don’t love her.”

He raises his eyebrows, gazing down at me. “And you know what? You’re right about that. I don’t see why you, out of all people would either. She’s fucking crazy, Jared. Borderline crazy. You know damn well she acts fake, all for attention. She’s obsessed with you, and she’s just using me to get to you!”

“You’re not leaving her when she needs you the fucking most.” I tighten my fist, throwing a punch at him across his mouth as he yelps, staggering back and attempting to grab onto the doorknob before falling on his ass.

I breathe shakily, taking a few steps back and glancing at my hand with his blood across my knuckles. I hear a muffled cry of pain come from him as he clasps both his hands over his mouth, eyes tearing up as he stares at me with a look of terror.

He slowly removes his hand, revealing blood smeared over his bottom lip and chin as he shakes his head slowly at me. “If you t-think you know so much, then maybe, m-maybe you won’t be as surprised to see what happens this time.”

I swallow hard, whispering, “you’re not taking me down with you.”

He rises to his feet slowly, brushing off his uniform and glaring daggers at me. “I will, and I already have!” He roars, lunging at me. My eyes widen as I stagger back, Dalton grabbing me by my shoulders and throwing me to the floor, pinning me down with his weight and snarling down at me. “Who the hell do you think you are, you little punk?! You’ve started thinking you’re the shit, huh?! You can’t fucking hit me!” He breathes heavily.

“L-Let me go!” I wince in pain, attempting to squirm underneath him.

“Shut the fuck up!” He scowls, narrowing his eyes and sending his fist flying towards my face. I yelp as he delivers a final blow; his knuckles sliding across my mouth and slamming onto my nose repetitively as blood splattered over the both of us.

He pants, before getting off of me, and flicking his hand so the dripping blood off his hands splatters on my forehead, causing me to flinch. “You’ll thank me later, Knight.” He growls, pulling away. “That’ll teach you a goddamn lesson. I know it’s that fucking King you hang out with that’s been getting your confidence a little too high. Well allow me to change that, huh? You don’t tell me what to do and fucking leave me alone. I’ll do whatever the hell I want, whether that’s hurting your pretty little girl or fucking you up! You got that?!”

I cough weakly, letting blood ooze slightly out of my mouth. “We’ll s-see about that…”

“Get to class before someone important comes looking for you, then I’ll really fuck you up!” He grabs a paper towel, wiping the blood off his hand before opening the bathroom door and stepping out without a second glance.

I breathe quietly, unable to feel half of my numb, bloody face as I slump over to my side. I grab onto the bathroom counters, using all the strength left in me to pick myself up, holding on as tightly as I could.

I groan softly in pain, turning on the cold tap and splashing the water onto my face, feeling a burning sensation spread across my cheeks.

I grit my teeth, resisting the pain as I gently run my hands alongside my face, cleaning off all the blood and watching the scarlet mess go down the drain. 

I cough weakly, gargling some of the water and clearing out my mouth of the metallic taste of blood, leaning back and gazing at myself in the mirror. My face feels sore and throbbing, my bottom lip cut and swelling up by the minute. My eyes dart to my wrist, checking my watch for the time.

 _‘Great, I’ve missed 20 minutes of art history class already.’_ My cheeks literally throb at the touch, following with a stinging sensation. It was as if he was still hitting me; severe, but bearable.

“Unbelievable.” I mutter through gritted teeth, grabbing several paper towels and drying off my face, scrunching them up into balls and throwing them into the wastebasket. “Augh! Fuck, that hurts!”

_‘I can’t just keep tearing myself apart like this. This can’t be fucking healthy. I need some form of distraction. I need to get my mind off of things.’_

The only person on the back of my mind right now was not Serenity, nor Dalton, but Heaven Myth. A strange feeling stirs inside me to think of her, the anxiety weighing itself in the pits of my stomach. I keep it in me not to roll my eyes at the thought of calling Mercedes, or any of the guys and telling them what happened.

Mercedes and Alyssa would overreact, Francis doesn’t need to see me like this, as well as Heather and Jun would throw a complete fit, plus I’m not at all ready for their interrogations.

Brady on the other hand has been acting off lately, and the last person I want to talk to or see is him.

_‘The only person I can think of that wouldn’t question or judge me in my state would be Heaven. Maybe I really would be bothering her, but I need her more than ever right now.’_

I fish out my iPhone from my pocket and unlock it, going to my contacts list and pressing the “call” button under her name. I take a deep breath, holding the phone up to my ear and patiently wait as it continues to ring. 

By the 4th ring, Heaven picks up and I can hear her bubbling voice on the other end, “hey Jared!”

“Hey.” I smile weakly. “Heaven, I’m sorry to bother you but-”

“Bother me?” She interrupts. “Not at all, I was just getting a bite to eat from the cafeteria. What’s good?” 

“I’m hurt.” I shiver, rubbing my arm with my free hand. “I need some help. I c-can’t tell anybody else.”

“Where are you right now?” Her tone of voice grows worried.

“I’m in the guy’s bathroom on the second floor. I can meet you outside of it if that’s alright.” I explain, glancing around at my surroundings.

“Of course, I’ll be right there, just hold on!” She exclaims, hanging up. 

I bite my lip, slipping my phone back into my pocket and glancing at myself in the mirror one last time before stepping out of the bathroom and into the empty hallways.

Both sides of the hallways are dead silent, classroom doors shut and in session as I head across the hall and lean my back against the wall, still feeling a little guilty for skipping class.

I hear the sound of heels echoing down the hallway, growing louder towards my direction as Heaven appears from my right side, her eyes lighting up as she spots me.

“Jared!” She rushes over to me, placing her hands on my shoulders as I wince. “Oh Jesus. What happened to you?” She pulls her hands away, gazing up at my face.

“Dalton.” I moan, rubbing my forehead. “How bad do I look right now?”

“Not as bad as you’d think.” She purses her lips. “You need ice, ASAP, otherwise your cheeks will form bruises and swell.”

I blink weakly. “I can’t go to class now.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” She raises a brow. “You can call in the school later and excuse yourself, but right now you’re coming over to my place.”

My eyes widen in surprise, “your place? You’re skipping too?”

“For a good cause, yes.” She chuckles, taking my hand. “It’s not far from here, a five-minute drive with my car unless you’re good with going home and having Mercedes see you wounded.”

“Oh, God no!” I shake my head.

She bursts out laughing. “Me either, he’s a little over dramatic if you ask me. Come on!” She squeezes my hand reassuringly, causing me to blush as I lace my fingers in between hers, following her downstairs and out the back entrance of the school.

“I didn’t even know you had a car.” I mumble as we head into the parking lot.

She glances back at me with a smile, “you didn’t? It was a present from my parents for my birthday! See?” She gestures over to the white Range Rover parked at the side.

I raise both my brows, blinking, “they got you a Range Rover?”

“Sure did!” She giggles, grabbing her keys out of her purse and unlocking the car, opening the front passenger door for me.

“Thank you.” I blush, getting inside and buckling my seatbelt on. “It’s a very nice car.”

She nods, getting into the driver’s seat and clicking on her seatbelt. “Thank you.”

“I’m guessing your folks are rich?” I chuckle as she slowly pulls out of the parking lot.

She rolls her eyes with a laugh, “they make a tidy sum. My parents both work for the government. How about you?”

“My mother is a lawyer.” I smile shyly. “The guys work together in a little cafe not far from here, and I just sell art as we know it.”

She winks, driving out of the school grounds. “And some good art, at that. You’re so talented.”

“Not by much.” I flush red, glancing away.

“You’re fine.” She nudges me playfully. “We’re all rooting for you over here.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” I grin at her.

“And I’m glad to see that you’re doing fine.” She eyes my lips. “Who did this to you?”

“Dalton.” I bite my lip, turning my head away to look out the window.

She sighs deeply, “that fucking asshole. Who exactly does he think he is? I’m disappointed that he ended up being nothing like his sister, maybe he should learn a thing or two.”

“You mean Hope?” I suggest.

“Yeah.” A small smile crosses her lips as she takes a right turn. “Hope is my best friend after all. Dalton? Not so much, blah.”

“Then I guess you see each other often.” I stare down at my hands.

“Not really, he’s got his own place and everything. I don’t think you’d be surprised if I told you he never comes home to visit his family.” She scoffs, slowing down and stopping at a red light.

“Doesn’t matter.” I mutter. “All I know is that he fucking hates me. He made that clear enough for me today.”

“Don’t think he’ll get away for it for a moment though.” She tells me, continuing to drive.

“He’s a piece of shit, he’s got nothing on you.”

I lean my head back and laugh, “at least I have one friend on my side.”

“Let mama Heaven nurture you back to health!” She laughs with me, parking into the driveway of her home.

“I know you’ve never been to my place before, but I hope you’ll like it!” She and I both take off our seat belts, stepping out of the car.

“Whoa.” I tilt my head and look up at the large estate before me. “It looks beautiful.”

“Then you’ve got a lot of sightseeing to do!” She takes my hand again, leading me up to the porch where a blue hammock is tied along with a swinging bench. She unlocks the front door with her keys and pushes the door open, gesturing for me to step inside.

“Lovely place.” I slip off my shoes and set them aside, admiring the interior of the home; the fireplace in the living room with the abstract carpets, mahogany floors and leather couches, the chandelier above and the hallway leading to the kitchen, two sets of magnificent spiral staircases across from me.

She gives me a full smile. “Make yourself at home! No need to be shy.”

I sit down over at the leather couch, curling up with a pillow and leaning my head back as I sigh in relief. “Thank you so much.”

“You don’t have to thank me silly.” She rolls her eyes with a chuckle, heading into the kitchen. “I’ll be back with some ice and a first aid kit, relax!”

“Will do!” I call back, shifting in my seat and getting comfortable as my back sinks into the couch. “Ah. Fuck, that’s better.”

“Back!” She heads into the living room, plopping on the couch beside me, holding a pack of ice and the first aid kit.

“Oh, come on.” I frown, eyeing the first aid kit. “And you said it wasn’t that bad!”

“Quit your whining.” She hands me the ice pack, “and hold these up to your cheeks. I said it wasn’t that because I know what Dalton is capable of.”

“You mean he could have done much worse?” I question.

“As much as I hate to say it, yes.” She opens up the kit, taking out a small bottle filled with mystery liquid and some linen cloth. “As in he could probably break your jaw and nose if he wanted to.”

“I guess he went easy on me.” I say, pressing the ice pack to my cheek.

“That still amazes me.” She dabs the liquid onto a small cloth, “how you put up with his shit like that. You know he’s always been irrelevant.” She reaches her hand up, pressing down the cloth on the gash over my forehead; I wince slightly, feeling the wound sting. “Easy there. The pain will ease off in a bit.”

“Regardless.” I breathe, “you’d be surprised to see how badly he craves attention.”

“He’s the captain of the football team, yeah, yeah. He uses his title to make himself look better. It’s not him who’s so big and mighty, but his ego.”

She scoffs, cleaning off the wound gently. “Forget him Jared, life’s too short for you to be worrying about douchebags.”

“I wish I could.” I give a shaky breath. “I’m not all too worried about him. Serenity on the other hand.”

“It’s not getting any easier huh?” She glances up at me, putting a medium sized, white bandage over the gash.

“Not at all. I don’t know what’s gotten into her. She’s becoming over protective, suspicious and paranoid about everything. Obsessive even.” I explain to her.

“I see. I heard the whole story from Jay.” She tells me. “Sounds like you’ve got yourself a stalker.”

“And why am I not surprised that Jay has went around telling everyone my business?” I snort. “Jesus Christ. For someone who despises gossip, he spreads it pretty far.”

Heaven laughs, shaking her head. “He’s only told me and the other girls, believe me. You trust the rest of us, right?”

“Absolutely.” I agree. “I just feel embarrassed to remember all that shit over and over again.”

“I don’t mean to come off as a little rude but, to protect yourself and save yourself from a bit of stress, how about you just tell the major details to the guys? Or the whole story to only a few? I feel as if they see it as a bigger problem than you.” She offers.

“You’re right about that.” I nod. “They’ll want to know everything anyways.”

“Just tell them what you want them to know.” She zips the first aid kit back up as I press the ice pack onto my lip.

“You’re one helpful girl.” I smile weakly, handing her the ice pack as she stands and takes it.

“I’m not here to judge you or laugh at you, I’m here to listen and help.” She leans over, planting a soft kiss upon my forehead. “It’s what friends are for, right?”

“Right.” I flush red from the kiss.

“Get some rest Jared, take a nap.” She grabs a wool blanket from the other couch, placing it over me as I snuggle up in it. “You deserve it. After you’re up I’ll make you some lunch. How does that sound?”

“Oh, you’re too good for me.” I say, sheepishly. “How do I repay you back? You’re a damn mother figure.”

“You don’t have to repay me back with anything.” She replies. “You being here is good enough for me. There’s nothing you need to worry about. If you need me, I’ll be upstairs in my room, okay? Don’t be hesitant to call, I know that swelling won’t be too easy to deal with, but you don’t look like the type that bruises too deeply.” She adds, heading out the living room and towards the staircase.

I peek back from the couch, “Heaven?”

“Yes?” She places her hand on the railing, smiling back at me.

“Thank you again.” I crack a smile. “Seriously. If I went home looking like this, Mercedes would practically haunt me. Thank you…”

I can’t help but smile back at her again as she beams at me, giving a little wave and making her way upstairs again. I close my eyes, laying my head on the plush pillows and relaxing from all the tension and previous events.

 _Fuck my life_. I take a few deep breaths, blinking lazily. I groan softly, squeezing my eyes shut and forcing myself to sleep throughout the pain.


	11. Ludic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay is known to be a man of peculiar tastes. Largely uninterested in the dating scene and the drama that follows it all with Jared and Serenity's issues he's witnessed with his friends, he's a mirror reflection of Mercedes in the sense both wish to achieve nothing but the highest of GPAS. Focused on his future, his ambitions, goals and education, he and Heather's chemistry brewing between them is undeniable, even to Mercedes' witnessed. A friendly banter between the friends during class becomes Jay's ultimate confession.

**Jun’s Perspective.**

_I need to wake the fuck up._

I groan quietly, clutching my pillows next to me tightly in my arms and blinking weakly, feeling the bright sunlight peer through my blinds, hitting my eyes. My ears pick up a faint ringing noise as my eyes dart over to my end table, seeing my phone light up and vibrate repeatedly. I raise a slow and lazy brow, reaching over and grabbing my phone to hold it before me as my eyes widen. 

_I’ve fucking missed all 5 of my alarms!_

A bolt of panic strikes through me as I immediately jump out of bed, throwing my phone down on it and rushing to the bathroom, barging the door open. I lean against the sink, glancing up at my reflection in the mirror, a disgusted look appearing on my face as I realize how frizzy and tangled my hair has become.

_Great, now I’m going to miss math!_

I pull open the drawer and grab my hairbrush, going through my hair as fast as I could and straightening it out before throwing the brush back in and splashing cold water over my face, cleaning the corners of my eyes. I snatch the mint mouthwash, pouring it halfway through into the cap and gargling it twice before spitting it back out. 

_Gotta gooo, gotta gooo!_

I chant to myself in my head, scurrying back to my room and opening my closet, quick to grab my clothes and throw it over my bed. I slip on my socks, hopping over to my bed and glance at my phone that lights up, the ringtone playing with

Heather’s name across the screen. I bite my lip and answer, placing the phone between my ear and shoulder, cocking my head to the side all while trying to grab my pants at the same time.

“Jay Nishii! Where the hell are you?! You’ve already missed 15 minutes of class!” Heather screeches on the other end.

“You know, I’m really wondering where the hell _you are_ to be yelling that loudly!” I snap back, almost tripping as I slip into my pants and tighten them.

“You were supposed to text me first this morning, moron.” She replies, “you dragged me all the way out into the hallway just to call you because you couldn’t wake up in time for class!”

“I honestly have no idea what happened!” I burst out laughing.

“My bad, my bad! I slept like an animal last night.” I put my phone on speaker, plopping it onto my bed as I slip my uniform dress shirt, buttoning it up and straightening out the sleeves and collar.

“You are an animal, Jay.” She groans. “You actually had me worried.”

“Aw.” I smirk, “someone _really_ cares.”

“I’ll kick your nuts up your throat if you tease me again.” She threatens as I tighten up my red tie, throwing my jacket over my shoulders.

I snicker, “alright, alright. Well if it makes you feel better, I’m almost done getting ready and I’ll be out as soon as I have some breakfa–”

“You’ll end up missing all of block one if you go for breakfast now! Just get your ass over here as soon as you can! I have a bagel in my bag anyways.” She sighs deeply.

I grin. “Sweet, I’ll be heading out right now. I promise I’ll make it up to ya, Heather.”

“Hmph. You left me all alone on this class project, I keep getting weird looks.” She mutters under her breath. “Just hurry up!”

“Coming!” I hang up, shoving my phone into my pocket and scooping my messenger bag over my shoulders, grabbing my keys and hopping downstairs. “Damn, it is really dim in here.”

I mumble to myself, gazing at the dark living room with all the blinds tightly shut and curtains pulled back. I shrug, slipping on my shoes and heading out the front door, locking it back up as I fast walk off down the block with a wide grin on my face from ear to ear.

As I arrive to school, I pant, feeling my legs burning from the quick workout of turning a full ten-minute walk to a solid five minutes.

I groan, clutching onto the staircase railing, hauling myself up. 

I blink weakly, reminding myself again that it’s never been a good idea to stay up as late as shit and sleep into the morning; it ruins my sleeping schedule and wears a guy out…

_Especially one obsessed with punctuality!_

I mentally screech in my head, imagining the expression upon my teacher’s face and the look of death over Heather’s eyes. I grab the doorknob of my math class and open it, just about to slither in when Miss Gale interrupts her lesson, turning to face me with a look of confusion upon her face. 

All heads in the class face me with prying eyes as I spot Heather in the back, leaning against her chair with a nasty scowl upon her face, raising her brow at me with “cataclysm” reading throughout her blue eyes. 

I cringe, giving an awkward wave to Miss Gale. “Hellooo.”

_Is it possible to die of embarrassment? Because this is happening right now._

“Mr. Nishii, for someone who is so obsessed with being punctual to every class, why on Earth are you late to your favorite class this morning?” She asks, curiously.

I blink, rubbing my forehead. “I think there was more stairs than usual today.”

A couple students chuckle in the back, Mercedes giving me a thumbs up with both hands as Miss Gale gives a roll of her eyes. “I’ll let this one slide, but I won’t hesitate to mark you late next time. Take a seat.”

“Thank you,” I mouth to her before walking to the back of the class, ignoring Heather’s eyes and sitting down beside her and Mercedes, setting my bag underneath my chair.

“Took you long enough.” She hisses, leaning over.

“Hey, I thought that was pretty quick for someone who just woke up.” Mercedes whispers back.

“You’re always one to hold a grudge, aren’t you?” I whisper back, taking out my math notebook and pencil case, setting them on my desk before extending my hand to her. “The bagel, please.”

“Oh my God.” She says through gritted teeth, reaching into her bag and grabbing a wrapped bagel, placing it in my hand.

“Thank you.” I beam, “Mercedes, you want half?”

“You bet your sweet ass I do.” He extends his hand as I unwrap the bagel, carefully pulling it apart in half, handing the other half to him as I take a bite out of mine. “Mm, it’s cream cheese too.”

“You two are both hopeless.” She rolls her eyes, slouching in her seat and gazing back at the whiteboard. “I almost had to work with Mercedes for this.”

“Oh, come on, what did I ever do?” Mercedes pouts, putting his bagel down.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” She gives Mercedes a tolerant smile, “you’re much too smart for me.”

“It’s just a little review.” I smirk at her, “how could anyone possibly outsmart Heather?”

“You tell me.” She shoots me a death glare. “What’s it for us, Nishii? You definitely kept us waiting.”

“A bagel for my best friend,” I give Mercedes a wink before facing her, “and hmm. What do you have in your other classes?”

“It’s a review day, isn’t it?” Mercedes glances at the both of us as she nods.

“It’s nothing new.”

“Then it’s kind of optional, isn’t it?” I pause momentarily, blinking in confusion. “Wait, then why did I even get up this morning?”

Heather scowls, hitting my arm harshly. “Because we promised to study together, or have you forgotten that too?!”

“You’re too harsh, Heather.” Mercedes comments as we both burst out laughing.

“Here, I got the perfect idea. If it means nothing to you, then skip the rest of the day with me.” I cough out a nervous laugh.

“And go where?” Her eyes seem to light up immediately in curiosity.

I take another bite of my bagel, avoiding her eyes. “We can study tonight at my house instead and just skip the day.” My eyes slide back up to her face as I swallow the piece of my bagel down, blurting out, “we could go on a date.”

Mercedes touches his lips with a faint smile, eyeing the both of us as I feel blush stinging throughout my cheeks.

She turns away with a shy smile, just nodding. “I’d, I’d like that.”

“You would!” Mercedes giggles, nudging her.

She shakes her head, a strain in her smile as her eyes dart from the floor back up to me. “Are you asking me out?”

“Uh.” I gulp, eyeing Mercedes for any form of reassurance as he raises both of his brows, mouthing “yes” to me several times.

I run a hand through my hair, pushing a curtain of it behind my ear and smile at her, “yes.”

“Is that unromantic to ask a girl out in the middle of math class?” Mercedes says, playfully.

She hums happily, “it doesn’t matter to me.”

“So that’s a yes.” I snap my finger, pointing at her with a wink.

“It is.” A crimson flush flares from her cheeks.

“You’re adorable when you get flustered like that, you know?” I turn my head to the side, glancing at her from the corner of my eye.

“I’m _noooot._ ” She whines, placing her hands on her cheeks and resting her elbows on the desk.

“Blushing and quiet for once, I could get used to this.” A mischievous half smile curls upon Mercedes’ lips as she ignores the comment.

I chuckle, giving him a fist bump underneath the desks. “I’m definitely telling the guys about this one!”

Mercedes rests his back against the chair and crosses his arms, “it’d be much better if you could tell them in person.”

“What do you mean?” A slowness overcame my face. “Jared is here isn’t he?”

“Nope.” He huffs, looking down at his shoes. “Heaven called me yesterday and told me he was staying over at her house,” he makes quotation marks from his hands, “that he ‘wasn’t feeling well’.”

“I’m guessing Brady doesn’t know what’s happening this time.” I grimace.

“Now that you mention it, Brady’s not at school either.” He knits his brows, slowly looking around the room. “I barely saw Jared yesterday, I don’t even know what’s going on for myself.”

“What are you two talking about?” Heather cuts in, “about Jared and Heaven?”

“I dunno!” Mercedes throws his hands up in surrender, “he won’t answer his phone or anything, he wasn’t even home this morning.”

“And with _Heaven_?” Heather gave a jeering expression. “I’m starting to think Jared likes digging a deeper grave hanging with _those_ types of girls.”

“Heaven isn’t even that bad.” Mercedes shrugs. “She’s nice here and there in class, but I personally don’t know her well enough at all to say anything.”

“What do you mean by _‘those’_ types of girls?” I snort.

“Whores.” She states, simply. “They’re both whores, just one of them is an obsessive whore.”

“Well said.” Mercedes shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

“I don’t honestly know what Jared is up to. But I think he’s just trying to get his mind off of Serenity. If he has to do that by being around another girl, then so be it. I think we all know Serenity isn’t good news for the any of us.” I acknowledge.

“I’m just tired of him being so secretive.” Mercedes’ look turned cool. “It’s starting to feel like he doesn’t trust any of us anymore.”

“I don’t think I would trust a group of friends who screams at me for trying to explain my side of the story either.” Heather shoots, “and oh yeah, I did hear all of that. You were all talking loudly enough for almost the entire school to hear.”

“Great.” I grumble. “Now I feel like a piece of shit.”

“Then it’s in your best interest to talk to Jared and maybe, just maybe give him the apology he deserves.” Heather announces, “and get to the bottom of whatever the hell he’s doing.”

“Easier said than done.” I add, letting my eyes wander to the math formulas over the whiteboard.

“Please make sure you have all the formulas memorized.” Miss Gale points to the last one on the bottom right corner of the board, “the final exam won’t have a formula sheet to go with it.”

 _Damn._ I think to myself, examining the formulas. 

“It’s only the five, and the questions won’t be placed in order, but scattered randomly. Do we have to go over how to substitute for a formula again?” She gave the class an accusing look, picking up the whiteboard eraser.

“No.” The class groans, muttering coming from both sides of the room.

“Then I expect perfect grades on my desk in a few weeks, and for the sake of Mr. Nishii hopping into class late, I’ll let you all go early since we have nothing else to go over.” Miss Gale decides.

I clap my hands, raising them in the air in delight as Miss Gale gives a hearty laugh, sitting down in her desk.

“Now that’s what I call a good entrance!” Mercedes claps me on the shoulder as we stand with the rest of the students, packing our things into our bags. “How about you two–” He gestures to us, “go enjoy your date, and I’ll do my best to find out what’s really happening.”

I wrap an arm around Heather’s shoulder, “I think that works for all of us. Just make sure we’re there to hear it, I want it from his words, not a story.”

He puts his hands up in surrender, raising his brows. “Well, well. I didn’t know you were into gossip.”

“You’d be surprised.” Heather smirks. “Invite me too, yeah?”

“Awesome, I’ll just prepare for one massive sleepover then.” He laughs, clapping his hands. “But hey! Don’t let me keep you two occupied, someone’s got a date after all.” He smiles smugly, “have a good one you guys.”

“Thanks Mercedes,” Heather chuckles, leaning in and kissing his forehead. “Tell your brother I say ‘hi’.” We exchange looks before she faces him again, “and to, ‘get well soon’.”

He beams happily, crinkling his nose as he hoists his backpack over his shoulders. “Will do, see you guys!” He gives a little wave before heading out of the classroom.

I wave back with a grin, squeezing Heather’s shoulder lightly. “Ready to go?”

“You bet.” She giggles as I slip my bag over my shoulder and slide my arm down to her waist, walking out of the classroom and down the hall in a short silence.

“Well?” I say at last as we step downstairs and walk out the front door of the school. “What’s with you? You’re awfully quiet. That’s not something anyone ever sees of Heather.” I tease.

“Out of all the girls at Grandview High, why me?” A small smile forms on her lips as we cross the street, heading towards the nearby cafe at the end of the block.

My eyes widen, “well.”

_“Well” what? Well shit! Of course, she was going to ask this at one point. Now what?_

“I have a feeling you have a lot of questions for me concerning this, don’t you?” I quickly throw in another question.

“I’m curious to know.”

“I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, I’m not hiding anything.” I spoke, gesturing her to an empty table outside of the cafe as she gives a small nod, sitting on the chair and placing her bag down underneath her legs.

I tuck my messenger bag next to hers, sitting down across from her and pulling up my seat.

I feel the kick of butterflies hit my stomach once again as I face her, a polite smile scattered across her lips as she keeps direct eye contact with me. I smile back, glancing at the cafe brochures on the table and pick one up to lighten the mood, flipping through the menus and examining them.

“So.” I muse, reading the several options for a coffee and dessert, “what would you like?”

“How about a latte and a slice of blueberry cheesecake?” She suggests, looking up.

“Sounds good to me.” I agree. “But just letting you know, I’m paying.”

She narrows her eyes, “no! I’m paying!”

“Oh, come on, the date was my idea!” I protest. “I’m going to pay.”  
“Nuh uh, I don’t need to be spoiled. I’ll pay for us.” She refuses, putting the menu down.

“Actually, I’m going to pay, so save your breath.” I wave her off, closing the menu. “Let me be the romantic guy for once!”

“Aren’t you all the time?” She grumbles, giving up and lowering herself in her chair.

“I try to be.” I argue, gesturing for the waitress.

She raises her brows, watching as the waitress walks over beaming at the both of us. “Hello, how may I take your orders today?”

“We’ll both have a latte and slice of blueberry cheesecake.” I say, gathering up the brochures in one pile as the waitress jots them down in her notepad.

“Of course! Just a moment, sir.” She steps back into the cafe, leaving Heather and I alone.

“Well?” There’s an amusing twinkle in her eye, “are you going to answer my question?”

“Aren’t you the one who’s always saying it’s rude to ask questions you already know the answer to?” I rest my cheek on my fist, smiling innocently.

“I don’t recall.” She replies sweetly. “Aren’t you the one who’s always talking about how dating is pointless? That all you care about is your honors grades and that you’ve got no time for girls?”

My face burns scarlet in humiliation. “Well, I mean I won’t deny I said all of those things, but I’ve got a perfectly good explanation for them.”

“Alright.” She eyes me carefully, relaxing in her seat. “Do tell.”

I chuckle nervously, glancing at the table. “It’s just that, I’ve never _actually_ had a girlfriend before. Sure, there’s some girls here and there that I hung around last year and had a thing or two with, but I wouldn’t say it was very serious.”

“As in, did you get intimate?” She questions.

I flush red, “if you’re going to ask the question, you might as well.” _Oh God, here we go buddy._

“Okay.” She laughs, “are you a virgin?”

“I am.” I reply as she unties her hair, nodding. “Are you?”

“Mhmm.” She runs her hands into her platinum blonde hair. “There, we both answered. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“A little embarrassing.” I nibble on my bottom lip. “You’re the first girl to have asked me that.”

“I could say the same about you, nobody has asked me that before either.” She admits guiltily.

“That’s fine, it’s not like I was going to judge you based off of that.” I reassure her. “There was just some kisses and hand holding, you know, all that good jazz.” I begin to explain. “Though it never lasted past a month even if I was lucky. I don’t really think I’ve ever met a girl that actually made me think, _‘wow, I really love her’_ , or one that left an impression on me. And well, as you know it, people change. I began to become less and less interesting in whatever ‘norm’ the girls had fallen into. All of them were into things I weren’t, I wanted a girl I had some similar interests with. I’m not about partying every night and ditching class. I’m not an artsy type of person. Sure, I care a lot about my grades and education, but that’s just something important to me. Girls came around smothered in drama and asking for sex, and I’m not about that life. Whatever, I simply didn’t have time for them.”

I frown, “I know those things must have put you down at least a little, but I thought I made it more than obvious to you that I had eyes just for you and you only.”

As her eyes slightly widened, they darted from around the cafe anywhere but to me.

“Goddamn, Heather. You’re the only girl worth my time. You’re the only girl who has some self-respect, a real personality.” I felt my stomach churn with butterflies at the words coming out of my mouth, “I’ve been wanting to meet someone like you forever.

I finally found someone who was understanding and laughed at the shittiest of my jokes.” My voice fades away as the waitress returns, placing the plates of cheesecake before us and setting the coffee down.

“Thank you.” Heather says inaudibly as the waitress leaves.

I cut into my slice of cheesecake, taking a small bite. “Yeah, I know I sound stupid and I’m being sappy, but hey, there’s your answer.”

She sips her coffee, setting it down. “That answers more than just my question. I never really knew how to confront you about my feelings. That’s why I never asked.”

“I think that’s cute, even though at one minute you’re caving my head in and the next you’re hugging me.” I snicker.

“I guess you’re in for a lot of surprises!” She chimes in. “I’ve been waiting for so long just to tell you, but you’ve already outdone yourself.”

“You know what? I’ve been waiting for something just as long.” I finish, stroking my thumb over her hand.

“You’re really okay with all that?” She clasps her blushing cheeks, taking a mouthful of her coffee.

“I don’t care.” I confess, “as long as I’m with you, then we’re both bound to be happy together.”

Without another word, I move in and kiss her gently, planting a passionate kiss over her lips.

Her eyes widen momentarily before they flutter shut and she purses her lips to kiss me back. With my neck prickling and the tips of my ears on fire from blush, I slowly pull away and sit back down, gazing at her.

“Obviously, and you know romance isn’t my thing. I hope this is working out for you so far.”

“I thought you made it clear you were only going to find a romantic relationship after you moved back to Japan and finished with postgraduate studies?” She raises her brows at me.

“Yep, that sure was the plan. You know my brother Keita is still in Japan, I’d really love to go and visit him and my folks again.” I nod in agreement.

“I never knew you had a brother.” Heather’s eyes widen in delightful surprise. “Twins?”

“Nope, he’s one year younger than me. He didn’t come to America, he stayed with my aunt and uncle and preferred to study in Japan. His English is stellar, you know?”

“Stellar.” She snorts, laughing. “There’s a word I haven’t heard in a while.”

“You sure do pick up on a lot of things when you visit England.” I chuckle softly, “but I think he would love to meet you. You two would be good friends.”

“Is he anything like me then?”

“Kind of a mean person who swears a lot and probably has a lot of jealousy and anger issues?”

I ask as she remains quiet, blinking at me and the words that came out of my mouth. “Well no, he’s quite the opposite actually. He reminds me of Mercedes.” I nudge her.

“Oh, you’re such a dick!” She bursts out giggling, “though no denial there, obviously.”

“You come with me to Japan, I’ll take you to see Keita unless he comes here first.” I smile at her, “I do want you to see my family.”

“So, you’re very much serious about…this.” She gestures to the both of us. “You want a serious relationship, because I do.”

“Yeah probably, but you can expect an equal amount of me roasting you and also loving you at the same time. Don’t you know, that’s how all relationships work out?”

“Oh, you haven’t changed at all, have you?” She rolls her eyes at me, resting her chin on her fist, “though I can’t say I’m complaining too much… It’s my fault I fell in love with you in the first place.”


	12. Fallible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell me, Mercedes. Please tell me what really happened with Jared and Heaven yesterday.” What's the best way for a yandere to get close to the one she loves, adores, obsesses and kills for? By manipulation and sweet talk--through his brother first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, chapter 12 is up! :D Fun fact, all of the chapter names are actual words with meanings that are connected to the current themes/happenings in the chapters! Enjoy, all warnings apply! <3

**Mercedes’ Perspective.**

“ _Hi!_ You’ve reached Jared Knight. Unfortunately, I’m not available at the moment, but please feel free to leave a message and I’ll get right back to you as soon as possible. Thanks!”

“Ugh!” I huff down at my phone, that’s the fifth time I’ve tried to call him today and he still doesn’t pick up! 

I grit my teeth, shoving my phone into the pocket of my jacket and continuing to walk down the rainy block, holding the handle of my violet umbrella even tighter with both of my hands at the strong winds that threatened to carry it away with the pouring rain.

I shiver, feeling my teeth chatter as I shove my freezing hand into my coat pocket and fish out my keys, fumbling with them as I approach my doorstep.

“Come on, come on.” I murmur, shoving the key into the lock and twisting it, pushing the door open as with a gust of wind goes through my umbrella, causing it to flutter inside out.

“Damn it!” I slam the front door, pushing the sides of the umbrella down and attempting to fold it back together. “Geez, this weather.” 

I grumble to myself, throwing the soaked umbrella to the side and slipping off my wet shoes while peeling off my jacket, taking my phone out. I guess I could give one last call. 

I bite my lip, unlocking my iPhone again and pressing the “call” button below Jared’s name.

As the call screen appears, I hear a faint phone vibrating in the distance. I raise a slow brow, letting the phone ring as the familiar ringtone grows louder and louder. I peek down at my phone again to see that he hung up, staring at it in confusion. 

“What the?”

“Sorry, were you calling me?” In a sudden, I clutch my phone to my chest and spin around in horror, spotting Jared dressed in a fluffy, white, long jacket, holding a steaming mug with one hand and his phone with the other.

My eyes widen as I cautiously gaze at him, feeling my heart race with shock. My brother once naturally pale now looked a shade of paper white, standing before me with a torn, swollen lip, a black eye forming underneath his left eye, and a half blood-soaked bandage on his forehead.

He gives me a weak smile, placing both the mug and his phone onto the kitchen counter beside him.

“Jesus Christ!” I shriek, throwing my phone over onto the couch and rushing over to him, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Jared, what the hell happened to you?! Oh my God!”

“Shh, shh! Mercedes, please.” He says quietly, clasping my cheeks with both hands. “No need to overreact, I’m alright.”

“Overreact?!” My eyes bulge. “Have you looked in a mirror?!” I pull away from him, stumbling back. “Look at you! You’ve got a black eye, your lip is–” I gesture to his face with my finger, frowning. “Who hurt you like this, Jared?”

“Did you even have to ask?” He chuckles, clutching his cheek. “Our friendly neighbor Dalton of course. I’m real surprised you didn’t hear me getting beat to a pulp yesterday afternoon.”

“All this happened yesterday afternoon?!” I screech. “And you didn’t tell me about it!? Much less even answer your damn texts or call me back?”

He shrugs it off, “you know I’m never really on my phone.”

“That’s definitely not an excuse!” I scoff. “Jesus, I got so worried, you know? All I heard was that you wandered out to Heaven’s place for some God forsaken reason and skipped school!”

“You really think I could have gone to class looking like this?” He gently nudges his black eye.

“Well… Of course not.” I lower my tone. “Heaven took you to her place, didn’t she?”

He nods happily, “she did. If it wasn’t for her, my entire face would have been as puffy as a fuckin’ balloon by now. This is nothing compared to what I expected to have. It doesn’t really hurt either, you know? It’s just a little sore.”

“If mom finds out, we’re both gonna die.” I groan, rubbing my temples. “She would freak!”

“And now you know how it feels to wander out to a strip club, miss school, and not get a call or text back in return.” His smile turns into a wide smirk.

“You son of a bitch.” I knit my brows in disgust, “you did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

“I’m pretty well aware as to the state of my phone.” He nods, “but I didn’t answer just like you didn’t. I was trying to teach you a lesson, Mercedes. I saw the opportunity and I knew I could use it to my advantage.” He explains, lifting his mug back up and sipping it.

“I was fine, she took care of me. I got home this morning and slept a little more, I heard it was an optional review day from Alyssa anyway.”

“That’s still not okay.” I pout. “You scared the living shit out of me.”

He puts his mug down once more, giving me a warm smile as he pulls me into a tight hug. “Mercedes. I’m sorry. I’m tired of everyone pushing me down over literally everything I do. I just wanted some time for myself.”

“We didn’t mean it like that.” I mumble. “Everyone wants to see you Jared, we weren’t buying any of that ‘feeling sick’ bullshit Heaven came up with.”

“I told her not to give out any details as to what happened.” His eyes narrow at me as he pulls away. “So, none of you would start being overdramatic again.”

“Why do you even think that way? We’re your friends, Jared. We just want what’s best for you, but what else are we supposed to do when you just push us away like that?”

His eyes veil with doubt, “I know. I miss them too. I can’t see them looking like this.”

I chuckle. “Well I’ll let you rest after I tell you the good news then.”

“The good news?” He rubs the ridge of his nose.

“Jay asked Heather out!” I exclaim with a grin.

His eyebrow shot up in a flick as a wide smile grew over his lips, “actually?!”

“Yes!” I laugh, leaning against the staircase railing. “You should have seen it, even Jay woke up tired as shit this morning. He was late to math and everything.”

“Ooh.” He winces, “I’m guessing Heather pulled out his hair?”

“Everything you’d expect!” I howl in laughter, “I was stuck in the middle of it, but oh man, if anyone can tame that beast, it’s Jay. He asked her out for coffee at last.”

“Fina-fucking-ly!” Jared sighs in relief, rolling his eyes. “It was more than fucking obvious those two liked each other.”

“You kidding? It’s adorable!” I giggle, “she got all shy and quiet. I’ve never seen her blush so much. The two decided to ditch the rest of the day and went out.”

“I feel like you’re the cupid in this situation.” He jokes, chuckling.

“Am I?” I wink, glancing down at myself. “I mean, I’m definitely cute enough to get away with it.”

He snorts, “keep dreaming little brother. You haven’t got much of my looks.”

I stick my tongue out at him playfully, “don’t be jealous.”

“I don’t have time to be!” He laughs, picking up his phone. “Besides, you got a lot to do. I see even that umbrella couldn’t save you out in that storm.”

I groan, rubbing my arms. “It’s horrible outside. I don’t even like the rain.”

“How do you think Serenity would feel?” He heads over to the window, pushing back the curtains and peeking out. “I feel shitty inviting her over in this weather.”

I raise a brow, “you’re, you’re inviting Serenity over?”

“Yes?” He slowly turns, looking at me with confusion. “Why?”

“Like, at this time? Here?” I frown, biting down on my lip.

“Why are you acting so surprised?” He scoffs, “I haven’t seen her in a little bit.”

“Why not Heaven, out of all the people?” I suggest, innocently.

“Look, if you feel uncomfortable around Serenity, then you don’t have to hang with us.” He sighs in annoyance. “I just told you, I miss her.”

“O-Okay.” I swallow, quickly looking away. “What’s it with you and Heaven anyways?”

“I don’t know.” He bites his lip, “I mean I definitely got to know her much better as of yesterday, but it’s too soon to tell for anything. Why do you ask?”

“She looks like a nice girl.” I look at him, forcing a fake smile. “You know? I don’t really know her personally.”

He nods, pursing his lips. “I think we could all see her on Friday. I mean she’s hosting a party at her place so.” He shrugs awkwardly, “I’ll go for her.”

“Even though you despise parties.” I blink, pointing out. “And socialization is hard for you in a group of people.”

“What?” He narrows his eyes, rubbing his forehead.

“You’re an introvert.” I say, plainly. “What would you be doing at a party?”

“Okay?” He squints his eyes at me, “what’s your point? Alyssa, Heather, Hope, all of those people are going to be there too. I’ll surround myself with who I’m close with, who said I had to push myself out of my comfort zone and meet new people?”

“Well I never said that.” I take a step up the stairs, glancing at him. “I just wanted to make sure it was alright with you.”

“It’ll be fine.” He breathes, “I’m doing this for her. I want to repay her, so I figured it would work if I supported her last party of the season.”

“And I hope you’ll be staying for the whole duration of the party this time.” I shoot back.

A slight scowl crosses his gaze, “yes, I will. Mercedes, what’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing!” I throw my hands up, shrugging. “I’m just saying–”

“What exactly are you trying to say?”

I glance around for a brief moment, facing the stairs. “I hope Serenity isn’t there,” I say before heading up the stairs.

“Jesus Christ.” I hear him mumble. “Don’t you have studying to do?!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know!” I holler back, scurrying up to the side of the stairs and crouching down, giving me a perfect view through the railing of Jared down into the living room and the front door on the left side.

I watch him as he pulls back the curtains with a smile, rushing up to the front door and opening it wide for Serenity who gives a shy smile, clutching her umbrella dear to her as she lowers it and steps inside. “Hey, you.”

“Welcome.” He smiles warmly at her, helping her slip off her coat from her shoulders. “Sorry about the bad timing, I figured the storm would hit in the evening.”

She gives a laugh, throwing her head back. “Not to worry, I love the rain. It’s just the wind that’s a little harsh.” She folds her umbrella, setting it down beside mine to dry. “I hope you’re feeling much better, Jearbear.” She pinches his cheek, giggling.

“Thank you.” He looks pleased at her noticing his wounds as she gently runs the back of her hand against his cheek.

“Is Mercedes home?”

“Yeah, he’s upstairs doing a bit of studying.” He scratches the back of his head.

“Oh,” she seems slightly surprised, pulling away, “fair enough.” Her eyes examine the room momentarily before they dart up to the staircase, meeting mine. My eyes widen as I freeze completely in my spot, holding eye contact with her. Almost immediately does her friendly smile disappear off of her face into a blank and dead stare when she meets my eyes. 

I shake my head, booking it to my room as fast as I could and slamming the door.

“F-fuck.” I breathe, covering my face with my hands. “This cannot be happening right now.”

“I thought you said Mercedes was up in his room studying?” I hear her muffled voice downstairs.

“He should be.” Jared tells her. “Why?”

“I haven’t seen the kid for a long time! Mind if I go upstairs and pop in for a visit?” She offers.

Hesitantly, I reach my hand over to the lock on my door, breathing heavily. I listen for their conversation, only hearing both of their voices getting more distant, not enough for me to make out any words. Honestly, this is so fucking ridiculous right now… Why am I scared of her to begin with?

“Mercedes?” Her voice rings as she knocks on my bedroom door, causing me to gasp and flinch, staggering away.

I quickly pick up my backpack, grabbing my math and chemistry notes, scattering them on my bed, sitting down and unzipping my pencil case. “Come in!”

The door slowly opens as she peeks her head inside, her lips breaking into a small smile. “Hey, how’ve you been?”

“Good I suppose.” I lie, smiling back and glancing back at my notes. “How about yourself?”

She trots inside, closing the door behind her and shrugging, “I think we can both agree it’s been a rough couple of days for all of us.”

“I guess.” I nod at her. “Jared and you must have missed each other to see each other like this.”

“Oh, I know.” She gazes around my room, eyeing the floor. “Sometimes I feel as if I have nowhere else to go. It’s a bit of a risk seeing him in general.” A risk?

“May I?” She gestures her hand to my computer chair as I give a small nod. She sits down, shifting to get comfortable and sitting cross legged. “Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to come and be a bother.”

“No, not at all, that’s fine.” I let my eyes wander over my chemistry notes, leaning my back against the wall.

“Recently, my mother kicked me and Lucas out of the house.” She runs a shaky hand throughout her hair, “told my older brother that he couldn’t just pop in the house whenever he was hungover or needed something to eat. Kicked him out and said he already had a job and could look after himself, to go back to his dorm.” She rests her head back, puckering her lips into a pout. “Threw me out eventually too, handed me all my shit. She was tired of the both of us doing the same thing. You see, I had no choice but to move in with Dalton. I have nowhere else to go.”

“But, Jared.” I look wide eyed at her.

“It’s not safe for me to be moving in with Jared, with you guys.” She shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut. “We all know how Dalton would react, or Heather. Maybe even Jay and Brady.” She blinks her eyes open, staring at me in a pained expression. “I’m not stupid Mercedes, I know your friends hate me.” My heart pounds as I feel blood rush up to my face, nodding slowly. “I see the way they act around me; the dirty looks Jay gives me whenever I wave to him in the halls. Or maybe you already know how Brady ran into me not too long ago? How he screamed at me on sight?”

“I’m s-sorry.” My breath hitches. “Those aren’t right things to do.” What the fuck is going on with me? Why do I feel so damn frightened by her?

Her expression relaxes, turning blithe as she rubs her shoulder. “It’s alright, I should have known from the start I never really did fit in with you guys.”

“That’s not what you want.” I blurt, regretting my words right after. She raises her eyebrows in surprise, nodding at me.

“I guess. It’s hard to judge any sense of cruelty when that’s all you’ve been surrounded with for a long time. I’m just doing my best to get along with everyone. I’m doing this for Jared.” She lets her legs down, spinning in the chair.

“If I can get to become better friends with his friends, then it works out for the both of us. I can’t afford to lose or make any more friends, Mercedes. You understand what I mean?”

“Completely.” I glance at her fearfully.

She hops off the chair, approaching me. “You’re the only one who hasn’t hurt me yet. I can trust you, can’t I?”

I swallow hard, “of course you can. Why not?”

“Tell me, Mercedes. Please tell me what really happened with Jared and Heaven yesterday.” She whines, standing before me.

“I’m not buying any of the bullshit, I saw them drive off together and nobody told me a word. P-Please, I know that you know.”

I scoot back uncomfortably, “geez Serenity, I don’t get why that’s such a big deal to you. He was hurt and she drove him to her place to take care of him.”

“Did–Did they?” She raises a brow, peeking at me.

I knit my brows in disgust, “did they have sex?”

“Y-yeah.” She rubs her knuckles nervously. “Did they?”

“How the hell would I know?” I scoff. “Don’t you trust what he has to say more than what I do?”

“Do you think he’d even tell me anything?” She lowers her voice into a whisper.

I sigh glumly, “I think he’ll tell you everything. More than what he’ll tell me. He trusts you Serenity, I think it’s about time you do too.”

“Oh.” Her eyes look down at my notes before she steps away. “You’re right. I’m j-just–I’m sorry. I look like I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“We don’t talk like this.” I remind her. “but it’s not my secret to tell.”

She smiles at me weakly, “you have no idea how much it means to me.”

“I’m sure it’s just as hard on us as it is to you.” I chew on my nail, staring at the carpet.

“Thank you, Mercedes. I hope I wasn’t interrupting your studying.”

“Not at all.” My voice trails out. “Have a good one.”

“You too. Good luck on those exams.” She twists open the door knob, heading back outside in the hallway and shutting it down.

I quiver, swallowing hard and feeling my stomach churn. I push my notes back and plopping on my bed in relief, staring at the ceiling.

Was I right to do that? To tell her those things? I knew there was something off about her. Why does she even care so much? Why doesn’t she trust Jared as much as I thought?

 _“You’re the only one who hasn’t hurt me yet. I can trust you, can’t I?”_ The only one? Dalton, Jun, Heather, Heaven, Hope, Brady, Alyssa, Francis. Even them? Does she have no friends at all? And what about Jared? It’s ridiculous how one girl can give off such a threatening vibe, or maybe it’s just me expecting too much.

I get off of my bed, quietly opening the door and glancing around the hallway cautiously. I take a few quiet deep breaths to calm down my racing heartbeat, heading down the stairs and over to the empty living room, grabbing my phone off the couch. This is not right, this isn’t fucking right at all.

“I’m not buying any of the bullshit, I saw them drive off together and nobody told me a word.”

I’ve got to tell Jun. I scroll down my contacts list, finding his name and pressing “call”, holding up the phone to my ear and waiting impatiently.

By the second ring, Jun picks the phone up and I hear the faint sound of a TV in the background. “Hello?”

“Jay!” I hiss. “You and I need to talk immediately.”

“Whoa, whoa, holy shit, what’s going on?” He lowers his voice down to a whisper.

“It’s Serenity, she’s at my place right now with Jared.” I mumble.

“Are you serious?” He groans quietly. “What the hell is she doing at your house?”

I grip my phone. “Jared just came up with some bullshit excuse that they missed each other or something like that. I don’t believe a word of it.”

“Did she do anything?” He questions.

“I can’t say much over the phone.” I mutter, “most of the sound goes right back upstairs. You and I need to talk, she’s suspicious about Heaven and Jared.”

“Fucking hell, does this bitch ever give up?!”

“Probably not. I don’t even know what’s going on for myself. What can I do?”

“We’ll need to speak in person about this, you have to tell me everything. Do you have any idea what the fuck she’ll do to Heaven if she gets involved into this?! “

“I don’t wanna go and fucking spy on her right now though.” I whimper, frantically looking around the room. “I can’t talk, she’ll come. She’ll hear.” I stare at the empty staircase.

“Mercedes, you need to get my place. Now.”


	13. Concupiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I took your virginity. I think I like the idea of that…” Revealing his room full of art, paint, bursts of creativity and colors of all kinds splattered around, Jared reveals his most vulnerable side of his hobby and talent to Serenity for the first time--the two building up trust with one another. One thing leading to another, Serenity is pleasantly surprised to be able to seduce Jared quickly and be the first to take his virginity.

**Jared’s Perspective.**

_‘The first time I have a girl in my room and it’s gotta be a complete disaster. Good on you, Jared. This is utterly humiliating.’_

“Pardon the mess.” I say sheepishly, closing the bedroom door behind me as I itch the back of my head.

“The mess?” Serenity’s eyes widen as she takes a few steps into my room, gazing all around my room. “This is supposed to be a mess?”

I flush red in embarrassment, glancing at my room which has slowly morphed itself into an artist’s studio over the short time of a week. Back at our old place with the guys, my room was the largest, but it was also in the basement while everyone else’s was on the first floor.

I don’t mind the usual sweep of coldness down there; the walls are pretty much soundproof and there is lots of room for me to work with. It’s the only real part of the house I can call “home”.

I have of course been living there since I started university; all of our parents had pitched in a tidy sum to help afford the price of the bungalow, and we paid off the monthly bills from our own pocket. 

It became much easier for our parents to allow us to move after Jun’s parents had moved back to Japan, and Brady’s were hardly ever home due to work. For the first little while, my room remained messy enough that I couldn’t even see the floor from the piles of clothes.

At the time, it seemed just fine for me, but now that I think about it, it comes off as mildly embarrassing. Once I got fully into art, papers and pencil crayons were scattered all over my room, and I was almost always browsing art or doing digital doodles on my drawing tablet for inspiration.

It turned out a few years later that my room became my first studio, and had the walls completely covered in sketches and different types of paintings. All of my art was original, of course, and I spent countless hours on my masterpieces to give myself the feeling of satisfaction and improve on my art from learning a thing or two from my mistakes.

Paint splatters weren’t uncommon to find on my walls even now. I hadn’t even managed to keep my new room clean for very long.

It took me more than enough time to unpack all of my artwork and set up my canvas along with my new addition of paints. I had already squeezed the living life out of most of my paints and made sure to add it to my to-do list that I should definitely go out sometime and restock to feed my artistic cravings. 

Mercedes had only ever come in my new bedroom once, and that was to help me set up my new bed on the framing and such, not for any other purposes. I know if he ever decided to pop in for a visit that he would most likely lose his mind at the mess, for now my bed isn’t even made with all those layers of blankets and fluffy pillows tossed around. My bag is thrown by my end table and on it remains my alarm clock face down that I hated more than enough.

My old computer desk I still have now was smudged with different shades of green paint from the past accidental spills, and my laptop remained on its screensaver which had Jackson Pollock style paint splashes of all different colors appearing on the screen.

Half of the sketches I drew on large paper are slowly peeling off the walls from the drying, old tape now, and roll up on the edges. Human and creature anatomy ranging from how to draw limbs to the fangs of a bat remain on my wall, spread out evenly next to my abstract paintings and still life. 

On my coffee table remains an old mug with a day old, cold coffee and a larger dirty glass a shade of mossy green with a paintbrush shoved inside it. Soggy newspapers remained around my paintbrush container which was an old can I had found long ago in the junkyard, but it did just as fine for holding all of my supplies.

What once nice paintbrushes were now stained with paint all over the wooden handles, the tips of the brushes spread out and spiked from overuse and years of different paints smothered all over them. Squeezed up bottles and containers of empty or half full of paints varying from type to all the colors of the rainbow. 

_‘My hands might as well now join them too.’_ I think to myself, looking down at my hands which were stained with a shade of saffron and navy blue. _‘Artist hands.’_

“Your room screams ‘art’.” She comments, picking up a tube of fresh paint, reading the label.

I smile shyly, making my way over to my bed and sitting on the edge. “It’s beautiful, really. It’s like a creative mess.”

I chuckle quietly, “I appreciate that. This is my real attempt on being creatively organized.”

“I don’t want it to seem like I’m invading your privacy though.” She quickly puts the tube down, sitting down beside me.

I raise a brow in confusion, “no of course not. My home is your home.”

“Have I ever told you that you were just too good for me?” She giggles, facing me.

“You have, many times.” I nod at her.

“Well I’ll say it again, you’re too good for me.” She adds.

I blush, taking both her hands in mine and rubbing over them with mine gingerly. “I told you I would do anything to keep you safe and happy.”

“I feel like you do too much sometimes.” She takes one hand out of mine, pushing a curtain of my hair behind my ear. “Take care of yourself too babe, look at you.”

“You have no idea how many times I’ve already heard that.” I sigh in annoyance, glancing down at our hands.

“You should have defended yourself from him, you had the right.” She tells me as I look back up into your eyes, “why do you let that asshole pick on you like that?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I reply, emotionlessly.

She blinks a few times, nodding slowly at me. “It’s not as easy as you think, remember?”

“Did you really come all the way over here just to talk to me about Dalton?” I frown.

“N-No.” She bites her lip, pulling her hand away. “I came here to see you again, to make sure you were doing alright–”

“Yes, but you need to realize I’m also not this giant baby that always needs affection or someone taking care of me.” I shoot back. “How long has it been since you and I have actually spent some quality time together?”

“I thought this was it.” She stares at me, trying to swallow.

I place my hands firmly on her shoulders, giving a little squeeze. “Serenity, you and I both know we need to talk badly. This is our only chance, I don’t fucking know when Dalton lets you out and when he doesn’t. I can’t take any chances anymore, I know you’re not even safe out there and you’ve yet to tell me actually why!”

“W-What do you want to know?” She fumbles with her words, “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“You have to trust me,” I whisper, leaning in. “You trust me, don’t you?”

“More than anyone.” She nods.

“Good. I know what you’re capable of, Serenity.” I slowly pull away. “And you also make a pretty damn good liar, but I can’t fall for those anymore.”

“Y-You think I’m lying to you?!” Her eyes begin to tear up.

I sigh deeply, “something’s not right here sweetheart, that’s all I’m saying.”

Her eyes widen slightly as she brushes off the tears in her eyes, staring at me. “You’re right. We’re not together.”

“We–” My voice trails off as my expression sours. “We aren’t.”

“Don’t you want to be?” She whimpers. “Is this all it really is about?”

“I don’t know about you.” I let out a shaky breath, “that’s what’s expected of us. You know eventually I have to do something about Dalton. I can’t leave you hanging in an abusive relationship like that.”

“No!” She cries out, clutching my arms. “You have no idea what he’ll do to you if you try!”

“Why are you scared, Serenity?!” I raise my voice. “Congratulations on your third goddamn parent! I get it, he’s a fucking abusive asshole, but Jesus Christ baby girl, he’s not a damn monster!”

“He’ll fucking kill both of us and you know that!” She blurts, squeezing harder at my arms. “He always has to get things the way he wants, don’t you get it? As soon as he finds out you associated with anything, we’re both done for!”

“He won’t be killing anyone.” I clench my jaw, “I don’t care what the hell he is capable of, anyone could kill me if they wanted to. A goddamn dog could fucking tear me apart, Dalton isn’t anywhere near special!” I point at myself, narrowing my eyes. “Look at me Serenity, for fuck’s sake, do I look like anything of worth to you?”

“Don’t say that!” She whines, bursting out crying. “Don’t you fucking tell me that you’re ‘just some person, because you have always been more than that to me!”

“Serenity–” My eyes widen as she shakes my shoulders, interrupting me.

“You’re my everything, Jared. My fucking stars and my universe. I love you, I love you more than I love my fucking self, you know that?”

“You shouldn’t.” I shudder, shaking my head at her. “I can’t possibly mean that much.”

She stares at me with a pained expression, her eyes growing colder by the moment. “Don’t you love me too?”

“I do love you.” I sniffle, “I always have. I think your love has become a part of me ever since.”

“Jared.” She buries her face into my shoulder, breaking out in sobs.

I blink away a tear, hugging her tightly while wrapping my arms around her waist and rubbing her back in lazy circles. “Shh, shhh… Please don’t cry Serenity. Don’t waste your tears over this.”

“I-I just–I can’t describe it.” She whimpers, clutching onto me tightly. “I don’t fucking care where we go or how we end up. In the end, I want it to be you. Just you and me.”

“I’d love that, you know I would.” I mutter in her ear, tangling my fingers in her hair.

She breathes hotly on my neck, remaining quiet for a moment as I can hear little sniffles, her chest pushed up against mine. “Mine.” She tugs on my hair gently, “I want to call you mine.”

I blush deeply, pulling away and gazing at her. “You want to make me yours?”

“I want you more than anything.” She wipes the tears away from her eyes with both hands, “and I would give up the whole fucking world for you. I’m trying so hard Jared, I’m trying to get through all of this for you. All I ask for is some time, but I’ve let you wait much too long.”

“What are you saying?” I breathe, feeling my cheeks burning from blush.

“I know I can’t make anybody wait this long for a girl.” She pulls away from my grasp, getting up on her knees and slipping off her violet cardigan. “But I can make it up to you.”

“Serenity.” I purse my lips, watching her as she sets her cardigan down onto the floor, taking her hair tie from her wrist and tying her long hair up into a high ponytail before facing me.

“Let me. Let me pleasure you. Let me make love to you and show you what I’m about.”

Her eyes flicker with lust as she reaches her hand over for mine, placing it over my growing bulge. “Feel yourself. Look how hard you’ve already gotten.”

My jaw hangs wide as I palm myself, staring at her in disbelief. “You… You want sex?”

 _‘How the hell am I even...?’_ I stare down at my bulge in shock, finding myself growing more sexually frustrated by her words and actions.

“Please.” She bites her lip, throwing her burgundy tank top off, revealing a lacy, black bra. “Just you and me, nobody has to know… It’ll be different, but a good experience, I promise you.”

“Oh my God.” My lips tremble in an insecure smile, glancing at her chest. “You’re beautiful–err, sorry.” I quickly look away. “That’s not appropriate of me to say.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet. Would you like me to take it off?” She raises a brow, giggling and tilting my chin to the side so I can face her. “You can look, I want you to.”

I take a moment, my eyes shooting up to hers before they go back to her chest. “U-Um… I don’t really know, it’s up to you r-really. If you’re comfortable, then…”

“Mm, I’m very comfortable, trust me.” She reaches her hands back, unhooking her bra and throwing it onto the floor as I immediately look away, rubbing at my reddened cheeks. “You’re shy, aren’t you?”

“Just a little.” I say a bit too sarcastically. “I’m also a virgin, in case you didn’t already figure that out.”

“Do you masturbate?” She throws out the question nice and simple as if it was nothing.

I glance back up at her, keeping direct eye contact. “What do I have to masturbate to?”

“Me, silly. Why don’t we put those artist hands to use?” She smirks, running her hands down her chest and feeling around her breasts. “Want to touch?”

My breath hitches as I nervously extend my hands over, feeling my heart race from excitement. “Are you sure this is okay? Because we don’t have to if you don’t want to, believe me.”

“Of course, you have my consent. Do I have yours?” She asks, laughing. “Don’t be so shy, I trust you.”

“You d-do.” I agree, giving a little nod as I try to pull my hands away, but she presses harder down on them upon her breasts.

“There you go. Come on, give them a little squeeze. Show me something.” She chuckles, moving her hands down to her hips and slipping off her jeans, kicking them off along with her matching underwear.

“Fuck.” I feel at my bulge momentarily, internally screaming at myself for getting this turned on before a girl for this time.

I watch as Serenity reaches for my shirt, pulling it off of my head as easily as she removes my sweatpants, leaving me lying before her in boxers. She eyes my torso before smirking and placing her hands on my crotch.

_‘Oh, dear lord.’_

“So slim and pale. I love it. Look at you, I’ve never seen this much skin.” She chuckles. “You ready for this?” She plays with the band of my boxers. “I wanna see how big you are…”

I bite my lip, “I thought six inches was average. There’s really nothing down there.”

“Good enough.” She leans over, snatching my boxers off of me and pinning me down onto the bed gently. “Why don’t you just take me right here?”

“We don’t have any c-condoms.” I murmur awkwardly, attempting to cover myself.

“I’m on birth control, you don’t have to worry.” She grins at me, running her hands through my hair.

“Still.” I look at her carefully, “better to be safe.”

“Condoms, huh?” She grabs her purse off of the ground, rummaging through it as a wicked smile appears over her lips as she fishes out a condom, holding it up in-between her fingers. “Just in case as you said, thank God for Dalton.”

“He’s active?” I suddenly feel like vomiting at the thought of anyone looking at Dalton and thinking to themselves, ‘yes’.

“No, no, oh God no. Hope is.” She bursts out laughing. “She stops by really often.” She pulls the condom pack open and pinches the tip of it. “There. We don’t want air in this.” She gazes at me with lust filled eyes. “And now to put it on.”

I take it from her nervously and slid it over my member, biting my lip harshly in embarrassment. “I got it.”

“Easy now.” She positions, lowering her hips down slowly. “It’ll feel a little different at first but bear with me. Are you still okay with this? I can stop if you want to.”

“It’s a-alright, I’m just a nervous wreck. Go on, it’s good. Are you alright? Is this your first time too?” I question, watching her.

“Yeah.” She giggles, “I’ll have to go a little slow. Porn magazines really help, you know.”

“I don’t mind, as long as you’re comfortable.” I grunt, clenching at the bedsheets.

“M-more aroused than I expected.” She groans, pushing down on me. “I’m s-so wet.” I let out a whimper as she lets out a deep breath, lacing both hands with mine tightly as I buck my hips, letting her raise hers and ride slowly. I groan, cocking my head back and squeezing my eyes shut at the erotic, lasting movements.

“Oh s-shit!” She squeals, grinding down a little faster. “That’s so good!”

I open my eyes, letting go of her hands and rubbing her sides as I begin to move my hips in rhythm with hers, picking up the pace, not daring to say anything besides my squeamish moans. 

I feel a heavy yet incredible feeling building up slowly in-between my muscles as I squeeze her hips harshly, watching her movements and actions as I thrust up and buck my hips harshly, meeting her in rhythm and movement. 

“M-More.” She breathes, grinding her hips down against mine and crying out in pleasure.

Groaning softly, I give her hips a gentle squeeze before letting her take complete control.

“I’m c-close.” I bite down on my lip. “I think I’m going to…”

“Yes, yes. Fuck! Oh fuck!” She leans down, lowering her head and letting out a loud moan before raising her hips off and slamming her hips against mine once more, causing her to throw her head back and orgasm with me in sweet ecstasy.

Her moans and sweet cries are more frequent and louder than mine as I feel a wave of pleasure and a split second of relief as she collapses down to the side of the bed beside me, clenching her legs as we both pant.

“You’re so good.” She whines, curling up to my side, snuggling my chest. “M-my God, I-I don’t…”

I blink, throwing off the condom to the wastebasket beside me as fast as I can, laying there and regaining my breath. “Different. It was different. Um.” I hesitantly face her.

“I’ve never done anything that intimate with anyone.” She admits, giggling breathlessly and resting her head on my chest. “Did you like that? How was it?”

“Neither have I.” I lean down, gazing at her. “It was...an experience, let’s say that… Damn.”

“You think anyone might have heard?” She smirks.

“Mercedes?” My eyes widen slightly as I quickly cover myself with the blanket.

She bursts out laughing, “not a chance. Doesn’t even matter, I want to show you all kinds of love and affection from me.”

“Y-You certainly know what you’re doing.” I shift underneath the covers, biting my lip. “I don’t know what to think. Are you okay? Did it hurt for you?”

“Stooop!” She giggles, “don’t get me all blushing and heating up again, of course it didn’t hurt! Did you see how aroused I was? Damn Jared, you really are the most vanilla guy I’ve ever met. Your shyness kills me!”

“Probably killed the mood too.” I groan in embarrassment, “sorry, I just had no idea what I was doing to be exact with you. I’m no Elijah Butler.”

“You’re adorable, and trust me, last thing I need is for you to be another Elijah.” She brushes the strands of hair off my face, “and I love you so much.”

“I-I love you too.” I shyly tell he as she pokes my nose playfully. “This’ll stay between you and I, right? ‘Cause I mean, if Dalton finds out–”

“Oh of course it’s going to stay between you and I!” She pulls up the blanket to her chest. “That’s all that matters.”

“I’d have to agree with you on that.” I breath, snuggling up to her. “I still love spending each and every moment with you, if you were wondering. Maybe even if nobody else wants us to… But I also don’t want you to think this has to be an ongoing thing. We really don’t need to have sex to um, prove our love for each other.”

“I know what you mean.” She nudges me with a wink. “I don’t blame you and all, just having a good little fun time is healthy now and then.”

“Agreed.” My face flushes red as I stretch out my arms, gazing at her happily. “God, I feel so damn vanilla now.”

“You’ll get better.” She snickers, “trust me. You’re not that bad. I missed you like crazy, you know? I wanna see you as much as I possibly can.”

I nod slowly at her. “You know, I really wouldn’t mind that. Come whenever you’d like. My home is your home, remember? We have room for you here.”

“You always say that.” She beams happily. “And I’ll thank you every time for it. You stole my heart and now you took my virginity too, eh?”

“I-I did?! I mean… I did.” I blink. “Goddamn, when you put it that way it sounds different!”

“And I’m your first too, right?” She whispers, leaning in. “For real?”

“Of course. Lonely artists don’t get much action if you were wondering.” I blush, taking both of her hands in mine.

She nods slowly, giving a small smile as she looks down at her hands before looking into my eyes. “I took your virginity. I think I like the idea of that…”


	14. Quidnunc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'How could I ever pretend that I don’t love you?' A deep friendship unraveled to love, one unknown by Jared but the only thing Brady has known for years. Unspoken words and truths between each other remain to become silence--the elephant in the room. Brady is unable to express his own emotions, but the rift between them continues to grow as Jared refuses to listen to reason with the topic of Serenity. Ruining their friendship, getting in the way and clouding Jared's judgment, he still remains blind to what's happening around him.

**Brady’s Perspective.**

_I murmur to myself_ , picking out the brand new 12th grade level, AP biology textbooks, placing one beside the attendance sheet as I run my finger down the list, finding the student with the class number of “nineteen”.

I’m always here in the AP biology class, organizing textbooks and worksheets for a few hours after school every day.

A little shameful to me since every store I don’t have any interest in never even bothered to call me for an interview after I filled out countless application forms and handing in resumes. Maybe it’s having Mercedes ominously standing beside me the entire time that throws people off, or maybe they aren’t so keen on my tattoos and piercings. 

Whatever the reason is for me not being able to find a job, I’m definitely not the type of guy to hold grudges for long, if at all, so I give up.

I found myself a little part time job under my biology teacher, Mr. Hithers, for erasing doodles (which mostly consisted of little dicks drawn in the corners of the textbooks) and answers out of textbooks (I guarantee you those were 100% wrong), and picking up the shipment of new biology textbooks for each term, numbering it correctly for each student and placing them on the shelves.

It isn’t much work, but after one hundred and sixty textbooks being unpacked and written numbers with student names on the inside cover, well, your hand starts to get a _little_ sore. The best part is that I got paid $15.00 an hour, just as much as the other guys did.

Of course, wanting a job and making some money while earning some valuable work experience at this age is what I want, I don’t have some aesthetic to work at real shops or at the mall. Time flies fast while getting the new and old books ready for class, and trust me, the janitors don’t do a very good job at dusting.

“Brady!” I’m startled momentarily to hear Jared’s voice outside the classroom with the slam of his locker. “Are you finished yet?”

“Almost!” I holler back, stacking on top of the other textbooks and grabbing another one from the box. “Give me five minutes and I’ll be out!”

“Damn.” He peeks his head into the classroom, sticking his tongue out playfully at me. “I’ll be down at the cafeteria if you need me then, eh?”

“Get outta here,” I chuckle, waving him off as he pops his head back into the hallway. I pull the cap off of my marker and open up the textbook, glancing down at the attendance list once more to find the next student.

“Jameson… Richards. Mounis. Pres–” I knit my brows, staring down at the next name on the list, reading _._ “And of course, they always order an extra.”

I move my index finger off the page before slowly gazing up and around the classroom, glancing at the tightly shut blinds and deserted hallway right around the corner. I quickly step towards the door and glance out into the hallway both left and right, finding it completely empty. I haul the textbooks in my arms, placing them on the ground as I kneel down and fit them on the bottom shelf in numeric order starting from number fifteen.

I huff, pushing the textbooks in the shelf tightly, making sure they don’t slouch or fall over onto each other before standing up and brushing off my shirt, grabbing my bag off my desk and slinging it over my shoulders. I gaze around the room at all of the empty, numbered seats, running my hands around the smooth wood of the desks as I make my way around.

“Over dramatic and full of anxiety as always.” I breathe deeply, remembering Serenity’s seat in the class, attempting to relax my tense muscles as I head out the classroom door and skip a couple steps down the staircase, taking a right turn down into the cafeteria.

Of course, it’s hard being the one who’s been crushing on your best friend for so many years, only to have him reject you automatically. There’s no doubt about it, I know Jared won’t even look at me if he ever finds out. All I am is a mess who appears in the wrong place and the wrong time and has made it a habit to blame myself for everything.

_“I wouldn’t have cared as much if your little girlfriend didn’t bump into me.”_

_“Brady, you don’t fucking know anything.”_

I bite my lip, feeling anxiety tear away at me again remembering what Jared said the night after Serenity as I push open the cafeteria doors, hesitantly heading inside.

This is absolute bullshit, remembering that it wouldn’t matter if I had anything to say about Serenity, whether she was a liar or a goddamn murderer, Jared refuses to listen to me anyways.

_“I guess not everything revolves around you, right?”_

I groan quietly, spotting him across the empty cafeteria sitting at the second last table by himself, munching on a burrito and flipping through something in his binder.

 _Memories are pieces of shit that’ll insist things were worse than they actually were, or better._

I swallow down my emotions and fix up a smile upon my lips, walking over to him and placing both my hands down on the table. “Watcha studying, nerd?”

“Van Gogh for my art assignment.” He peeks up with a smile, extending his burrito to me. “Want some?”

“You know me so well.” I laugh, leaning in and taking a bite out of the burrito. “Chicken burrito.”

“You’re just lucky we share the same favorite burrito,” he jokes with a wink. “Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna sit?”

I snort, taking a seat across from him. “How long is this gonna take?”

He chuckles, giving me a quick glance. “Not long, let me just finish up reading this section and we’ll go.”

I stretch out my arms, relaxing and slouching against the chair.

Jared’s eyes wander across the page as he mouths a few words, his brow flicking up in surprise as he continues reading a large section titled _“Van Gogh’s Famous Works”_ as I gaze at him, feeling my cheeks flare with blush.

I admire him and his nerdy love for art, how talented he is yet how he never takes pride in his own work. He’s his own secretive person that finds creativity through anything. There’s always been something about Jared that nobody can put an exact finger to, but without him around, everything seems to be missing. 

You meet him, and he comes off as shy yet friendly, and right then he wants to become better friends with you and relieve any tension off. Sometimes you see him on his best days, where his shirts are stained with paints and he’s got a contagious grin on his face, and days at a time where he won’t speak a word to anyone and scrubs at his arms to get the colors off. 

_You can want him, over and over again, as desperately as you like, but that won’t change the fact he doesn’t want you._

As long as he’s happy with whoever, someone who won’t hurt him or lie to him. I know he’ll be happy to be in love, and that’s all I ever want for him. For someone who’s been through so much unnecessary pain, he deserves a lifetime of happiness.

I would give him all of my happiness if I could, if I even had a bit left inside of me.

I would give him anything in the world if it meant he could beat his insomnia, if he can smile for days on end. No hesitation, just in a heartbeat. I’ll take him to be mine, if I can.

_He doesn’t love me, but I adore him to no end._

I know I’m always making the same mistakes, and I know I’ll never learn from them if I don’t stop. Lately, everything has become a blur without him. He’s naïve and definitely stubborn at times, but his presence itself is everything and enough to become an addiction. 

Here is someone who will never judge you, no matter what kind of past you’ve been through, and regardless of how many mistakes you’ve made. There’re barely any people like that left out here, other people mean nothing. He can thank me by breaking my heart, but he’s always going to remain my best friend.

_If I can’t love him as a lover, then I’ll love him as my best friend like I always have. Nothing and nobody can change._

So maybe I do like remembering the taste of pain, rethinking about what hurts me the most. Maybe I like to mention it from time to time, feel that anger boiling again in my veins. This is just my only way of expressing how hurt I am, I embrace my own sadness. He’s what’s making me upset, but the only person who knows how to make me happy through my worst times and tears. 

_I can’t let go of him as easily as I wish I could. I see him kissing girls, loving others who aren’t me._

I can’t seem to take my eyes off of him and continue to hopelessly think things will work out in time again.

He really does mean something to me, so I won’t lie and tell him I’m okay. I wish I knew how it was all going to end; if we were going to break each other’s hearts or one of us was going to do the honors and hurt the other already.

“Brady?” I just wish everything would stop sounding like a fucking dream all the time. I wish there was some way for me to make everything come true.

“Brady?” Jared nudges me as my eyes snap open, blinking frantically and looking around the cafeteria.

“H-Huh? Wha–?” I run a hand through my hair, tugging gently. “Shit, sorry man. I zoned out for a minute there.”

He lets out a laugh, shutting his binder. “I figured! Is something wrong? You look really distant as of late.”

I blink at him in confusion, “do I?”

“Yeah.” His smile forms into a frown as he sits back in his seat. “What’s keeping you so down, lately?”

I sigh, shaking my head and glancing at my hands. “I don’t even know for myself. It’s just one of ‘those days’.”

“It’s been ‘one of those days’ for you since grade 11.” He points out, raising both eyebrows. “Obviously you’re lying to me.”

“You’re making me sound _baaaaad_.” I groan, rubbing my forehead. “I’ll sound like a dick if I mention it.”

“So, what?” He scoffs, “what’s holding you back?”

 _“You.”_ I swallow hard, avoiding eye contact.

He pauses for a moment as I nervously gaze up at him, chewing on my bottom lip. His eyes widen slightly as he gives me a slow nod. “Alright.”

“I’m sorry.” I mutter, “this sounds so fucking stupid.”

“I know exactly what you’re talking about.” He adds, “at least you had the balls to mention it.”

“I just realized that swallowing it down and attempting to forget it doesn’t work for me anymore. It just makes things worse.” I mumble, leaning my elbows against the table.

“I get it, that was our first fight in years, and a real one, actually.” He sighs, grabbing his bag and shoving his binder inside. “I’m sorry–”

“No, I’m sorry.” I cut in, slowly standing to my feet. “It was my fault, I got myself in shit that was none of my business to begin with.”

“If you hadn’t told me, I would have been in deeper shit than I am now.” He rises, zipping up his bag, “I hope you know that.”

“I was just trying to be helpful.” I grit my teeth, “how was I supposed to know if you were going to be angry with me?”

“Brady, I misunderstood you.” He shakes his head, “everyone put me in the spot at the exact same time and I began panicking, I don’t like having blame thrown at me either.”

“Yeah?!” I raise my voice, “you honestly have no idea how shit like that gets to me. I’m so fucking sensitive Jared. One day your tone of voice changes with me and you start screaming, regardless of how you truly felt, I sensed everything.

I go home every night and think of what the fuck I did to mess everything up, where I went wrong!”

His eyes bulge as he holds his hands up in surrender, “Brady. Please.”

“I’m doing all of this for you.” I frown, my bottom lip trembling. “I’m going through all of this with you Jared, because I know what it’s like to be alone. I know what it’s like to be surrounded by people who claim they love you but all they do is lie and hurt you. All I ever wanted to do was help you, and all you’re good at is reminding me as to how I’m becoming one of them.”

“What the fuck? I believe you.” His eyes harden, “are you implying I’m calling you a liar?”

“I don’t know anymore.” I force a smile. “I’m in love and I’m in pain at the same time. I can’t have one without the other. I’m sorry I became so worthless to you in a matter of minutes.”

“Don’t fucking say that. You are not worthless, nor will you ever be.” He hisses. “You have no idea what you’re saying right now.”

“I’d rather say all of this to you when we’re both drunk so we can spill all of our sober secrets, but you’d only tell me how you never meant to hurt anyone, and how much you love her!” I spit back.

“I only meant to do this to myself.” He whispers, “I didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

“I was at the fucking bottom before you even knew it. It was all or nothing.” I scowl at him, “do you see everything that fucking Dalton caused and what Serenity did has done to me?!”

“I don’t see anything I don’t like about you.” He disagrees, stepping towards me.

“You only see what I want you to see.” I feel my throat tighten, stumbling away from him. “I know I can’t. I can’t.” I stop for a moment, biting down on my lip harshly.

_Don’t. Fucking. Say. It._

“You can’t what?”

I let a few tears drip down my cheeks, “but it gets hard. It gets so fucking hard that sometimes.” I glare at the cafeteria door, “sometimes I just wish I could unmeet her.”

“Everyone seems fine until you get to know them.” He nods grimly, “but with Dalton and Serenity–”

“Oh yeah?” I sneer at him, “you looked like a changed man as of yesterday. What’s gotten into you?”

“Brady.” His voice softens, “come on, stop.”

“Even when you hate her, you love her. What’s she done to you this time? I’m not surprised you’re hooking up behind Dalton’s back, probably fucking too.” I narrow my eyes.

“That’s–” He sighs deeply, “obviously you’re not going to listen to anything I’m saying.”

“I’m right, aren’t I?” I peek up at him. “I’m right.”

“I never said you were.”

“You fucking slept with her, didn’t you Jared?!” I scream at him, grabbing him by the shoulders harshly. “Tell me the fucking truth.”

“O-okay!” He winces in pain, “I did! I did!”

“Why? W-why would you even…” My voice cracks and tightens. “Why would you let her do something like that?”

“I don’t see why I have to explain this to you since it seems to be making you more and more upset with me.” He murmurs in my ear. “That’s enough.”

I pull away from him, sniffling. “I don’t want to go to your place anymore. You can go alone. I don’t want to go anywhere with someone who doesn’t fucking trust me!”

“ _I trust you more than anyone else_!” He shouts back, his eyes hardening with emotion. “Don’t you understand that for the love of God?! Tell me Brady, what else can I fucking give you to please you, hmm?!”

My breath hitches as I sniffle, forcing my tears back before throwing my arms up in expression, “I’m right, I knew I was right this entire time! Well just fuck me, right?! Everybody loves lying to me!”

I scowl, staring at him for a moment that feels never ending, both eyes fixed on each other’s, looking aimlessly for questions and answers. The way his green eyes pierce into mine and how badly mine stung to hold tears back feels like we were going to look into each other’s eyes until the both of us are going to burst into flames.

I take a deep breath and I say quietly, staring down at my feet. “Tell me, do you even want me around anymore? Am I just good to push around and spill all your problems too, or do you still want around you?!”

He shudders, “Brady, calm down! You should have told me before, you should have said something. I’m not just going to throw you to the side like you mean nothing to me.”

“If I had told you,” I take a step towards him, gesturing to my face in a circle with my finger, “you wouldn’t see me as who I am anymore.”

“You don’t know that.” He places his hand over my arm.

“Because the more you fall in love with _her_ , is the farther you get away from me. The more the rest of us suffer in school or find our reputation falling to pieces. The less safe Mercedes feels walking home knowing that piece of fucking shit Dalton could be lurking around the corner. The more stress you put down on us that is really your problem is the more we suffer in little ways. It builds up, it really fucking does and I’m tired!” I push him off of me, rubbing my arm. “Your mistakes don’t define you Jared, but how long are you going to keep calling things you do on purpose a ‘mistake’?!”

He pulls at his hair in frustration, shaking his head at me. “Believe me. I’m–I’m trying. You’ve never told me anything like this!”

“I’ve always wondered, how much longer could I go without telling you that I loved you.”

I shrug it off, “as long as you know, you have the right to. I figured I couldn’t fuck up our friendship any more than I already have.”

“You’re being ridiculous, I’ll never view you indifferently.” He swallows hard, facing me directly. “I’ll always care for you, regardless of however many times you keep trying to convince me you’re a fuck up, or whatever you do. It doesn’t matter, it hasn’t for years now!”

“The only time I’m ever is happy is when I’m with you, you have no idea how much I love it when we talk, but it’s fine, please just spare me the heartbreak. Don’t say anything to me concerning this, try to forget everything I just said, okay?” I bite my lip, moving away from him.

“I would be a fucking idiot if I hadn’t figured out how much you already felt toward all of this.” He rubs his temples in frustration. “Brady, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” I blurt quickly, “you love someone else, and you’re happy living in a tragedy. That’s fine, that’s okay with me. Just let me know a little faster next time.” I breathe, eyeing the cafeteria door. “Cause then I can cut off my hand before I ever reach for you _again_.”

I grip my bag, storming through the cafeteria, slamming open the doors and making my way out.

“Brady!” He yells my name from behind.

I continue walking off through the halls, doing my best to ignore him and, taking the side entrance out the door, walking through the tennis court and out into the street, forcing my eyes to look ahead of me with refusal to glance back.

It’s terrifying how fast you can lose someone, but also how quickly you can become addicted and attached to them. Either way, you can’t have them without feeling a bit of pain and love. I should have remembered a lot of confidence and expectation only mixes to become disappointment.

I should have shut my mouth. I should have not said anything at all. I know I came here for you to break my heart, so you might as well just do your worst. But love has never hurt. It’s the pain that stings, but love. I don’t know what it feels like. How could I ever pretend that I don’t love you?


	15. Cupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elijah Butler--the last piece of the group of friends who had grown up with each other, been through everything thick and thin. Having parents in Hollywood filled with connections and opportunities was not something Elijah decided to pass up at a young age, choosing a career of acting over his football career and post-secondary experience. Gone for months at a time filming movies, Elijah is still the same "bro" to the guys, but has his chin raised to the sky with confidence and narcissicm. Pockets filled with cash, private jets, personal assistants and his name all over the internet proves Elijah Butler is a hell of a promising actor, committed to his new career. Something he can't commit to and keep his promises to though? His girlfriend, Azure, whom he gladly cheats on without considering her feelings, albeit without knowing that Azure happens to be Serenity's best friend.

**Third Person Perspective.**

**December 2016: End of Semester 1.**

“ _I want to make these the best two weeks_ you’ve ever had, baby.” Azure gently stroked Elijah’s cheeks with her thumbs as she cups his face with both hands.

“You don’t have to assure me anything, babe.” A smile crossed his lips as he placed his hands over hers, rubbing over them before planting soft kisses on both, reaching into the confetti themed gift bag by the couch and pulling out a large, velvet, scarlet heart shaped box tied with a silver, silk ribbon around the front into a perfect bow, engraved with her name in cursive around it, reading; _Azure Vesi._

“How many times have I told you about buying me expensive _giiiiiifts_?!” Azure whined, tugging on his shirt. “You didn’t have to buy me that!”

“But I did,” Elijah chuckled, handing it to her as she took it carefully in her hands, admiring the craftsmanship over the heart shaped box. “I’ve been custom ordering this for fucking ever, it had to be perfect.”

Azure snorted, “a normal box of chocolates would have been just fine.” She slipped her fingers through the ribbon and pulled at it, letting it loose and lifting up the cover of the box, revealing forty pieces of carefully, crafted chocolates ranging from milk to dark chocolate, decorated with sprinkles and dipped in different coatings.

A soft scent arose from the box of chocolates, ranging from the fresh smell of chocolate to sweet strawberries. A beaming smile formed upon Azure’s face as her eyes met with Elijah’s once again, “these are amazing!”

Elijah grinned proudly, “I’m glad you like them baby.”

Azure placed the velvet cover back over the box of chocolates, setting it down on the coffee table before squealing and throwing her arms around Elijah’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. “I love you so much. You know that?”

Elijah chuckled, wrapping his arms around her waist and giving a little squeeze, “believe me darling, you’re too good for me.”

“Not at all.” She peeked at him with a slight frown upon her lips. “You won’t be here for long anyways.”

“Don’t think of it that way.” He sighed, pulling his hands away. “I promise I’ll come to visit during the long weekends and holidays.”

“And you’ll call me every night?” She bit her lip.

“ _Every_ night.” He gave her a reassuring smile, “my mind will always be on you.”

“You’re being cheesy.” She giggled, nudging his shoulder playfully. “I could say the same about you.”

“Hey, you love it.” He stuck his tongue out at her as she pecked a smooch on his cheek.

“I suppose you’re right about that.” She smiled warmly, “does that still mean you’re leaving the Student Council?”

“Not at all, I’m staying in until I’m gone.” He itched the back of his neck, leaning over and scooping his backpack over his shoulders. “I’ve been doing sports all high school and the council was _finally_ accepting more members.” He gave a deep sigh of annoyance, “I was waiting for Heather to open up spots for registration for years and I finally got my chance. Maybe you should try it too? It’d be different for both of us.”

“It’s alright. I guess it doesn’t make sense to me.” Azure shrugged, “you only have 2 weeks left.”

“So?” He raised his brow, “doesn’t really make much of a difference for me; two weeks or one. The council basically has power even over the sports teams, we’ve really helped improve a few things for future games.”

“That makes me upset though.” She muttered, her eyes falling to the floor. “It won’t be the same cheering for the football team again if you’re not around.”

“Baby girl, come on.” Elijah pushed a curtain of hair behind her ear, “you’ll still be cheering for your favorite team, regardless if I’m playing or not. We need your support.”

“You know if I have to come all the way to Miami to cheer for you in football, I will.” She looked back up at him with a smirk on her face.

“Mm, well I wouldn’t have much of a problem with that.” He placed both his hands on her shoulders.

“There’s absolutely nothing to get upset over, babe. We’ll be back together for college before you know it.”

“I’ll be counting down the days.” A blush spread to her cheeks as she gave him a smile.

“As I will too.” He leaned in, planting a soft kiss on the tip of her nose before giving her a lazy smile and slowly moving back. “If you wanna get to school on time, getting packing baby.” He winked and headed towards the front door.

“Hey, I don’t even have class first block!” She laughed and rushed after him to the door.

He grazed his tongue slightly over his lips, licking them and gazing at her as he slipped his shoes back onto his feet, staring at her momentarily.

Azure’s eyebrows flickered as she felt her face stinging with blush, quickly avoiding eye contact.

Elijah blinked, turning the doorknob before saying, “and think about what I said, yeah?”

_“It’d be different for the both of us.”_

“I’ll think about it.” She lied, forcing a smile as she placed a hand on his arm, kissing him passionately. He pursed his lips, kissing back and slowly parting from her with a smile.

“Mm, it’s up to you. Love you baby. I’ll meet you at lunch.”

“See you then babe.” She gave a little wave as he gave a final nod, opening up the door and heading back, glancing back once more with a smile over his face.

As the door closed and Elijah headed off down the porch, Azure felt the smile immediately fade off her face and crack into a frown as she turned around, letting her back face the door. She bit down on her lip hard enough to spill a drop of blood from her lips. The tip of her ears burned with jealousy as her mind wandered to what Elijah had said about the school council. Each and every member of the school council were the same old girls, there wasn’t a single guy.

Heather Crawford, Francis Evercliff, even Azure’s twin sister Kelsi, and Alyssa Wethersfield.

It was not so much of the other girls that had bothered her, even her sister’s choice to join the school council at the beginning of ninth grade, but Alyssa Wethersfield that threw her off the track.

Azure ran a hand through her hair, racking it back and sitting down on the arm of the couch, staring at the carpet with a pained expression on her face. It was Alyssa who had almost every class with Elijah, who found a way to get friendlier with him at each giving minute; less of a friendship and more of a flirting opportunity, taking a wrong turn for Azure who got jealousy easily, no matter how she disliked being so.

Elijah’s parents were both actors, constantly travelling all over Europe and North America to film their movies, and while Elijah was following his parents’ footsteps in a career of acting, his parents had signed a new contract where most of their future movies would be filmed in Miami.

It was the best choice for his family to avoid troubles travelling, and that Elijah would finally be able to act in his own movies, able to move in time to LA for college.

Even though it may not seem like much time, for Azure, being separated from Elijah for a week was heart wrenching already. As much as she also knew Elijah wouldn’t be too happy about it either, she knew she must be the one in the relationship who loved more than the other.

She had a feeling in the bottom of her heart that he wouldn’t feel as bad as she was. Azure had relationships here and there, but it never came out to anything serious.

She was tired of dating guys who came out as problematic or ones she couldn’t pull herself to truly love. She gave the dating game a break and went off towards being an honors student and joining the cheer team with her sister, Kelsi.

She only recently had appeared from the blurry crowd once she reached number two on the “Girls Top Five Honors List” and her sister had joined the school’s art program, meeting Jared Knight. 

In just a few months, it was official that Jared began dating someone and not only from there did Azure introduce her to Jared and the rest of the boys, but it sparked Elijah’s interest that Azure managed to stay on the honors list without saying a word. Elijah was right next to her on the men’s list as fourth, with Heather right above Azure in 1st, but it was more of Azure’s appearance that attracted Elijah at first at the party.

 _“Jesus, Kelsi. You never told us you had a twin sister.”_ Jun knitted his eyebrows, taking a sip of his drink.

Kelsi frowned, peeking back at Azure who was scrolling through her phone, standing by the salad table by herself, focused on her iPhone screen. “I probably should have, I’m sorry. She comes off as a bit shy sometimes, I didn’t wanna make it awkward for any of us.” Kelsi brushed it off, straightening out her black, sequin cocktail dress.

“Vesi.” Elijah murmured her last name, lowering his drink and gazing behind Kelsi. “Is her name Azure?”

Kelsi gave a nod. Elijah gave another look at the girl on her phone, wearing grey sweatpants that hung off her hips and a loose shirt with a vintage image of a cat upon it and flip flops on her feet. She remained the only girl at the party glued to her phone, munching on half a muffin in her free hand.

“Well. She’s definitely–” Mercedes peeked behind Kelsi, “the spotlight of the party.”

“Yeah, she isn’t dressed up.” Jun rolled his eyes at Mercedes, “you can just say it. It’s true.”

“Can you tell she hates parties?” Kelsi giggles, “she really does!”

“You guys are a bunch of dicks.” Elijah scoffed, “I think she’s just fine.”

“Then why don’t you go talk to her, Mr. Big Shot?” Jun leered, finishing off his drink.

“I was planning on it.” Elijah muttered, put his beer cup down and walked over to the salad table next to her, leaning against it. His eyes wandered around the different toppings and vegetables in bowls spread across the table, and up to her.

She didn’t seem to notice Elijah standing before her at all, continuing to slowly scroll on her phone with her thumb. He glanced back at Kelsi, Mercedes, and Jun who continued talking and refilling their drinks by the punch table, not noticing the two.

He gave a small shrug to himself before snatching the muffin out of Azure’s hand and taking a large bite from it. Azure’s eyes immediately shot up to Elijah’s, wide and confused as she looked at her hand then back to him as he continued to eat the entire thing before her.

“Cranberry orange,” Elijah noted, swallowing down the muffin pieces. “That’s delicious.” She blinked, slipping her phone back into the pocket of her sweatpants slowly, staring at him. “Figured you weren’t gonna eat it.” Elijah smiled, licking off his fingers. “You know, the orange zest really goes with it the cranberries. Try blueberries next time.”

“You sure know your muffins, don’t you?” She said awkwardly, looking at him in complete confusion.

“It’s not that hard when you’re friends with him.” He pointed across the room to where Brady stood beside Jared near the all-you-can-eat-buffet, judging a piece of steak on a paper plate that Jared held up in utter annoyance, glaring down a Brady.

“Brady King…?” She glanced back before facing him again. “Oh right, you two are friends!”

“Elijah Butler.” Elijah smirked, extending his hand as she shook it with a wicked smile. “Kelsi’s sister Azure, right?”

“Mhmm.” She rubbed her arm, glancing to her right where Kelsi stood with the rest of the boys before quickly looking away. “I figured a proper introduction would be nice. Sometimes she acts like she doesn’t even know me.”

Elijah immediately realized Azure was talking about her sister and bit his lip. “Kelsi’s habits I guess, you two definitely look like twins.”

“Enough for you not to tell us apart?” She faked a smile, cocking her head to the side slightly.

“Not that alike.” Elijah gave a laugh, “I don’t think it really matters. I like your sense of style though,” he gestured to her graphic shirt and sweats.

“Oh.” She flushed red in embarrassment, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I kind of grabbed on whatever I could find, I didn’t bother dressing up.”

“Good on you.” Elijah’s smile grew wider, “you look the most interesting.”

“I’m an outcast.” She sighed, putting it out plainly.

“You’re an honors student.” Elijah pointed out, raising a brow. “Number two.”

“How do you know that?” She peeped, feeling her cheeks redden with blush.

“I check the list pretty often to see how I’m doing.” He admitted sheepishly, “it’s not uncommon to see your name, it’s like it’s permanently engraved up there.”

“Well thank you for noticing.” She laughed, grabbing a napkin and wiping off her hands.

“What’s your secret?” He beamed at her.

She smirked, glancing at him from the corner of her eye as she scrunched up the napkin, “I haven’t got much of a social life if you can tell. Nothing occupies me.”

“Let’s change that, then. Come join us.” Elijah gestured over to the guys and Kelsi to the side.

Azure gave an awkward shrug, “I wouldn’t really fit in.”

“Even with your sister?” He pursed his lips.

“Especially.” She threw out the napkin, smoothing out her shirt. “It’s her birthday party after all.”

“Fuck that.” Elijah gave a roll of her eyes, gripping her wrist lightly. “Come on, we’ll go talk outside. It’s a bit too stuffy in here.”

“Alright.” She gave a small smile, following him as he led her out into the kitchen and out the back door, closing it behind him as he let go of her arm and the two sat down on the steps of the porch.

“There.” He murmured, glancing behind him for a moment before getting comfortable upon the steps. “Are you introverted?”

“A little, I guess. I don’t mind a bit of socializing but at times it can get a bit exhausting.” She replied, crossing her arms.

Elijah chuckled, pulling his phone out of his pocket, “I’ll be straightforward with you,” he gestured with his phone.

Azure’s eyes widened as her eyes flickered to Elijah’s phone then back up to his. “You want my number already?”

“Well yes?” Elijah burst out laughing. “Why not? You’re interesting enough, I’d like to get to know you better.”

She chuckled, taking his phone and typing in her phone number and name before handing it back to him, “then I expect a message or two.”

“No worries.” Elijah took his phone back, giving her a thumbs up with his free hand. “You’re on the tennis team, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” She bit her lip, glancing down to her lap. “We’re like a dying breed, we don’t have that many players.”

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Elijah snorted, nudging her shoulder. “Heard on the school announcements that you’ve got a big game upcoming after school tomorrow.”

She nodded, “first game of the season.”

“Then I’m sure you won’t mind if I buy a ticket and pop in?” He suggested innocently.

“You’d do that?” Her eyes lit up with excitement.

Elijah tugged on his dress shirt lightly, smirking, “I’m a sports kind of guy, why not?”

“That would be great.” She giggled, nodding.

“Then it’s settled!” He decided, “I’ll come see your game, but only if you promise to see mine.”

“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I don’t miss any football games.” She smiled at him.

“ _Elijaaaaah!_ ” Jun hollered from inside, “where are you man?! We’re heading home!”

“Great.” The smile on Elijah’s face faded as he slowly stood up with Azure. “That didn’t take long.”

“Don’t let me keep you waiting.” She smiled at him, “it was nice meeting you, Elijah.”

“You too, Azure.” He grinned, opening the door and giving a final wave to her before heading back inside. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

 _“See you!”_ Getting more and more used to Elijah, it wasn’t rocket science to figure out that he was a lady’s man himself, and a big flirt at that.

Azure had grown used to it, and it didn’t bother her much back then, but it was quick to act and become the root of her jealousy. Elijah had kept it in for her most of the time, but what could anyone do for a natural smooth talker? Filled with her own types of flaws, she’d just have to accept his and get on with it.

She appreciated him more than anything for her picking her out of the crowd and completely changing her life. For someone trying so desperately to blend in with the crowd and not pull any attention, she wouldn’t have had anyone else notice her so.

 _Elijah, Elijah, Elijah Butler._ She fell, and she fell hard for him, it was all or nothing in their relationship. _So why did he leave her?_

All of the assuming, all the time wasted spending it over thinking and watching, Azure ended up being right from the very beginning. Application denied from the school council but finding it suspicious that they let Elijah and only Elijah join.

As happy as Azure was from seeing that Elijah was enjoying his remaining time in a new school club, her relationship seemed to also be following the clock in that order.

Azure stood by the hallway, leaning against the wall by the water fountain, holding her physics textbook in her hand, waiting for the last few seconds to pass till the bell. Her eyes examined the hallway as the bell finally rang for the end of second block, waiting for Elijah who came out through the side of the crowd laughing loudly, shoving a piece of loose-leaf in his binder with Alyssa by his side.

Azure felt her heart sink into her stomach in jealousy as she forced herself to swallow down her pride. As Elijah continued to walk down the hallway, he wrapped an arm around a giggling Alyssa who was midway through telling a story, leaving her by herself.

She was more shocked that her own boyfriend hadn’t noticed her in the same spot she waited for him since ninth grade, not so much that he was with Alyssa _again._ Day after day, it ended up being the same routine for Azure, waiting for her own boyfriend that walked Alyssa to her locker and back.

Each time Elijah came back, he would have some ridiculously long story from chemistry that he would begin to tell her, and he didn’t hold back on any of the details when it came to Alyssa.

Azure had just nodded and listened to him as they walked off to her locker and off to the cafeteria for lunch, not questioning anything but listening.

She had already told herself that in two week’s time, Elijah would be off to Miami and Alyssa would be forced to forget him. Even after he moves back to LA, he would come to see her and only her, a bonus since Alyssa wasn’t going to the same college as them.

Unfortunately, it wouldn’t last very long. Azure couldn’t wait out another week, and neither could her breaking point on the day of her three-year anniversary. _She was done._

She swallowed hard and stared down at her shaking fingers, heading upstairs slowly and running her fingers along the white oak staircase railing as she made her way up to her bedroom, walking in and noticing Elijah’s phone lying in the middle of her bed.

Her eyes slightly widened with sudden realization; _Elijah forgot his phone?_ She slowly approached his iPhone and picked it up, sitting down on her bed and gazing at her reflection in the black screen. She gripped her floral bedsheets with her free hand tightly as a teardrop hit the sheets and she loosened her grip. She sniffled, blinking back a few more tears and smearing them off her face as she unlocked his iPhone and went inside his contacts list.

Each and every contact Elijah had from his parents to other relatives, Kelsi to Heather Crawford, she was the only one who had two red hearts beside her name. A smile that would no doubt form across her lips if she hadn’t seen Alyssa Wethersfield’s name directly under hers. It was no surprise that Elijah had Alyssa’s number, but it only made the numbing pain in Azure’s gut worsen as she pressed her finger down on her name and pressed the “call” button. 

She held the phone up to her ear and waited as it continued to ring, being picked up shortly with Alyssa’s bubbly voice that answered; “Elijah baby! Hey! Are you at school yet?” Azure felt her eyes harden with envy as she heard the words coming from the end of the phone. She gripped his iPhone tighter and swallowed hard, feeling her throat tighten.

“What did you call my boyfriend?” She spoke in a dead tone.

Alyssa remained quiet for a moment before squeaking, “Azure? Is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me.” Azure’s tone fell flat, waiting for Alyssa’s next answer.

“What are you doing with Elijah’s–”

“What are you doing with _my_ boyfriend?!” Azure hissed, balling her free hand up into a fist.

“W-wha? I don’t understand. Azure, I’m just–”

“Listen here, Alyssa.” Azure spoke harshly against the phone, “you and I might not know each other that well, but I know exactly what the fuck you’ve been up to.

I know you’re at school now and Elijah should be there any minute, but I know you’re smarter than that. Talk to him or touch him, even mention the fact I have his phone, and I’ll give you a one-way ticket to the bottom of a river.”

“O-Oh.” Alyssa whimpered. “No, I won’t. I’m sorry.”

“You aren’t sorry.” Azure continued, “if you were sorry, you would have stopped fucking around with my boyfriend from day 1. You don’t think I see what you do to him? How you just use him because he happens to be naturally friendly? Somehow you think it’s easy to twist up your ‘friendship’ with him into a little romance? Is that what you think, hmm?!” Alyssa didn’t answer, continuing to heavily breath over the other end.

“Every fucking day, you’re all over him with your hand wrapped around his arm. For fuck’s sake, Alyssa, if I didn’t know any better, I’d assume he was your boyfriend, not mine! It’s been 3 goddamn years and I sure hope you would have realized that after all this time, he’s been mine, mine, and all fucking mine. Just because he has one more week left before he moves doesn’t give you one more week to whore around, because that’s just what you do best, isn’t it?!”

“Don’t yell at me, p-please.”

“Oh, stop your fucking crying, you’re a homewrecker and you know it. There’s no need for a girl like you who clearly can’t go for a single guy to be all over my boyfriend. Go share your misery with someone who cares. Today marks the third year of me and Elijah’s relationship. For all of first fucking semester, you’ve been all over him.

I’ve seen you literally snatch my boyfriend from me, and I’ve done everything I could to hold myself back, so I don’t start a scene.”

“I’m n-not. Not a homew-w–”

“Shut the fuck up!” Azure shouted, scowling.

“You know very damn well what you are! I’m going to give you one fucking day to change your attitude, and if I catch you 5 feet near Elijah again, then I very well hope you know how to swim. Do not fuck with me, bitch. I’ll ruin your life.” She pulled the phone away from her ear and pressed the “end call” button, throwing his phone at her bed and huffing deeply.

“Fuck!” She exclaimed, running both her hands through her hair. “I fucking hate this!”

She could feel the heat racing through her body as her heart pounded with fury; she grabbed both her and his phone, storming off downstairs and grabbing her backpack off the couch, shoving the box of chocolates inside before zipping it off and throwing it over her shoulders.

She slipped on her shoes, grabbing her keys and stepping out, unlocking the front door and making her way off the porch and down the street. She kept a face pace, continuing to walk faster towards the direction of the school, taking a left turn before crossing the street and walking to the end of the block. 

The light breeze brushed past her skin as she caught her breath, walking into school grounds and inside the building without a glance as to the people near her. 

She took the nearby staircase to the second floor where Elijah’s locker was located in the science hall before stopping right in her tracks. She stood slyly by the wall, peeking out to Elijah who leaned against his locker with a frown over his face, a crying Alyssa beside him covering her eyes and sobbing.

“I-I just didn’t think that. Oh my God, I’m terrible!” She cried.

“Don’t say that.” Elijah sighed, rubbing her shoulder. “I’m sure it was some sort of misunderstanding.”

 _Misunderstanding._ Azure slipped her bag off her shoulders and grabbed the box of chocolates, hoisting it back over as she fixed a fake, snobby smile and walked down the otherwise empty hallway towards him. Elijah glanced over, raising his brows at Azure as Alyssa slowly peeked out between her fingers, not daring to lower her hands.

Azure popped a chocolate in her mouth as she stopped by Elijah, squeezing his arm gently before swallowing down the piece of chocolate, “hi baby.”

“Babe. Hey.” Elijah’s eyes gazed at both of the girls as Alyssa lowered her hands slowly, staring at Azure in fear. “You’re here so early.”

“I’m starting to think I should start coming early.” She replied plainly, munching on another piece of chocolate as she laced her free hand with Elijah’s, holding it up in front of Alyssa’s and giving it a soft squeeze. “There’s definitely a lot happening during the mornings, and semester one is almost over after all.”

“Y-you’re–” Alyssa pouted, sniffling.

“That’s not a good look for you.” Azure licked off her fingers, closing the box of chocolates. “You know, covering your face when you cry like that. It’s almost like you’re cowering.”

“Azure.” Elijah bit his lip. “Don’t say that.”

“What?” She glanced up at him. “It does look like that, doesn’t it?” She smiled sweetly at Alyssa, “but I guess for _homewreckers_ like you, cowering is all you can do when caught red handed.”

“I’m not a homewrecker!” Alyssa exclaimed, taking a step back away from the two.

“Oh my God.” Elijah took a deep breath, facing both the girls, “what is going on with you two and this ‘homewrecker’ talk?!”

“Geez, you sure are behind.” Azure rolled her eyes, “cut the shit, Elijah. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“I told you, Elijah. I told you.” Alyssa shook her head.

“You told him?” Azure’s brow flickered up. “And what did I tell you about going near him again?”

Alyssa’s eyes immediately bulged as she staggered back, holding her hands up in surrender. “N-no, no. I’m so sorry, I forgot, I–”

“I didn’t think it was that long ago that we spoke.” Azure’s eyes faded of all emotion. “You’re much more stupid than I thought.”

“And I’m not going to let you two just stand here and fight!” Elijah pulled away from Azure. “Seriously, Azure, you’re overreacting.”

“I’m not overreacting for shit, you’re babysitting this little bitch behind my back.” She shot him a death glare before looking over at Alyssa.

“Why don’t you just head off to class, hmm? You can call me later and tell me which bikini you’re picking out for our little river diver!”

“Azure!” Elijah snapped, his eyes wide. “Alyssa, Jesus Christ, just go, please. Just go.”

She gave a little nod before swallowing hard, rushing off down the opposite end of the hallway as fast as she could without looking back. Elijah watched, chewing on his bottom lip before gripping Azure’s shoulders and leaning in. “What the hell has gotten into you?!”

“Don’t touch me.” Azure snarled, pulling away from him.

“Azure.” Elijah frowned. “Baby.”

“Honestly, Elijah. On our anniversary, too. Have some self-respect for yourself.” She brushed off her uniform, lowering her bag onto the ground. “How old are you? Hmm?”

Elijah groaned, “Alyssa’s my friend, and you owe her a serious apology. I forgot my phone at home, and you call her, screaming accusations and insults over the phone? Really?!”

Azure blinked at him, reaching into her uniform pocket for a cigarette and a lighter, “I’m ashamed that it’s a surprise.”

“You’re going to smoke in the school, really?” Elijah scoffed, eyeing the cigarette. “That’s strictly forbidden.”

“Maybe I like breaking the rules sometimes.” She lit the tip of her cigarette, shoving the lighter back into her pocket and taking a puff, blowing it over his face. “Flirting is cheating.”

“Oh, now you’re accusing me of cheating on you too? What’s next, huh? More bullshit? More lies?!” He raised his voice, but Azure stood her ground.

“Well, it’s not much of an accusation if it’s true, is it?” Azure spoke quietly, holding the cigarette between her two fingers.

Elijah swallowed hard, gazing at her and the cigarette before pulling away. “I would never cheat on you, Azure. The thought never even occurred to me.”

She didn’t answer and blew out the smoke under her breath, maintaining eye contact.

“You’re the love of my life, I’d never do that to you. You’ve never jumped to conclusions like this either.”

“That’s cute.” She spoke, tapping on her cigarette to rid of the ashes.

“That still doesn’t answer any of my questions. You don’t understand. For almost an entire semester, this whore has been under your arm since you joined the school council. I told you it was a bad fucking idea, especially after they declined my and every other female’s application, only letting you in! But no, Elijah, you never fucking listen to me. Everything has to be your way and you won’t even take your girlfriend’s advice for once. You come crying to me after everything has crashed and burned and you make me feel guilty about it!”

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this before? Huh?” He shuddered.

“Because I knew you hated crazy girlfriends like that. I really did think you were just friends, but she’s been digging her nose into my relationship for months. I kept my mouth shut, but you have to know I’m not a fucking robot! I have feelings too you know! I’m a human too! I get jealous!”

“Is this how it’s going to be then, hmm?” He breathes. “Are we just constantly going to fight over other people and our differences? Things that maybe we could have sorted out way before?”

“You act like it’s so easy.” She put the cigarette back in her mouth. “You wouldn’t understand, you never will. I’ve always been plain old Azure Vesi.” She blew out the smoke, “just another honors kid who will never amount to anything but the good old tennis team. Huh, yeah, that’s a joke.” She looked deeply into his eyes, “I’ll never be like my sister. I’ll never be the perfect sibling to her, she can continue to ignore my existence and claim she’s the only child. If my own family won’t even give me a second glance, why do you? Hmm? Why was I so special to you that night?”

“I saw you as an angel, not some trash.” He leaned in, taking the cigarette and throwing it on the ground, crushing it with his shoe.

“You have potential, Azure. You always did. I’m so glad I got to know you better and how everything ended up being the way it is, up to this point. This is not like you, baby girl. You’ve changed, is it because of me?”

She shook her head, frowning at him. “It’s never been because of you. I just don’t want to lose you, Elijah. I could see myself twenty years from now, married to you with a couple kids. I could see us watching a sunset from our backyard, I could see us having a forever. But not with Alyssa ruining everything. Not with girls coming in and out, trying to take you away from me. They’re always the prettier and smarter ones. I get jealous easily because I know they could replace me in the blink of an eye.”

“That’s nonsense, all of that is bullshit.” He took both her hands, planting kisses on them, “you’re your own kind of special, Azure. I don’t care for these girls, but it’s getting too problematic.”

“What do you mean?” She questioned.

“I’ve got two weeks left, we can’t be going on like this. You do know how stressful this is for me, right?” He swallowed hard, stroking her cheek.

“I don’t understand.” She told him.

“Azure. Baby, maybe we need a break from each other, hmm? Maybe this year apart will do some good for us.”

“W-What?!” Her eyes widened as she grabbed his hand, holding it to her cheek. “What is that supposed to mean?!”

“I mean if we’re stressing each other out like this, we should–”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Her eyes filled with tears as she let go, pulling away from him.

“Babe.” Elijah gazed at her, “exams are next week, and I don’t want you stressed over me. Please, I know you deserve a break.”

“You are.” Tears pooled up in the corners of her eyes, sliding down her rosy cheeks. “You’re leaving me.”

Elijah took a step forward, gripping her wrist and pulling her over to him so both of their bodies touched, “I don’t want you to think of it as a final goodbye. I’m coming all the way back for you.”

“It doesn’t make sense to me.” She burst out crying, hugging him tightly. “You can’t just go and do that to me! It’s our a-anniversary!”

Elijah embraced her tightly, holding back his tears as he rubbed her back, “Azure. Don’t be foolish. I will always be here for you. I’ll come back, but I don’t want to weigh the stress of a long-distance relationship on you. I care so fucking much about you that it hurts.”

“What are you trying to say?!” She cried, clutching onto him.

“We’ll meet again.” He whispered, stroking her hair. “I promise. We’ll meet again and I’ll love you again, but I need a break from all this, Azure.” He planted a small kiss on her forehead, “please, I just need you to understand right now.”

“O-Okay.” She looked up at him, unable to control the tears spewing from her eyes as she cupped her cheeks, “but only if you promise to come back.”

“I do, I do. I’ve always kept my promises to you.” He smiled weakly. “I would never fucking cheat on you for anybody. I would never ruin this trust, the bond I built up all these years.”

“I love you, Elijah. I love you so fucking much.” She leaned in as her lips crashed over his in a deep and passionate kiss. Both of their eyes fluttered shut, enjoying the short moment of bliss as their lips parted and Elijah gazed into her eyes for the last time.

“I see a future with you, baby. I do, I really do. But I don’t see it now, I see it later on. For now, we are just meant to be friends.”

“I have intention of loving you again and again.” She croaked, caressing his cheek. “I want you to be happy too.”

“You won’t find someone else?”

“I don’t want anyone else, I just want you. I would do anything for you, anything to have you back.” She pleaded, “just know that. Don’t forget me.”

“How could I ever forget you?” He smiled at her, pulling away. “How can I forget the love of my life? The lady I’ve spent all these years with?”  
She smiled weakly at him, “you really think that?”

“I do, because I know for a fact these girls have nothing on you.” He said, “they are nothing but lust and you are the girl of what dreams are made of.”

“I’ll wait for you.” She rubbed at her jaw uneasily, “forever. Even if it takes me forever.”

“It won’t take you forever, but for now.” He gave a quiet sigh, “for now, I have to go, Azure. We have to part ways for now.”

“I-I know.” She rubbed at her eye. “I miss you already.”  
“Don’t say that. I still love you, I’ll always be here for you, even if I’m not physically there.” He told her, taking a deep breath. “Goodbye, Azure.”

“Goodbye, Elijah.” She spoke the most painful words that ever rolled from her tongue, counting each and every individual step he took towards the staircase. Her heart pounded within her chest as she held the box of chocolates in her shaky hand, watching him head downstairs, leaving the hallway.

She remained still for a moment, feeling a sharp, stinging sensation in her chest that prickled as her vision blurred with tears. He let go of the box, letting it drop to the floor as she slid down against his locker, wrapping her arms around her legs and bursting out crying.

She lowered her head in shame and heartbreak, muffling her cries with her knees. For once, no amount of physical pain whether it was cuts and bruises, scrapes on her knees and gashes, or emotional scars upon the mind with haunting nightmares that occurred night after night, but a pain that shook her from the inside and racked her hollow bones.

It was her first heartbreak, one with meaning and a cold touch that hit her hard. Her eyes felt sore and heavy from how she cried, as if she was pouring out every emotion that she had kept inside of her for years.

Pain mixed well with her memories, bringing back her sister and how lonely the rest of the school year would be without Elijah. Without him, she was the girl with the plain life and dull memories with only herself to blame; thinking,

 _“I’m an idiot. Such a fucking idiot for thinking somebody could actually love me. I repel everyone and everything I touch.”_

So much for forever and ever, how it only lasted 3 years, built up higher than the skies that she could imagine, and crumbled without a fight. Heartbreak with questions that nobody had answers to, yet Azure’s finger permanently pointed at Alyssa. She must be the one to blame, and she would be Azure’s first target back for revenge from goodbyes heavier than any burden on her heart, and although promised a temporary sadness, it felt like it was enough sorrow for two lifetimes.


	16. Probity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She’ll tell me what I need to know if she knows what’s good for her.” From one target to another, Serenity's eyeing the new "homewrecker" in her and Azure's eyes. Picking fights and making enemies with Alyssa is next--Elijah's brand new girlfriend and one that seems to be "clueless" and careless about how Elijah decided to ghost and cheat on his own girlfriend with ease. Couldn't she be next? To Azure, being best friends with a psychopath in the making has never been such an advantage.

**Azure’s Perspective.**

“ _That’s what she’s good at_ , I’m surprised it was that much of a big deal to you.” Serenity shrugs, leaning against the wall and clutching her notebooks to her chest.

“Good at using people to her advantage, you mean?” I kneel down, unzipping my bag and shoving my history binder inside. “I was the best damn cheerleader on that team, you know?”

“Hope might beg to differ.” Serenity sighs, glancing down the empty hallway, “they don’t care about that. Cheer isn’t cheer anymore, Azure. It’s about who’s hotter, who thinks they’re top shit now. Skills don’t mean jack shit, trust me.”

“All of this is bullshit.” I stand, nudging my bag aside with my leg. “Not everything has to be about that whore of a cheerleader Heaven.”

“You can try saying that louder for the people in the back that didn’t hear.” Serenity nods grimly, pursing her lips. “All is done anyways, who gives a fuck about Heaven anyways?”

“I sure don’t.” I mutter, “whatever.” I reach my hands into my uniform’s pocket, fumbling to find my cigarette and lighter. “It seems that no matter what I do, something wrong is always bound to happen.”

“I have a feeling we’re thinking of the same person.” Serenity raises a brow, glancing at me.

“Say no more.” I pull out a cigarette, flickering my lighter on and lighting the tip. “It’s bad enough I have to see that bitch.”

Serenity raises her eyebrows at my cigarette, “smoking isn’t going to help.”

“Like I give a fuck.” I mumble under my breath, taking a puff.

Serenity cracks a smile, “you haven’t changed at all, have you? Little bit more of a rebel now.”

“You’re starting to sound like my ex.” I place the cigarette between my fingers. “People are gonna shun me for basically everything, so I might as well do whatever the fuck I want.”

“I get what you mean.” She rests her head against the wall, taking a deep sigh. “Not to ruin the mood, but I’ve heard of Elijah again.”

I can’t help my eyes from lighting up as I peek up at her shyly. “Elijah?”

“Yeah.” She cocks her head to the side to face me. “His movie released early, haven’t you heard? He’ll be on the red carpet as soon as he gets back.”

“Lovely.” My voice trails off, “I forgot about all that. I haven’t even seen any of his movies.”

“He’s quite the movie star now or so I’ve heard.” She nods, “not to pull up any old memories.”

“It’s not a problem anymore.” I brush it off, avoiding her eyes. “He’s been gone for almost six months now, why does it matter?”

“He said he’d come back for you.” She smiles at me with a nod, “remember?”

“He lied.” I swallow hard, taking another puff of my cigarette. “He never wrote, never called me again. If he comes back, he’ll come back for _her_. I’m nothing.”

“Don’t you ever say that.” Serenity knits her eyebrows, “you are everything Azure, and just because one guy doesn’t appreciate you for who you are doesn’t mean you aren’t art.”

I smile warmly at her, “I’m glad to have a best friend like you.”

She claps me on the shoulder, “you’re still amazing, with or without a boyfriend. He wasn’t good enough for you anyways.”

“We were only good at breaking each other’s hearts, you know.” I blow out the smoke around me, glancing at my cigarette. “And everything still reminds me of him, but he’s just a bad stomach ache now.”

“Like what?” She questions, gazing at me.

“Like how he told me to stop smoking, listing of all the bullshit illnesses and cancers I can get from it. He almost got me to quit, but when things got tough and he wasn’t around, well, old habits have a way of coming back.” I explain, tapping lightly on my cigarette. A slight smile appears over my lips, “good little times like that. I never learned to appreciate the small things until now.”

“I think that’s always the hardest thing to do. I want to help, I really do.” She pouts at me, “let me.”

“How can you help?” I blink, “it’s done and over now.”

“But what about Alyssa? When’s the last time you spoke to her?” Serenity asks me

“Not since the day Elijah left me.” I give my eyes a roll, “what do I look like beefing with people nowadays? It was definitely worth it though.”

“Then I think we can both agree that’s a good thing.” Serenity replies, grabbing her iPhone out of her pocket. “Here, maybe you should check out how your boy toy is doing.” She types away at the screen, handing her phone to me.

I take it from her, examining the pictures on Google of Elijah; photos and scenes from movies of him laughing or with other actors, photoshoots done on sets and a picture of him beside his father engulfed by paparazzi.

“He’s famous now.” I whisper, frowning.

“He’s a joke.” Serenity tells me as I give her phone back to her, “don’t take it too personally. Nobody is shit in university.”

“Well at least around here they aren’t.” I cross my arms, leaning my back against the wall.

“You’re not completely over him, are you?”

“It’ll be a damn miracle the day I get over who was supposed to be the love of my life.”

“Or is!” She squeezes my shoulder, “give yourself some time. If he really isn’t a douchebag, he’ll keep his promise and come back to you. He’ll still love you.”

“And if he doesn’t?” I look up into her eyes.

“Then he has to live with his own broken promises and lies haunting him for the rest of his life. Either way, you win.” She gives me a wink. “Am I right?”

I giggle, “when you put it that way, yes! I thought I was fine for like, a solid few months. He doesn’t really bother me anymore, and it doesn’t hurt. It’s like mild nostalgia and disappointment, really. Sometimes the feelings come back, I haven’t seen him for months. Today was the first time in months.”

Love is nasty disease of the mind, I don’t give two shits about what people say about it. The actual feeling of “love” itself is a painful and pleasuring feeling. You can’t have one without the other, it just doesn’t mix that way.

When you love, you love hard, and you will always love. The deeper you get into it, the harder you fall, and the more it ends up hurting you. We’re all sadists, craving that feeling of love. Wanting constant comfort, someone to wrap our arms around and call them “mine”, someone who understands you like none other. It’s not a cute love story that anyone can romanticize, it’s agonizing.

It is and always will be a type of pain you can’t compare to anyone else, everyone feels it differently, but the degrees of how badly it hurts always varies. It makes you feel out of control, and it’s up to you to decide if that’s what you really want. Love is a masochist, and it always has had ways of reeling innocent and pure hearts to hell.

Guess all that it takes for me is a cliché conversation and a look to get me hooked. If there’s one good thing about it, it’s that once it’s done and over with, once it’s all gone to absolute shit and life is done robbing you of good memories and everything you once cherished, it leaves you with nothing.

It hits you with emotions and loneliness, but it leaves you with nothing. And if it’s anything I’ve learned after being alone for so long, it’s that everything gets easier once you’ve got nothing to lose.

“That bitch Alyssa had it coming this whole time.” She agrees, “I’ll go talk to her if that makes you feel better.”

“To Alyssa? About what? I wouldn’t trust the damn air that comes out of her lungs if I were you.” I point out, “she looks cute and innocent, but she’s as nasty as they get.”

Serenity snorts, throwing her head back and laughing, “I’d definitely like to get to know her better then. Come on, this is a fucking joke.”

“Suit yourself.” I let out a cough, “what are you going for? Advice?”

“Oh yeah.” She grins wickedly, “she’s close to Jared, isn’t she? I wanna see what she has to offer me.”

“Kind of funny you assume she’ll just give you information in the blink of an eye.” I throw the cigarette onto the ground, stepping over it. “I think she’s afraid of you.”

“Tell you what,” Serenity adds, “she’ll tell me what I need to know if she knows what’s good for her.” She nudges me playfully.

“Watch, it’s the least I can do to make it up for you. Give me till after lunch and I promise you’ll never have an unanswered question again.”

“I hope you’re right.” I smile weakly.

“Don’t push yourself too hard, baby girl. Serenity’s got it _aaaalll_ handled.” She beams proudly, taking a few steps down the hallway.

“You’re crazy Serenity!” I call out, jokingly.

“I know!” She bursts out laughing, continuing to walk further down as glances at me, “I sound like a fucking psychopath!”

**Serenity’s Perspective.**

_Bad news never seems to have good timing, now does it? I seem to keep my eye on the watch, I arrive and go at the same time it does._

I lean against Alyssa’s locker, watching as handfuls and groups of students pour of their classes for lunch, pushing and shoving their way through the crowd, hollering. 

We’re like starving animals feeding on each other’s attention, constantly feeling the need to be in the center of attention and please our classmates we’ll never see again after we get a grip on our master’s degrees; make yourself look like a fucking idiot for the spotlight to shine over you, for a few laughs to impress your clique who are only friends with you because they see you five times a week.

I ignore the rest of the students, keeping my eyes firm on one of the music classrooms. As the door finally opens, Alyssa pops out mentioning something to her teacher before giving a little wave and slipping through the crowd, glancing up at me with her eyes wide.

I give a friendly smile, waving and gesturing for her to come over. I can tell she’s hesitant as she slows down her movements, keeping uneasy eye contact with me as she approaches me. “Hi Serenity. Are you looking for Jared?”

I fake smile at her, “actually, I was looking for you.”

“For me?” She places her hand on her lock, spinning the combination. “How come?”

“Don’t play stupid with me.” I cut through the nice act, “you know better than anyone else that Elijah’s going to be back in California by this week, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do.” She opens up her locker, shoving her bag inside. “What about him?”

“It means we need to have a little chat.” I grip her arm, smiling sweetly. “I’m sure you don’t mind missing lunch with your lady friends for today, right?”

“Not at all.” She swallows hard, facing me. “I guess we could go talk somewhere private.”

“That’s what I thought.” I slam her locker shut for her, causing her to flinch as I lock up her combination, giving her wrist a squeeze. “Come, we’ll sit by the stairwell.”

“Okay.” She nods slowly as I lead her down the hallway up to a stairwell, pushing through the doors and sitting on the first step beside her.

“Now.” I push the loose strands of my hair behind my ear, “we’ll keep this nice and easy. It’s simple, I ask the questions, you give me the answers.”

“Right.” She agrees quickly. “This is about Elijah, isn’t it?”

“You seem to know more about him than most of us do.” I point out, “when’s the last time you even spoke?”

“Last night.” She bit her lip, attempting to hold eye contact with me.

_They spoke last night but he hasn’t made attempt to communicate with Azure at all?_

I furrow my brows, “what did you talk about?”

“Like you said.” She lowers her voice, “Elijah’s coming back this week. He finished his movie early, he told me I’d be able to see him at the–”

I grab her tightly by the collar of her dress shirt, squeezing on her throat as a threat. “You’re not going, do you understand?!” Her eyes bulge as she tries to swallow hard, nodding frantically at me. “Don’t you think it’s a little fucked up how he’ll talk to you God knows how many times, but not make any attempt to talk to Azure?” I sneer, letting go of her shirt as she shivers.

“S-She’s his ex-girlfriend, Serenity.” Alyssa whimpers. “Don’t you get it? It’s just like you and Jared–”

“Me and Jared?!” I cut in, snarling at her. “What does this have to do with Jared? We’re not exes! Do you have any idea what the fuck you’ve done?!”

“I h-haven’t done anything. Oh God.” Her eyes tear up, “please don’t hurt me.”

“I should do worse.” I narrow my eyes, “you ruined a perfectly good relationship and you don’t even feel a bit of shame. As long as Elijah’s single, right? I guess that factor doesn’t even matter to you.”

“I d-don’t know what you mean.” She whispers. “Why are you doing this?”

“You’d do the same to me if I ruined your best friend’s life. I am capable of doing so much more than you think. You disgust me, you fucking homewrecker.”

“What about Jared then?” She peeps, “him and Heaven? Haven’t you thought of that?”

“They’ve got nothing in between themselves.” I growl.

“That’s what you think. We’re not exactly all that different, are we?” Her breath hitches. “Both with addictions.”

“Don’t fucking compare me to yourself, skank. Jared is no drug to me.” I scoff. “What’s your point?”

“Why Jared?!” She blurts. “Why him out of everyone else?!”

My eyes widen, “I’ve been asking myself that since day fucking one. Why isn’t it anyone else, Alyssa? Huh? You tell me why it isn’t Elijah, the athletic one with the good sense of humor? Why did it have to be the lonely artist who prefers his own company, surrounded by paints and canvases? Maybe it was for the beauty within him that I saw, for who he actually was. Maybe it was the way he made me feel about things I had never felt before. Maybe he isn’t that goddamn special to anyone else but he’s an open book to me!”

She remains silent, staring at me in awe. “T-That’s–”

“I’ve answered your fucking question; now why don’t you answer mine? Why out of everyone did you have to go and fuck around with a boy in a relationship? What the hell is wrong with you?!” I grab her by her shoulders, shaking her, “Why?!”

“Because I love him.” She tells me, swallowing hard. “A crazy bitch like you would never be able to understand the difference between love and lust.”

“What the fuck did you just call me?!” I shriek in a fury.

“I said, you’re crazy, obsessive bitch!” She screams, the back of her hand flying over to my face and hitting me hard on the cheek.

“Ah!” I gasp, wincing in pain and clutching my cheek as tears spring free from my eyes.

Alyssa’s eyes bulge as she shakes her head, holding up her hands, “no, no. Oh my God, Serenity. I didn’t. I d-didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry!”

“A-Azure was right about you.” I breath heavily, rubbing my cheek gingerly. “You are nothing but a nasty, fucking homewrecker. No matter what innocent appearance you take on in front of my Jearbear and his friends.” I blink, shakily standing to my feet.

“I’m not gonna wait on good old karma to do its thing anymore. You’ve made enemies with the wrong bitch.” I stare down at her.

“You don’t scare me.” She swallows hard, staring me in the eye.

“By the time we’re finished with you and the rest of those whores. You’re going to wish you were dead.” I narrow my eyes, shooting her a death look before bursting through the stairwell and breathing heavily, storming off down the end of the hallway towards Azure’s locker with no weight over my shoulders, only adrenaline burning through my veins.

She could never compare herself with the likes me, having no way of understanding what I do for love.

Obviously for someone so amateur and simple, she would have no idea as to what kind of mess she’s getting into; one that naturally comes with emotional consequences. And physical ones? I can make an exception to those myself, because I know how badly it hurts when someone you love is breaking your heart without even knowing it.

I’ll appear as some harsh and ruthless bitch before I catch a cold from ice growing inside my very own heart.


	17. Cineaste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why don’t you tell your little group of whores what really happened? Why don’t you start from the very beginning and tell them how bit by bit you ruined Elijah and Azure’s relationship?" Serenity's perfect recipe for revenge includes both targets--one wronging her best friend and one who seems to be the new center of attention for Jared. At an all time high for violence, crazed by the lack of attention and the humiliation--the utter embarrassment of Heaven, Hope and Alyssa calling her obsessive, stalking out--Serenity handles things the only way she knows how. With a sharp kitchen knife, a sabotaged party and one way to prove none remains to be a match for her as her perfect ingredient for crime.

**Elijah’s Perspective.**

_Sleek, white and smooth interior_ finished with leather seats; an eighty-five-inch LED TV flashing with bright and crisp images of a nature channel with the cool feel of the air conditioning surrounding me.

It’s the mini bar onto my left, the dining room across from my hall and the king-sized bed with the cashmere sheets that read my name in gold handwriting written on each pillow that reminded me of my success in the three movies I filmed in the year I moved to Miami with my parents, both a success making millions in the box office in mere days.

Proud, yet also uneasy from my first few movies, especially after playing the main role, finally relaxing from the acting industry back to my favorite place, my real home; Los Angeles, in my private jet. 

I give a yawn, stretching out my arms before me and smirking, resting my head against the couch, gazing at the television.

My private jet is just one of the things that compliments my talents and pays off my hard work on the big screens. Maybe it is the flashing cameras and microphones coming from every side and corner, buzzing questions and the paparazzi that got in every inch of your life.

Maybe it is standing in an immaculate, black and white suit, posing for photographs and seeing the thousands of people who were watching you on screens in theatres all around the world, screaming and waving at you to grab attention.

It isn’t about the money or the fame at all–I crave none of that, because what I’m truly looking for is something I can excel at; something that will surge through my bones with pride and tell me that this is it, this is exactly what I’m looking for, and it fills me up to the brim with joy. I can hardly wait to start filming in LA.

The curtains leading to the other half of the jet flutter open as my personal flight attendant, Miss Diane, steps out with a smile. “Good evening, Mr. Butler, I take it that you are enjoying your flight?”

“I am, thank you.” I give her a warm smile back.

She gives a nod, “would you like a glass of strawberry champagne? It has a signature, crisp taste to it, nonalcoholic of course.”

“Strawberry champagne?” I peek up, “I’ll give it a try.”

She pops open the champagne, pouring the frothy, bubbling liquid into a champagne flute, setting the bottle down on the counter and placing it on the coffee table beside me.

“I hear positive remarks on the taste, supposedly very rich.”

“Interesting.” I mumble, still half confused from how information about something as fancy as strawberry champagne suddenly appeared in my life after playing “Tree Prop Number Three” all my life on stages during school.

I take a sip, swallowing the smooth texture of the champagne before pulling the glass away from me and blinking in surprise. “That is delicious.”

“I’m glad you find it to your liking.” Miss Diane beams, “is there anything else I can do for you before the jet lands, sir?”

I swallow down more of the champagne before setting it on the table. “How long until we land?”

“Approximately ten minutes.” She glances at her wristwatch, “seatbelts on, Mr. Butler.”

“One more thing.” I hold my hand up, clearing my throat. “Any word from Alyssa?”

“Miss Wethersfield has made no contact as of today.” She notes.

I furrow my brows in confusion, “alright, well–” I glance down at my hands, tapping them on the armrests of the couch. “How about Azure?”

“A total of three emails, thirty eight text messages, and four missed calls, Elijah.”

“Damn.” I mumble under my breath.

“Would you like to contact either of them at the moment, sir?” She offers.

I shake my hand, “just all Azure and let her know where I’ll be landing.”

“Right away, sir.” She slips through the curtains again. I groan quietly, slouching in my chair as I finish my champagne, feeling my stomach twist up at the thought of Azure. 

No attempt to contact her back for almost a year. I bite on my bottom lip nervously, attempting to focus on my attention on the television to relieve my mind of her reaction; whether she will say something back to Diane for me or will actually show up where my jet is bound to land.

Either way, it’s been long enough that I’ve forgotten the color of her eyes and the sound of her voice. She’s been a blur filled with the sweetest and most bitter memories, ones that still find a way to strangle me with guilt.

Azure isn’t an ex-girlfriend I can simply forget, she has her own ways of snaking herself into my thoughts, stinging me over and over again with a simple and single emotion; regret. Part of me knows it was for the best, that I was in a rough and stressful spot from moving to Miami with my parents. 

The biggest problem for me was saying goodbye to Brady and the guys, but oh God–I had no idea how painful it would have been to leave the girl I knew to be the love of my life too. I spent most of the time calling myself a fucking idiot for doing it, blaming myself over and over again for my unhappiness.

I told myself, “You could have been happier again if you didn’t fuck up again and lose the most important person in your life. It was your decision, it was you that did it.”

As if breaking up with Azure wasn’t enough, even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have enough time for her. I have auditions to go into and lines to practice and memories.

My breaks are for the hygiene and food, making the only actual time I have for myself are only enough to scroll on social media and watch as messages and calls came ringing in.

Acting has definitely paid off from all the hard work, and my favorite thing is sitting back and watching the movie when it is finished, admiring each and every bit of it.

It makes me happy, but in a sense of temporariness. I know it isn’t going to last very long, especially during the move back. Once it’s there, I have it, and once it leaves, it’s gone. It isn’t any kind of happiness that can stitch up broken, half assed friendships or anything to rid of the gaping hole in my heart; my poor excuse of a romance life. 

Now as much as I want to see Azure and keep my word to her, a piece of me reminds me that I’ve already broken the promise long ago from never returning her calls or messages.

The girl never gives up either, at least a few times a week she tried to reach me. Out of fear, I will only call and talk to Alyssa during certain points, keeping contact with her and facetiming the guys whenever I can.

I still think of what it would have been like to have never met a girl like her, to have turned my head away at the party and continued drinking with the others. Faint images of her smile still linger in my dreams without even having to try to keep me up.

My mind can occupy me for years with the racing thoughts it had creates on its own; unable to live with the fact I met someone like her, then leave her as if it was so easy to say “goodbye”.

Swallowing down my confidence and telling myself that there are certain things only Azure and I can do together that nobody else could ever have the pleasure of doing, and that hits me the hardest. Having a schedule as busy as it is, I can’t help but think from time to time as to how Azure is doing.

The idea of her having a new boyfriend pops into my head, yet I hear no news back from her and still refuse to talk to her. The thought of her being with someone else makes me sick to the bones, and it’s the only thing I know works vice versa for her. 

Even if we don’t speak to each other ever again, all I want is for her to know I still love her. She’s still my favorite person, even if I’m not hers anymore, or was to begin with. I never take what she thinks about love and romance seriously enough, but withdrawals rack my hollow bones knowing she is no longer mine, and I learned that I can’t cover up pain with anything, let it be fame or temporary feelings, but that I finally understand what it’s like to be so in love with someone that you crave to have your arms wrapped around them, and you realize why your heart feels so heavy all of the time.

**Hope’s Perspective.**

_“Hey, hey!”_ Heaven hollers, slamming her hand down onto the speakers, cutting off the blaring, EDM music. “Listen up! This is my last party of the year! No trashing the goddamn house, for starters! Respect everyone, don’t fight, don’t spill shit, and don’t fucking change the music! Got that?!” 

Cheers and shouts come from around the house as crowds of people throw their hands up and Heaven grins wickedly, turning the music back on and heading over to the kitchen.

“How do you feel?” I murmur, holding an ice pack up to Alyssa’s thigh.

She winces, giving a small nod. “Much better. It’s just black and blue bruises.”

She glances up at a beaming Heaven by the kitchen who flashes two thumbs up. “How was that?!”

“You sound like a fucking frat boy.” I look up, bursting out laughing.

“Good on you” Alyssa giggles, pushing the ice pack down on her thigh, “now I’m sure nobody will miss any of your parties.”

“I can definitely sense the sarcasm there,” Heaven winks at Alyssa, “God knows how the rest of university will go, we’ll just have to make the best of our semester party.” She gives a yawn, stretching her back. “Anyways, you guys want some drinks or what?”

“Ooh, got any vodka up in here?!” My eyes light up as I stand up.

“You bet.” Heaven chuckles, skipping over to the fridge and popping it open, grabbing a bottle of Absolut Vodka, holding it up. “How about you, Alyssa? You doing okay over there?”

“Yeah, I’m alright.” She gives a shy smile, “I don’t drink though,” she admits, sheepishly.

“Suit yourself.” Heaven smiles, handing the bottle to me as I pop open it open, taking a long sip.

“How can you just drink straight vodka like it’s water?!” Alyssa blinks, staring at my bottle.

I give a laugh, parting my lips away from the bottle. “You eventually get used to it, I guess.”

“She _loooves_ her vodka.” Heaven grins, nudging Alyssa. “I was actually assuming you weren’t gonna show up tonight, you know?”

“Why would you say that?” Alyssa peeps as I glance at the two.

“Look at you.” Heaven bites her lip, gesturing to her body. “I’m surprised you can even stand after all of that. Being pushed down the stairs.”

I knit my brows, “you can press charges, Alyssa.”

“I don’t even think the hand of God itself can stop Serenity from doing whatever the hell she’s doing.” She whimpers, glancing at her bruised thigh. “I couldn’t even go see Elijah, I’ll be missing the landing tonight.”

“Azure might be there though.” I roll my eyes, “and definitely the guys.”

“Oh Azure,” a smirk crosses Heaven’s lips, “that bitch we kicked out of the cheer team a few days ago?”

“Yep.” I glance at the bottle of Vodka, “and for good reasons too.”

“You have to admit, she was a good cheerleader.” Alyssa mumbles.

“Yeah, a ‘good cheerleader’ that can be easily replaced. She wasn’t too shabby, but she wasn’t actually all that good either.” Heaven waves it off. “What’s our business with Elijah’s ex-girlfriend who smokes and doesn’t give two shits about the rest of us? She’s just as pathetic as the rest.”

“We can afford to lose one more whore for our cheer competition tomorrow night.” I add, taking another gulp of vodka down.

“I honestly wonder what the fuck happened to her.” Heaven sighs deeply. “I heard she and Elijah broke up, but I don’t even know who cut the strings off first, or why. Azure and I sure as hell aren’t friends and Elijah doesn’t tell anyone but the guys shit.”

“Who _caaaaares_.” I groan, glancing at the bottle.

“I do. Am I a little late to the party?” A voice comes from the other end of the kitchen as all of our heads turn to see Serenity leaning against the kitchen island, her brow raised at us.

“So much for being the life of the party if all you do is crawl in the kitchen and talk shit on situations you know nothing about.”

I scowl, putting my bottle down on the counter as Heaven gestures her hand at me.

“It’s fine, Hope. This is exactly what we were missing, weren’t we? A crazy bitch to come and crash my own party.”

“Oh, my bad, word went around the school that everyone was invited to your little ‘house party’, I figured there’d be enough room for me.” Serenity smiles sweetly at the three of us. “Looks like I popped in at the right time.”

“What the fuck do you want, Serenity?” Heaven sneers. “You’ve got a damn minute to explain yourself before I call the police and get a goddamn restraining order once and for all.”

“You think that’ll stop me?” Her smirk widens, “not as long as you’ve got what I want.”

“I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.” Heaven grabs a bottle of alcohol from the fridge. “Why don’t you take a good look at Alyssa and ask beg on your knees for forgiveness?”

“And why would I do that?” Serenity crosses her arms as her eyes dart across the kitchen to Alyssa who sits huddled in the corner of the stair, clutching her bruised thighs.

“You threw this poor girl down a flight of fucking stairs, what the hell is honestly wrong with you?!” I spit.

Serenity’s eyes immediately soften as she glances at Alyssa’s legs, making her feel uncomfortable as she shifts on the step, pulling her shorts down and avoiding eye contact.

“I did all that?” She points to the bruises with a shaky finger.

“Oh my God.” Heaven rubs her temple in frustration, shaking her head. “You can’t even remember your own actions or take responsibility for them, can you?”

“I know what I did!” Serenity shoots Heaven a death glare, her eyes hardening once more. “I don’t regret any part of it. I’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Nothing wrong.” I eye the knife rack placed behind her carefully.

“I pushed her down the fucking stairs, but the bitch had it coming.” Serenity glares angrily at Alyssa, “you’ve always been so good to tell your part of the story and make yourself the victim in everything, don’t you? Why don’t you tell your little group of whores what _really_ happened? Why don’t you start from the very beginning and tell them how bit by bit you ruined Elijah and Azure’s relationship, all because you couldn’t control your fucking teenage hormones!”

“Stop yelling at me!” Alyssa cries out, covering her face and bursting out crying. “Stop it!”

“Jesus Christ.” I huff, “what the fuck are you going on about?”

Serenity slowly turns towards me, smiling innocently. “Go on, ask her. You were wondering what happened, why don’t you ask her?”

“And why should we trust you? I have absolutely no reason to believe a fucking _psychopath_.” Heaven puts heavy emphasis on the word _“psychopath”_ , leaning in towards Serenity. I keep it all in me not to roll my eyes to the back of my brain as I sit next to Alyssa, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and rubbing her arm gingerly for reassurance.

“I’m sure you’re quite the psychologist.” Serenity hisses, moving closer till the two are face to face, eyes locked together in pure hatred. “Maybe your little Alyssa should consider what I did a fucking blessing, I could do much worse if I had intended to.”

“None of us underestimate what someone _like you_ could do, don’t get me wrong.” Heaven smiles, “I guess if you really wanted to, you could kill me right now, couldn’t you?”

“Look at you, figuring things out.” Serenity gives a small giggle.

“I’ll die happy knowing we’ll both be in the same coffin under the cold, dark earth. You are no better than I.” Heaven lowers her voice.

“Funny you say that, haven’t you been trying to prove that you’re some kind of royalty all throughout high school?” Serenity cocks her head to the side.

“I set a name and reputation for myself. Unlike you, I’m not easily forgotten. Just letting you know, if you ever make the headlines, it’ll be for murder.”

She chuckles, “why don’t you just do it right now and show me what you’ve got? Teach me a lesson you’ve so badly wanted all this time.” Serenity pulls away in disgust, her eyes wandering around the kitchen floor.

“What’s wrong, Serenity? Can’t do it? Too chicken shit? Or maybe we have been underestimating you all this time.” Heaven pushes a bit further. “Come on, put me out of my misery, bitch!”

“I won’t!” She shrieks, grabbing Heaven by both shoulders and digging her nails in. “You have _exactly_ what I want, you fucking know that.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t.” Heaven grits her teeth, “what exactly do I have?”  
“Jared.” Her voice softens. “You’re my one-way ticket to him, I’m not finished with you.”

“Oh?” Heaven raises a brow, pulling away from her. “Is this all about Jared?”

“Jared?” Alyssa murmurs to me. “She’s–”

“Crazy, I know.” I whisper back in her ear. “That’s the least I can say.”

“This is all about Jared, isn’t it? It always has been!” Heaven bursts out laughing, throwing her head back.

“Oh, you crazy whore, you’re still chasing a man who doesn’t want you? Man, you must be horrible at taking hints.” She howls in laughter, smacking her thigh as Serenity stares in absolute shock.

“I guess I’m not surprised that you found out he and I have been talking recently, do you even know that he cares more about me than he does of you?” Her smirk grows wider from ear to ear as Alyssa and I stare at the two. “You have some severe jealousy issues, sweetheart. I really suggest you go get that checked out sometime. Jared wants nothing to do with someone like _you_.”

She gestures to Serenity, “look at you, a fool of love. You’re a victim to your own game, crazed from falling to your own tricks. Aren’t you the one who’s still with Dalton? Still luring Jared in with your sob story as bait? Well, let me tell you a little something, princess; Jared may not be a fucking prodigy, but even he stops falling for the same card tricks. He’s slowly losing interest in you and you’re too blinded to see it. He doesn’t want anything to fucking do with a crazy slut. You got yourself in this mess and refused help from him, I feel so bad he wasted all that goddamn time on you. How the hell haven’t you figured this out already?!” She runs a hand through her platinum blonde locks, “if he belongs to any girl, it’s me, honey. He’s falling for _me_ , and I’ve already fallen for him. Can you see it?”

“I-I–” She swallows hard, rubbing her neck. “I see it. I-I see–everything.” She nods slowly, looking up into Heaven’s eyes.

“I’ve already seen the way he looks at you with those eyes…” Her throat tightens, “the way they light up when you walk into the hall or–or how warm they seem when he’s around you.” She stumbles back, hitting her back against the kitchen counter.

“And I can’t s-stand it. I really can’t.” Her eyes pool up with tears as she sniffles, squeezing her eyes and causing the tears to slide off her cheeks. “That’s the way he used to look at me. Just like that. _Just like that!_ ” She screams, balling up her fists as Alyssa and I flinch.

“ _He looks at you like that because he loves you! And people like you do nothing but support her!”_ She cries out, reaching back and grabbing a chef’s knife. “I fucking blame all of you!”

“Jesus Christ, Serenity!” I yelp, crawling up the stairs.

“Put the fucking knife down, you crazy bitch!” Alyssa screams.

“I should have killed you while I had the chance!” Her eyes flicker with death as Alyssa leaps on her; Heaven following from the back hollering to me as we both try to pry the two off of each other.

Serenity cries out and attempts to slash with the knife, missing us by an inch and kicking me Heather off as she gets roughly shoved into me. Holding her back and grabbing Alyssa’s shoulder to pull her back, Alyssa lets out a scream as Heaven clasps a hand over her mouth, gasping loudly.

Serenity blinks, taking a step back as Alyssa stands still–her arms and legs shaking and trembling as she slowly looks down to see the knife embedded within her side. Her eyes water up immediately as she watches some blood ooze down her thigh and Heaven’s eyes bulge in horror.

With wide eyes, I extend my hand to Alyssa in utter shock who lets out a weak cough. Serenity blinks several times before snatching the knife out of her and panicking, bursting out the back door as fast as she can as Alyssa plops into my arms and I let out a scream.

Serenity acts much faster than the rest of us, leaping back in and snatching the knife out of Alyssa, brutally pulling it out and sprinting as fast as she possibly can through the crowds and out the door.

“She’s fucking getting away!”

“Oh my God! Alyssa! Hope, call the fucking police, oh my God, call for an ambulance right now!” All I can do is nod, reaching for my phone in my jeans’ pocket with trembling hands, unlocking my passcode and dialing 911 as Heather grabs a couple kitchen towels, kneeling beside Alyssa.

The music comes to an abrupt stop as people nervously begin talking and shrieking; pouring out of the front door and grabbing their bags as fast as they could.

“Oh J-Jesus.” Heaven whimpers as she presses the kitchen towels down onto her stomach, half of her shirt soaked in the dark, crimson mess, looking around cautiously.

“Hello 911, what is your emergency?”

“Oh, my G-God, please send help. Please. Some crazy bitch just stabbed my b-best friend and–and she’s bleeding out–t-threw a knife into her stomach!”

“Ma’am please calm down, we’ve got your address tracked and will be sending an ambulance and police right away.”

“Please hurry!” I hang up, shoving my phone into my pocket and pressing down onto the towels with Heaven.

She shoots me a terrified look, pressing down onto the wound as Alyssa weakly blinks, gazing at us. “H-Help me.”

“The ambulance is on their way, okay baby?” Heaven sniffles, caressing her forehead. “You stay awake for me. Don’t close those eyes.”

“Holy fuck.” I whimper, blinking back tears and keeping both hands on the blood-soaked towels.

“H-Hurts. So much.” Alyssa groans, peeking down at her stomach. “Am–Am I dying?”

“You’re not dying, you’re not! You’re gonna stick through with me Alyssa, the ambulance is coming!” I break into sobs, lacing my hand with hers and giving it a light squeeze.

Heaven glances behind us as footsteps follow from the staircase revealing a handful of girls who peek curiously before shrieking and sending the rest of the crowd into a frenzy, running as fast as they could out of the house.

Sirens blare outside the house and flash red and blue through the windows as Heaven presses down harder onto Alyssa’s wound, breathing heavily. “Come on A-Alyssa, come on. Almost there.”

Alyssa croaks, blinking slowly, “Heaven, let go.”

“No, don’t be fucking ridiculous.” She breathes, “I’m not letting go, the ambulance is here! I won’t let you die like this!”

“Hold tighter, fuck! Just press harder!” I grunt, pressing my hands down on her stab wound with every bit of strength left in me.

And with the last of the police cars blaring their sirens and screams coming from the others, the front door bursts open with the paramedics and police who immediately rush in, pushing through the crowd of teenagers who desperately try to squirm their way through out the door.

My heart grows heavy at the sudden realization of our failed attempt to keep her breathing, bleeding out no matter how hard we pressed down and tried to stop the blood from flowing.

I feel every spark of hope inside of me extinguish, guilt swallowing me up from the inside as her heart slowly comes to a stop.

Her courageous squeeze of my hand grows weaker and her grip loosens as the small smile on her face begins to slowly fade; a smile in which you saw millions of stars disappear off her lips. That’s when Alyssa’s breath hitches softly and her eyes come to a slow, last flutter through my blurred vision of tears.


	18. Brontide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can be your soulmate, but you can’t be mine. It feels like nothing to me." Fame and money have gotten to Elijah's mind ever since he stepped foot in Hollywood, starkly changing him from the rest of his friends and those around him as a whole. Now with his chin up high and the world in his hands, he neglects the rest of his relationships due to his career--the worst being his commitment issues to his girlfriend. Alyssa in the picture and Azure out, Elijah has no desire in rekindling the flames of his previous relationship. Choosing to admit his cheating and picking Alyssa over Azure, he unknowingly marks himself as a target. For Azure, her means of getting even is being best friends with a lovesick psychotic.

**Elijah’s Perspective.**

_Welcome back home to Los Angeles._ With an ecstatic smile over my face, the side door of the private jet slides open, the retracting stairs pulling out of the jet and planting firmly onto the ground as a light, cool breeze sweeps by my face and I place my foot on the first step, carrying my luggage in one hand and running a hand through my hair.

“Elijah!” I hear a chant as I glance down the stairs, seeing Jared standing beside Mercedes, Jun, and Brady who throw their hands up, hollering at me.

“Get down here!” Jun grins wickedly, opening his arms wide.

“ _Shiiiit_ , look at the new movie star in LA!” Mercedes shouts with a smirk sprawled across his lips. “ _Boyyy_!”

I burst out laughing, stepping down the stairs and placing my baggage down, running down and throwing my arms open, running into them and pulling all of them into a big hug. “Hey, you’re all still alive!”

“You fucking bet!” Jun claps me on the shoulder as we part from the bear hug, “look at you! Mr. Dollar Bills!”

“Shit, are you living the glamorous life style now?” Mercedes snorts, tugging on my leather jacket.

“I’m doing what I do best, okay?” I chuckle, giving Mercedes’ hair a ruffle, “and Jared! Man, it’s been so fucking long! How’s your artwork going?”

“Pfft, slow as ever.” He rolls his eyes, laughing. “I’ve been procrastinating almost everything this month.”

“Tell me all about it, you guys. It’s not like I haven’t been here for six months and whatnot,” I joke, picking up my baggage.

“Long story short, everything’s gone to shit.” Brady nods slowly, “I’m glad you weren’t here to see any of it.”

“All’s done and over with then?” I raise a brow, glancing at the four.

“ _Yeeeeah_ , about that.” Jun itches the back of his head, pursing his lips. “Nothing has actually changed.”

“What’s this all about?” I blink, “drama and shit with the girls? Or?”

“Why don’t you sit down so Jared can tell you a little story?” Mercedes offers as all eyes peer at Jared who bites his lip nervously, looking down.

“This has something to do with Alyssa, doesn’t it?” I question.

“I don’t know. More than that, I think.” Jared mumbles quietly.

“Elijah?” An airy, brittle voice breaks through as the guys and I turn in surprise to see Azure standing before me, fidgeting with her hands.

“Azure?” My eyes widen as I step towards her. “What are you doing here?”

“I knew you’d be landing tonight. And even though you haven’t returned any of my calls or messages, I figured it’d still be worth a shot or something.” She swallows hard, looking at the guys standing beside me.

“Didn’t you promise all that?” Brady gives a slight look of disgust towards me, “to call her and message her everyday while you were gone? Jesus, don’t tell me you didn’t do any of that.”

“L-Look. Um.” I stutter as Azure cuts me off.

“He didn’t, Brady. How was I supposed to know how you were doing if all I got was ‘read, 4:23 a.m.’ on all of my messages and missed calls that continued ringing forever? I knew you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“We broke up.” I tell her with a frown, “I didn’t think you’d want anything to do with me ever again.”

“ _Bullshiiiiit_.” Jun sing-songs, “she’s been in love with you since day one, hasn’t she?” He gives a full mouth smile, placing his hand on her shoulder.

‘The real reason I came here was to tell you that I still love you.” She sniffles, “nothing has gone right without you, that goes for all of us.”

“First things first.” I shake my head, looking Azure in the eye. “You honestly don’t understand what was going on.”

“You don’t understand, so I won’t explain. I know I’m just another girl you left behind, but maybe I’m just too damn hopeful.” She sighs deeply, rubbing her forehead gingerly. “Why did you ignore me like that? Why did we stop talking?”

“I’ve been asking myself that.” I lower my voice. “I know it’ll take more than enough time to fix everything I fucked up.”

“I fucked up too.” She admits. “We all did, stop blaming yourself for everything. I’m not here to hear crying and a story, Elijah. I already know everything and I’m still willing to forgive you for all of that if it means I can have you back again. I could have left long ago, when it all began to hurt but I didn’t. Regardless of how much pain I was going through, I wouldn’t leave you because I knew my life wouldn’t be the same without you. I know the whole story with Alyssa too.”

“Alyssa.” I bite hard on my lip. “She’s not even here.”

“She might be dead, you guys.” Her tone falls flat.

“Wait, what?!” Jared exclaims. “Dead?!”

“There’s cops lining down the street to Heaven’s house!” Azure’s bottom lip trembles as she takes a step back, “didn’t you hear she was having her last party of the semester?”

“It’s June 17th.” Jun glances at his watch, “yeah, today. It’s supposed to be today.”

“But why the hell would there be that many cops?” Mercedes asks in confusion, “they didn’t come to shut the party down, did they?”

Azure shakes her head frantically, “the police were called over. Somebody came in and stabbed Alyssa–t-there was an ambulance and blood everywhere!”

“Holy fuck.” I rub over my jaw, taken back. “N-no. She can’t be. Oh God, not Alyssa.”

Azure grits her teeth, glancing down. “Yeah? Well feel free to drop by, maybe you can save your little girlfriend then.”

“You’re taking me with you!” I decide. “We’re both going to the hospital, Azure. If the ambulance already came for her, we’re going to the hospital.”

“Let us come too.” Brady nods.

“Nuh uh.” She shakes her head, “the cops want you by Heaven’s house for questioning. Elijah and I had nothing to do with this. Heaven’s been trying to reach you all night.” She points a finger at Jared.

“Oh of course.” Jun rolls his eyes at Jared, “it’s you and your lady problems again.”

“It’s not my fault, okay?” He whimpers, “Heaven must have seen the entire thing go down. I have to go talk to her, I don’t give two shits about the police.”

“Better hurry, Alyssa’s life is on the line.”

**Jared’s Perspective.**

_Thunder rumbles quietly_ in the distance as rain pours harder and harder, hitting against the car window as I squint my eyes, attempting to make out the dark trees and road engulfed by the darkness.

The mist that forms in the distance will soon become fog, outlining the sides of the empty road, giving a rather eerie outlook.

I glance at my wristwatch, biting my lip as it reads “12:04”, just slightly past midnight. Nothing from the windows in the back seat or from the front view offer any sight to me, worsening my anxiety as I clutch onto the driver’s seat. “Ugh, are we any closer?”

“Calm down, Romeo.” Brady focuses his eyes on the road, continuing to drive. “We’ll get there when we get there.”

“It’s fucking pouring outside.” Jun gazes out the window, “I can barely see shit, how can you?”

“Car headlights and windshield wipers are a magnificent invention.” Brady replies, sarcastically.

“You guys are upset about that?” Mercedes crosses his arms, pouting, “I called ‘shotgun’ and I still ended up in the back.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re still a damn baby.” I nudge him with my elbow playfully, “you’re supposed to be at least twelve years old to sit in the front.”

“Hey!” He protests, “at least I’m not mentally fifty years old.”

“I don’t know if that’s said towards me, but I feel offended anyways.” Jun comments, “we’re going as fast as we can, no need to turn everything into a roast session.”

“I don’t much like the rain.” Mercedes groans, resting his head on the backseat, “and here I am surrounded by it.”

“The rain seems to be my only fucking cure for insomnia,” Brady scoffs, “and it’s just gotta rain when I know I’ll be up all night again, dammit.”

“I love the rain too.” I agree with him, peeking out the window once more. “It’s so relaxing.”

“Not so much with lighting and thunder thou–what the fuck?” Jun leans into the windshield, “what the hell is that?” He points at a blurry figure standing just by the side of the road.

“Is that a person?” Mercedes mumbles, trying to get a better look. “What the actual hell would anybody be doing in the middle of nowhere in the rain?”

“Probably just another fuckin’ hitchhiker.” Brady rolls his eyes in annoyance, “like I’m gonna pull my ass over or something.”

“Doesn’t it kind of look like they’re expecting you too?” Mercedes blinks, leaning in closer.

“Rule number one of driving; never pick up hitchhikers. That’s a great way to get laid for a one nightstand or murdered.” Brady purses his lips, continuing to drive.

“Or both, you know.” Jun states, plainly. “Just ignore ‘em, it doesn’t matter.”

“They look more like a lady to me.” I squint my eyes to get a better look.

“Again, probably a–Jesus Christ!” Brady shrieks, spinning the steering wheel as the figure has suddenly thrown themselves in front of the car, causing Brady to slam on the breaks as we scream, getting thrown back against the seats at the sudden halt in the middle of the road. With a squeamish whimper coming from Mercedes and heavy breathing from the others, I clutch my face and groan softly. “H-Holy fuck. Is everyone okay?!”

“Stop fucking yelling.” I mutter under my breath. “A-Ah oww.”

“God bless seatbelts.” Jun coughs, “what the actual fuck just happened?”

“D-Did we hit something?!” Mercedes clutches onto the car seat, eyes as wide as saucers.

“No, no. I felt it graze against the car but–” Brady shakes his head, giving a shaky breath, looking out the window. “It couldn’t have actually. Ugh.” Brady takes a deep breath, placing his hand over the window hesitantly as the figure reappears from the shadows a few feet away from the windshield, slowly making its way over.

“You didn’t hit our mystery lady.” Jun whispers, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

Jun bites on his lip, staring at the figure as it approaches Brady’s side of the window, placing both their hands over it. “It’s a female, that’s for sure.”

“A prostitute?” I suggest, feeling my heart pick up its pace in fear. “Don’t fucking look out the window.”

“I don’t want to.” Brady slowly inches away as the figure immediately moves their face to the window, pressing down on it with a slam.

I give a gasp as if the air had been sucked out of my lungs for the window to reveal Serenity’s face, peering in on us as Brady and Jun let out a scream; Brady’s foot slamming down on the pedal as he speeds off down the road at a hundred kilometers an hour, gripping tightly on the steering wheel.

“What the fuck?! What the fuck?! _”_ Jun slams his hands down onto his armrest, breathing heavily.

Mercedes covers his face, curling up and cowering in the corner of his seat as all I can do is stare at the windshield in sheer and utter terror, attempting to register what had just happened.

Brady slows the car down to sixty kilometers, taking a right turn as he enters into a neighborhood. “You saw exactly what I saw.”

“Jared.” Mercedes cringes, peeking out between his fingers. “That was Serenity, wasn’t it?”

“It was.” Jun rubs at his eyes. “It fucking was that crazy bitch.”

“You know what?” Brady speaks up, “why the fuck does it matter who it was? Could have been Serenity, could have been Dalton for the love of God, but that’s not what I’m worried about! This is right next to the scene of the crime; don’t you find it a little more than suspicious that Serenity seems to be hanging around here?! Hmm?!”

“You make her sound crazy.” My bottom lip trembles.

“By now if you don’t think she’s crazy, you’ve lost it man.” Jun glances back at me, shaking his head in disapproval. “That gives you something else to tell the police.”

“If the police don’t already know…” I muse, “it’ll only be a matter of time till she does something fucked up enough and gets arrested.”

“I await that day.” Brady grits his teeth, stopping at a red light. “There’s enough bad karma built up as it is.”

“Forget it.” Mercedes squeaks, “we’re almost here anyways. I have enough nightmares to dream about tonight.”

“Thanks enough.” Brady huffs, driving off into the next neighborhood where five police cars are parked alongside the street by the last house, Heaven’s.

All the lights are on in the house and the front door remains open as two officers stand by it, jotting something down in their notebooks. A couple officers here and there stand outside, questioning couples and groups of friends while the curtains and blinds are completely pulled aside and open, revealing the cops inside.

“Prepare to get everything soaked, we don’t have umbrellas.”

“I don’t care.” I take off my seat belt, quickly getting out of the car and heading over to the property with the guys as Brady leans against the car, crossing his arms and raising his brows at us as Jun waves him off, following Mercedes and I up.

“Can I help you, son?” One cop stands before me, blocking my way up to Heaven’s house.

“I’m a friend of Heaven’s, the owner of this house.” I breathe, “I heard what happened, I’m here to see her.”

“Might you be Jared Knight?” He raises his brow, eyeing me carefully as I nod. “Hah, yeah. The rest of us have been waiting for you, there’s not much of a mystery to the crime that took place here.” He gestures back to Heaven’s house, “she spoke of you and a couple of other friends when we asked who else knew the victim. You all knew of Alyssa Wethersfield, right?”

“Yes, sir.” Mercedes and the rest of us nod.

“Jared!” Heaven cries out, running down the steps of the porch in six-inch, hot pink stilettos with an umbrella over her head towards me as fast as she could.

“Holy shit.” Jun murmurs, mesmerized by her shoes as she runs up to me, throwing her arms over my shoulders.

I hug her tightly, rubbing her back, “Heaven, oh fuck. I was so worried about you! I heard what happened.” I pull away from her.

“Murder almost took place her, Mr. Knight. We are well aware you did not attend the party, but you might have some useful insight to help us close this case.” The officer explains.

“Of course, sir, anything to help.” I agree, wrapping an arm around Heaven’s waist as she stands beside Jun and I, Mercedes to my left.

“Do any of you kids have an idea as to who may want to hurt Alyssa? Maybe harsh feelings? Grudges or money owned?” He questions.

Mercedes shakes his head. “Alyssa is always a shy girl. From what I’ve seen, she doesn’t have many friends. She always hangs around us, since her other friends, Heather and Francis just went off to a cheer competition this weekend. I didn’t think she would even be at parties, but here we are.”

“Yeah,” Heaven adds on, “she almost blends completely into the crowd. She’s only so charismatic around those she’s close with.”

“She wouldn’t go around picking fights with anybody… I don’t even think I’ve seen her hurt a damn bug.” Jun purses his lips.

“Interesting. You spoke of a cheer competition? Is she not a cheerleader?”

“She is.” Heaven replies with a nod, “she’s not on my team though. She couldn’t go to her tournament because she had an injury.”

“What kind of injury would that be?”

Heaven blinks from the rain, “she was thrown down a set of stairs yesterday.”

“What?!” Jun, Mercedes, and I exclaim, exchanging looks from each other.

The cop takes a step under Heaven’s umbrella and pulls out his notepad and a ballpoint pen, quickly scribbling it down. “You said _‘thrown’_ , she didn’t fall as an accident?”

Heaven swallows hard, shaking her head grimly. “I ran into her before I could get to my class and found her just lying there, curled up and bruised. I managed to get her to the nurse and treated most of her injuries, she j-just–” Heaven muffles a sob, clasping her hand over her mouth. 

“It’s alright, Heaven.” I whisper softly, stroking through her hair.

Her eyes appear glassy from tears as she faces the cop. “I’ve never even seen bruises that mottled and dark before. Even here, Hope and I were trying to treat them.”

“Mm, yes. She’s still inside giving the other officers details.” The cop sighs, placing his notepad and pen back into the pockets of his jacket. “And our suspect is Serenity Prescott? A former cheerleader?”

Heaven nods, sniffling. “She was the one who threw Alyssa down those stairs, Alyssa said so! She came in screaming about him.” Heaven pulls away from me, giving me a slight frown. “And out of anger, just grabbed the chef’s knife and threw it at her!”

“Oh my God.” Jun squeezes his eyes shut, turning away.

“For someone to be able to throw a knife that clearly and that accurately, there must have been some sort of previous experience we’re dealing with at hand here.”

The officer glances back at Brady who pops an umbrella over his head, peeling off his soaked jacket. “Does that sound surprising to any of you?”

“Not at all.” Mercedes squeezes the rainwater out of his hair. “That’s something a girl like her would be capable of.”

“So, you say, but my officers haven’t even found the weapon.”

“I saw her fucking run with it!” Heaven protests, “I saw her grab it out of Alyssa with her own hand!”

“There are no cameras either or any security systems of the sort, only witnesses.”

“And what are you trying to say, officer?” I squeeze Heaven’s waist lightly.

“We don’t have enough proof to prove her guilty. It’s simply not enough. We’ll have to look further into the case, but there isn’t anything you kids can do for now but head over to the hospital and visit Miss. Wethersfield.”

“This is bullshit!” Jun scoffs, “you’re not even going to find Serenity for questioning?”

“I’m just following orders, kid.” He sighs, “it’s been a long day for all of you, I’m certain.”

“This was a waste of fucking time.” He kicks a pebble in front of him, “what are we supposed to tell her?! She could die in that hospital and are we really gonna let her do so knowing her potential murderer is out there walking free?!”

“Jun!” Heaven snaps, “Alyssa’s not dead and she’s not going to be! You heard the officer, all we can do is go to the hospital and comfort her now.”

“Crime scene cleaners will be here in the morning ma’am. I suggest you understand a place to stay for the night.” The officer nods at her, heading off toward his car.

“Last time I checked this was not how justice is served.” Mercedes shivers, hugging at my arm.

“Mind if I take a look inside?” I ask Heaven, slipping my jacket off of my shoulders, placing it over Mercedes’.

“You want to look inside the crime scene?” Heaven looks at me bug-eyed. “It’s like bloodbath in there.” I hold my hands up, shaking my head and stepping forward and onto the porch, walking inside the house not about to argue with anyone who almost witnessed death tonight.

I walk into her home, coughing and watching as the rainwater drips off my soaked shirt and sweatpants, glancing at the police officers who give me a quick look, flipping through papers as one murmurs over the phone.

I slip past them, making my way through the hallway and freezing immediately in my tracks by the kitchen, holding onto the walls for support as my eyes bulge in horror.

The pool of fresh blood that begins from the red oak staircase continues to drip down on the cream, Saxony carpet, seeping onto the white tile of the kitchen and dripping throughout the rest of the hallway.

I feel my stomach turn as I stumble back, squeezing my eyes shut and giving a long, shaky breath. 

_‘Serenity. Serenity, what the hell has gotten into you? Did you really do all this? Why would you even want to hurt someone like Alyssa? Why is that I believe what they tell me but so desperately hope it really wasn’t you? Have you actually gone crazy?’_

The image of her face appearing on the window of the driver’s seat flashes in my mind again as I gulp, shaking my head and turning away from the kitchen, walking back into the living room.

As I’m about to leave the house, I stop by the porch where Heaven remains, curled up underneath the roof, wrapping her arms around her knees, covering her face in her knees, softly crying.

I frown, sitting beside her and pulling her in with my arm around her waist as she buries her face in my chest, hugging me tightly. “T-This is all my fault. Everything is ruined. Everything! The party and now Alyssa’s life could be on the line.”

“None of this is your fault.” I murmur in her ear, holding her up in my arms. “Please don’t blame yourself, Heaven. You did all you could.”

“I just felt so hopeless. All I could do was hold up as many towels on that s-stab wound and. They just got soaked in all that blood. There was so much fucking blood, oh God.” She sniffles, holding onto me.

“Hey, hey.” I stroke her cheek with my thumb, wiping off the tears.

“A lot of people would be racked with shock in a moment like that. You are one brave lady for doing everything you could.

Alyssa may be in the hospital now fighting for her life, but she wouldn’t have made it if you and Hope didn’t try, especially against so much blood loss. You are the reason why she’s still alive, Heaven. You’re not a bad person for trying to help.”

She swallows down the lump in her throat, peeking up at me. “How is that you always manage to make everything seem alright?”

“I tent to give off that reaction often.” I chuckle.

Heaven giggles, wiping the corners of her eyes. “I like the sound of that.”

“Then let me treat you. Come stay over at my place tonight, you’ve been through a shit storm and the least you deserve is some rest.” I offer her.

“Are you sure?” She croaks. “I could stay with Hope too, you know.”

“Oh, come on.” I snort, planting a small kiss on the tip of her nose. “I’ll even let Brady cook for you.”

She smiles weakly, “as long as I’m with you, I like that offer, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get any sleep tonight. If anyone needs rest, it’s you. I’m surprised you’re even standing after all of this.”

“What do you mean?” I blink, taken back.

“Knowing Serenity did all of this and just got away with it. Isn’t she technically your girlfriend?” She rests her chin on my chest.

“No. No, she’s never been my girlfriend. She’s Dalton’s.” I grimace, glancing at the dried blood spots on the concrete walkway.

“But you love her.” Heaven accuses. “Don’t you?”

“I don’t know how or why all of this happened, but I fell out of love just as quickly as I fell in it.” I tell her in shame, “I regret it. I regret all of this. If I had known how fucked up everything would have been, I’d never have met her in the first place. I regret it everything I’ve done because after all this time and all I did, I still didn’t realize it wasn’t just me she was hurting.”

“Make sure you never tell her that.” She warns, sitting up. “The last thing a girl crazed in love wants to hear is that the love of her life doesn’t love her.”

“I don’t even know if I can physically face her again.” I stand shakily, extending my hand down to her and helping her up. “Or if I should.”

“It really does show you care, wanting to fix all of this.” She smiles shyly at me.

“Regardless of who she is, you know how to keep a girl. I do think you should talk with her and set the record straight.”

“And you’re right.” I take both of her hands in mine, giving them a gentle squeeze. “All will happen when the time is right, before she becomes a danger for the rest of us.”

“I’m definitely not going near her.” Heaven shudders, glancing down at our hands.

“I don’t even know what to say anymore. That’s such an evil thing to do. I didn’t even know she had such a thing inside of her.”

“You gotta trust your instincts about people, Heaven. Don’t make the same mistakes as me.” I lean down, kissing her hands.

“Whatever it is that you do, Jared, I’m sure they’re not mistakes.” She blushes, lacing her hands with me. “I’ve never seen you give up.”

“But, there’s just something that keeps me going. Whether that’s being a better big brother to Mercedes and fixing myself as a person for my friends and family or making sure you’re happy and safe. It still fuels the fire inside of me. Think of it that way.” I take my one hand and slick my wet hair back, admiring her from my stance as she gazes at me.

“This feels so cliché,” she chuckles, looking around her at Brady’s car in which Jun and Mercedes are sitting in, drying off with a towel.

“Standing under the rain with you?” I laugh, “oh yeah, just a little.” I lean in, scooping my arms around her waist and pressing my forehead against hers.

“Cheesy!” She wraps her arms around my shoulders, “now you’re going to get us both wet.”

“My bad, I just finished up drying.” I pinch her cheek teasingly.

She whines, “all my makeup already ran off my face from all this rain.”

“You still look stunning.” I comment, eyeing her lips as she flushes red, leaning in closer to me with slight hesitation in her eyes.

With a flutter of my eyelids, my lips crash over hers in a passionate and needy kiss, lips pursing as I kiss her softly, feeling waves of excitement and pleasure run through me. I take my time kissing her, tasting her sweet lips over mine as her lips intoxicate mine with each gentle move, erasing any other kiss over my lips, pulling her closer by the waist towards me. For once, I’ve never felt such a fire light inside of me from a kiss of pure passion, sending my heart racing and shivers up my spine.

Her lips are so soft and smooth, moving against mine as if she has been begging and awaiting a kiss, finding it hard to want to pull away.

“Cheesy, right? Did we just do that?” I laugh as she nods, giggling excitedly. “Come on,” I rub her shoulders gingerly. “Let’s get you dry and home.”

“A-alright.” She bites her lip, looking slightly fluttered as she laces our hands together, popping open her umbrella with the other and holding it over us as we step down the porch and towards Brady’s car.

Jun’s window pulls down as he peeks out at the two of us, a mischievous smirk forming over his lips with an amusing twinkle in his eyes, “oh I could definitely get used to this.”

“Shut up and open the door, we’re soaked to the damn bone out here.” I blush in embarrassment as Brady chuckles, opening up at the doors, ignoring Jun’s wide grin as we squeeze into the back seat, closing the door and fluttering the umbrella closed; Mercedes curled up in the corner of his seat, fast asleep.

“Finally.” Jun closes up his window, sighing in relief. “I’ve had enough adventure for one day. I’m serious this time. Can we go home guys?”

“Where to now?” Brady peeks back at us, completely ignoring Jun’s comment.

“Home. Let’s go home.” I breathe, nodding at the two and closing my eyes and leaning my head against the car seat. _“Let’s just get out of here.”\_

**Azure’s Perspective.**

I peek up at Elijah, masking the disgust from my eyes. “Sorry for the shitty welcome.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He blinks, occupied at staring at his parked limousine across from us. “I’ve gotten used to all of that. It would have been much worse if nobody had told me. We’ll go to the hospital from here.”

“Right.” I nod at him as he leads me across the landing platform where the driver of the limousine who is dressed in a tuxedo with dark sunglasses stands before the car, opening up the back doors for Elijah and I as we slip in.

“Where to, sir?” The driver gets in his seat, closing the door and buckling his seatbelt on.

“To the hospital downtown, and please hurry. We have to get there as quickly as possible.” He replies, frantically.

“Right away, sir.” He puts his foot down on the pedal as we begin to drive off.

I take a deep breath, getting comfortable on the leather seats and glancing at Elijah who breathes heavily, ruffling his hand through his dirty blonde hair, “who the fuck would do something like that to Alyssa?!”

“As I was driving here, all I saw was the police and paramedics from a distance. They were carrying her bloody body into the ambulance. Looks like a stomach wound to me.” I sulk in my seat.

“Oh God. Was there a lot of blood? Do you think she’ll be okay?” He continues asking.

“I’m not a doctor, Elijah. We’ll just have to wait and see.” I tell him plainly, “I mean, why do you think Heather and Francis are her only friends? Francis can’t find a decent group of friends either, the student council just binds together after joining for good, like you did.”

“I considered Alyssa a friend.” Elijah says quietly, “maybe not so much now, but there’s still something–”

“You considered her more than a friend even when we were dating.” I cut him off, narrowing my eyes. “You don’t even have to tell me, but your eyes say all. I know what you’re thinking of.”

“I know you hate me, Azure.” He gives a small sigh, scooting in his seat. “You can tell me how much you love and miss me, but there isn’t any love towards you from me without some hate. I know you’ll never forgive me for how many times I’ve screwed shit up. I know it won’t be the same if I take you back.”

“I’m not asking you to take me back.” I turn away from him, gazing out the window. “I doubt your feelings.”

“You can hate me, beat me, scream at me and throw me around, but you can’t doubt my love for you. It’s the only thing I’m certain of.” He moves his hand over to my thigh, giving a little squeeze.

I blush, attempting to ignore his touch and change the conversation. ‘There’d only be one girl who hasn’t got good enough reason to hurt anyone but seems to repel and hurt everybody she touches.”

Elijah looks disappointed for a moment, pulling his hand back, “and who’s that?”

“Serenity Prescott, who else?” I give a carefree shrug. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she had something to do with this.”

“Jesus fuck, what is it with everyone and this Serenity business? Last time I saw Serenity, she was one of the sweetest girls I knew. How am I supposed to believe her personality did a complete change?” He scoffs, shaking his head.

“You boys don’t understand anything, do you?” I fume, “what it’s like to be so in love with one and only person? It’ll drive anybody sane and good mad. Accept that and find out what’s going on for yourself, Elijah. You may be famous, but I can promise you that I’ll be the only one who’s not gonna be kissing your ass.”

He raises both his brows at me, “I was right, you really do fucking hate me.”

I ignore his comment, pointing out the window. “Oh, would you look at that. We’ve arrived.”

He lets out drawn-out, annoyed sigh as the driver takes a final right turn, pulling up in front of the hospital. “Here we are sir, downtown’s main hospital.”

“Thank you, Flav.” We both open the limousine doors, stepping out as the limo slowly drives off and out of the hospital grounds. Elijah keeps a safe distance away from my side as we both fast walk inside the hospital, approaching the front desk.

The middle-aged lady in the front desk slips her glasses off, looking up from a textbook at the two of us. “How may I help you two?”

“We’re looking for Alyssa Wethersfield.” His voice chokes up as he impatiently taps his fingers on the marble desk.

“Alyssa. Alyssa Wethersfield.” The lady slides over in her office chair, scrolling through her patient database on her desktop computer.

I pull my eyes away, checking out Elijah’s skin tight, white, dress shirt and grey dress pants, legs crossed over each other as he leans against the table. Our eyes momentarily meet as I give mine a roll, looking away from him.

_He’s not yours anymore, Azure. He’s not yours. He shouldn’t be on your mind or in your heart anymore._

“She’s currently in room eighty three, just down the hallway to your right.” The lady peeks up as Elijah nods, snapping his finger and gesturing for me to follow.

I walk down the hall in my regular pace as Elijah rushes off to the right, bursting through room eighty three as he fast as he fucking can. I breathe deeply through my nose, walking in and leaning against the wall by the door as Elijah’s jaw drops wide open, staring at Alyssa hooked up to tubes and machines, unconscious on the bed.

She’s tucked in with layers of blankets, her heart monitor quietly beeping in the back with a blood pack attached to both of her wrists. She remains with an oxygen mask over her mouth, the grey curtains pulled over the windows with only a small end table that holds a tall glass of water and a few pills, along with an old vase of daisies, and one plastic lawn chair.

“Alyssa!” He cries out, picking up her hand and rubbing his thumb over it, kissing it quickly. “Alyssa? Can you hear me? Oh God.”

“U-Unn.” Alyssa hums, blinking weakly and gazing lazily over at Elijah. “E-Elijah? You. Oh. You’re back.”

“I heard everything. The stabbing. The–” He bites down on his lip, eyeing her stomach. “What happened to you?”

Alyssa sniffs, “it was not enough I suppose. I can barely understand it for myself.”

“Who did this to you?! You tell me and I’ll fucking kill them.” He growls.

“Alyssa.” I lift my head up, crossing my arms. “Tell him who did. Tell him her name.”

Alyssa’s eyes look over at me as she reaches her hand up to her oxygen mask, slipping it down off of her nose. “Serenity. Serenity did it.”

“I fucking hate this.” Elijah tugs on his hair, sitting down onto the chair. “If I had been here a little sooner, everything would make sense.”

“W-what are you talking about?” She groans quietly.

“G-God, it just physically hurts to see you like this. Look at all these fucking machines and tubes attached to your body.” He gestures to her. “God knows how much blood you lost or how long you have to stay here for.”

“But none of that matters.” She fixes up a smile, “I’m just glad you came to see me even if I couldn’t make it to your landing. I feel like a shitty f-friend. I don’t want to make things harder for you.”

I scoff under my breath, “ridiculous.” I rub my arms, continuing to listen to their conversation.

“You’re not making anything hard for me. I couldn’t even keep a mere promise to you, denying everything and hoping you weren’t actually lying in the hospital.” He sniffles. “You know?”

My eyes widen slightly as I stare down at the floor, swallowing over and over again to get my throat from tightening up.

_He made the same fucking promise to her?!_

I suddenly felt the last bit of warmth inside of me fade out like a spark, a sickening feeling running through my chest to follow.

“How have you even been? With your movies and such? Everything has changed without you, it doesn’t even feel the same anymore.”

“I’m alive, and that’s the best I’ve ever been. I have enough stories to tell you about acting as it is.” He smiles, blinking back his tears.

“It’s almost been a year since I left and all I’ve been doing is thinking of you. I missed being a part of the school council too, I got all our polaroids and pictures still with me. A-all I really wanted to do was see you out of everybody else again. I was awaiting that for so long, that’s why I started calling you every night. Throughout all the bullshit and stress, lines running through my head, you always managed to lift me up.”

He brushes her hair back, squinting his eyes as tears drip down his reddened cheeks. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I missed you, or how happy I am to know you’re okay. You’re all I fucking care about.”

“You are the sweetest, Elijah.” She chortles. “I will get better, I promise you that much.”

He nods, “all I want is to call you mine _again_.”

I clasp my hand over my mouth, muffling back a sob as I stare at the two in pure somber, feeling each and every bone in my body ache as my hand flies for the door knob.

“Let me. Let me call you my girl again, you knew how much I didn’t want to let you go. Give me another chance to love you.” Without another word, I burst out of the hospital room, slamming the door behind me and stumbling out into the hallway.

With a burst of tears, I slowly slide down against the wall and let out a whimper, covering my mouth and crying.

_With one look, I was addicted to everything about you and you didn’t even want anything to do with me. I could never love anybody like I loved you and you fucking knew it!_

_You knew it and you used it your fucking advantage! I would drag myself to the end of the fucking world for you and you used me as a side for some pathetic little bitch?_ _I told you I’m not ready to lose you yet, and I thought I would never be able to either. You take everything out of me and somehow make me feel empty all over again, leaving me with that lingering nothingness that hits me over and over again._

_It’s nothing that breaks my heart now because even if you’re really here, you’re never going to be mine again._

There are so many words I wish I had said before and after. I can barely see with the tears pooling up in my eyes, blurring my vision of the hospital room. I bury my face into my hands and cry it out, caring less as to who could hear or see me.

I’m a fucking mess, always have been and always will be. I’m weak enough that I let some boy who I adored destroy me with my own feelings.

 _I missed you too, why do you forget that? I fucking miss you. I want to kiss you._

It disgusts me as to how a relationship works and ends like that, nothing like a clock’s gears. You want and want before it forms into lust and greed; you’d wait forever if you have to, then once it happens it suddenly over and leaves just as fast as it comes. In that moment, you start to regret anything and everything you did.

_Our bodies could have been over top of each other, hot skin on sweat and lace, and I would still do anything to pull you in closer to me._

_Perhaps you truly are the reason why I wanted to love so badly after all._

I sob, feeling my entire body tremble with cries, pouring out every inch of heartbreak and love invested in myself.

I took everything in so hard that it ripped me right apart from the middle, punishing me from getting so emotionally attached to everything I claim I love.

_I need you so much more than she does._

He moved on so quickly without me and everyone left me in the dust of my own trail with nowhere to go. _But why?_ Why when everything was getting so good and reaching perfection, shining in its radiance that all the misery in me had to strike back?

Thinking to myself at least a hundred times a day when I looked at him that, “I’m so in love with this boy”, knowing that he looked at Alyssa like that destroys my hopes completely. All those years passed like they were nothing and falling apart was not an option, that I had more feelings for him than he did for me since the very start, and now I have to force it down my throat that I was simply in love with a liar, a cheater, and a man who would never love me. 

Even though I follow his every word, refusing to speak to Serenity’s brother Lucas after their massive fight on the football field last year and dropping a few friends just to spend time with him and he gives me absolutely nothing but heartbreak.

I groan in agony as the door to Alyssa’s room slowly creaks open, Elijah walking out and closing it behind him as he leans against the door, peeking down at me.

“What the fuck do you want?!” I leer. “The patient is in the room, not here!”

“Azure.” His eyes are soft, begging for attention. “You think we can’t hear you crying from here? I figured you heard everything I said but. I didn’t think it would affect you as much.”

“Oh yeah?” I sit up, facing him with a scowl.

“You know, I thought that with your return back to LA, things would turn out better for the two of us and just between us. I thought seeing you again promised me new and different things, that it meant I could be with you and love you again. Are you seriously back just throwing me aside in the trash like we were never anything? Like I never meant anything to you? How did you not feel guilty cheating on me like that when you told me you think of me every day?!”

“I didn’t cheat on you!” He shouts over me, “I dated her over long distance when I was in Miami, Jesus fucking Christ!”

I hiccup, “why!? Why wasn’t it me?! You know you broke up with me for that fucking shitty reason!”

“Because we were done, Azure. We were finished! I’m not one to rekindle relationships anymore, okay?! I went to Miami and I got my work done, now that I’m back and things have changed, I expect you to try and move on!”

“You just told me you loved me in the car...” I whisper, “did you not?”  
“I did, and I do. There’s an undying love inside of me for you, Azure, but it’s not gonna work out the old-fashioned way like you think it would.”

“That’s bullshit! I know you’re more in love with Alyssa more than you’ve ever been with me!” I bark, “you’re a filthy fuckin’ liar!”

“Maybe that’s why it didn’t work out!” He throws his hands up in the air. “Hmm?! Haven’t you thought of that, Little Miss Azure who over thinks everything?”

“Oh, you’re disgusting!” I spit at him as he flinches, taking a step back. “Your sick way of showing me love is breaking my heart.”

“Let me go already, Azure. You detect everything before I even get a chance to think about it. I have a different viewpoint for the day, or my voice slightly changes, and you automatically assume I’m turning against you. The only way to break it to you nice and easy was to tell you straight up that we needed to break up.”

“I thought you were my soulmate, Elijah. I really believed you were. That you had that kind of love inside your heart.” I feel the pieces of my own heart shatter at the words rolling out of my tongue.

“I’m sorry. I accept that, but you’re not my soulmate. To be honest with you, I don’t even know if I’ve met my soulmate. I’m just trying my best to make it out here, to be happy. I can be _your_ soulmate, but you can’t be mine. It feels like nothing to me.” He looks down at me with disbelief sprawled across his face.

“But it means everything to me.” I hesitantly stand, holding to the sides of the wall.

“Some of us have real love in our hearts, some of us keep on loving, but that also includes accepting other people into your life. What happened to you when you said you’d be happy for me no matter what?”

 _“I’ll never, for as long as I live, be happy with you being with her.”_ I falter.

“Fine, you can choose to act the way you do, but I’ve already made up my mind, okay? Get that through your dense fucking head. With you, everything is getting way more complicated than it should be! I’m sorry Azure, but I have to cut my ties off with you here. You are one stubborn girl, holy shit. Just leave us alone, okay? Leave your misery in the past, I’m not interested in it.” He grits his teeth, turning on his heel and storming off down the hall as I watch his every last step and move.

I pull up a smile, nodding slowly as he takes a turn out of the hall, wiping off my face with my palms, watching all my eyeliner and mascara smear off easily. I shake my head, cracking a smile as more tears fall out of my eyes.

I’m one ridiculous girl that can’t stop holding onto the past because I’m so obsessed with my time and fixing things I thought were destined to work.

He never loved me, I know he didn’t. If somebody truly fell in love, they wouldn’t cheat or make excuses. They would make time, and even someone as stupid and “dense” like me can understand that. I adored him with all my heart, even though he chose another girl over me.

I’m sorry, Elijah. I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you wanted to love. I can’t even accept myself for who I am. I can’t even love me.


	19. Nemesism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You stabbed an innocent girl in the stomach, and here you are screaming and crying about how you don’t want to be known as ‘crazy’?” The crime scene draws itself out as the police begin to investigate the almost fatal stabbing of Alyssa. With Serenity's psychotic urge and angry sated for now, she flees but not before taunting those she's affected. Hitchhiking and lurking around with the murder weapon, it isn't long until she comes clean and happily so to Dalton that the killer inside her is growing. More than overjoyed to be able to "teach them a lesson", Serenity works on instilling fear into the rest of the boys and specifically that of Jared. With Alyssa still alive, Serenity promises Dalton to work on her aim.

**Jared’s Perspective.**

_“Located just directly by the next neighborhood, the police swarm their cop cars over the Myth household that had fallen into the hands of crime in only a few hours. The location as to where the last high school party would be held for the season until an intruder had broken in, coming in from the kitchen and reportedly threw a kitchen knife at one of the guests, a female in whose name shall not be released into the public for privacy reasons._ _Police say the victim’s friends have been questioned as well as the head of the party to come up with a suspect, yet there is insufficient amount of evidence to convict the prime suspect, with no murder weapon, no fingerprints anywhere to be found… That concludes of tonight’s mystery, ladies and gentlemen. It is crucial to be sure your teenagers are not drinking underage or under the influence of any hard drugs, such as the common ones used in parties listed below.”_

“They’ve basically covered up so much that it’s ridiculous.” Heather sits with a leg crossed over the other beside me, scowling at the television screen placed across Alyssa’s hospital bed as she props herself up on a couple pillows to view the news, snuggling up in her blankets.

It has been an hour since the nurse had come in and treated Alyssa’s wound, checking for infections and making sure the stitches are tight before wrapping it up in a fresh pair of linen bandages, and Heather, Jun and I popped in for a few hours’ visit on a Sunday morning.

With enough time on our hands and work for me at seven, I brought over my case of graphite pencils and my favorite sketchbook, doodling away for her.

“You know how the media is.” I murmur, sketching away over the rough paper.

“They do one of the three things,” Jun relaxes in his seat, “they either give too much, give too little, or lie.”

“You’re right.” Heather sighs, her shoulders tense from anger. “It’ll be on TV for one day and torture Heaven’s precious little reputation–”

“Don’t say that.” Alyssa pouts, “it’s not her reputation she’s worried about. I’d feel shitty if it was my house the cops were displaying all over the news.”

Heather slides down in her seat, slouching. “Don’t tell me I have to become friends with this plastic, Barbie whore.”

“Heather!” I snap, knitting my eyebrows. “Come on, take that back.”

“Can’t.” She snorts, glancing up at the television lazily. “I’m used to being her classic rival because she’s against my cheer team. It’s a cliché ass rivalry, fake smiles being exchanged here and there. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the ‘good luck!’ and ‘oh you’ll need it!’” She imitates in a shrill voice. “Fucking kill me now.”

Jun smirks, “welcome to the world of cheer, babe.”

“As long as she makes Jared happy or whatever.” Heather crosses her arms, grumbling. “Then maybe I can tolerate her just a bit.”

“Mhmm.” I smile warmly, sketching lightly over the paper. “Poor girl has been so damn tired that she and Mercedes are both still sleeping in.”

“It’s really sweet of you to let her stay with you for a while.” Alyssa gives me a thumbs up, grinning wildly.

“I could definitely see the two of you dating.” Jun pops the idea up.

“Aw, come on.” I blush slightly, attempting to focus on the sketch of Alyssa’s face. “It’s too early to tell, isn’t it?”

“Um.” Heather gives a roll of her eyes, “I think it’s pretty damn obvious, don’t act clueless.”

“I’m just saying.” I chuckle, “don’t get your panties in a knot. I’m going through one strange love triangle at the moment.”

“Oh yeah, and speaking of, you’re the only person _Serenity_ actually talks to. Did you hear from her at all?” Jun questions.

I scratch the back of my head, shrugging. “Not a single message or call, which is new for Serenity. But if you think I’m going to call Lucas to ask how she is, you’re crazy.”

“Elijah hates Lucas.” Alyssa pouts towards me, “those two still haven’t solved their beef.”

_‘Ah right.’_

Last year Elijah and Lucas, Serenity’s older brother, had a heated debate about who would become the captain of the football team.

Of course, having literally anyone else’s name or a brand-new team member join in was absolutely not a thing, and it was either Hope’s “promising new candidate” or Elijah taking things over. The student council before Heather properly got into power decided that year there would be a captain for each year of football, making four in total. It ended up being an enormous problem for competing teams and those who were considered the “leaders” of their sports groups.

Lucas remained supreme in his state and received a scholarship for football at that, finally fucking off when he graduated Grandview University and let Elijah take over his role.

Elijah took the throne for the remainder of his stay before he moved to Miami to pursue his acting career with his parents. Nothing has been solved or fixed after that, and the scalding hatred between the two still remained. Elijah spoke nothing of it, but the way his eyes narrowed when Lucas was ever mentioned said quite enough.

Knowing that Lucas is off to becoming a professional football player and standing at 6’3”, black hair slicked back and sharp baby blue eyes, he is broad and built in such a terrifying way that he intimidates everyone around him–including me!

He seems more like a living statue that breaths fire to me instead of an athletic role model. Serenity acts more like Lucas was an overgrown baby and doesn’t seem to be bothered by his height or disgusting, selfish wants.

She loves him altogether and takes no shit when it comes to her family, finding Lucas to become her main weapon when it came to threatening or warning people off. 

_‘It must have worked perfectly against Dalton’,_ I think to myself, knowing that nobody fears Lucas Prescott more than Dalton Anderson himself. The kid would shit himself if Lucas even breathed over him. Not saying I’m the exact same, but I definitely would not like to be left alone with Lucas. He is one literal demon, especially when pissed.

_Trust me, I know exactly what I’m talking about._

“Even if Elijah grabs himself a scholarship and heads over to Miami again, he’ll never be able to play against or with Lucas. He’s on a completely different division.”

Heather waves it off, “if Elijah’s worrying over that, then maybe Lucas was right when he said Elijah _is_ childish.”

“It’s ‘cause we’re all so used to quickly pulling up competition with people who have the same or similar talents and skills at us. How often do you see artists get along without doing a little bit of plagiarism and becoming jealous with one another?” Alyssa points out. “I knew they’d never get along. They’re both too deep in to do anything about it now.”

“Who _caaaares_ , Serenity and her brother are both ridiculous and Lucas doesn’t frighten me.” Heather scoffs, “I’ve seen bigger guys in my lifetime.”

“I’m sure you have.” Jun and I burst out laughing, throwing my head back as Heather scowls, slipping off her flip flop and chucking it at me as I duck.

Jun and I snap fingers, pointing at each other as Alyssa laughs with us. “You gotta admit, that’s hysterical.”

“You guys are a bunch of dicks.” Heather flushes red, looking away, “grown up goofballs.”

“Aw babe, we’re trying to have a good time here!” Jun moves his chair next to Heather’s, planting a soft kiss on her cheek as a slight smile forms over her lips.

“Speaking of, I’m done the sketch too!” I exclaim, ripping the paper out of the coils, showing the pencil portrait of Alyssa head to her collarbones, smiling.

Alyssa’s eyes widen as she extends both hands, attempting to reach for the sketch. “Holy shit! Let me see that!”

I hand her the sketch as she takes it in her hands, eyes wide as they dart around the paper in awe. “Wow! This is fucking amazing. How can you draw like this? I wasn’t even sitting still!”

“No need to.” I smile back, “I’ve gotten used to it, I can remember your face well enough now.”

“That’s pretty damn impressive for a nerd.” Jun peeks over at the sketch.

“Hey!” I protest, laughing. “I try for her, okay?”

“I wonder how hard you try for Heaven.” Heather says in a mocking tone, smiling sweetly at me.

“Very hard.” I shoot her the same fake smile back.

Alyssa squeaks over the sketch, clutching her cheeks. “Your artistic skill is amazing, Jared. I’ve never seen anything like it. This is the first time anybody has ever done something like this for me!”

“Wow.” Jun nods in amusement.

“Art is my thing.” I blush in embarrassment, rubbing the back of my neck.

“You know, I love the way your eyes light up when you’re talking about something you’re passionate about, like art!” She beams. “None of us could ever get bored of your creative hand gestures when you’re trying to explain art concepts. I think you’re the most talented person I’ve ever meet.”

“ _Woooooooow!_ ” Jun throws his hands up in protest. “Everyone suddenly forgets their favorite Asian!”

Alyssa gives a bubbly smile to Jun, “how could anyone forget you?!”

“Stop being such an attention whore!” Heather bursts out laughing, shoving Jun’s arm lightly.

“It sounds cheesy, I know.” Alyssa brushes a strand of hair behind her ear, “but you’re all my best friends.”

“I’m really bad at cheering people up,” I admit sheepishly, “I’m glad I could help you feel better in anyway.”

“You think you’ll be out of here soon enough, little lady?” Jun glances over in question.

Alyssa shrugs, slithering back into her bed slowly. “The doctors tell me a month or so I lost a lost enough blood as it is, but it didn’t rip through anything vital. I can’t exactly move very well with these stitches either.”

“So, you’ll hopefully make it in time for the awards ceremony.” Heather smiles at her, gazing at the hospital bed.

“Definitely, I don’t think it’ll take that long. I just feel weak so much of the time, it’s a lot of work just keeping me here.” She sighs deeply, lying down. “Bandage changing, checking stitches. I can’t even pee by myself, I need a nurse to wash me.”

“That’s what the hospital is for, come on.” I ease, “they’re supposed to take care of you Alyssa.”

Heather chuckles, “you’re so selfless, thinking about everybody else before you all the time. It’s good to look after yourself first too, girl.”

Alyssa giggles quietly, “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been to a hospital since I was a baby.”

“You’re still a baby!” Jun exclaims, “a small little baby.”

“I’m a tiny bean, I know.” She peeks out at him. “But I’m Elijah’s bean now.”

“See? You’ve always got people who love you by your side. I knew Elijah wouldn’t let go of you that easily.” I set my sketchbook and pencils down.

“Oh, that _should_ be cute! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a relationship before, Alyssa.” Heather smirks, shooting her a look.

Alyssa’s cheeks flush red as she clutches them, giving a squeeze. “Mm! He’s my first boyfriend!”

“Well, well! Looks like we’ll be seeing you on the red carpet with bae too?” Jun gives a yawn, stretching his arms behind his head.

“They’ve been together for a day!” I point out with a laugh, “give ‘em some time!”

“I second that, but actually.” Alyssa pulls the covers down from her chin, “my parents even called last night and asked how school was going and whatnot, and I told them about how the midterms went and Elijah’s return.”

“Did you tell them about?” Heather raises both her brows, gesturing to her stomach.

Alyssa shakes her head, fear filling her eyes. “I finally moved out last year and the last thing I want is my parents worrying over me like that, especially if the police refuse to help us.”

Jun gives a loud groan of discomfort, “this isn’t how white privilege works!”

“Jun!” All three of us snap at the same time as he howls in laughter.

“I’m right aren’t I, though?! Not enough evidence? How the fuck did Serenity not leave a single goddamn fingerprint?!”

“That’s disgusting.” Alyssa frowns, “that was my only way of relief and they fucking said they couldn’t do anything for me but bring me here and clean poor Heaven’s house. Oh man, my blood is stained literally everywhere.”

I pat Alyssa’s shoulder softly, “don’t you think there’s anything we can do? This is injustice.”

Jun lean in, peering at me. “Maybe you can do something about it considering you’re Serenity’s sugar daddy.”

“And what would that be?” I scowl at him.

“Think about it, Serenity doesn’t live on her own or with her parents. I bet her mom and Lucas aren’t stupid enough to let her in the house covered in blood or in a panic.

I doubt she’s a sociopath or anything like that.” Jun suggests, giving his shoulders a shrug. “She lives with Dalton, that’s the only place she could have gone last night and got away with it.”

“You want me to go over and check?” I cringe in disgust.

“Why don’t you give Dalton a call and see what’s going on?” Heather offers, “I mean I know the last thing anyone would want to do is make some form of contact with that fucking pest, but it’s our only choice.”

I give a long, drawn-out sigh, slipping my phone out of my pocket. “Fine, we can say I tried, but if he screams or hangs up on me, it’s not my fault.”

“He’s not gonna answer. I just know it.” Alyssa whispers.

I give her a reassuring smile, pressing “call” underneath his name and holding the phone up to my ear. We wait for a moment, hearing the phone ring quietly a few times, waiting patiently for him to answer. “You have nothing to worry about, Alyssa. I got this. Come on Dalton, pick up.”

**Dalton’s Perspective.**

I lay sprawled in my bed with the sheets lifting off my bed and half of my blanket hanging onto my legs with the other half slouched onto the floor; the blinds shut halfway with the window wide open, letting the cool, summer breeze brush over me. 

As I gaze around my room from where I’m lying, I cringe at the shit storm of a mess my room has become from drinking till I was shitfaced and attempting to study at the same time. My schoolbag is chucked across the room with all sorts of crumpled up papers with various scribbles everywhere, tucked underneath piles of dirty clothing.

My closet is wide open with all the clothing knocked down, a couple empty beer bottles by my computer desk and a piece of pizza laying on a greasy paper plate. I peek at my end table scattered with empty whiskey bottles, grabbing the last Jack Daniel’s and holding it up to me and shaking the last of the liquor at the bottom.  
“F-Fuck. Not again.” I whine, slowly sitting up against my pillow and downing the last of the alcohol.

I swallow down the bitter liquid, pursing my lips and taking a deep breath of relief before setting the empty, glass bottle on my blankets, dangling my feet off my bed. “Augh.”

I rub my forehead with the palm of my hand in pain at the stinging hangover hitting my head. I shake my head, slowly hopping off the bed and staggering out into the hallway.

As I lean against the wall with one hand, my head turns towards the noise coming across from me at the front hall by the door; Serenity slamming the door behind her and panting heavily, sliding down against the door. I regain my stature, raising a brow at her dirt stained jeans and blood smeared floral blouse as she completely collapses, swallowing hard and making eye contact with me.

I slowly make my way near her, my eyes wide, examining her in pure confusion as she blinks lazily at me, catching her breath, “w-what time is it?”

“Uh.” I glance over my shoulder at the clock over on the wall, “11:34. Why–” I pause, facing her again. “What the hell happened to you?! Where have you been?!”

“A-Are you mad I came late?” She peeps.

“Late?” I furrow my brows, “I don’t really give a shit when you go out and come back, I didn’t even see you leave last night.”

“Yeah.” She chuckles nervously, rubbing at her eyes. “Had a little accident as you can see.”

“Are you hurt?” I question, taking another step closer to her. “There’s blood on your shirt, holy shit.”

“N-no!” She holds onto the coat hanger, shakily standing and moving away from me. “I’m okay, I’m fine!”

I blink, taking a few steps away from her. “What the fuck is up with you? Jesus Christ.”

“Perks of going to parties.” She groans, slipping her blood splattered shirt over her head, “I fucking hate them.”

I scoff, heading into the kitchen and pulling open the cabinet, grabbing the Advil. “Got invited to a party and managed to get a little fucked up huh?”

“It was a fucking mistake.” She says through gritted teeth, walking into the living room and rubbing her arms. “Heaven and her little goons were there.” She throws the dirty shirt into the laundry bin, plopping onto the couch.

“Of course, Heaven was, she’s at every party.” I swallow down the Advil with a glass of water, sighing deeply. “What the hell did you expect?”

She gives a small shrug, glancing at me from the corner of her eye as she huddles her arms, “I can’t fucking sleep, I’ve been up all night.”

“Partying?” I scoff, leaning against the counter. “That’s a first. You do realize it’s a school day tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah.” She shudders, walking off down the hallway. “I’ll be fine, I’m in the shower if you need me.”

“Alrighty.” I murmur, a little thrown off by her strange behavior. I shrug it off, knowing at this point she’s famous for sticking her nose into things and getting into shit for it; always being around in the wrong place at the wrong time.

_She may be my girlfriend, but she sure as hell isn’t my responsibility._

I’m taken by surprise momentarily as my cellphone begins to buzz in my pocket, ringing loudly as I scoop it out, staring at the caller that read “Jared Knight” before me.

I scoff in disgust, scowling at my phone as it continues to ring.

_What the hell does that piece of shit want from me now? And how the fuck does he have my number? Ugh… Serenity._

I glance around the kitchen, biting my lip as I wait for the ringing to stop, but he continues to try to call, letting the phone ring over and over again.

Part of me refuses to answer the phone to a piece of shit, wanting to decline the call and shove my phone back into my pocket, while the other half is curious to know why out of all people, Jared Knight would be calling me.

 _He’s been ringing the phone too damn long for it to be a prank by now._ I roll my eyes, sliding to accept the call and holding up the phone to my ear in annoyance. “What the hell do you want, Knight?”

“Took you long enough to pick up.” He sighs on the other end of the phone. “Hello to you too.”

“Must be really important you were still ringing that long, you here to blame me with some dirt or what?” I scoff, raking a hand through my hair.

“I need your help, Dalton.” He speaks sternly.

“My help?” I burst out laughing, slapping the kitchen counter.

“You need _my_ help? Honestly, I have no idea what you have up your sleeve this time, Knight, but I’m not gonna let you in on shit without a price.”

“A price? What? Do you want money or something?” He groans in annoyance.

“Nah, it’s not as simple as that.” I smirk, clutching my phone tighter. “A trade, an eye for an eye.”

“I just want information, nothing physical.” He replies back.

“And what’s in it for me?” I ask.

“I’ll make a deal with you. If you can tell me where Serenity was last night and what’s going on with her, I can promise you no jail time.” He lowers his voice.

My eyes widen as I glance around the kitchen uneasily, moving away from the counter. “Is this Serenity?”

“I get it, you don’t want to hear my sappy bullshit. For fuck’s sakes, you beat the living hell out of me, but the least you can do is help me get to the bottom of this. Have you been watching the news recently?”

“It was reported that just last night at least a dozen police cars made their way over to one of the wealthier neighborhoods, a cry out for help as a teenage party had gone horribly wrong. Witnesses’ names and faces have been kept out for privacy reasons, but it was a young girl who was attending the party at the time who was stabbed by what the witnesses describe another classmate from school. The suspect threw a knife which was directly aimed for the girl’s stomach, resulting in immense blood loss.

The police have not given the media many details except for that they have been unable to find any fingerprints around the murder scene or entire house, even the murder weapon itself. The victim was rushed off to the hospital immediately, leaving a mystery for the detectives and crime scene investigators. Police say for now that there is absolutely no trail that could possibly even lead up to suspicion of the suspect named; but it is said that the victim ran off covered in blood. Any reports of suspicious people around the neighborhood or city should be called in at Crime Stoppers or the local police department…”

“Y-yes.” I blink, slowly making my way out of the kitchen and down into the hallway.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you?” Suspicion grows wary in his voice.

“You mean to say that she-”

He cuts me off, “Dalton, the media won’t tell you any personal details about exactly what happened. That party? Yeah, it was Heaven’s last party of the season. There were at least a hundred people there, including Serenity, Alyssa, and Hope.”

“The fuck? Like Heaven would ever invite Serenity to a single party of hers.” I narrow my eyes, “that’s bullshit.”

“Bullshit? There were signs promoting it all over the school, where the hell have you been? Everyone was invited! There wasn’t a specific guest list!”

“Shit.” I mumble, rubbing the tip of my nose. “So of course, she made her way in.”

“Ask the ‘victim’ if you don’t believe me.” He tells me, “Jun, Heather, and I are right next to her in her hospital room.”

“Who? Who is it?” I whisper, taking a few steps forward.

“Alyssa. In front of Hope and Heaven’s fucking eyes, they saw Serenity barge into the kitchen and throw a goddamn chef’s knife right at the poor girl.

“For what fucking reason?!” I panic.

“There has got to be something that happened back there. The girls won’t tell me anything, and Heaven is already in a state of shock over at my place.”

I bite down on my lip, shaking my head in disbelief as I speak in a low voice, “they won’t tell you because it’s about you, Knight. Don’t you get it?! Serenity is so fucking emotional, for someone like Heaven, Alyssa, and Hope all grouping up on her, chasing her out and making her cry is considered _nothing_. It’s her extreme jealousy problem that ignites anger, the adrenaline. Something one of the girls said triggered her, I know it.”

“I figured there was obviously more.” He grumbles, “but everybody wants to drop the subject since Alyssa’s healing up at the hospital and the police won’t fucking help us in any way.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, she’s at home right now.” I swallow hard, “I knew she was capable of doing something fucked up but I didn’t think she’d actually–”

“Dalton. She threw herself against Brady’s car while we were on our way to Heaven’s place after we heard what happened. It was past midnight and she was hitchhiking down the goddamn road; she gave us a fucking heart attack! She looked like a fucking mess, oh God–her clothes and everything.”

“Blood stained and dirty?” I stand before Serenity’s room, leaning against the wall uneasily.

“Exactly like that. Listen, if this has anything to do with me, then it’s best if I don’t get involved with Serenity at all. I couldn’t tell if she had lost her mind or was drunk that night she approached us, but I know she’s fucking dangerous.

She stabbed one of my best fucking friends in the middle of Heaven’s own home! Do you have any idea how much blood Alyssa lost?!”

“See, I told you.” I say through grit teeth, “I fucking told you I was right about her and you didn’t even listen to me.”

“Dalton, look–” He pauses for a moment, “at this point, I honestly have no idea what the fuck is going on. I know I’m going to have to talk to her eventually, but you’re the only one separating the police from your house. Talk to Serenity about it, I need a confession or something like that.”

“You want a confession?” I raise a brow, “as in, you don’t believe what everyone else just told you?”

“It’s just tha–”

“What?! Do the clothes not convince you either?!” I hiss, keeping my eyes at the bottom of the door, watching her shadow move.

“Let me figure things out for myself, okay?! Jesus fucking Christ!”

“Oh my God.” I aggressively roll my eyes, “whatever, Knight. I’ll never get along with you in this world.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He replies, “nice talking to you too, asshole.” And with that, he hangs up.

I mumble “asshole” under my breath and shove my phone back into my pocket, placing my hand over the doorknob of Serenity’s room and slowly twist it, taking a deep breath as I push the door open.

Her room, which was once originally my twin sister Hope’s room before she moved back in with my mother, was now painted a light shade of lilac from a violent purple and packed with her things. Her walk-in closet organized and filled with all different kinds of expensive clothing ranging to high heels and Victoria’s Secret–of course, all from her brother Lucas’s wallet; Serenity isn’t fit to hold a job.

She stands by her dresser, holding her neatly wrapped bathrobe in her arms, raising a brow at me in confusion as I close the door behind me.

_Time to confront the crazy psychopathic bitch that is my girlfriend._

“Dalton?” She gives me a look of confusion.

“What did you do?” I ask, sternly.

“What?” She blinks, placing the bathrobe over her bed. “What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, at the party. What the hell did you do at Heaven’s place?” I narrow my eyes, eyeing her carefully.

“N-nothing.” She puts her hands up in surrender, “I told you–”

“You are one, crazy, fucked up bitch. You know that?!” I raise my voice at her, “what the hell were you actually trying to do last night?!”

Serenity flinches, stepping away from me cautiously. “Dalton, I d-don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You lied to me!” I exclaim, “you told me you ended up at a shitty high school party and pulled an all-nighter, you didn’t fucking telling me you also pulled a goddamn knife on Alyssa!” I accuse as her eyes widen in terror. “Have you lost your fucking mind?!” I approach her, grabbing both of her wrists in a tight grip.

“I didn’t!” She cries out, attempting to pull away from me as I snatch her back, “l-let me go!”

“You lied to me!” I scowl, releasing her and shoving her against the closet as she cries out in pain, stumbling on her feet as she holds onto the closet door, shakily peeking out at me. “That was you on the news, wasn’t it?! The suspect without the fingerprints, you fucking stabbed Alyssa at Heaven’s party and you’re not even slightly ashamed you almost murdered someone?!”

“I didn’t though. I didn’t k-kill.” She whimpers, swallowing hard as her eyes form up with tears.

“You were this fucking close to killing a human being, Serenity. I’m not sure if you’re well aware of this, but that’s called _murder_ , and its fucking illegal! What the hell is wrong with you?! What has Alyssa ever done?!”

“They’ve all taken Jared from me!” She screams on the top of her lungs; my eyes bulging as I take a cautious step or two back. “I fucking hate them! I fucking hate all of them!” She shoves open the closet door, slamming it against the wall in anger.

“Don’t you get it?! All those perfect little plastic whores have been stolen every bit of my happiness and _they_ are the ones who should be ashamed for shoving it down my own throat! Nobody notices how they steal everything from right underneath me, but as soon as I fight back to get what’s mine, I’m the bad person?!” She shudders, placing her shaky hand over her chest, “my mother didn’t raise a fool. Maybe a psychopath, but not a fool.”

“Oh, my fucking God.” I shake my head in disbelief, “so you know exactly what you are, don’t you?”

“I know what I can be _like_.” She shoots back, “you wouldn’t understand.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” I scoff, waving her off, “I wouldn’t, and I don’t want to. You’re a crazed slut over one dick and you can’t get over yourself.”

“And you want me to be sorry!?” She sniffles, blinking back tears.

“They think I’m a completely different person! _Jared_ thinks I’m a completely different person! That bitch deserved everything she got!”

My eyes bulge as I grip her by the shoulders tightly, giving her a shake. “Do you have any idea what you just did back there?” She stares at me in confusion and shock, her eyes glistening with tears as she looks me in the eyes.

“You stabbed an innocent girl in the stomach, and here you are screaming and crying about how you don’t want to be known as ‘crazy’?” I lower my voice, squinting my eyes at her.

“I h-have to be innocent, Dalton. You know what this is all about.” She croaks, her throat tightening.

“Yes, I know.” I say back, quietly. “But this isn’t–”

“I have to be pure,” she blurts quickly, “I have to be sweet for him. I want to be his everything and more. I know he deserves all of this after all the shit and piss everyone has put him through! I want to be the one he goes to when he cries, I want to be the only girl’s arms he’s lying he! He _can’t_ think I’m crazy, insane, or a psychopath. He can’t think of any of those nasty thoughts that little bitch Heaven planted in his mind. I can’t be that person!”

“Calm down!” I raise my voice a bit, knitting my brows at her. “Jesus fucking Christ, Serenity. You’re going to be alright, chill the fuck out.”

“Isn’t it obvious as to why I don’t show my true colors to everyone?” She pulls away from me, pushing off my hands, “don’t you think that they would assume I’m crazy?

I’ve learned to smile, nod politely, and keep walking. I don’t mean to hurt people on purpose, but it seems that no matter what I do, I have to hurt them. That’s all that ever comes from me, pain and disaster. I thought you would know better than anyone else.”

“I don’t fucking care.” My cooled expression turns into a scowl as I raise my hand, swiftly backhanding her across the face as she yelps, stumbling and giving me the chance to shove her into the closet with a cry of pain as she collapses down. “That’s not a fucking excuse for all of this!”

I point a finger at her, “I don’t care what the fuck you do, you crazy little bitch, but there is no way in hell you are dragging my name into this! Do you hear me?!”

Serenity sniffles, groaning quietly in pain as she clutches her forehead; her bottom lip trembling as she faces me with fear embedded into her eyes.

“I don’t give two flying fucks what the hell you do to Jared or over him, that’s your business, not mine. Don’t get me or my sister mixed up in this, or I swear this time you’ll end up in the hospital, _or worse_. I can fucking make it happen.” I threaten. “Accept this, you almost killed a human being back there.”

“Y-Yeah?” Her eyes flicker with amusement as she blinks back the tears, shakily standing up and clearing her throat. “Then maybe I should work on my aim.”


	20. Cozen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Then I’ll hurt myself. I’ll bruise my skin, I’ll do it. I’ll do what it takes to look as if they hurt me too, that it’s not all my fault. Self-defense, right? Jared will believe me. He has to, he trusts me." In attempts to cover her guilt and crime, Serenity hurts herself, hiding amongst the cemetery in order to trick Jared into believing her intentions were nothing but pure. Broken and crumbling before the sight of her lover she would so kill for, she wants nothing but to run away with him, melt into his arms and forget about her worries. After all, Jared remains to be the only one who can still see in the little positive light left. Could there still be a chance for him to love her the way she does?

**Serenity’s Perspective.**

_I wince in pain,_ slamming my arm down over the old tombstone as hard as I can, hitting my throbbing skin over and over again.

With tears in my eyes and my lungs weighing heavily as I pant, I gaze at my mottled arm, stinging with a sickly yellow-green bruise, forming violet over the sides of my thighs. I pant, wiping the tears out of the corners of my eyes weakly and scooting away from the tombstone, sitting back down on the steps of the mausoleum of The Cemetery Drive once again.

Shortly after Dalton had stormed off in my room after shoving me down, he headed straight towards the fridge with no surprise, and grabbed a liter of tequila, downing half of it in mere minutes.

With his drunken slurring and insults, he threw himself on the couch with his alcohol which gave me more than enough of a warning to get out of his place as fast as possible.

_Much easier said than done, I literally have no other place to go, and I would much rather be sitting beside a shit faced Dalton instead of popping in at my parents’ house, especially with Lucas home for now._

I realized long ago now that The Cemetery Drive is like a second home to me, it doesn’t take as long to get used to it as I thought it might.

Sure, it is a grimy old cemetery built in the 18th century, but anyone with a decent mindset knows not to step foot in here, even if it was to visit a deceased family.

Most cemeteries, especially newer ones and ones that aren’t as old as The Cemetery Drive, have more welcoming openings. Trees and shrubs are trimmed and kept to a minimum, as well as having new flowers planted with fertilized soil every year.

Odd markings in strange signs and languages that could not be read started appearing by the mausoleums, as well as tombstones shifting over and breaking in half. Most people assumed it was grave robbers, but as soon as the idea of paranormal activity and quick visions of phantoms arose, it was officially declared this cemetery was haunted for good with no signs of any thieves.

For me, a place well secluded by rotting, overgrown trees, poison ivy, pieces of animal carcasses and whatnot, is a sanctuary. Here I’m promised to be left alone, surrounded by what I’m not afraid of.

Anywhere I’m supposed to call home or feel welcome at, besides my Jearbear, is a living hell for me. The Cemetery Drive is my only refuge, and yet here I am, sitting on the steps of the mausoleum, placing a hand over my pocket in which my phone remains, debating on contacting Jared.

Dalton had proven a point earlier when he began to throw a fit, leaving me with a small gash over my forehead that I didn’t bother to cover.

I left the wound, as well as realized that if Dalton was making even a bit of sense–Jared would truly know exactly what happened; everything that I did.

Then I’ll hurt myself. I’ll bruise my skin, I’ll do it. I’ll do what it takes to look as if they hurt me too, that it’s not all my fault. Self-defense, right? Jared will believe me. He has to, he trusts me. Dalton will snap my fucking neck if I don’t talk to Jared soon.

I swallow hard, grabbing my phone out and gazing at my terror streaked expression over the black screen, touching at the small gash on my forehead. I frown at my reflection, squeezing my eyes shut as a few tears slide slowly down my cheeks. I let out a shaky breath as I feel my heart sink down to the pits of my stomach as I swallow hard, feeling anxiety kick in as my hands tremble.

I place my phone down in my lap, biting down on my lip harshly before hearing the snap of a twig ahead of me, catching my attention. My eyes peek up in curiosity to hear the front gates of The Cemetery Drive creak in the distance following with the sound of footsteps. I shudder, rubbing at my arms as the figure steps out from behind the shadows, revealing themselves at dim light of the mausoleum.

“You didn’t have to call me. I knew where you were.” Jared breathes, eyeing me cautiously, keeping his distance.

My eyes light up in hope as I snatch my phone off my lap, standing as he flinches, taking a step back. “J-Jared!”

“Stop.” He speaks firmly, pointing a finger at me. “D-don’t come any closer.”

“W-why?” I whimper, slowly sitting back down over the steps. “I thought you came here for me.”

“We’re not going anywhere together, and if we are, it’s to the police station.” He shakes his head, lowering his finger. “I knew I’d find you here.”

“What’s this all about?” I sniffle, rubbing at my eyes, “what are you talking about?”

He doesn’t answer; his eyes fall down to my collarbones before gazing down at my body thoroughly, causing him to bite down on the corner of his bottom lip. “What happened to you?”

_Say it, quickly! Say it! He already knows well enough what you fucking did!_

_  
_“The party.” I say, shakily, glancing down at my bruised arms. “You already heard what happened at the party, didn’t you?”

“Yes, _Heaven’s_ party,” he corrects me sharply, narrowing his eyes.

“You must have come late.” I look up into his eyes, “I didn’t catch you there.”

“Elijah just came back into LA…” He adds, rubbing at both of his arms. “I wasn’t able to make, but since your eyes scream ‘crime’, you could explain what _exactly_ it was that I missed.”

“For one thing, you missed this.” I say calmly, touching at my arms gently. “Thoughts like these must have flew out the window as soon as _Hope_ caused that tragedy for Alyssa.”

I give a fake sniffle, “all that blood.” I continue talking, “you can imagine Azure and I are going through the same thing. If it wasn’t for Hope, Alyssa herself might have just tore up Azure.”

“Hope. Hope is–” He blinks in confusion, “what exactly do you mean?”

I close my eyes, letting the last of the tears escape throughout my lie, “you’re so fucking naïve, aren’t you? You believe everything Heaven and her little bitches tell you!”

My eyes snap open as I rise to my feet. “For fuck’s sake Jared, Heaven could tell you I’m the goddamn flying spaghetti monster and you’d believe it, wouldn’t you?! Look at me!”

I gesture down to my body, “do I even look capable of doing something like _that_ to Alyssa?!”

His eyes widen, staring at me in surprise. “N-No. Serenity, I just–”

“Has it even occurred to you that when I ran into your car last night, that maybe, oh just maybe I was looking for some help?! That oh fuck no, I was disoriented at the party, trying to register to my own fucking brain as to what happened? _But no,_ because as soon as _anything_ that can ruin Heaven’s precious little reputation with her girls happens, and coincidentally I’m always dragged into God knows what she’s doing–that the blame just has to be thrown at me, right? Right?! Cause I’m fucking crazy, right? Because I’m just another stupid girl who’s in love with you, isn’t that right Jared?”

“Don’t say that!” He raises his voice, approaching me and grabbing both of my hands. “You are absolutely nothing like that, does it make me a bad person to want to know your side of the story?”

“You’re not here to listen to a tale.” I narrow my eyes, “you’re here to point fingers and make accusations.”

“You blame Hope for this.” He ignores my comment.

 _“You. Aren’t. Fucking. Listening. To meeee…”_ I growl, gritting my teeth. “That’s exactly what I said, what are you gonna do about it?”

“Nothing.” His expression settles down as he rubs my cold hands between his warm ones gingerly. “The police can’t help us if we don’t have any evidence.”

“I’m already fucked up as it already is.” I cough weakly, looking down at our fingers intertwined together. “But I can’t stop you from believing what’s wrong. Even if it is Heaven.”

“You know this isn’t your fault.” He lets go of one hand, tilting my chin up to face him, “what’s happening between us. You know it’s Dalton’s own doing.”

“Your little love life with Heaven really isn’t helping.” My bottom lip trembles as tears begin to pool up in my eyes; my hand clinging to his tighter and tighter. “It’s not getting any easier seeing you with her.”  
“You think I’m in love with her, don’t you?” Her caresses the side of my cheek with the back of his hand gently. “That’s what got you like this.”

“It’s more than that, Jared.” I squeak, “it’s about me too. I’m more of a mess than you think. This has made me so uncertain about myself, I’m just a fucking emotional wreck. I know I’m fucked up, I know I’m losing it. I won’t amount to anything, but that’s fine because you were once just like me.”

“We’re not much different, you and I.” He looks into my eyes, cracking a shy smile.

“You’re right about that part. I don’t fit in or stand out just about anywhere, I blend right into the crowd because I’m invisible to everyone’s eyes.”

“Not to mine.” I swallow the heavy lump of emotions down my throat, “you don’t even speak against how poorly people treat you.”

“I’ve become used to it.” He nods. “I don’t care anymore, Serenity. This is how things have been for me since the first day of high school. Eventually, you learn not to mind the silence or the pain. That’s just fine, that’s how life has always been for people like us.”

“I don’t like change.” I frown, “I just want things to be the way they always have been, just you and I’m tired of people stealing you away from me. You’re all I have. It wouldn’t matter what you did; I would always choose you, and I will, every fucking time.”

He gives me a genuine smile, planting a small kiss on my hand as he holds eye contact with me.

“Doesn’t matter what happens or what is said, even if it continues to hurt, or seems pointless to stay this way. You still overwhelm any other thoughts on my mind.”

I hiccup, tears streaming down my face. “I’m begging you, you’re the only one. Y-You’re the only one who can love m-me. Please don’t fucking tell me you’re thinking of her when I’m always thinking of you. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I try to get over it.” I admit, mumbling. “I try and I still fall for you every day.”

“You’re hurt, you’re upset. You need your rest. You need me.” He peeks at the gash over my forehead, “I need to take care of you. You just.” His breath hitches, “you look so broken.”

“I’m too vulnerable.” I tell him, “I just feel so helpless, like nothing without you. I just want to be yours so badly. _Take me home, please_.” I shudder, feeling my eyelids grow heavier over me.

“You don’t know what you’re saying Serenity, we need to get you out of here–”

“It’s my heart. My heart.” I murmur lazily, blinking slowly. “My heart is all yours.” I wheeze, rubbing at my forehead as I pull away from his grasp.

“S-Serenity?!” His eyes widen as he grabs at my wrist.

“You’re the reason it beats.” I force a smile, “you’re all it ever talks about.”

“Serenity!” He quickly wraps his arms around me as I let out a soft breath, my eyelids fluttering to complete black as I collapse onto his chest, feeling my timid bones and weary muscles give out almost immediately; all the feeling fading out of me to replace it with the same, old numbing sadness.

I need you, I desire you by my side more than anything else. What is this supposed to even mean? Where was the passion in this? What if I wake up in my empty bed at 3 a.m., with my body quivering and shaking above my hollow bones because of how I got so used to your touch? What if I just sit here and wait for you to come back and lie to myself? How is ‘time’ supposed to fix the fact I’m not my soulmate’s soulmate?

All of them–every single one of them–they romanticize my pain. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I don’t feel like myself anymore. I can hardly gather up the courage to speak with my friends; I feel as if everyone’s eyes are on me at school, a form of entertainment–laughing stock of rumors.

Shunned down and frowned upon by almost everybody I know, regardless as to what I say or who I try to make friends with. Why do I even try anymore? Why do I even live for someone that clearly wants nothing to do with me? Why am I even waiting for the endless rain to finally clear up when there’s just so much sadness surrounding me?

I’ve never felt this weak in my entire life, it’s as if I could collapse again and again from how heavily weighed my emotions are. They won’t take me dead but destroy me while I still live, and I’m forced to understand the reality of my own pain and struggle.

Why can’t I pick up a textbook and focus on my own life, my own studies without feeling like anxiety is crawling through my skin? Whatever happened to the smart girl whose parents once cheered her on as she made way through her own path without the help of anyone else? Where ever did these feelings of worthlessness, 20% grade drop, and fatigue ever come from? I have so many questions I know I can’t dare to ask anyone else, it’s as if there’s barely anyone left to trust.

I feel like I’m constantly living in danger by the reckless actions I do, the careless feelings that take me over. I don’t even feel safe with myself anymore. 

I fear that I’ll do something not only I, but everyone else I’ve ever cared about, will regret soon enough and it will ruin me for all I’m worth. 

_It’s all because of you, my love. This is all for you. This is how I show my love to you. I just wish that I wasn’t so poisoned with the thought of you and I being together. It’s extinguished the fire inside of me but I suppose a spark in the fire without fuel to burn is a fire that will not last at all._


End file.
